Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...
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Denizens, we’re once again praying for the Outer Northern Rim™, as Oklahoma City is going through another series of tornadoes.  (Moore is near there, too, so extra prayers will be needed.)

That is an order.  Thatisall™.

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This is beyond appalling!

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(sigh)

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The annual Memorial Day post is below the fold, as opposed to posting the link to the article in the Backyard™.

Also check out Denizen & fellow blogger Alan K. Henderson’s Memorial Day post here.

If you’re a veteran – either of a war long past or of one more recently waged – know that I and about 300,000,000 Americans are eternally in your debt.  Mere words cannot express the degree of gratitude which we possess for what you have done – and are now doing – for us here at home.  Therefore, two words alone will have to suffice:

Thank you.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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“…you’re a monster.”

And you’re a stupid-assed bee-yotch, “Emily”.

Seriously, Haverty’s?  You’ve got a psychotic bimboid as your spokes-trollop, and you think that’s gonna compel me to purchase your furniture?  Really???

Really???

Back to the drawing board for you fools.

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Y’know, Denizens, I would  tell the Fag Scouts of Amerika what they can do with themselves – that they can kiss my lily-white cracker ass & come suck my dick.

But I have the distinct feeling that that…is what those effeminate, sitzpinkling pussies that remain would like  to do.

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From: Realm HC

To: Realm CC, Southern Command CC

RE: Boy Scouts of America

Venomous and General, the Vicar recommends that should the Boy Scouts reverse their ban on open homosexual members and leaders, the Realm and Southern Command sever any and all relationships with the BSA.

Signed:

The Vicar

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[SCENE:  Deep inside that sector of the Fifth Intergalatic Realm™ known as the Southern Command.  Slow pan to a point about 140 degrees from the opening shot.

We then see a spatial displacement come into view.  The translucent shimmer becomes the faint outlines of an image, which then coalesces into an oversized, seemingly-upside-down Klingon Bird-of-Prey.

Cut to:  the bridge of the recently repaired ISS Pegasus, which has just decloaked someplace it was not previously known to be.]

VENOMOUS:  And that’s a problem, Narrator?

KORRIOTH:  Well, we usually file a flight plan with someone, y’know.

VENOMOUS:  Look, Bumpy, when I go on vacation, I don’t give a shit if anyone  know where I’m gonna be…

K’HADIBAK’H:  Uh, guys…

KORRIOTH:  …you know, so a certain Black Helicopter Fleet™ isn’t tempted to engage in…

[At that very moment, the bridge is rocked violently, back & forth.  Cut to previous external view, and the Bird-of-Prey is now surrounded by what seems to be four Husnock warships, each taking turns firing on Pegasus.

Cut back to Pegasus'  bridge.]

KORRIOTH:  …target practice.

K’HADIBAK’H:  Four warships, Admiral.  IDs… [Kha double-checks his board] …it’s the Black Helicopter Fleet™, sir.

T-BONE McMANX:  Admiral, we’re being hailed.

VENOMOUS (with a very  annoyed look on his face):  (sigh) On screen.

[On the viewscreen, space is replaced by a very familiar image.]

VENOMOUS:  Supreme General Rayegun.

RAYEGUN:  What did I tell you about coming through the Southern Command™ without proper permittage-ery?

VENOMOUS:  And what did I tell you about the Southern Command™ being part of my  Realm™?

[The Supreme General of the Realm™ renders what could only be described as a smart-assed smirk.]

RAYEGUN:  Damned straight, Narrator.

VENOMOUS:  I do  hope you’re enjoying your new toys, General.  Figures you’d hog ‘em all and not share…

RAYEGUN:  Funny you should mention that…

[Cut to external view.  Yet another spatial displacement shimmers & coalesces into a fifth Husnock battlecruiser.

Cut back to Pegasus'  viewscreen.

RAYEGUN:  Meet your new flagship, Admiral - ISS Vengeance.

[It's a Realm™ first:  Admiral Darth Venomous...is speechless.]

RAYEGUN:  What did I tell you, Korrioth?

KORRIOTH:  Five hundred credits on their way, General.

VENOMOUS:  Wait.  You had a bet  on this…?

[Rayegun & Korrioth look away & adopt feral grins as we fade to black...]

IN THE SOUTHERN COMMAND – She had been christened Excelsior II.

That was before I got it out on Texas State Highway 130.  (For the Uninitiated™, that’s the Austin-to-San Antonio toll road, where the speed limits run up to 85.  Not that anyone ever observes them…heh…heh…heh…)

This car makes the original Excelsior  feel like driving my old Cavalier.

Damn.  Just, damn

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SAN ANTONIO – (Actually, I probably got it right the first time.)

As I’m sure you know by now, Denizens, the Outer Northern Rim of the Realm™ (aka Oklahoma City) was blasted yesterday, and we here are praying for the missing and the survivors & their families.

At least, those of us with a bare minimum of some semblance of humanity are.  Others…well, not so much.

The mile-wide tornado that destroyed Moore, Okla., and leveled at least two elementary schools was still weaving a path of devastation when Daily Show co-creator Lizz Winstead thought up a funny. Too soon?

With all respect due, Twitchy owner Malicious Malkin…never  would be too fucking soon.  And I guess you and the rest of the Twitched-ass douchbags over there think it’s okay, now that this waste of oxygen has “apologized”.

Made a political joke, Twas before devastation revealed. In hindsight, had I understood, I would have refrained. Beyond sorry. #LetMeHaveIt

Believe me, bitch, you wouldn’t like it very much if I “let [you] have it”.

Trust me on that.

Asswipe. 

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SAN ANTONIO – (Hat tip:  the kind folks at ReaganCoalition.com.)

Looks like my estimation of the Philthydelphia Beagles is going to have to go up a few notches.

Admittedly, the first words that come to mind when on thinks of the Philadelphia Eagles are not “class” or “appropriate.” And that mostly applies to their fans. But it seems the Iggles fans’ antics are rubbing off on their on-field idols, if offensive guard Evan Mathis’ Instagram photo from earlier this week is to be believed.

Mathis, an eight-year NFL veteran, posted a photo of himself standing outside the Internal Revenue Service’s headquarters at Pennsylvania Avenue and 12th Street NW in a position suggesting that he was urinating on the building’s signage. He tweeted out the image with the caption, “Audit this.”

Hell, any more like him, and we may  just have to add the Iggles to the PFW… 

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Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

This year, Mrs. Venomous & I are traveling Purt’Near™ to the Southern Command, “down aroun’ San Antone”, as the Doobie Brothers are wont to say.  Mrs. Venomous wants to see the Alamo.

MRS. VENOMOUS:  Along with other  stuff…right, sweetie…???

VENOMOUS

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…? 

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One.

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Two.

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Three.

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