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(Hat tip Michelle Malkin.)

Good God in Heaven, why???

Denizens, your assignment this weekend is to go read this masterpiece from the keyboard of Misha (and be fully prepared to nod your head a helluva lot – it’s that good).

Memo to Dan Simpson:&#160 Come get my guns if you’re so hot for ’em.

No, I wouldn’t call you a “crazed liberal zealot”.&#160 I’d call you a crazed liberal chickenshit pussy.

Slight difference.

The Donald&#153 sure as Hell&#153 called it, didn’t he?

The Fat Fucked-Up Pig, the Queen of Extreme Mean&#153, that Bloviating Bovine Bush-League Bimboid&#153, Rosie O’Donut, has announced that she is bringing joy & laughter back to daytime television – this time by leaving.

“My needs for the future just didn’t dovetail with what ABC was able to offer me,” O’Donnell said in a statement Wednesday.

Translation:&#160 “There’s no way in fucking hell I’m going to sit there with a duct-taped ballcock in my mouth!!!&#160 It’s bad enough I’ve got these ben-wa balls up my ass!!!”

“This has been an amazing experience,” she said, “and one I wouldn’t have traded for the world.”

“Thanks, but I’m keeping the ben-wa balls.”

O’Donnell has helped raise the ratings for the daytime chat show invented by Barbara Walters. But her outspokenness has caused almost constant controversy, including a nasty name-calling feud with Donald Trump that placed Walters squarely in the middle.

“I induced Rosie to come back to television on ‘The View’ even for just one year,” Walters said. “She has given the program new vigor, new excitement and wonderful hours of television. I can only be grateful to her for this year.”

“That it’s finally over, that is.”

Trump, for his part, is taking partial credit – and rightly so, if you ask me.

“Rosie is a loser; she continues to be a loser; and she was fired by ABC, and I’m proud to say that I probably had a part in it,” Trump said.

And we once again find ourselves in your debt, Donald.

So sad to see you go, Ms. O’Donut…

NOT!!!!!!&#160

You gotta love the line from this story about the verbal sparring match between Vice President Cheney and Dingy Harry Reid (Cowardcrat-NV):

Reid, D-Nev., dismissed Cheney’s remarks later to reporters, but not before getting in his own dig at the vice president.

“I’m not going to get into a name calling match with the administration’s chief attack dog,” Reid said.

Good idea, O Dingy One.&#160 The administration’s chief attack dog would positively shred the Demoscum’s chief chickenshit.

Well, it’s time to play our seventeenth-favorite game, “Rip A New One For The Jackass Who Posted A Comment In An Old Thread”.&#160

(No, I don’t know what the first sixteen are.&#160 Not off the top of m’head, anywayz.)

Our first contestant today is some asswipe named “Mike Keith”, who couldn’t resist commenting in this thread:

I have the GOP elephant sketched into my toilet bowl, and I shit on it quite often. I,m now making a George W. Bush toilet, and a Dick Cheney Toilet.

How lovely.&#160 Bring one of ’em over and I’ll be happy to give you a “dirty swirly” in it.

(Denizens, Google that if you don’t know what it is.&#160 Make sure you have an empty stomach first.)

Our second bozo participant is some turdbucket calling himself “st”, who didn’t think much of my opinion about Christopher Simmons, the then-17-year-old pussy who got off scot-free for committing a murder because Widdle Toni Kennedy thought foreign law was more important than our Constitution.&#160 Says “st”:

i have done indepth research on this case.. people v. simmons..

Translation:.&#160 Short Bus, here, read the Free Mumia&#160 and Daily Kossack&#160 sites a lot whilst huffing his waterpipe.

i wish you guys would just know what your talking about..

I think we do, dumbass.&#160 Particularly more than some Johnnie Cochran wannabe-wannabe who can’t even spell the contraction of “you are”.

And to think that these pass for coherent counterpoint nowadays…&#160

In other earth-shattering news, the sun rose in the East, water was found to be wet, and liberals were exposed as absolute morons.

Film at 11. (yawn)

In the wake of the Va Tech massacre earlier today, LC Ten-Ten said it best, when he opined:

Sadly, my first thought was how the MSM and leftist lunatics is going to use this hporrid situation to advance their anti-gun rhetoric.

And on the heels of that, LC Sir Christopher pointed us to this link by Slimey Limey Paula Thompson

More »

(Hat tip to the Emperor.)

And not to put too fine a point on it, the formidable Frank J’s wife, the equally formidable SarahK, delivers a roundhouse steel-toed boot to the Professional Victim Nation&#153…which, apparently, now includes the Rutgers nappy-headed hos their own selfs.

I mean, really.

Meanwhile the Rutgers women’s basketball team appeared Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey show to discuss the controversy. “Not only did he steal our dreams, he hurt our character of Rutgers University, our state, and all who have been associated,” Rutgers Head Coach C. Vivian Stringer said on the show.

Good Gawd A’mighty&#153, tell me they didn’t just do that.&#160 Please&#160 tell me they didn’t just go on Okrah Ofrah that fat-assed broad’s collective vibrator-jerk and throw their own little pity party???

F.E.J.F.E, as far as I’m concerned.&#160 Fuck the entire lot of ’em.

Imus was right.

Not that I’m a fan of Don Imus, okay?&#160 Quite the opposite, in fact – I think he’s an asshole.

But, c’mon.&#160 He’s getting all this (the latest being his canning by (P)MSNBC) for “nappy-headed hos”?

Puh-leeeeeeze.&#160 Isn’t there enough real&#160 news going on without this Salacious Sideshow of Suckitude&#153?

And a quick bitch-slap to the Rutgers bitches – who apparently have led the absolute most sheltered lives in recorded history, despite the fact that they go to school in frackin’ Noo Joisey, for fuck’s sake – because their widdle feewings are hurt:

In their first comments about Imus’ remarks, the team talked Tuesday about how the insult stung. Some of the women wiped away tears as their coach, C. Vivian Stringer, criticized Imus for “racist and sexist remarks that are deplorable, despicable, abominable and unconsionable” the day after they reached the NCAA finals.

The young women, half of them freshmen and eight of them black, expressed incredulity at how someone they’ve never met could say such a thing about them.

“All of our accomplishments were lost … we were stripped of this moment by the degrading comments made by Mr. Imus,” said Heather Zurich, a sophomore forward.

Don’t get out much, do you, bimbos?

Hell, I’ve been called every vile name in the book, and even some that ain’t&#160 in the book.&#160 (Google “Lord Spatula” if you don’t believe me.)&#160 You don’t hear me&#160 whining about “racist and sexist remarks that are deplorable, despicable, abominable and unconsionable”, do you?

Grow a pair, ladies.&#160 Grow several pair, in fact.&#160 Move the fuck on and forget about it.&#160 Your pissy-faced reaction to all this has given it a shelf life at least one week longer (and still going) than it would’ve gotten otherwise.

Damn,&#160but our society has become pussified.&#160

The world lost him who was probably its best cartoonist Sunday. Johnny Hart left us Saturday while working on his comic strips “B.C.” and “Wizard of Id”.&#160 Johnny Hart was 76.

He was one of this scribe’s favorite cartoonists, largely because he took the comic strip and did a massive “in your face” to the libtards on the Atheistic Left many a time.&#160 He was a Christian and didn’t care who knew it.&#160 He put it in his strips more often than not, and didn’t care if it offended the anti-religious bigots.

He was my type of cartoonist, and he will be sorely missed.

As someone who supports the war effort, I get the occasional meme of “Hey, fat ass, if you’re so gung-ho for the war, whyn’t you go enlist?”&#160 This despite the fact that I’m 44, still have a gut the size of a small moon and feet that could pass for pancakes.

But I’m beginning to think I could probably make it pretty damned far in the British military – especially if they’re taking grunts like this&#160 Pathetic Pansy-Assed Pussy&#153:

But, speaking of the moment they were reunited, he told how he wept and begged the 26-year-old for a hug. Arthur said: “I missed Topsy most of all. I really love her, as amumand a big sister. Not seeing her and not knowing if she was safe was one of the hardest parts of the whole thing.

“Then on the sixth day, when I was just about giving up hope, I was pulled from my bed in the early hours of the morning.

“They led me down a corridor and into a room, where I saw Topsy in a corner.

“I can’t describe how that felt…just every emotion rolled into one. I ran up to her, threw my arms round her and cried like a baby.

“When I’d calmed down, she asked, ‘Do you need another hug, a mother hug?’ and I said, ‘damn right’. She was just as pleased to see me because they’d told her I’d been sent home.

“Topsy said she’d always be there for me, to protect me and look after me.

Great.&#160 Honkin’.&#160 Cthulu.&#160

Now on the first day of the week Mary Magdalene came early to the tomb, while it was still dark, and saw the stone already taken away from the tomb.

So she ran and came to Simon Peter and to the other disciple whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken away the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid Him.”&#160 So Peter and the other disciple went forth, and they were going to the tomb.

The two were running together; and the other disciple ran ahead faster than Peter and came to the tomb first; and stooping and looking in, he saw the linen wrappings lying there; but he did not go in.&#160 And so Simon Peter also came, following him, and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there, and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings, but rolled up in a place by itself.&#160 So the other disciple who had first come to the tomb then also entered, and he saw and believed.&#160 For as yet they did not understand the Scripture, that He must rise again from the dead.&#160 So the disciples went away again to their own homes.

But Mary was standing outside the tomb weeping; and so, as she wept, she stooped and looked into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white sitting, one at the head and one at the feet, where the body of Jesus had been lying.&#160 And they said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid Him.”

When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, and did not know that it was Jesus.&#160 Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?”&#160 Supposing Him to be the gardener, she said to Him, “Sir, if you have carried Him away, tell me where you have laid Him, and I will take Him away.”&#160 Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to Him in Hebrew, “Rabboni!” (which means, Teacher).&#160 Jesus said to her, “Stop clinging to Me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to My brethren and say to them, ‘I ascend to My Father and your Father, and My God and your God.'”

Mary Magdalene came, announcing to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord,” and that He had said these things to her.

—John 1:1-18 (NASB)

And may God add His blessings to the reading of His word.

Happy Easter, Denizens.&#160 Always remember – He&#160 is risen.

(Hat tip LC & Denizen Sig94.)

Courtesy of fellow blogger MilitiaJim, here are the Donktards’ 40 best reasons to ban guns:

1. Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, Detroit & Chicago cops need guns.

2. Washington DC’s low murder rate of 69 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis’ high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.

3. Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are “just statistics.”

4. The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates,which have been declining since 1991.

5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.

6. The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.

7. An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.

8. A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.

9. When confronted by violent criminals, you should “put up no defense – give them what they want, or run” (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don’t Die – People Do, 1981, p. 125).

10. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns & Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.

11. One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seat belts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for internal medicine, a computer programmer for hard drive problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.

12. The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, refers to the National Guard, which was created 130 years later, in 1917.

13. The National Guard, federally funded, with bases on federal land, using federally-owned weapons, vehicles, buildings and uniforms, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a “state” militia.

14. These phrases: “right of the people peaceably to assemble,” “right of the people to be secure in their homes,” “enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people,” and “The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people” all refer to individuals, but “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” refers to the state.

15. “The Constitution is strong and will never change.” But we should ban and seize all guns thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments to that Constitution.

16. Rifles and handguns aren’t necessary to national defense! Of course, the army has hundreds of thousands of them.

17. Private citizens shouldn’t have handguns, because they aren’t “military weapons”, but private citizens shouldn’t have “assault rifles”, because they are military weapons.

18. In spite of waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting,government forms, etc., guns today are too readily available, which is responsible for recent school shootings. In the 1940’s, 1950’s and 1960’s,anyone could buy guns at hardware stores, army surplus stores, gas stations,variety stores, Sears mail order, no waiting, no background check, no fingerprints, no government forms and there were no school shootings.

19. The NRA’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, but the anti-gun lobby’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign is responsible social activity.

20. Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.

21. A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.

22. Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is “an accident waiting to happen” and gun makers’ advertisements aimed at women are “preying on their fears.”

23. Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.

24. Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.

25. A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.

26. Any self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a “weapon of mass destruction” or an “assault weapon.”

27. Most people can’t be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.

28. The right of Internet pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.

29. Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self- defense only justifies bare hands.

30. The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.

31. Charlton Heston, a movie actor as president of the NRA is a cheap lunatic who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas, a movie actor as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.

32. Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do “civilians” who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.

33. We should ban “Saturday Night Specials” and other inexpensive guns because it’s not fair that poor people have access to guns too.

34. Police officers have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.

35. Private citizens don’t need a gun for self- protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.

36. Citizens don’t need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.

37. “Assault weapons” have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people. The police need assault weapons. You do not.

38. When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that’s bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that’s good.

39. Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.

40. Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to “keep guns out of the wrong hands.” Guess what? You have the wrong hands.

Hell, it makes plenty&#160 of sense.

If you’re a Gun-Fearing Pussy&#153.

(Hat tip LC Sir Christopher.)

Your Line of the Day&#153 (Part Deux) comes today from former US ambassador to the (hack, spit) Useless Numbnuts (hack, spit), John Bolton, who recently said concerning England’s Iranian hostage crisis:

“If I were sitting in Tehran, I would say, ‘I played this card against the Brits and they did everything but plead with me to give these people back’.&#160 I think that tells the Iranians quite a bit about European resolve.”

No wonder the Demoscum hate him.&#160 The man tells it like it is.

(Incidentally, I used “England” because of the pissant who bitched at me about it the other day.&#160 Pound sand, fuckhead.)

(Hat tip Matt Drudge.)

Your Line of the Day&#153 comes from Vice President Cheney, who said here:

He took a few lighthearted jabs at his predecessor, noting that former Vice President Al Gore’s house uses an above-average amount of energy. “Many argue that global warming is manmade,” Cheney said, “and it looks like they found the man.”