Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:00
(This post will stay on top all day long. New stuff below.)
Okay, Denizens, the question is put to you: Fantasy football league, who’s in?
And if there are enough of us who wanna do this, do you guys have a preference which site you want to use to facilitate it?
Hurry up & lemme know. Thatisall.
UPDATE: Alright, guys, the league URL is http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/league/scbbs_fl. Have at it.
It’s an autopick draft, but since there are only four of us or so, there should be plenty (Pawlenty? ) of players available.
UPDATE, part deux: HDD is reporting a bad link.
Let’s do it this way:
Go to the Yahoo Sports Fantasy Football FAQ, follow the instructions to join an existing league and look for league #617975. That’s ours.
Email me immediately if you have any probs.
UPDATE the Threeth: Password has been emailed.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 15:00
As I was working on a project Friday morning, I had access to a TV that happened to be tuned into Fox News, when the graphic flashed across the screen, “Fox News Confirms McCain Has Selected Sarah Palin As His Running Mate”.
I turned to the guy next to me and said, “That. Pick. Took. Balls.”
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 18:35
That’s the last time I trust Vegas.com for a @%*(@$!!! football schedule.
Chattanooga (College? University? Women’s U?) is playing sacrificial lamb to Bob Stoops’ Oklahoma Sooners as we speak. As of right now, it’s over – OU has scored.
That first PFW of the year’s lookin’ real good RightAboutNow…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 4:02
If you go down the sidebar a bit, just before you get to the StatCounter, you’ll see this:
That comes from a little something over which the pussified Republicans in Snohomish County, WA, got their panties in a slight bunch.
A controversial three dollar bill may have brought Republicans and Democrats together to agree on something.
The bill, which was sold at the Evergreen State Fair’s Republican Party booth in Snohomis County, Washingotn, features Democratic presidential nominee Sen. Barack Obama wearing a headdress, propelling a widespread myth that he is Muslim.
Except I’m not so terribly sure that is is a myth, y’know?
Some call it a joke, but not everyone is laughing.
Which just goes to show you how linguini-spined the Republican party has become in Washington State. But then, that’s what happens when the only “principle” for which one stands there is “Ooooooh, pwease wike me – pweeeeeze???”
Obama is, in fact, a Christian.
Yeah, well, that’s eminently open for debate.
Carol Ronken snapped a picture of the bill, and then called the local newspaper. “It’s racist. It’s disgusting,” said Ronken.
Carol, honeybunch, you’re full of shit, bitchy and repulsive. So how’s it feel having invective tossed back at you like that, hm?
Republican county chair Geri Modrell said she never approved the bill, but insisted the bills were nothing more than a very bad joke. She has asked volunteers to put them away.
And had I been a volunteer, I’d have told her to go pound sand. It’s a damn funny novelty item, and it’s sure to piss off Demoscum.
Which, of course, is why it’s now on my sidebar.
Cheri DeShaw, whose booth sat right across from the Republican Party’s at the fair, said she has heard an earful from visitors.
Oh, I’m sure she has. And I’m equally sure that she’s faced them with puppy-dog eyes, begging for forgiveness for something she didn’t even do. And then the Washington State GOP wonders why few like them.
To them, I say this: Lookie here, chumps. The Constitution guarantees us freedom of speech – even speech that happens to offend folks from time to time. No one has a right to never be offended, and the quicker you jackasses up there learn that, the better. Besides, if you whine and whimper apologies to every buttmunch who ever gets “offended” about something, that’s all you’ll ever spend your time doing.
Not terribly productive, if you ask me.
Modrell said she is working to track down the person responsible, but does not plan to conduct an intensive investigation. She said it is tough enough to recruit volunteers and does not want to alienate another.
“It’s not the policy of this party to use that low level sense of humor,” Modrell said.
Yeah, well, Geri, maybe it should be. And maybe you should re-evaluate your definition of “low level sense of humor”.
Moreover, you should track down the creator of that bill ASAP.
To buy him a beer.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:07
Y’know, all of a sudden I feel a helluva lot better about John McCain.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:22
Continuing the Demoscummic National Circle-Jerk Party Extravaganza Extraordinaire theme of Donktard Presidential Candidates Who Think They’re Way More Talented Than They Really Are, we have here failed 1988 campaign laughingstock Michael “The Loser” Dukakis wailing & gnashing his teeth over his landslide defeat at the hands of Bush 41:
“If I had beaten the old man you’d of never heard of the kid and you wouldn’t be in this mess,” 1988 Democratic presidential nominee Michael Dukakis told CBS News’ Katie Couric today.
This is from the failed presidential-campaign bit who
was soundly defeated got his ass handed to him by close to eight percentage points, over seven million popular votes, a 4:1 state margin and 315 electoral votes, and the guy thinks he actually had a chance against Bush the Elder. After the tank incident and those metrosexual, half-assed comments about Kitty and any potential rapist thereof – he thought he actually had a chance.
Must…not…give…in…aw, t’Hell with it.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 6:14
As we launch the first official week of the Perfect Football Weekend, we find that things are running a little tensely in Huskerland.
Nebraska coach Bo Pelini acknowledges that he’s feeling some anxiety as the Cornhuskers’ opener against Western Michigan approaches.
Pelini said you don’t know what kind of team you have until you see it play against an opponent. He says he thinks he knows the character of his players, but he won’t know for sure until Saturday.
Pelini’s emotions spilled out Monday after the Huskers turned in a particularly dreadful practice performance. He snapped at reporters, tersely answering 15 questions in two minutes.
Patience, Coach. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your Cornhuskers be thus.
Let’s get to the PFW. It’s Week Zero in Texas “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football, and that means my (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will start this year pretty much the same way they started last year – by getting their asses handed to them by the Birdville Buffaloes.
I was wrong earlier about one thing – Duke Christian is no longer the Heights coach. The new
scapegoat head coach is a guy by the name of Steve Pate. Have no idea how he’ll do. Maybe I should make a perpetual points rule for Heights, such as I do for UBuffalo.
Speaking of which, their first game is tonight, as well, as the University of Texas-El Paso pays the Bulls a visit. Turner Gill’s troops, surprisingly, are a 3-point favorite, so as long as they don’t lose by more than a touchdown, we’ll count it.
Saturday, the aforementioned Nebraska Cornhuskers, under the guidance of the aforementioned Bo Pelini, make their triumphant return to the PFW by hosting (and, presumably, decimating) Western Michigan. They’d better win – else, the faithful will be screaming for Bill Callahan. Ew.
Also Saturday, Texas Christian University’s Horned Frogs, in the eighth year of Coach Gary Patterson’s reign, travel to Albuquerque to take on the New Mexico Lobos. TCU’s won their last five season openers, as this blurb from the game guide tells us:
The Frogs have won their last five season openers. It’s the first time since 1970-74 that TCU has had a five-game winning streak in season debuts.
Yeah, well it helps when all your season openers are against the University of Texas-Arlington, which doesn’t even have a football program anymore.
In pro action, tonight is the C’boys last preseason game, at home vs the Minne-haha ViQueens. ViQueens head coach Brad Childress has already said his starters aren’t going to play at all, and we’re probably not going to see many of the Cowboys’ starters, either.
Gimme Dallas and 10.
We’re back Sunday or Monday for the recap. In the meantime, for your viewing pleasure, HDD will now extol the virtues of Bucky, now that the games count.
Won’t you, HDD?
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 22:56
Since all of us are aware of whom Spats favors when it comes to the NFL Texas Fooo-ball teams, and that by now hopefully ya’ll have been able to surmise that I and the rest of the folks in these here neck of the woods around the Southern Command HQ would probably be ones to prefer the other Texas team, I would request that you wander over here for a quick laugh at the expense of Spat’s Cowgurls.
NOW, I do have to admit that growing up (even when I was a “displaced Texan” living in Illinois) the Cowboys were always my team. But back then, the men that compromised “America’s team” certainly made us proud to be their fans. (Spats, I KNOW you’ll agree with me on that observation)
Not like the more recent years where the team made more news OFF the field than on. In the years since the departure of Landry, Aikman, Johnson, and Smith…it seems that the team has a better arrest record than season record. Yes, Wade Phillips and Jason Garrett have gotten things turned around and some of the old “good” habits are starting to make an appearance again.
But I also happen to have gained an appreciation over the years for the underdog. Ever since Houston got a football team back (and even more so since moving to the local vicinity) and primarily since Gary Kubiak took over the head coaching job, I’ve seen the sort of dedication and desire that was inherent in the teams that Tom Landry coached.
So here’s to the in-state rivalry called the “Governor’s Cup”. Bring it on!
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:02
Given that the Demoscum, for all their supposed UNITY!!!!!1!!ONE!!!1, seem to be imploding like a black star, you’d think that all McZhamnesty need do now is run a strong-yet-typical GOP campaign, and the White House would be his, right?
According to reports, McRINO has selected his running mate.
And of the three presumed finalists, none are promising.
If he picks Pawlenty, he receives virtually nothing in the way of bounce – and if you think Pawlenty’s gonna deliver Minnehaha for Old John, you got another think coming.
If he picks Lieberman, he loses his conservative base. And no less a person than Lieberman himself has told McCain this.
And if he picks Romney – sorry to tell you this, conservatives, but McDoofus loses the election, guaranteed.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:32
Shitcago-style socialist politics have sunk their poisounous talons deep inside the Demoscummic party, as the presidential nomination is handed to the Manchurian Muslim, completing the disenfranchisement of millions of voters:
Barack Obama, claiming a prize never held by a black American,
Uh, “half-black”, if you really wanna get technical about it.
And thank you, but we already knew what color he was, not that it mattered. But you’re going to drive it into our heads just like you did that John-boy F’n Qetchup-ass spent a cup of coffee in Vietnam, aren’t you?
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:15
Showing the world
her ugly ass how The Most Ethical Congress EVAH is a bastion of servitude to the American electorate, San Fran Nan Piglousy, the Shrieker of the House, demonstrated her contempt for We The People:
House Democratic leaders and protesters waving McCain signs had a war of words Tuesday at a press event outside an old train station. The demonstrators interrupted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with chants of “Drill here! Drill now!”
Pelosi paused and asked the group, “Right here?”
Seeming to enjoy the back and forth, she followed with another question: “Can we drill your brains?”
You probably should, Madame Shrieker. It’s fairly obvious to all that you’re clearly lacking in that regard.
She went on to refer to the protesters, who continued to chant sporadically, as “handmaidens of Big Oil.”
And what if we are, bitch? Unlike you, skank, we see the reality that the world’s economy is fueled by oil. Then again, right-thinkers such as us aren’t fucking tree-hugging Gaia-worshippers like you and the rest of the environ-mental cases.
Arguing that increased offshore drilling would reduce gas prices by only a couple of pennies a decade from now, she referred to the demonstrators as the “2-cents-in-10-years-crowd.”
So lemme get this straight, you Cupid Stunt: Simply talking about drilling drops the price of a barrel of oil $30 (with a resulting forty-to-fifty-cent drop in the price of gas), but actually drilling for our own oil…
…you know, such as countries like Venezuela do – countries, I might add that pay, what, 12 cents for a gallon of gasoline?
…is only gonna drop the price two cents?
And you’re the best San Transexual could send to Washington, you fucking retard-ette?
Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer swiped at the demonstrators, too, saying that “sophomoric chanting” won’t solve the energy crisis and that “all thinking Americans know” — stressing the word “thinking” and looking at the crowd — that America doesn’t have a quarter of the word’s fossil fuels yet uses a quarter of the world’s energy.
Would that be “sophomoric chanting” like YES WE CAN, YES WE CAN!!!!!!1!!ONE!!???
And then you assclowns wonder why Congress has an approval rating in the single digits?
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:29
Now that’s more like it.
Miami 24, Kansas City 0
Carolina 47, Washington 3
BrettsJets 10, NY Football Douchebags 7
Outer RimHouston 22
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:02
Even though Misha – well, Brendan, but Misha chimed in later – already covered this, I would be remiss in not recognizing that the SpatulaGoddess Emeritus has just acquired the rank of 2nd Lt. in the United States Army.
Congratulations and Godspeed, N@! Love ya bunches…Sir!
UPDATE: Just to clear up any confustations (grin), the SpatulaGoddess Emeritus is not the same incredibly beautiful, hawtness-exuding major-domo babe as she who currently holds down the title, although the Emeritus is breathtakingly, exceedingly hawt, without question.
The current SG is Beth, the Rottweiler’s Imperial Serving Wench. Princess Natasha is the second lieutenant & SG Emeritus.
Glad we could clear that up.
UPDATE the 2nd: And now added to the blogroll – how the Hell did I miss that? Damn senility…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:29
[Scene: the bridge of Pegasus. Communications officer T-Bone McManx has just handed Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant a communiqué from Realm Command, and is scurrying out of the way as fast as his legs will carry him - he knows what's coming.
Our Hero, still wearing the hood of his cloak, takes the communiqué and studies it intently for about 15 seconds. The eyes begin to glow purple again.]
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:35
And no sooner did the Demoscum graciously decide to make Michigan & Florida each more than three-fifths of a state (how dare those li’l darkies exercise their own sovereignty as a state of the union by holding their primaries when they wanted, after all), than did the Lord B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi, the Almighty Messiah Of The Donktards, move to once again make their votes totally fucking worthless.
Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama are working on a deal to give her some votes in the roll call for the Democratic presidential nomination, but quickly end the divided balloting in unanimous consent for Obama.
Basically, Denizens, what the Obumbler has done is grab Hillary by the hair, drag her into a back room, throw her into a corner, and say, “Lookee here, bee-yotch – you get those peasants of yours in line or I ain’t a-gonna pay off your campaign debts! And I may not pay ‘em anyway, how you like that, you nappy-headed ho’?”