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Well, Denizens, I finally found something about which to rant as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend – surprise, surprise, it’s Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFL (No Fun League).

Behold:

Apparently, Phil Phylicia Simms has a problem saying the word “Redskins”.&#160 And the DC faithful had no problem roasting his ugly ass because of it.&#160 (I wouldn’t have either, BTW.)

Enter Roger Goodfella’s Goodell’s NFl brownshirts:

Kristen B.
@KristenBerset Follow

#Redskins fans protesting Phil Simms refusal to use team name . #NFL official told them to take it down @wusa9
6:12 PM – 25 Sep 2014

Ray Rice originally gets only a couple of games for the left cross he gave his then-fiancée, but CRACK DOWN ON THE FANS EXERCISING THEIR FREE-SPEECH RIGHTS!!!!!

Mother-fucking fascist retards.

On to the football.&#160 Tomorrow, it’s the annual Battle For The Iron Skillet&#153 (otherwise known in Namby-Pambyville as the “D/FW Duel”) as Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel to Dal-wa to take on the Shitland Ponies of SMUT.

The Shitlanders have scored six (6) points.&#160 All season (3 games).&#160 And haven’t given up less than 43 points in any of those three games.

This is a major trap game for the Froggies.&#160 Lose this game, and it’s “attaboy/awshit” time again.

Vegas has the Tadpoles as a 32&#189-point road favorite.&#160 Gary…you need to cover, and then some.

Believe it or not, that’s it for the Core Teams&#153.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets & Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals are off this week.&#160 So we’ll go with an NFL wild-card game, featuring Sean Payton’s New Orleans Saints visiting the Allas Cowgirlz (still no D) on Sunday night (turn down your TV sound so you won’t have to listen to Roberta Costas).&#160 Once again, the ‘Girlz will do the Mediocrity Tango&#153 and wind up at .500 as they get their asses handed to them.

For college wildcard games, we have Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames at Indiana State (sorry, Turner, I don’t have that much faith in your program), UTennessee at #12 Georgia (the Dawgs romp in the Pound&#153), Ar-kansas in College Station to get flattened by #6 Texas A&M (sorry, Piggies, A&M isn’t Tech), T-Sip U at Rock Chalk (even with all the kids Charlie Strong’s kicking off the Shortdick Longhorn squad, this one’s a gimme) and Rice playing the sacrificial lamb at Southern Miss (this one should please the Vicar).

We’ll try to have a recap before next Saturday Monday.&#160 In the meantime, New Mexico State is a 43&#189-point road dog at Death Valley (LSU), and my question is…is that all?

Okay, so let me see if I have this right:

We’ve got BambiCare causing all manner of folks to lose insurance they wanted to keep, and to pay more & more to replace it.

Vladimir Putin has invaded the Ukraine.

We have some 270 folks missing that were on a Malaysian Airlines plane.&#160 No evidence of a crash or anything, the plane just went missing.

The Second Civil War&#153 may be just about to start.

And folks are getting the vapors over…thigh gap?!?!?!

It’s been OK to Photoshop since the invention of Photoshop, and perhaps no one has taken more advantage of it than the fashion and modeling industries. But Target’s apparent attempt to give a bikini model a fashionable thigh gap was such a hack job as to elicit a series of apologies from the company.

We.&#160 Are.&#160 So.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Screwed.

Let God’s judgement come.&#160 We’ve fucking earned&#160 it.

Denizens, every once in a while I venture out of my little mac-and-cheese Comfort Zone&#153 here to partake of the Blogosphere&#153.&#160 One of the sites I frequent is Twitchy, which follows stuff going on in the Twittersphere&#153.

And, every once in a while, I will (ahem) partake in some of the discussions.

(You just know&#160 where this is going, don’t you?)

Anyway, one such “discussion” can be found right here.

And if you go to this portion of the comment thread, you’ll see where I start methodically taking her apart.&#160 Little Missy clearly isn’t terribly experienced in the art of online discussion/argument, and it shows.

Anyway, her latest response to me got caught in Twitchy’s moderation queue (translation:&#160 Bill Amos didn’t cotton well to her calling me an asshole…which, truth be told, didn’t bother me in the slightest), and Disqus generally won’t let you respond to those type comments.

So I have get to take my shot at her here.

Big mistake, Bill Amos.&#160 I’d’ve had to have been nice on Twitchy.&#160 I don’t have to be nice here.

Now then…”Lissa Cakes” (snicker):

If you want everthing to be proper go read a book and get off the internet.

Why don’t you come fucking make&#160 me, you stupid-assed bitch?&#160 I’ve asked you three times now what you intend to do about it if I don’t just go away and leave your skanky, syphilis-ridden ass alone, and you’ve kept your methane-spewing mouth shut all three times.&#160 If you think you’re such a hot piece of ass, why don’t you come make&#160 me “get off the Internet”?

Could it be that you don’t have a fucking clue about how abjectly impotent&#160 you are in this regard?&#160 Seriously, sweetie pie – I’m laughing&#160 at your petulant little whiny ass.

Better yet go play with your so called family!

Why, thank you, bimboid!&#160 Did that just yesterday, as a matter of fact.&#160 Before&#160 handing you your stupid ass on a platter.&#160 ROFL!!!!&#160

Just because you think you are a God does not mean you are.

Newsflash, honeybunch:&#160 I’ve never fancied myself as God, or even a&#160 god.&#160 I’m just a man – nothing more, nothing less.

But I am&#160 a lot more intelligent than you’ve shown yourself to be in this thread of ours over there.&#160 Frankly, I’m not that good at argument or debate, and I just made you look like a fucking-assed fool.&#160 (Now, so did everyone else in the conversation, but that’s beside the point.)

Now, if I can make you look that much like an asshat, either you’re not trying very hard or you’re just not that good.&#160 My money’s on the latter – seriously, you need to shut the fuck up for a while, watch & learn.

You stood up, opened your putrid piehole & got it smacked right back in your face.&#160 Don’t blame any of us if you can’t run with the big dogs yet.

People like you are the reason this country and the people in it suffer so much.

Waah, waah, waah.&#160 I type a few words that get under your skin on a web page, and suddenly I’m supposedly the one who caused bubonic plague.

Do allow me the privilege of calling you a waaaaaaaaahmbulance.

Here’s a clue, sweet cheeks:&#160 People “suffer” because they don’t prepare.&#160 (For that matter, people sometimes suffer even when they do&#160 prepare, but there’s little that can be done to prevent that.)&#160 I’ve had my share of suffering, and in almost all cases, it was because I fucked up somewhere, no one else.&#160 You don’t get to blame society’s ills on me or anyone else, trollop – at least, not if you want to be taken as anything else other than the mental lightweight you are.

Perhaps you will have a little less time to be an asshole once you are spending it in hell. Have a nice life or whatever.

You sound almost as if you want to have a hand in sending me there.

Okay, then.

1415 New Haven St, #1811, Arlington, Texas. It’s about four or five blocks north of AT&T Stadium.

Come spew your bullshit to my face and see what I do about it.&#160 Hell – bring your angst-ridden, alternative-grunge-rock-playing, metrosexual, half-assed excuse-for-a-boyfriend along with you.&#160 I’ll be oh-so-happy to kick his ass, too.

Let’s see whatcha got, Stupid Cunt&#153

(Hat tip:&#160 Twitchy.)

Item:&#160 A tweet delivered to Cherilyn Bono-Allman-whomever-she’s-fucking-now…

1.

Cher

Been getting ready for photo shoot ! Cover,inside pics,press shots ! Go to Master album next wk &&& have Little Surprise ?

Jeffrey Whillans @Jeff_1983

@cher all this teasing! I’m beginning to think you’ve got a heart of stone, oh yeah, I said!

Item:&#160 In response, Cherilyn tweeted…

Cher @cher

@Jeff_1983 TEASING IS WHAT FRIENDS DO ! BULLYING IS WHAT T-BAGGERS DO! Calling them Unmitigated ASSHOLES is what I Do! BIG DIFFERENCE!
2:58 AM – 24 Jul 2013

Y’know, I’m beginning to understand why Chastity changed her name & underwent that surgery.

If I were her, I wouldn’t want to identify with that Cupid Stunt&#153 mother of mine, either.

(Hat tip, Twitchy.)

Item:&#160 After an advisory sent by GOP congresscritter types, the NFL, shall we say, politely declined to help HHS director Kathleen Goerling Gosnell Sebelius promote the illegal Bambicare.

Item:&#160 In response, David Asshole-rod Axelrod Asshole-rod went to Twitter to refer to the advisory as…as…well, here – read it for yourself:

David Axelrod ✔ @davidaxelrod

Now threats and intimidation? Appalling how far congressional Rs are willing to go to try and impede success of ACA. http://wapo.st/17IrWPE
7:59 AM – 29 Jun 2013

Yes, he really said that.

Yes.&#160 He.&#160 Really.&#160 Said.&#160 That.

One of the deans of Shit-cago thuggery.&#160 Really.&#160 Said.&#160 That.

Mr. Kettle, there’s a Ms. Pot on line two…

Denizens, consider this comment from Twitcherite “RUexperienced”.

You are correct.

I have posted on a conservative website (Free Republic) since 1998. And have seen a lot of things come and go. Today conservatives are killing their own movement.

Conservatives have always fought against RINOs like Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe, Gov’s Weld, Wilson and Whitman etc.

But since 2006, now the RINO list includes Huckabee, Rick Perry and Tim Paulenty. (the last two being a couple of the most credible people we have). And in the last year, the conservatives that are now RINOs are Rand Paul and Marco Rubio. And what about conservative governors in Ohio, Florida, Arizona, Michigan, etc who are with us on many issues but are trying to expand medicaid under Obamacare? Do we throw all of them out too?

(Sarah Palin and her crowd plays into this “I am more conservative than you” meme and helps to undercut every conservative that is running for office. You should have seen how her people on C4P treated established conservatives like Perry, Cain, Santorum, Bachman and Paulenty. It was disgraceful.

These “conservatives” are NOT of the same mold as Ronald Reagan, who practiced the proverb: “I would rather get a half a loaf than no loaf at all.”

Now, they’re talking about Der Sarahcuda’s ass-reaming of illegal alien&#160 (THERE, I SAID IT!!!!!) amnesty turncoat Marco “Si, se puede” Rubio.&#160 And “RUconservative” is of the RINO mindset that it’s we conservatives that are torching our own party.

Well, in the first place…it’s not conservatives that are destroying the party – it’s the (do you know how damned difficult it is not to take God’s name in vain here? ) RINOs who are oh-so-happy to lead us off the fucking cliff…just not as fast as the Democrats would.&#160 (I actually had some bastard RINO tell me this at a GOP convention once.)

Secondly…note that last line about Ronaldus Magnus.

As much as I love the last real President this country’s had…he screwed the pooch on the 1986 amnesty.&#160 He approved amnesty for all the illegals here at the time, with a promise&#160 from the Demoscum to reallyreallyreally address border security this time, cross-our-hearts, pinky-finger-swear.

How’d that work out for us, hm?

Let’s get one thing straight, RINO pussies:&#160 Where the GOP’s concerned, you need us a helluva&#160 lot more than we need you.&#160 I no longer feel the compulsion to cast a vote for any&#160 Republican – though I’ll happily throw in with any conservative&#160 that wants to give it a go.

See, there’s a difference.&#160 We’ve been gently trying to tell you that for a long time, yet you still have that predilection to hob-nob on the DC party circuit with the Demoscum and your fellow GOP blue-bloods, with all your laughing at us Great Unwashed&#153 for being back-asswards hick-types.

And we’ve pretty much had enough.

Suggest you RINO doucherifles utilize the one collective brain cell remaining amongst you, and think about that for awhile.

(Hat tip Twitchy.)

Annnnnnnd just when you think that our society’s hit absolute rock bottom…bammo, they whip out a jackhammer.

Denizens…meet “Senhor Testiculo”.

A Brazilian cancer awareness group put themselves in a hairy situation in an effort to teach people about testicular cancer.

Brazil’s Association of Personal Assistance for Cancer has introduced to the world the Mr. Balls mascot, better known in Portuguese as “Senhor Testiculo.”

The mascot has already made friends with both adults and kids despite not being the most visually appealing character, the New York Daily News reported.

Shaped like a scrotum, and with um, quite the bit of hair, the “friendly” Mr. Balls has become somewhat of a star in certain sections of Brazil.

“Both children and adults loved taking pictures with the mascot, a friendly snowman in the shape of [a] testicle,” the non-profit organization’s website said.

While he’s a rather odd figure, the group says “Mr. Ball’s has done his job by helping to propel testicular cancer research into the media spotlight.”

God’s judgement on this planet cannot come soon enough…&#160

SAN ANTONIO – (Actually, I probably got it right the first time.)

As I’m sure you know by now, Denizens, the Outer Northern Rim of the Realm&#153 (aka Oklahoma City) was blasted yesterday, and we here are praying for the missing and the survivors & their families.

At least, those of us with a bare minimum of some semblance of humanity are.&#160 Others…well, not so much.

The mile-wide tornado that destroyed Moore, Okla., and leveled at least two elementary schools was still weaving a path of devastation when Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead thought up a funny. Too soon?

With all respect due, Twitchy owner Malicious Malkin…never&#160 would be too fucking soon.&#160 And I guess you and the rest of the Twitched-ass douchbags over there think it’s okay, now that this waste of oxygen has “apologized”.

Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry. #LetMeHaveIt

Believe me, bitch, you wouldn’t like it very much if I “let [you] have it”.

Trust me on that.

Asswipe.&#160

Denizens, as you probably know by now, there were two explosions near the finish line at the Boston Marathon today.&#160 Latest count is three dead, 30 injured.&#160 (*UPDATE*:&#160 Now 12 dead, 50 injured two dead, 22 injured, according to Ace.)

This came from the Facebook page of one Nikki Kristof a few minutes ago:

Most inspiring glimpse here of the Boston marathon: runners who reportedly finished the 26 miles and then ran over to Mass General Hospital to donate blood.

And the least&#160 inspiring would have to be this bastard Kristof…blaming the explosions on Republicans.

The @nytimes is advertising its “free” coverage on mobile phones, hoping to use the tragedy to gin up marketshare; meanwhile, Nick Kristof springs into action, blaming the explosion on the GOP:

explosion is a reminder that ATF needs a director. Shame on Senate Republicans for blocking apptment articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-02-01/wor… — Nicholas Kristof (@NickKristof) April 15, 2013

Kristof, you cowardly little pussy, it’s a Damn Good Thing&#153 you are where you are, and that I am where I am.

Because if I were anywhere near you, you’d be getting your syphillis-infested, skanky, swishy ass handed to you on a platter RightAboutNow&#153.

Little doucherifles like you, Nikki, need to taken out back and put out of our&#160 misery.&#160 And one of these days, you’re gonna say the wrong thing to someone’s face, and he’s gonna rearrange it to where you need to take your meals through a straw.

And when that happens…I’ll stand that patriot to a beer.

Pansy-assed little chickenshit…&#160

(Oh, and as to the title of the post…Hey, Nikki, you little cuntmuffin – if you can do it, so can I, you asswipe.)

UPDATE the 2nd:&#160 Well, looks like the pusstard recanted.

People jumping on me for criticizing Sen Repubs for blocking ATF appointments. ok, that was low blow. i take it back

And that’s it.&#160 No apology, no mea culpa.&#160 Just “i take it back”.

What was it they said about toothpaste?

Damn, who knew that Widdle Billie Maher was such a nadless, dickless, cowardly little POS chickenshit pussy?

Oh.&#160 Wait.&#160 That’s right.

Everybody knows that.

UPDATE:&#160 And Bambi’s response to Clint’s speech last night?

Not for long, it ain’t.

O beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain…!

Okay, so Mittens picks Congresscritter Paul Ryan (R-WI) as his running mate.

I’m…whelmed.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m pleased there’s an actual conservative on the ticket.&#160 And if he had, say, Christie’s moxie and Smart-Ass Quotient&#153, I’d be a little more excited.

But the Republican party seems to think it can win this election by being Above It All&#153 and out-debating Bambi & Captain Gaffetastic, believing that the American people will come to their senses and see for whom it is they need to vote.

This should tell you all you need to know about that.

(sigh) Time to stock up on more ammo…

Item:&#160 A 24-year-old bastard opens fire at a Batman movie midnight screening.

Item:&#160 Chickenshit cunt Bill Maher…gloats.

Rt wingers luv to tout American Exceptionalism – today is a reminder that so many of the things that make us exceptional these days are bad

The limp-wristed pussy should probably be glad he’s nowhere near me.

For his sake.

Roseanne Barr Arnold Barr The Fat-Ass Broad is at it again:

Roseanne Barr

* ✔

@TheRealRoseanne

no more all male priestclass will b allowed tax credits4 imposing suffering& punishment onto women or abuse victims. #yeaimgoingthere
1 Jul 12

* Reply
* Retweet
* Favorite

This from Ms. Avoirdupois Ass, the same skanky bitch who kept grabbing her crotch whilst screeching the National Anthem.

If that ain’t abuse, I’m not sure I’d wanna know what would qualify.

Item:&#160 Cher’s having a bad day…

Reaction:&#160 Fine with me, Cupid Stunt&#153.&#160 Off yourself.&#160 (And take that…that…that whatever-you-gave-birth-to…with you while you’re at it.)

It’s not like anyone with so much as a quarter of a brain is gonna miss your skanky ass, anyway, y’know?