Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:36
The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official annoucement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.
Okay, so I lied. This is the last-ever blog post.
Then again, I rather doubt anyone other than me will ever read this, so…
First things first: It was ten (10) years ago today – also a Saturday, as fate would have it – that I challenged the so-called Rev’r’nnnnnnnnnnd Mykeru of the Church of the SubTarded – known forever hereinafter as “Mykki Chickenshit” – to come out from behind his M-1 and his inflatable dolls and $66-wielding sock puppets, and show up on my doorstep and spew his anti-Christian bullshit to my face.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 6:00
Figures I’d go out on a clunker of a clusterfuck like that.
But then again, sportz fanz…that’s what Executive Fiat is for.
Cincinnati 10, at Indianapolis 26
Pittsburgh 17, at Baltimore 30
Detroit 20, at Dallas 24
at Arizona 16, Carolina 27
#19 Auburn 31, #18 Wisconsin 34 (OT) (Outback Bowl)
#14 UCLA 40, #11 Kansas State 35 (Alamo Bowl)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:55
As we start the 2nd half of the back-to-back Perfect Football Weekend, we once again enlist the services of the He Ain’t All That & A Bag O’ Chips Department, which brings us yet more lamenting about the Washington REDSKINS, YOU FUCKING LIBERALS!!! slide into oblivion:
For the sixth time in the past seven seasons, the Washington Redskins will finish last in the NFC East division. With four wins against 11 losses, the team has little at stake in Sunday’s season finale against the playoff-bound Dallas Cowboys.
But unlike last season, when a poisoned relationship between then-Coach Mike Shanahan and quarterback Robert Griffin III undermined the Redskins, no single relationship or failing explained Washington’s futility on the field in 2014. Instead, a series of shortcomings proved insurmountable: injuries, instability at quarterback, poor discipline among players, ill-advised play calls and friction in the locker room, to name a few.
Such hurdles are routinely overcome by better NFL teams, but they proved too much in Washington, where losing has become ingrained in the environment of a once proud franchise.
You are encouraged, as our old frenemy Straight Up With Sherri used to say, to go read the rest.
For my part – how many times have I told anyone who would listen that The Second Coming Of The World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!!!, aka ARRRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!, that he wasn’t the greatest thing since sliced bread? That the only reason he is where he is right now is because of one game against an inexperienced TCU secondary playing its first game together? And that one of those touchdowns was an illegal double forward pass? And how, had Ross Evans been able to kick his way out of a paper sack, that Griffin would not have won the Heisman?
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
I’d give this a WITY – but I’ve already given it one, so what’s the point?
Let’s get on with it. With the end of TCU’s season, there’s one Core Team left – the Cincinnati Bengals – and their run will end Sunday in Indianapolis as they begin/end the playoffs against the Colts.
For the wildcard games, we’ll take the Arizona Cardinals to win in Carolina, Pittsburgh to end Baltimore’s year at Heinz Field, and Detroit (specifically, Megatron) to be too much for Dallas’ secondary.
For colleges, I like #19 Auburn over #18 Bucky in the Outback Bowl (I imagine the Tigers watched that Ohio State film) and #14 UCLA to edge #11 K-State in the Alamo Bowl (the Wildcats have problems with quality quarterbacks).
We’ll have the final recap & benediction Monday or so, as this is (in all probability) the last ever episode of the Perfect Football Weekend. Be here!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:37
Memo to the College Playoff Committee:
Did you see what we did to the team that beat your precious Crimson Tide yesterday?
What do you think we would have done to Saban’s boys…hmmmmm?
#6 TCU 42, #9 Ole Miss 3 (Peach Bowl)
Cincinnati 17, at Pittsburgh 27
West Virginia 37, Texas A&M 45 (Liberty Bowl)
#17 Clemson 40, Oklahoma 6 (Russell Athletic Bowl)
#13 Georgia 37, #21 Louisvile 14 (Belk Bowl)
#7 Mississippi State 34, #12 Georgia Tech 49 (Orange Bowl)
#24 Southern Cal 45, Nebraska 42 (Holiday Bowl)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:27
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:39
Okay, Denizens, so I’m a little late with this week’s Perfect Football Weekend, mkay?
Bite Sue me. It’s not like I really had a lot of games to work with, y’know? (Although I prob’ly would have picked #22 USC to go over the Pelini-less Nebraska Cornhuskers, so we’ll go ahead and count that.)
We open up this week to find…that the consensus in Cleveland seems to be that the Browns are still looking for their franchise quarterback:
With coach Mike Pettine admitting this week that the Browns will have doubts about Johnny Manziel even if he hits “it out of the park” in the final two games and “a ton of doubts” if he doesn’t play well, the Browns will explore all of their options at quarterback, including trading up into the top five to draft Heisman Trophy winner Marcus Mariota.
Browns general manager Ray Farmer has repeatedly said that he’ll always explore every option at all positions — and Mariota is one glaring and tempting possibility for the Browns this offseason. The Browns have scouted him this season and will continue to do so.
This from the gang that drafted Johnny Football.
And then we wonder why some franchises never seem to get it.
Okay, let’s go. Cincinnati gets the wild card tonight, as they’re in Pittsburgh to play the Steelers for the AFC Central title…anyone who honestly thinks they’re gonna beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh…?
Yeah, thought so.
Wednesday, it’s Gary Patterson and his
top-ranked sixth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs in the Georgia Dome to play the Peach Bowl versus Ole Miss. The Rebels should be respected – for one, they haven’t bowed (much) to political correctness, and still call themselves the Rebels. Secondly, they’re the only team this year to have beaten Alabama. That in itself raises an eyebrow or two.
Vegas right now has the Frogs as a 3½-point favorite. Means I won’t have any fingernails left by game’s end. Pisses me off, ’cause I have to work that day.
For the wildcards, we’ll take West Virginia in the Liberty Bowl over the Jekyll-and-Hyde Texas A&M Aggies (both teams will play backup quarterbacks; I’m betting WV’s are better than A&M’s), Dabo Sweeney’s 17th-ranked Clemson Tigers over the Oklahoma Sooners in the Russell Athletic Bowl (Bob Stoops’ season comes to a merciful end), 13th-ranked Georgia to feast on Louisville Cardinal in the Belk Bowl, and a tip o’ the hat to the Vicar, as #7 Mississippi State runs over Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl.
We’ll come back New Year’s Day with a recap, assuming the hangover isn’t too bad, and start another PFW right after that. GO FROGS!!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:56
Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city.
Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child.
While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.
In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened.
But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”
When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger.
When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart.
The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.
—Luke 2:1-20 (NASB)
And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.
Merry Christmas, Denizens. This season, more than any other – remember why.
Posted by David Hartung @ 9:42
Folks, I do not make it a point to post mu sermons online. Those sermons are for the Congregation God has given into my care, and not for the world as a whole, but as tomorrow is the celebration of our Lord’s earthly incarnation, I thought I would post this one. Our weekly readings are based on a three year lectionary, and I have included the readings.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 0:01
ALL PERSONNEL, please read enclosed.
THAT IS AN ORDER!
General Claus’ Visit
To: All Personnel
_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2014. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:
_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.
_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2014. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2014.
_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.
_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2014, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.
_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.
_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2014, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”
_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.
_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
OIC, Special Services
At ease, troops.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Nice going, Mr. Dalton.
at Cincinnati 38, Denver 27
Nevada 3, Lousiana-Lafayette 16 (New Orleans Bowl)
Utah State 21, UT El Paso 6 (New Mexico Bowl)
Utah 45, Colorado State 10 (Las Vegas Bowl)
Air Force 38, Western Michigan 24 (Famous Idaho Potato Bowl)
BYU 48, Memphis 55
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:56
Well, Denizens, it’s bowl season, and that means that as a lead-in for this week’s Perfect Football Weekend™ – I got nothin’.
About the only thing really going on in football right now is that…well, here’s the backstory. Back in May, there was a lawsuit filed in federal court against the NFL that claimed that…
the league illegally supplied them with risky narcotics and other painkillers that numbed their injuries for games and led to medical complications down the road.
The lawsuit alleges that the league obtained and administered the drugs without prescriptions and without warning players of their potential side effects, to speed the return of injured players to the field and maximize profits. Players claim that they were never told about broken legs and ankles and instead were fed pills to mask the pain. One says that instead of surgery, he was given anti-inflammatories and skipped practices so he could play in money-making games. And others say that after years of free pills from the NFL, they retired from the league addicted to the painkillers.
Well, I can’t find the link on it, but I was listening to the Ben Ferguson Show on WBAP yesterday on the way to work, and according to Fergie, a judge dismissed the suit.
Okay, let’s get to it. Bowl season starts…
VENOMOUS: Yes, Wizard?
MERLIN: The Core Teams…?
Well, there’s only one – Cincinnati hosts Denver Monday night, and Peyton’s gonna torch the Bengal secondary, and Andy’s probably not gonna look too good against John Fox’s defense; thus, so much for the PFW.
So for the wildcard games, we’re doing Nevada over Louisiana-Lafayette in the New Orleans Bowl (always take the Mountain West team against any Sun Belt team), Utah State over UTEP in the New Mexico Bowl (ditto for the MWC over Conference USA), 22nd-ranked Utah over Colorado State in the
Lost Wages Las Vegas Bowl (the Utes always used to dominate the Rams in the MWC; no reason they shouldn’t continue to), Air Force to run roughshod over Western MIchigan in the Potato Bowl (Western Michigan? Really?) and BigamY U. to cream Memphis Monday night in the Miami Beach Bowl. (The Miami Beach Bowl??? Really???)
We’re back Tuesday or so with the recap. In the meantime…Vicar, have you ever thought about using football tie-ins in your sermons?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:02
Lovely. Now they decide they can beat Phuckadelphia.
Cincinnati 30, at Cleveland 0
Navy 17, Army 10
at N. Dakota State 39, Coastal Carolina 32
at Phuckadelphia 27, Dallas 38
at NY Football Douchebags 24, Washington REDSKINS, YOU FUCKING LIBTARDS 13
at Seattle 17, San Transsexual 7
Denver 22, at San Diego 10
Posted by David Hartung @ 9:03
Perhaps it is time to call out the Realm ambulance chasers? Check this
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 12:38
Denizens, as we begin this somewhat-lighter-schedule Perfect Football Weekend, I reflect on the problem associated with waiting too long to comment on an issue of the day: Everyone else has already beaten me to the punch and said everything I was going to say.
Here’s the deal: As you already know, TCU was shafted out of its rightful place in the first College Football National Championship Playoff by a half-assed, ball-less, dickless set of wonders known as the College Football Playoff Committee. (Notable on this august body (*cough*) is the presence of one Condeleeza Rice. (Yeah, that Condi Rice – W’s old Secretary of State. One pretty damn good reason not to trust it.))
This motley crew decided, in its infinite wisdom (*coughbullshitcough*), not only to drop TCU out of its playoff grouping in favor of Ohio State, but also to drop the Frogs to sixth, behind Baylor.
Now, from the committee’s point of view, I sorta-kinda see why they’d favor an Ohio State, especially after their 59-0 shellacking they gave Bucky. (Which rather goes to show that: 1) Bucky wasn’t that good to begin with – if you have Joel Stave as your starting QB, you can’t be very good, and 2) if your conference’s second-best team can’t score in a championship game, how strong is your conference, really?)
What pisses me off, however, is that after all the props I give them for ignoring the shitty officiating that cost TCU against Baylor, they drop TCU based on (their claim) “head-to-head” – then they say that they couldn’t make a determination on that until after the Cubtwats played K-State – trying to claim “body of work”, as it were.
Okay, so let me see if I have this straight: TCU is three spots ahead of Baylor prior to the Cubshits playing K-State. Baylor beat K-State by 11.
TCU beat K-State by 21.
And that earns the Frogs a ranking below the Cubturds? The same bunch of pussies that went the very next week and lost to the same West Virginia team that TCU beat? On the very same field where the Frogs beat them?
Dale Hansen, as much as I dislike the heterophobe, said it best here:
Five of the top six teams have a loss, and TCU has the only loss that matters in this final poll. That’s quite a system.
It is, for all intents & purposes, the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) all over again – just with two extra teams. And it left out – again – the one team that could have beaten the fuck out of all of them, including Florida State.
Fuck you, BCS II.
On with the football. Cincy’s the only Core Team playing this week, and they’ll be the first victim of the Johnny Football Era, as Manziel makes his first start at home against the Ben-gals. And the way Andy’s playing nowadays, Manziel will likely be the better quarterback on the field tomorrow.
The wildcards: North Dakota State hosting Coastal Carolina in the NCAA FCS Championship semifinals (the Bison are up 24-20 as I write this, and I like their 21-game home streak to continue); Army vs. Navy (the Black Knights may beat the Middies some day…but, as Gowron once said, “not today”. Besides, had it not been for my round gut & my flat feet, I’d have been a swabbie twenty years ago. GO NAVY!!!)…and in the NFL tomorrow, the Cowgirlz will once again get their asses kicked by the Phuckadelphia Beagles (Allas – no D – still has no secondary), the NY Football Douchebags hosting the WASHINGTON REDSKINS, DAMMIT!!!!!! (look for ARRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! to start if Weenie-Boy McCoy can’t – not that it’ll matter), the San Transsexual FairyWhiners on the road against the Seattle Seahags (Russell Wilson’s bunch beginning to put it all back together), Denver on the road against the San Diego…Super-Char-gers (Manning torches the SD secondary again), and the General’s Houston Texans on the road againt the Indian-hapless Horseshoes (doesn’t matter who the Texans start – Luck’s better).
We’re back Monday or so for a short recap. In the meantime…a question for the Vicar: How many points do you want from TCU?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:22
Basically just results & a couple of comments tonight, Denizens. I’ll tell you why at the end of the recap.
at #3 TCU 55, Iowa State 3
at Cincinnati 21, Pittsburgh 42
at #20 Oklahoma 35, Oklahoma State 38 (OT)
#13 Wisconsin 0, #5 Ohio State 52 (B1G championship game at Indianapolis, IN)
#1 Alabama 42, Missouri 13 (SEC championship game at Atlanta, GA)
at Connecticut 20, SMU