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Hot damn!!!!!

WASHINGTON, D.C.– U.S. President Barack Obama shocked the nation—and the world—by announcing his resignation today, effective immediately. “I am through with this second term,” he declared.

In an emergency session of Congress, Vice President Joseph Biden was sworn in as the Forty-Fifth President of the United States.

President Obama explained what motivated his abrupt departure as he addressed a stunned, silent joint session of Congress. “I want to be perfectly clear, there are four main reasons why I’m doing this. First, as many of you know, I became an Indonesian citizen when I was five years old and my stepfather, Lolo Soetoro, adopted me. By doing so, I automatically lost my American citizenship. Over there in Indonesia, I was a devout little Muslim boy from ages five to ten, and my legal name was Barry Soetoro. In fact, my legal name is still Barry Soetoro, and I am still, well… I’m still technically a citizen of Indonesia. You see, I never got around to applying for naturalization back in the states once I turned eighteen. So you could say I’m an illegal alien—that notion would not be incorrect. And an illegal alien cannot be president. It doesn’t matter whether I was born in Honolulu or Oshkosh, I cannot in good faith serve as your president. It’s unconstitutional. It’s been gnawing at my conscience”

Hurry.  Go read the rest!
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Then remember what day it is.

Gotcha. 

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Pat Sajak @patsajak
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Damn! Just about to settle in for SOTU when I remembered I haven’t watered my Chia Pets. Big collection. Will take time.
7:57 PM – 28 Jan 2014

BWAH~!!!!1!!!ONE!!1!!ELEVENTYTHOUSANDBILLION!!!!!1! 

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Just had an exchange on Facebook  with a lady from Texas who believes that Wendy Davis is going to be the next governor. As both of you are based in Texas, what are your assessments?

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Something I caught whilst watching the NBC pregame show just now:

The slogan:  “Subway – Where winners eat”.

And whom just happens  to be one of their spokesmorons?

Why, none other than ARRRRRRR GEEEEEEE OH-AND-THREEEEEEEEE!!!

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Item:  The Los Angeles Dodgers clinched the NL West title the other day in Arizona – and to celebrate, they climbed the right-field fence and took a dip in the stadium’s open-access pool after everyone had left.

Item:  This act pissed off half-assed excuse-for-a-senator RINO McLame:

“Poolgate” reached the nation’s capital Friday when Arizona Sen. John McCain voiced strong displeasure with the Los Angeles Dodgers’ celebration of their National League West title.

After the Dodgers clinched the division with Thursday’s 7-6 win against the Arizona Diamondbacks, roughly half the team celebrated by jumping into the pool behind the right-center field wall at Chase Field.

The revelry upset many players, executives and fans of the Diamondbacks, including McCain, who took to Twitter with this rant:

John McCain @SenJohnMcCain

No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats! “The #Dodgers are idiots” http://www.azcentral.com/insiders/danbickley/2013/09/19/the-dodgers-are-idiots/ …
12:36 PM – 20 Sep 2013

Item:  Dodgers’ relief pitcher Brian “The Mohawk” Wilson had a classic response:

Brian Wilson @BrianWilson38

Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS
3:44 PM – 20 Sep 2013

BOOM!!!!! 

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Denizens, your homework assignment is to read this treatise on this recap of the 9/11 biker rally up in DC PA this week.

PETA Crashes Biker Gathering…

Well, that  was a mistake… 

UPDATE:  After a bit of research, I’m believing that this is just a tad apocryphal.  (Shows what I get for not invoking the 48-hour rule.)

What the hell – it’s still a good read.

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Got this from a friend of mine on FB.

1. There shall always be bacon in the house. Always.

2. There isn’t a food that doesn’t go on well with bacon. Not even ice cream.

3. There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who love bacon and those who do not.

4. Bacon is so tasty even pigs will eat it.

5. There is no wrong way to cook, boil or fry bacon.

6. Most of the world’s problems can be solved with more bacon. Fact.

7. Meals without bacon are simply not meals.

8. You shall consume bacon every day of the week.

9. Bacon makes everything taste better. Just add bacon.

10. Bacon will get you laid.

So that’s  why I never get laid… 

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Ever since Senator Ted Cruz (Conservative-TX) began his ascendancy, the Pansy-assed ProgNazi Pussies™ on the left have been making a big deal about how he’s supposedly  not a U.S. citizen.  They fear (as they rightly should) that Cruz will someday run for president, and they want to use the very same argument that they’ve been sneering at for lo these past five years concerning their own limp-wristed crapweasel, the ball-less, dickless effeminate in the White House.

(I had a “friend” of mine try a similar tactic once.  I used a certain argument as my platform in a presidential run for a certain “hah skrewl” (little Rush lingo, there) organization.  The jackass sneered at the argument, voted for my opponent – then used the exact same argument himself  in a vice-presidential bid of his own.  And rightly got his head handed him.)

Except B. HUSSEIN!!!!!  Obambi never produced a bona fide  copy of his  birth certificate – and Cruz…well…

Though he’s clearly a U.S. citizen, he may face a decision about his Canadian citizenship if he runs for president.

Leave it to the sniveling leftists at the Dullest Moaning Snooze to try & deflect the fact that Cruz just kicked their asses.

Again.

Take that, libtard doucherifles!

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Denizens, as we begin another year of the long series that constitutes the Perfect Football Weekend™, the Department of Tell Me He Didn’t Just Say That brings us…T-Sip Shortdicks Texas Longhorns’ coach Mack Brown:

Whether college athletes should or should not be paid is among the most heated discussion topics in sports. The flames have furthered been fanned of late as the idea is dragged through the legal system as a part of the Ed O’Bannon suit against the NCAA.

The pay-for-play suit was a popular topic at college football media days throughout the country, and Texas coach Mack Brown was perhaps the most notable person to come out in favor of playing players. Seen in the quote below, as reported by ESPN’s Darren Rovell.

darren rovell
@darrenrovell

Texas coach Mack Brown: “I do think players need to be paid. These players are killing themselves & at Texas last year we made $163M.”

Was that before or after meeting your “payroll”, Mackie boy?

Yes, sportz fanz – this is the same Mack Brown who has long been accused in many quarters (including, interestingly enough, here) of running Texas’ Third Pro Football Team™.  Same guy who has been widely believed to have been paying his players – after “enticing” them to come to TU in the first place – for years.

As old WWE/WCW alum Booker T would say, “He didn’t just say that.  Tell me  he didn’t just say that.”

One game this week:  the Hall of Fame game, in which the Dallas Cowgirlz go up against the Miami Dolphins and He Who Was Johnny Manziel Before Johnny Manziel Was Johnny Manziel™, aka Ryan Tannehill.

Nobody of note plays more than one series, and Miami’s backups will, as usual, turn out to be more talented & better-coached than Dallas’ backups.  But what the hell – it’s F’ball, You Bet™.

Assuming I don’t fall asleep during the game, recap thereof will be Monday.  See you then.

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Denizens, to at least try & start off your Monday on the right foot, I offer this from Denizen and Original Cast member Robert Mullane:

Have a good week.

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‘Nuff said, I think.

Oog.

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(Okay, Denizens, I can’t vouch for the veracity of this – but I got this from here and here.  Even if it’s not  true…it’s still pretty damned funny.)

The Islamic calendar starts at the time of Mohammed went to Mecca so it is year 1434 AH (Year of the Hajji) and nothing happened before.

Apparently, that year happens to have been the Chinese year of the Pig.

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…if you’re not ready to hear the answer.

Oldie but a goodie.

Lawyers should never ask a Texan grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a small town Texas prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Howard. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’

She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Lindquist since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,

‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.

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Some guy name of Crager posted this on Facebook Friday afternoon.

So one of our fire stations starts having trouble with the dispatch system (receiving other stations’ calls, etc). In the process of troubleshooting, the station’s own dispatch computer crashes. Hard. The backup unit doesn’t work all that well, either (read: it doesn’t work at all).

So I get a known-good dispatch computer to the station, get it successfully re-configured, re-joined to the network, all that silliness – and no sooner do I get it online than the entire dispatch system citywide…goes toes-up.

Anyone wanna start a pool on how soon I go bald from tearing my hair out? %-P

Well, I hear tell this guy’s gone almost completely gray in the span of two months, so… 

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…uh…crappy goo…ear…uhhhhhh…

(plop!)

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