Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

Denizens, once again my workload betrays me as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ – such that I don’t have a story to rant about (there’s not been time to look)

So let’s get on with it.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are playing the O.D. Wyatt Chaparrals for the District 7-5A championship.  (Yes, it’s still early in the season, but Wyatt’s the only team in the district that even looks  like it could take Heights.)

And as I’m writing this, the Chaps aren’t doing a very good job – it’s 52-15, Heights, in the fourth.  We’ll chalk that one up as a win.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s ninth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs continue their personal Bataan Death March as they go into Waco to play at #5 Baylor’s new digs.  The Cubbies are an 8½-point favorite at home – but then again, OU was favored against the Tadpoles, so we’ll see.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals, fresh off their whipping at the hands of New England, return home to face Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers.  Carolina’s still a Jekyll & Hyde-type team, and Vegas has Cincy as a 7-point home fave…which means that Newton’ll probably run wild.

For my wild-card games, I’m going with Indiana visiting Iowa (Vegas has it razor-thin, but Iowa’s at home), West Virginia at Texas Tech (Kliff’s Kidz will eventually get well, but not here), Rice at Army (if they can beat Southern Miss at Hattiesburg, they can handle the Cadets at West Point) – and of course, Oklahoma trampling the TU Shortdicks Longhorns (Charlie Strong’s dismissed about a quarter of his team so far, and what they have left isn’t enough to handle a pissed-off OU squad).

UPDATE:  I do note, for the record, that they’re now calling OU-Texas the “Red River Showdown”.

Well, at least it’s better than the limp-wristed, pansy-assed, metrosexual “Red River Rivalry”…  (sigh)

We’re back Monday or thereabouts with the recap.  In the meantime…I think Heights has scored again… 


No time for much of anything, Denizens, so here’s what we got: Heights beat Western Hills last night, so that’s one.

Today, TCU’s at Oklahoma State, OU has Notre Dame in Norman (book this one for the Sooners – ND can’t match up with OU’s speed), Nebraska gets Michigan in Lincoln (probably a Wolverine win here), Michigan State gets fed to Bucky at Camp Randall, and Turner Gill’s LIberty Flames go for four in a row at Coastal Carolina.

Sunday, it’s the New York Football Douchebags™ at the Cowgirlz without Sean Lee.  I don’t give a shit, necessarily, who wins – but if Vickie Cruz tries that little samba dance, I want a Cowboy to go for his knees.

We’re back next week with something resembling a recap.  In the meantime, I remind my staff (and my Denizens) that PFWs aren’t solely my domain.  That’s what I have comments for, and I’m sure my cracked staff (grin) has some teams they follow…right?


Denizens, today is supposed to be the Bloggers’ Day of Silence in protest for what’s being done to fellow blogger Aaron Walker by He Whom Will Always  Be Known As The “Speedway Bomber”™, aka limp-wristed chickenshit short-bussed pusstard Brett Kimberlin, the Boil To End All Boils On The Collective Ass Of Society™.

I haven’t blogged, of course, not because of that cowardly faggot Kimberlin – but because I’m up to my ass in work.

C’est la vie.

Nevertheless, I support the effort – and Aaron, soon as I can find some loose change, guy, it’ll be on its way to you.


Denizens, the schedule is still too Chock Full o’ Crap™ to write about much right now.

One thing I can  tell you guys about, though, is that Emperor Misha’s beautiful bride, the Empress Sophie, is in the hospital with pulmonary embolisms in both lungs.

She could use your prayers.  Get crackin’.


UPDATE:  The Empress is now home and recuperating. Your prayers have helped!


This is a pisser, Denizens.  Every time there’s something to rant about, it seems that I either lose the urge to write…

MERLIN:  Why don’t you just call it your muse and be done with it?

[Venomous gestures.  Merlin goes flying face first into a bulkhead.]

VENOMOUS:  Any more  dumb-assed questions, Wizard?

MERLIN:  …uh, ow.

…or the day turns into a One-Legged Man™ day.

Which is what’s gone on the last 48 hours.  Three hours sleep (and I’m being generous about that), followed by an 0400 start time at work, followed by a 12-hour shift.

In short, I’m too damned tired to write.

So lemme just repeat a recurring theme:  Demoscum are little pussified douchebags and they suck.

KORRIOTH:  Same song, 34,602,345,089th verse?

[Venomous glares at Korrioth.]

KORRIOTH:  Hey, I’m just saying it’s hard to come up with so many ways to say the same thing.  Even for you.

VENOMOUS:  (shrugs)  Point.  And at least you didn’t say “muse”.

KORRIOTH:  Unlike the (hack, spit) Romulans (hack, spit), we don’t have a word for that.

VENOMOUS:  Mheh.  Okay, enough of trying to cheer me up.  Go take a painstick to our writers and see if they’ve figured out how close they’re gonna cut my beamout from Titanic.

KORRIOTH:  (nods) Aye, sir.

“Muse”, my effin’ arse. 


Denizens, it’s pretty much been a whole week of One-Legged Manage-ery™, which is why you haven’t heard much from here.  Hopefully, the workload will ease up some in a bit.

For now, just an advisory:  This Fine Blog™ is not  upgrading to WP 3.1.  Some bugs have been found therein by the crack Realm™ beta-testing staff, which have the potential for causing massive warp-core breaches.

KORRIOTH:  What is it with version 3.1s of software, anyway?  First Microsoft, then this.

VENOMOUS:  Yeah, tell me about it.

We will, therefore, wait patiently for…Wordpress 95. 

KORRIOTH:  Oh, shit…


We start off this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ by quoting that great sage Jerry Jones (*cough!!!*), who once said:

“Football is a contact sport.”

All together now:  “Well, duh.” 

Well, try telling that to the parents of a kid who was tragically injured during a drill designed to defeat the block below the waist.  Which, by the way, is illegal, but it still gets done, so…

Anyway, in order to get the kid some practice trying to dodge it, a coach threw a tackling dummy at the kid’s legs.  The kid either whiffed on the lesson, or was just slow – but either way, he couldn’t get out of the way in time, and injured his knee.

The parents are suing.

The parents of a youth football player have filed a lawsuit claiming an assistant coach severely injured their son’s leg during a drill two years ago.

The Fort Worth Star-Telegram reports that the lawsuit claims that, in November 2008, the coach swung a tackling dummy toward Ryan Spence’s legs during a drill to teach players how to avoid illegal blocks. The suit says the dummy hit Ryan’s left leg and damaged his knee. The boy, who was 10 at the time, has undergone two surgeries.

Look, I understand wanting to protect the young’un, and I might…might…feel the same way if this were Skip.

But, parents…you can’t be serious.

Lookit.  Football, as Owner Jethro points out, is a contact sport.  Injuries happen.  Even in practice.

The solution would be to put pleated skirts on them all, play flag or two-below and hand out trophies to everyone at the end of the year – whether they won or not…hell, whether they played  or not.

Oh.  Wait.  That’s what the fucking libtards want, isn’t it?

Let’s get on with the football.  As the placeholder mentioned, tonight the seventh-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers are in Lawrence Manhattan, KS to play Bill Snyder’s Family’s Kansas State Jayhawks.

MERLIN:  Bill Snyder’s Family’s…?

VENOMOUS:  Well, that’s what they call the stadium, anyway.

Last time the Huskers visited K-State, it was an unmitigated disaster under Bill Callahan.  Thankfully, it helped usher in the Bo Pelini era.

Nebraska’s an 11½-poing road warrior according to Vegas – and, if their ears are still smarting from the chewing Bo gave ‘em after S. Dakota State, Go Big Red will cover and then some.

Friday, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets get the second breather of the season as they go up against the North Side Steers.  North Side is 0-5, and just to show you how absolutely horrific they are – they lost to Eastern Hills 21-48.  You know – the team that Heights destroyed last week, 54-8?

Gimme Heights and you can have 60.

Saturday, Gary Patterson and his fifth-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have what should  be an easy time of it when the Wyoming Cowboys come a-callin’.  Now, Wyoming gave both TU and Smurf Turf BS State a game before falling, so it’s not a gimme.  Vegas, though, has the Froggies as a 33½-point favorite, so they must know something I don’t.

Also Saturday, Bucky – having been properly chastised by being busted down to #20 – will take out its frustrations in Madison for Paul Bunyan’s Axe™ against the perenially woeful Minnesota Golden Gophers.

Bucky’s a 22-point favorite at home.  Even in the Badgers’ depleted state, I don’t think it’s gonna be that close.

Sunday finds the Dallas Cowgirlz at home off a bye week playing host to the Houston Oilers Tennessee Titans.

RAYEGUN:  Can I send my fleet of dreadnaughts & black helicopters to get ‘em back for the Southern Command?

VENOMOUS:  Relax, General.  The Texans are going to have a good year.  You have to admit – they ran into a desperate buzzsaw a couple weeks ago.  Y’all will be fine, no worries.

RAYEGUN:  (grunt)

Sixth-ranked Oklahoma’s reward for dispatching TU last week is to have this week off.  Kansas isn’t playing either…but then, they’ve only played one week this entire season, which is why we’re no longer tracking them.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  With any luck, that one’ll be on time.


Sorry, Denizens, nothing today.  Between trying to fix the Sibling Unit’s™ computer, reacquiring my Dell certifications and cooking dinner for Mrs. Venomous (meat loaf off a recipé from the SpatulaGoddess and homemade Tuna Helper© from scratch), not time to do much of anything today.

KORRIOTH:  So how’d dinner turn out?

VENOMOUS:  Coulda been better, but Mrs. Venomous liked it.

KORRIOTH:  So there’s some left, right…?

VENOMOUS:  Do I not pay you well enough?

MERLIN:  You don’t pay us at all, m’Liege.

VENOMOUS:  I might if you people weren’t just figments of my hyperactive imagination.

OZY MCCOOL:  He’s got us there, Wizard.

MERLIN:  (grunt)

Relax, guys.  Got plenty of stuff here, plus the PFW recap’s tomorrow.  Chillax.


Nothing today, guys.  Between studying for certifications, cooking dinner and sweating my ass off in this Dutch oven of an apartment, wasn’t much time to do much of anything.

Maybe tomorrow.


Didn’t get home until mid-evening, Denizens.  (Overtime’ll do that to you.)

Check back tomorrow – when I shall extoll the virtues of the homemade taco salad…


As tech support for my family, it’s usually my responsibility to make sure that when someone moves, I move the computers.  This is primarily because experience has taught me that movers are – when it comes to sensitive electronic equipment – ham-handed.

Thus, when my brother and his Spousal Unit™ moved a couple blocks down today, it fell to yours truly to get the boxes relocated.  And, while I was at it, to do a little maintenance thereupon as well.

The point being, it was a One-Legged Man Day™ inside the Realm™ today.

With that said, today’s Grab-Baggage comes, as has been the case lately, from LC Rurik.

A Short Spelling Lesson

The last four letters in American……. I Can

The last four letters in Republican……I Can

The last four letters in Democrats……..Rats

End of Lesson

Class dismissed. 


Whilst I continue to climb out from this mass of stuff I seem to have accumulated, put said stuff away, put up the tree (yeah, I’m only now putting up the tree.  Sucks to be me, huh?) and other assorted chores…

…here is something I swiped from the fine folks at Hot Air.

(Oh, and do go read the article, too.  The implosion of the Demoscummic Party continues apace, and it’s simply a joy to behold.    )


Between work and…well, work…I ain’t got no time –

MERLIN:  “Ain’t got no time”?

K’HADIBAK’H:  Who’re you trying to sound like?  Hilary Clintoon at an all-black church?


K’HADIBAK’H:  Just sayin’.

VENOMOUS:  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

– to do squat.

Maybe tomorrow.


Busy this weekend, Denizens, so I’m going to shamelessly steal something that Misha posted on the Rott.  (Maybe I can help it go viral – who knows?)

MERLIN:  Yeah, right.


Anyway, enjoy.


Nothing tonight Denizens.  The Sibling Unit™ and his Blushing Bride™ moved into a house some time back and I just now got their network up & running.

Whereupon the Blushing Bride™′s machine promptly crashed after an install of McAfee.  And it took three hours to finally get into the BIOS where it could be fixed.

I’ve got some stuff on the back burner, though, so a posting avalanche is in order, I believe.  Stand by.


« Previous Articles    
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Spatula City BBS! was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.