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Denizens, this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 begins with an episode of “What’s Widdle Terri Owens Been Up To Lately?”

Whereupon we find…that “Eldorado” (as Randy Galloway has been wont to call him)…has been engaged (pun somewhat intended) in a bit of Chick Chasing&#153.

That’s right, sportz fanz.&#160 He Who Used To Have 25,000,000 Reasons Not To Commit Suicide&#153…has latched on to a matchmaking service.

Flamboyant footballer Terrell Owens has tapped a matchmaking service to help him find love. Outspoken Owens, who’s been linked to model Jessica White, has hired Kelleher International to help find a main squeeze who looks like bodacious Kim Kardashian — “who I happen to think is gorgeous,” he said.

Kelleher, run by mother and daughter team Jill and Amber Kelleher, has 18 international offices and charges clients anywhere from $15,000 to $150,000.

One might be surprised that not even the professional golddiggers (strippers, debutantes, et. al.) are touching him with a ten-foot pole.&#160 Then again, given his unusually long-lasting, unusually high level of abrasive-oscity (abrasive-oscity?)…one might not be too surprised at all.

Gotta be a limit to what someone’ll do for $25,000,000, y’know?

On to the football.&#160 It’s the annual Game Of The Century – well, at least for Fort Worth “hah skrewls” (a little Rush lingo, there) – and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will be taking on the Western Hills Cougars for the 4A-6 district championship.&#160 Heights is 8-0, Hills is 7-1.&#160 Field goal could win this, and a Yellow Jacket victory is not&#160 automatic.&#160 Expect no nails on my fingers by this time tomorrow.

Gary Patterson’s 4th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will get somewhat of a breather tomorrow night as they’ll be in Las Vegas to take on the UNLV Runnin’ Rebels – and let’s just say that Vegas isn’t&#160 being too kind to the home team (TCU’s a 35-point road favorite).&#160 Gary’ll pull his starters just in time to barely cover.

Also tomorrow, Danny Hawkins will be taking his hapless Colorado Buffaloes to get their asses whipped at Memorial Stadium in Norman by a very-pissed-off eleventh-ranked Oklahoma Sooners football team.&#160 OU’s a 24-point favorite here, and – given how they were embarrassed by Missouri last week, I don’t hold out much hope for Colorado.

Speaking of seventh-ranked Mizzou, their reward for knocking off OU…is to go into Lincoln to take on the 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers.&#160 Now, Bo Pelini’s squad has&#160 lost a game there already this year – but they should have a chance against Mizzou.&#160 At least they&#160 don’t pa…nah, better not go there.

At any rate, the Huskers are eight-point favorites, and should cover – assuming Taylor Martinez doesn’t have another brain-fart of a game.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz will prove to the world that last Monday night wasn’t a fluke, as Jacksonville’s Jaguars will even their record when they take on the ‘Girlz at Cowboys Stadium.

Romo’s done for the year – well, actually eight weeks or so, but is there any point in playing him once the Cowpiez are officially eliminated from playoff contention?&#160 Jon “Detroit’ll win 10 games…someday” Kitna takes over, so expect the recap to be entitled “Starring Jon Kitna as Brad Johnson”.

Bucky is off this week.

We’re back Monday or so with the recap, which will be posted from new digs. See you then.


Well, guys, if you&#160 were married to Worf, wouldn’t you&#160 stare?????



Denizens, I spent the weekend doing more Chick Chasing&#153, so haven’t had much time to write squat.

May have more time this week, may not. Already behind on chores due to all the Chick Chasing&#153, so who knows?


Previously, after my horrific experiences being married to the Lady™, I had stated that I wasn’t going to get married again, ever.&#160 Period, in fact.&#160 And I probably still won’t.

But if there ever is&#160 a future Lady Spatula&#153…it’s very likely I met her last night.

Great.&#160 Honkin’.&#160 Cthulu.

Details to come.&#160 One of these days.&#160 Maybe.&#160


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