Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 18:45
Knock yerselves out, guys.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:22
Yeah, I know that there’ll probably be no serious repercussions in Texas state government from the latest power grab by the Supreme tinhorns. Yes, I know that the GOP will keep most of the districts they created back in 2002.
But what pisses me off most about this – besides the fact that the Demoscum got rewarded (even if in part) over the temper tantrums they threw after being booted from power – is something that asshatted fool Anthony “18-year-old murderers can walk” Kennedy said about the Republican-drawn districts:
Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, writing for the majority, said Hispanics do not have a chance to elect a candidate of their choosing under the plan.
At issue was the shifting of 100,000 Hispanics out of a district represented by a Republican incumbent and into a new, oddly shaped district. Justices had been told that was an unconstitutional racial gerrymander under the Voting Rights Act, which protects minority voting rights.
Five’ll get you ten that a solid majority of that 100,000 are illegals – and now the Soprano Court seems more concerned about votes they probably can’t legally cast than they are about the Republican majority in Texas whose representatives drew those boundaries in the first place.
Then again, these black-robed tyrants have already demonstrated that they only wanna enforce laws they give a shit about, so WTF?
Rope, tree…you know the drill.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:50
Acidman wasn’t the only death to hit the Realm hard Monday.
Four-and-a-half hours later, the senior animal in my household – Alfie, the Big Humongous Yellow Lump That Masquerades As My Cat – passed away after suffering what appears to have been a stroke. He was 11 years old, the last 10 of those years spent with me.
I first acquired Alfie from a girl I was dating at the time. He was scratching the hell out of her mother, and she begged me to take him before he had to go to the pound.
His first three weeks in my home were spent in the pantry with the pots & pans. Eventually he became accustomed to me, the Sibling Unit and his Boston Terrier, and came out to live with us.
I had another cat at the time, a black/white tabby named Fred, and we used to joke that Alfie was Fred reincarnated – because immediately after the talkative Fred passed on, Alfie found his voice, and refuesd to shut up.
Two ruined pieces of furniture and a torn spot on the carpet later, he got declawed, and became a fixture in my house until Monday. He would either snuggle in your lap or fight you tooth & nail, depending on his mood and what you wanted to do with him at the time. My favorite thing to do with him was pick him up, pro-wrestling style, and body-slam him onto the bed. Whereupon he would just lay there as if to say, “Well? Hurry up and rub my tummy – I don’t have all day.”
He loved everybody and was afraid of no one. He’d walk up to complete strangers and start loudly meowing at them, demanding that they acknowledge his majestic presence. He ruled the house, whether we admitted it or not – and we wouldn’t have had it any other way.
So long, old friend. You’re already missed terribly.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:59
Okay, Denizens, I am officially throwing the bullshit flag on the state of Flori-duhhhhhh. 25-yard penalty, loss of all downs and the ball, ejections for the entire team.
The reason? Apparently they don’t have anything better to do than harass Rush Limbaugh.
Rush Limbaugh was detained for more than three hours Monday at Palm Beach International Airport after authorities said they found a bottle of Viagra in his possession without a prescription.
Customs officials found a prescription bottle labeled as Viagra in his luggage that didn’t have Limbaugh’s name on it, but that of two doctors, said Paul Miller, spokesman for the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office.
A doctor had prescribed the drug, but it was “labeled as being issued to the physician rather than Mr. Limbaugh for privacy purposes,” Roy Black, Limbaugh’s attorney, said in a statement.
Okay, this is why I’m calling bullshit: How many of you are going to fly into an airport with every single prescription slip your doctor has ever written you? Any of you ever flown into Miami with a bottle of Viagra and the prescription slip to back it up?
Mm-hm. That’s what I thought.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection examined the 55-year-old radio commentator’s luggage after his private plane landed at the airport from the Dominican Republic, said Miller.
The matter was referred to the sheriff’s office, whose investigators interviewed Limbaugh. According to Miller, Limbaugh said that the Viagra was for his use, and that he obtained it from his doctors.
Which should be enough explanation for anyone – unless you happen to come from a half-assed state that can’t even figure out which chads to punch. One where the innocent are harassed – or worse, starved to death – and cowardly fucks who do the harassing & killing are placed on pedestals and worshipped.
Investigators confiscated the drugs, which treats erectile dysfunction, and Limbaugh was released without being charged.
They probably needed it more than Rush did, if you know what I mean.
The sheriff’s office plans to file a report with the state attorney’s office. Miller said it could be a second-degree misdemeanor violation.
If I were Roy Black, there would be a federal civil rights lawsuit filed tomorrow against the sons-of-bitches who think they can ride herd on the rest of us with impunity.
Never mind what I said about Miami the other day. It goes for the entire fucking state now.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 15:11
I delinked him when he pissed me off. Issued him one of my infamous “CSITMF” challenges when it pissed him off.
Now he’s dead, and I’m sorry as Hell that he is.
Rob Smith, aka Acidman, was found dead at 2:00 a.m. this morning, cause of death unknown.
Rob was one of the most caustic bloggers in the Blogosphere – yes, even moreso than yours truly. Only got to meet him once, for about 30 seconds, down in Austin this year at Texas Blogfest ’06. (By then, he was hardly in shape enough to say it to anyone’s face, but he still had that blogger’s fire in his eyes that you could see when you talked to him.)
I daresay that Rob’ll be missed terribly by all who knew him, and by a lot of us who didn’t.
May God be with his family during this time.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 5:35
The fine folks at Neurotically Yours have defied the PC-gangsta crowd and said what most of us have been thinking for a helluva long time now.
Go have a look. And up yours, Snoop Doggy Shittizzle.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 8:57
Dr. YEARRRRRRRRGH!!! has his panties in a bunch again.
With all the hubbub surrounding the death of his homie Al-Zarqawi, the good news on the deficit being halved three years early, Rove being cleared, et. al, ol’ Howeird Dean seems to be a mite jealous over not having gotten that much attention.
Naturally, he had to throw a temper tantrun about it:
The head of the Democratic Party blamed the Bush administration’s “failed political leadership and lack of foresight and planning” for turning U.S. soldiers into targets for the Iraqi insurgency.
In his party’s weekly radio address Saturday, Howard Dean said the Republican plan of “stay the course” is not an option in the 3-year-old war and emphasized the Democratic call for a phased withdrawal of U.S. troops to begin by year’s end.
Yet another white flag of surrender from the metrosexual
ass head of the Cut ‘n Run Cowardcrats.
He also rejected the Republican criticism that Democrats want to “cut and run.”
Yeah, and I reject the law of gravity, too, Dr. YEARRRRRRRRRGH!!! Pull the other one, why don’tcha?
“Among the victims are brave American soldiers
Who are you to speak on “brave”, Howeird, you fuckhead? You wouldn’t know “brave” if it bit you on the ass.
Which…(looks at results of last three election cycles)…it has now – quite a bit, in fact.
who are the targets of an insurgency because of failed political leadership and a lack of foresight and planning,” Dean said. “We don’t want another wall with 55,000 names of courageous Americans who were let down by their government.”
Of course not, doofus. You don’t want to do anything for the troops at all. You syphlitic sycophants of suckitude loooooooathe the military, remember? YOUR HONEYBOY DER KAISER SAID SO HIMSELF!!!
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:28
And as the Demoscum grasp for any straw they have left, said straws slip through their fingers as if they were sand.
The latest meme to be dumped on its ear?. The one about there being no WMDs in Iraq.
The United States has found 500 chemical weapons in Iraq since 2003, and more weapons of mass destruction are likely to be uncovered, two Republican lawmakers said Wednesday.
“We have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, chemical weapons,” Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., said in a quickly called press conference late Wednesday afternoon.
Reading from a declassified portion of a report by the National Ground Intelligence Center, a Defense Department intelligence unit, Santorum said: “Since 2003, coalition forces have recovered approximately 500 weapons munitions which contain degraded mustard or sarin nerve agent. Despite many efforts to locate and destroy Iraq’s pre-Gulf War chemical munitions, filled and unfilled pre-Gulf War chemical munitions are assessed to still exist.”
Normally, our side of the Blogosphere would hate to say “we told you so”. Not terribly couth, y’see. So we won’t.
Instead, we’ll simply say this:
WE FUCKIN’ TOLD YOU SO, YOU ASSHATTED SHITHEADS!!!!
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:19
If Al-Qaida wanted to lay waste to the shithole known as Miami, Florida, I don’t think I’d object right at the moment.
Just so long as they made sure to nail that fat-assed son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch Shaniqua O’Neal, that limp-wristed fucknozzle Dwayne Wade and the rest of those fucking thugs who just stole the NBA title from the Dallas Mavericks.
Go to Hell, Miami. Fuck every last one of you bastards.
And yeah, Yolly – that includes you.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 20:16
This one’s an Oldie But Goodie, courtesy of part-time SpatulaCorrespondent Lady Heather.
It’s a little long, so you’ll find it below the fold. Enjoy. Tear-jerker warnings are in effect.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:53
Memo to the world: Don’t lose your cell phones. They’re bloody hell to replace.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 14:44
I hate today. For obvious reasons.
Because of a self-absorbed bimbo like Stephanie Dawn Stewart Crager, this is one of a myriad of Father’s Days I’ll not get to spend with my son.
It’s now been three years since I last saw my boy, and seeing as Her Doublewideness is likely to get her way, it’s liable to be quite a few more.
My one hope is in the fact that she can’t keep him away from me forever, and neither can that jackassed family of hers. If Skip is anything like his old man was, he’s got a curiosity streak a mile wide and a world’d diameter long. At some point, he’s going to seek me out. Bank on that. All I have to do is remain alive long enough.
So I will continue to sit and wait her out. I can be very patient when I need to be.
Anyway, guys, Happy Father’s Day. Hope yours went better than mine did.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:24
Misha’s said it all concerning the Ditzy Bints.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:28
LC and Denizen Chance (and where in Purgatory have you been, son?) gives us this from a Rott thread.
You’re damned right I’m stealing it.
NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights.
ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone — not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc, but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes. (This one is my pet peeve…get an education and go to work. Don’t expect everyone else to take care of you!)
ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don’t care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from!
ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country’s history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
D.S.T.E (Damned Straight, The End). Very nicely done, Mr. Chance.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:54
Been a good few days ’round these parts, Denizens.
Zarqawi’s gone to have his 72 raisins shoved up his ass; the economy, although having hit a slight bump recently, is still doing exceedingly well; our troops along the border are having an effect; my blood sugar is slowly coming back under control…and now comes word that’s gonna drive the Demoscum even more batshit than they already are:
Top White House aide Karl Rove has been told by prosecutors he won’t be charged with any crimes in the investigation into leak of a CIA officer’s identity, his lawyer said Tuesday.
Attorney Robert Luskin said that special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald informed him of the decision on Monday, ending months of speculation about the fate of one of President Bush’s closest advisers. Rove testified five times before a grand jury.
Thus, the score now stands: One (1) indictment against Bush Administration officials in the Plame Lame Blame Game. An indictment that will doubtless have the shit knocked out of it in court.
Time to go all hara-kiri on those pocketknives, Donktards…