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The Department of Wasted Oxygen brings us this report on how the former Mr. Madonna Louise Ciccone is a mite peeved that folks are picking on his BFF, Widdle Hugetito Chavez.

If Oscar-winning actor Sean Penn had his way, any journalist who called Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez a dictator would quickly find himself behind bars.

Penn, appearing on HBO’s “Real Time with Bill Maher” on Friday, defended Chavez during a segment in which he detailed his work with the JP Haitian Relief Organization, which he co-founded.

“Every day, this elected leader is called a dictator here, and we just accept it, and accept it” said Penn, winner of two Best Actor Academy Awards. “And this is mainstream media, who should — truly, there should be a bar by which one goes to prison for these kinds of lies.”

O RLY?!  ‘Zat so, buttercup?

Hey, Shawna!  Your boy Hugetito is not only a dictator, he’s a fat little pussy to boot!

Come ‘n try to get me, chumpette.  Unlike the spineless little pissweasel paparazzi you like to beat up on to demonstrate your manhood, I  fight back.

The rant binge will be put on hold while we mourn the death of former pro-footballer & hellacious actor (and one of the truly good guys) Merlin Olson, who passed from cancer today at the age of 69.

Known as much for his brain as his brawn, the 6-foot-5, 270-pound defensive tackle also graduated summa cum laude and Phi Kappa Phi from Utah State University in 1962 and earned a master’s degree in economics in the off-season during his 15-year professional career.

“Merlin Olsen was a coach’s player. Punctual, steady, gifted, a quiet leader, a player you could always count on,” says his biography on the National Football League Hall of Fame Web site. “He was a standout as a rookie and thereafter stood out in every game he played for the Rams in a 15-year career. Every game. Fifteen years.”

[...]

After his professional playing career ended in 1976, Olsen turned to acting, appearing in movies and more than 100 TV episodes. He also worked as a television sports commentator.

On TV, he may best be remembered for portraying the gentle Jonathan Garvey opposite Michael Landon on “Little House on the Prairie” from 1977 to 1981 and the lead role in “Father Murphy” from 1981 to 1983.

Merlin Olson was always one of my favorites.  He was one of those few actors whom you got the sense wasn’t really acting when he played a role - because there was so much of him  in the role, that that’s what he would really be doing if he’d lived in prairie times, or was a priest or whatever.  (As an aside, it’s a shame he never ran for office, because you got the sense he’d have been good at that, too.)

I will miss Merlin Olson.  This was a helluva man, one after whom one could pattern oneself and not do too shabby.

(Side note:  Yes, I’ve seen the Wiki page where it says he was a Mormon.  That aside, he was still someone I wish I could have known as a friend.  That he did not worship the triune God (and likely died in his sins as a result) will not change my opinion of him one bit.)

I feel a rant binge coming on. 

But before I get started this evening, the Comment Of The Day™ belongs to Prendad over at Michelle’s site:

I finally got around to going fishing this morning – but after a while, I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

Knowing the snake couldn’t bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bitten – I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp! I released him into the lake without incident and carried on with my fishing, using the frog as bait.

A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.. There was that damn snake with two frogs in his mouth!

First, the Dallas C’girlz made it a point to say that they were going to make a big splash in free agency.

During combine, owner Jerry Jones predicted next season’s roster could feature 10 or more new players and talked about current players competing for playing time. Changes will come through free agency, draft or players already in organizations.

Then free agency started, and the ‘Girlz did a sit-by-the-phone bit while big-name free agents signed with other teams.

Now it doesn’t seem to be that much of a concern for Owner Jethro (hat tip once again to the Startlegram’s Gil LeBreton).

No one is better than Jerry Jones at providing a Jerry Jones-ism to describe the Cowboys’ approach thus far in the NFL’s uncapped year.

“There’s no angst about getting anxious here,” the Cowboys owner said. “We’re just watching it unfold.”

“We’re pleased with what we have in place with the Dallas Cowboys,” Jones said, “but if you look at our past several years, we’ve never jumped right out there in free agency.

“The last several years, we haven’t been big off the bat right out front.

Yeah, well - the last several years, the C’girls also haven’t been major players on the field - particularly so during, y’know Jerry, the playoffs.

I could  be wrong here, but I’d venture to guess there’s something of a correlation.  Particularly for a team that hasn’t been accused of drafting that well since Jimmy left.

Now, the Cowboys may - at some point - get to play the Super Bowl when it’s Arlington’s turn to host it.

Based on what I’ve seen so far, though, I’d say it won’t be this year.

LC Rurik, via email, sends us this - and it is well, well  worth your time to go see.  (You may be prompted to register - go ahead & do so; it’s free.)

Most of you are pretty well aware what I think of Whoreywood. 

Well, tonight’s their annual group circle-jerk (read:  the Oscars), and Drudge (bless his Eddie Murrow heart) has done a masterful job in scoping out the definitive liveblog thereto.

Hie thee hence & partake.  This ain’t just comedy gold - it’s comedy titanium.  Goeth.  Shooeth. 

[SCENE:  On the bridge of the New Republic cruiser Nebulon, in the Coruscant system.  Captain Anakin Madine watches on their viewscreen as ISS Titanic  of the Fourth Intergalactic Realm™ finishes rigging its tractor beam and towing ISS Phoenix  out of the system towards home.  On Madine's face, a smug smirk tugs at the corners of his mouth.]

CAPT. MADINE:  Did you make sure and plant the bomb so that they’ll not find it, Lieutenant?

LIEUTENANT:  Yes, sir.  It will take an extremely sophisticated sensor sweep for them to even catch a trace of it.  Fortunately, their sensors don’t appear to be as good as ours.

CAPT. MADINE:  And the charge will go off once they enter hyperspace, correct?

LIEUTENANT:  Yes, sir.  It’s set to go at lightspeed, and it’ll take both ships out on detonation.

CAPT. MADINE:  Very good, Lieutenant.  Carry on.

[Cut to the bridge of ISS Titanic.  Lord Darth Venomous appears lost in thought while receiving reports from the senior staff on ISS Phoenix.]

Der SpatulaGoddess (long may she continue to exude humongously massive quantities of hawtness  ) alerts us to the winner of the Demoscummic primary for the TX-22 seat in the Imperial Socialist Congress™.

And the winner is a certified…well, let’s just say she’s certifiable, shall we?

The victory in the 22nd Congressional District yesterday by LaRouche Democrat Kesha Rogers sent an unmistakable message to the White House, and its British imperial controllers: Your days are numbered. Kesha’s campaign hit relentlessly at a single theme, that President Obama must go, that his attacks on this nation – with his dismantling of the manned space program, his efforts to ram through a fascist, killer “health care” policy, his endless bailouts for Wall Street swindlers, while demanding budget cuts which will increase the death rates among the poor, the sick, the elderly and the unemployed – are not acceptable, and will not be tolerated.

Skeptics said that LaRouche’s approach is impractical, it won’t work, that Democrats will never support someone who is calling for the President’s impeachment. Obviously, the voters of the 22nd district disagreed with those skeptics, as Kesha received 53% of the vote against two opponents. As Kesha told the Galveston Daily News last night, when a reporter asked if she expected support from the Democratic Party in the fall election, “I am leading a war against the British Empire. I’m not worried about what Democratic Party hacks say or do.”

Oh, wowzers.  A bona fide  LaRouchie.

MERLIN:  I thought they’d gone extinct once Sir Lyndon there retired.

KORRIOTH:  Dinosaur eggs, snail darters and tr’krzk  teeth.

VENOMOUS:  There’s no such thing as a tr’krzk.

KORRIOTH:  Not anymore, there isn’t.

VENOMOUS: 

K’HADIBAK’H:  Well, she’s not all bad - she does  want to impeach Bambi.

OZY MCCOOL:  Perhaps, but you’d have a hard time convincing anyone that he’s on a leash held by “British imperial controllers”.  They’re having enough trouble trying to hold off Sharia law over there while not going bankrupt.

VENOMOUS:  No one ever said the LaRouchies had brains, Commander.

OZY MCCOOL:  Point.

Anyway, the Congresscritter down in the 22nd is a GOPer by the name of Pete Olson.  And I rather doubt he’s really got anything to worry about this cycle.

OZY MCCOOL:  Shall I put the General on alert, just in case?  That is  close to the Southern Command.

KORRIOTH:  He doesn’t need target practice that  badly, does he?

VENOMOUS:  Not as bad as some blind, bumpy-headed Tiberian bat I know…

KORRIOTH:  HEY!!!!!

ALL (except Korrioth): 

ITEM:  Well, it appears now as if Bambi is on board with reconciliation on so-called “healthcare reform”

The White House knows if Obama says “reconciliation” in Wednesday’s speech that will become the headline. This will thrust Obama knee-deep into arcane Senate procedures and rules — the last place White House officials want Obama to be.

The administration doesn’t deny Obama is already in the reconciliation soup by inference — it’s his health care bill, after all. But they still see some distance between him and what’s likely to be a contentious Senate tug-of-war over reconciliation.

(And do note I put “healthcare reform” in sneer-quotes (whereas no one else has) because it isn’t, and everyone here understands it won’t reform a damned thing.)

REACTION:  From commenter happyscrapper on Michelle’s blog:

Get ready to fight, folks. This is it. This bill is the shot heard round the world and we will be at war as soon as it passes. I am serious. We are at war against our own progessive government. They must be stopped from their agenda of total destruction!! Lawsuits must be filed in every state!! We must defend the Constitution. If this is allowed to pass, we will no longer have a Constitution to defend. When that goes, our freedom and liberty are gone with it. This.cannot.stand!!

Are we, indeed, ready to fight?  Collectively, that is?

I tend to think not.  Not enough of us are, anyway.  There are only a few who could be counted on, and the rest of us are either out of practice, out of shape (or both), or too ensonced in the latest “Bachelor” controversy about how Jakie tried to hit on his ex the day he got engaged to Vienna.  (Gasp!  Arrgh!  SCANDAL!!1!ONE!!1!)

I wonder if we ever will  be ready, quite honestly.

His Nastiness will probably have more to say about this later, but after watching the current sorry excuse for a president spend about thirty minutes  lying to us, I am fighting the RCOB.

I am still waiting for the clowns in Washington to give me the constitutional basis for this monstrosity called “health care reform”. Then I want them to tell me where they are going to find the money topay for this unconstitutional infringement on my life.

I will not hold my breath on either count.

Okay, Denizens, I’m waiting for the Lame Stream Media™ to file all their megabytes of stories conclusively linking this couple to the Glow-bull Wormening Twoofer™ movement.

A seven month old baby has miraculously survived being shot after the parents killed themselves and their two year old son, citing fears over a lack of government action on global warming.

Francisco Lotero, 56, and Miriam Coletti, 23, are said to have shot their young son in the back, killing the toddler instantly.

[...]

In a suicide note, reportedly discovered by police, the couple cited their extreme fears over the effects of global warming.

The couple were said to have expressed anger at the government in the letter for not doing more to avert a worldwide environmental crisis.

I mean, seeing as they were champing at the bit to link Joseph Stack to the Tea Party movement, this should be an effin’ slam-dunk, shouldn’t it?

Any Minute Now™, we should expect to see the shrieking, the sniveling, the Mega-Crybabying™ over these craven cowards’ connection to the Limp-Wristed Liberal Left™.

Any Minute Now™.

Should be here.

Shortly.

Waiting…

[SCENE:  The Coruscant system.  ISS Phoenix  hovers, lifeless and adrift save for the tractor beam of a New Republic vessel holding it in place to keep it from drifting too close to the gravity well of the system's namesake planet.

This scene is playing out on the bridge of ISS Titanic  as we cut to her bridge.  The entire senior staff is on watch and in their places, eyes expectantly on Lord Darth Venomous as he takes in the grisly sight of Phoenix.

As Titanic  closes, the communications board of Lt. T-Bone McManx pings insistently.]

(Hat tip NewsBusters.)

Guess you’ve seen by now where racist eugenics evolutionary shit-for-brains professor shit-for-brains Satoshi Kanazawa has all but decreed that we conservatives and/or Christians ain’t too ed-yoo-ma-ka-ted.

Political, religious and sexual behaviors may be reflections of intelligence, a new study finds.

Evolutionary psychologist Satoshi Kanazawa at the the London School of Economics and Political Science correlated data on these behaviors with IQ from a large national U.S. sample and found that, on average, people who identified as liberal and atheist had higher IQs. This applied also to sexual exclusivity in men, but not in women. The findings will be published in the March 2010 issue of Social Psychology Quarterly.

There is but one thing - and only one thing, if you ask me - that can be viewed as a proper response to an asshat like this.

“Romans 1:22″.

And thank you, Sack-o-shit Kwanzaanawa, but I’ll take the Apostle Paul’s intellect - not to mention He who gave to him - over your  fecal-material-between-the-ears any day of the week.

‘Nuff.  Said.

As you may or may not have noticed, the space clock’s back…

[His Rudeness is rather brusquely interrupted by the red-alert klaxon.  Think Star Trek 2009.]

KLAXON:  (WHOOP!!!  WHOOP!!!  WHOOP!!!)

T-BONE MCMANX (over shipwide):  Red Alert!  Red Alert!  This is not a drill!  Admiral Venomous to the bridge!

[The Sith Lord moves quickly to the intercom.]

VENOMOUS:  Venomous to bridge, report!

T-BONE MCMANX:  Admiral, we’ve just received a report of a massive explosion aboard Phoenix  near the Coruscant system!  Massive hull breaches, sir; she’s adrift and burning in space!

VENOMOUS:  Intercept course, Mr. McManx - maximum warp.  I’m on my way.

—

Denizens, now it’s the work machine’s turn to go belly-up.  (If it ain’t one thing, it’s another, right?)

Posting as I can manage it.

Sorry, Denizens.  The Muse™ (ha!) took the night off.

Maybe tomorrow.