Posted by Darth Venomous @ 17:56
It’s never happened in the history of the PFW. And so help me Cthulhu, it won’t happen again.
TCU 16, Michigan St 17 (Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl)
#11 Oklahoma 13, #9 Texas A&M 41 (Cotton Bowl)
#16 Nebraska 31, #7 Georgia 45 (Capital One Bowl)
Wisconsin 14, #6 Stanford 20 (Rose Bowl)
Dallas 18, at Warshington Foreskins 28
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:31
Denizens, we start off what’s probably the last Perfect Football Weekend episode of what was a very disappointing season (made so because of my inability to provide weekly updates) with an “Awwww” moment.
We don’t have too much to add to this perfect Christmas video. A son gives his Alabama fan father a hat for a gift, but the real surprise comes when he asks him to look inside the hat at what size it is.
That’s when he finds a pair of tickets to the BCS Championship Game. The father is Don Buckhannan, and his son is Daniel. They are from Oxford, Ala., ESPN.com said. Tickets to the title game between Alabama and Notre Dame on Jan. 7 in Miami are extremely hard to come by – the cheapest ticket on StubHub.com as of mid-afternoon on Christmas was $979.
Don Buckhannan’s reaction to getting the tickets from his son sums up the joyous spirit of the holidays.
Indeed it does. Merry Christmas (if belated) to Mr. Buckhannon. Roll Tide.
Let’s get to the football. It’s Bowl Season – which means, of course that all my teams are in. Tomorrow night, it’s Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs taking aim at the Michigan State Spartans of the Big Ten – the first such opponent since Bucky in the Rose Bowl back in 2011.
It’ll be a close game – Vegas has the Froggies as a slight (2½-point) favorite, so I’m pleased it’s Jaden Overkrom kicking instead of Ross Evans this year.
Sunday, it’s for all the NFC East marbles as the Dallas Cowgirlz up in Warshington to take on the Foreskins and The Second Coming Of The World’s Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever, Ever!!!, ARRRRRR GEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!! (And I will continue to call them the Cowgirlz until they put a major hurt on that bastard, too. Someone needs to make the asshole eat a piece of humble pie – may as well be Dallas.)
All this means that, come Monday, I’ll be drinking to celebrate, or because I’m pissed off, one or the other.
KORRIOTH: Yeah, we saw the champagne in the cooler. Why not take some Romulan ale with us?
VENOMOUS: Because I wanna have taste buds on Wednesday.
MERLIN: He’s got a point, General.
New Year’s Day, I’ll be nursing a hangover, first with 16th-ranked Nebraska (would someone please tell me how it is that these choke artists are ranked after that shit they pulled in Indianapolis?) going up against seventh-ranked Georgia in the Capital One (“What’s in your wallet?”) Bowl. And I’ve half a mind to yank Bo’s Bunglers out of the PFW and pull for Georgia instead.
As it is, the Dawgs are a solid 9½-point favorite – and I think that’s being kind to the Huskers, given what Steve Spurrier did to them last year.
Later on that day, it’ll be Bucky going for the Mexican Hat-Trick (three losses in a row) in the Rose Bowl vs. the Stanford Cardinal. Even without Andrew Luck, the Cardinal are a good 6½-point favorite over Bucky.
Oh – and did I mention that the Badgers are gonna be minus another coach in this matchup?
In its second stunning hiring this year, Arkansas tabbed Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema to take over a program that went into a tailspin after former coach Bobby Petrino was fired for hiring his mistress to work in the athletic department.
Does anyone really think Bucky has a chance?
One week from tonight, it’s the Cotton Bowl, where Bob Stoops’ 11th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners will take on Heisman Trophy winner (the first worthy one in two years, I might add) Johnny Manziel and the ninth-ranked Texas A&M Aggies.
Hope Bob brought his zebras with him from the TCU game. He’s gonna need ‘em.
We’ll be back Monday, January 7th, with the recap and benediction. We also may have our take on Bama-Irish for the national championship, so keep your eyes peeled.
In the meantime, my last question for HDD this year is…so does Barry Alvarez come back a third time?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
Once again, it’s the old saw about eleven-on-eighteen.
Wylie East 49, Mesquite Poteet 52
at TCU 24, #11 Oklahoma 10, Blind-Assed OU-Homer Zebra Bastards +7 (-7)
Wisconsin 70, #12 Nebraska 31 (at Indianapolis – B1Q Championship)
at Dallas 38, Philthydelphia 33
Dallas 20, at Cincinnati 19
at Dallas 27, Pittsburgh 24 (OT)
at Dallas 31, New Orleans 34 (OT)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 14:46
Denizens, as we dive into the last regular-season edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, we marvel at the apparent onset of What-Have-You-Done-For-Me-Lately-itis that seems to have infected college football.
Case in point: Two years ago, Gene Chizik was the toast of the NCAA as his Auburn Tigers were the
Division 1-A Football Bowl Subdivision champions. (Having Cam Newton and a suffocating defense didn’t hurt him any.) Chizik seemed to be set for years to come – Alabama is a football hotbed, and the Auburn program looked to be on solid ground.
Gene Chizik lost his job the other day.
The rapid fall from a national championship to 3-9 and the Southeastern Conference doormat led to Chizik’s firing Sunday, the day after a humbling 49-0 loss to No. 2 Alabama that showed just how far the program has fallen.
The Tigers endured the worst slide within two years of winning a national championship of any team since the Associated Press poll started in 1936 and hadn’t lost this many games since going 0-10 in 1950. The decision came 17 months after Auburn gave Chizik a contract worth some $3.5 million annually through 2015 with a hefty buyout.
“After careful consideration and a thorough evaluation of our football program, I have recommended that Coach Chizik not be retained,” Auburn athletic director Jay Jacobs said in a statement. “President (Jay) Gogue has accepted my recommendation. Earlier this morning, I informed Gene that he will not return as head coach.”
Damn. Just, damn.
But that’s college football for you: Cutthroat in the extreme.
On to the actual games. Wylie East, our latest Friday Night Heroes, take on the Pirates of Mesquite Poteet up in the old SpatulaDigs, aka Rockwall. I have no idea who’ll win.
Now, for what I promised you on Monday: There will be no PFW this weekend, and there are two reasons why.
The first is tomorrow at 11:00 am, when Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs host Bob Stoops’ 11th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners. Vegas has OU as a 6½-point road favorite, and – though it kills me to say it – they’ll do more than cover. This ain’t the Shortdicks of TU that the Froggies are playing, after all. TCU will be a lot more competitive the next time OU visits Fort Worth – but not tomorrow.
From OU’s point of view, they’re playing for a piece of the Big XII championship (and the outright title should TU…(snicker)…beat Kansas State up in Manhattan. (Like that’s gonna happen.)
The other reason is tomorrow night, as Bo Pelini’s 12th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers & Bret Bielema’s Wisconsin Badgers travel to
Peyton Manning Stadium Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis for the Big 10 11 12 13 Ten championship. (Normally, this would be Ohio State & Nebraska; however, the Buckeyes are on NCAA probation, and are ineligible.)
Nebraska came from behind back in September to edge Bucky in Lincoln, and they’re only a three-point Vegas favorite here. As usual, it’ll come down to how Taylor Martinez plays – which is why I think Bucky will win.
Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz will win their last game of the year, as Phuckadelpha’s Eagles, proud owners of a seven-game losing streak, come to play at the Death Star. The Beagles are even more beat up than the Cowgirlz, if that’s even possible, and Dallas has already beaten them in Philthy.
Then again, they beat the NY Football Douchebags up in Joisey too and lost here, so…
We’re back Monday or so with the recap. In the meantime, my message to HDD is…GO HUSKERS!!!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:26
Oooooooh, are they pissed off in Austin.
Wylie East 63, Whitehouse 56
TCU 20, at #16 Texas 13
at #13 Oklahoma 51, #21 Oklahoma State 48 (OT)
#14 Nebraska 13, at Iowa 7
Wisconsin 21, at (hack, spit) Penn State (hack, spit) 24 (OT)
at Dallas 31, Washington 38
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:48
Denizens, while we’re all recovering from our collective L-tryptophan stupor, there’s still football to be played, starting around 3:30 Central Standard Time.
Today, the Warshington Foreskins, with The Greatest Ever Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever!!!!!, ARRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!, come to the Death Star to take on the Cowgirls.
Usually, the Girlz feast on rookie quarterbacks – except thie year, of course. They let Seattle’s Russell Wilson beat them, and they had problems with Nick Foles at Philly, too. So Griffin gets another presumably easy task, where a piss-poor team makes him look like Mr. Universe.
Tonight, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs travel down to Austin to (hopefully) kick the snot out of the Texas University
Short-dicks Longhorns Short-dicks. TU seriously isn’t that good, and they’re ripe for an upset, so I have my fingers crossed.
Tomorrow, Bo Pelini’s 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers are off to Iowa for their annual Black Friday tilt with – wouldn’t you know it – the black-shirted Iowa Hawkeyes. Big Red is a healthy 15-point road favorite here, so Taylor may actually get a bit of rest by the third quarter.
Saturday, it’s the annual Bedlam game between 13th-ranked Oklahoma and 21st-ranked Oklahoma State. For once, the game’s in Norman (after the last two years in Stillwater), so I feel a little better about this game than I might’ve normally. But Vegas only has the Sooners as a seven-point favorite at home, so watch out.
Also Saturday is probably my last chance for an Executive Fiat win this year. as Bucky travels to Unhappy Valley to take on the (hack, spit) Penn State Nittany Pussies (hack, spit). If Bret Bielema’s boys ever needed a win, this is it. Don’t fail me, Bret.
We’re back Monday with the recap. And it’ll be Monday, too, now that I’ll finally have some time to get things done.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:23
Out of the fire…back into the frying pan.
Wylie East 70, Sulphur Springs 33
#12 Oklahoma 50, at West Virginia 49
at #14 Nebraska 38, UMinnesota 14
at Wisconsin 14, Ohio State 21
Liberty 33, at VMI 14
at Dallas 23, Cleveland 20 (OT)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Denizens, there’s no story for the Perfect Football Weekend – and I’m running short of time – so let’s get to it.
My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, for the first time in recent memory, are not in the playoffs, so I can’t even do any “one-and_done” jokes.
So now it’s off to find a “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) replacement. Fortunately, the old standby is in place – whoever’s playing Sulphur Springs at the moment.
KORRIOTH: Sulphur Springs?
MERLIN (whispering to Korrioth): …hometown of Her Doublewideness…?
Right now, that’s Wylie East HS, and right now, they’re kicking the Wildcats’ asses all over the lot. It’s 63-21 as I write this, Wylie East having just scored. So it looks as if we’ll get one there.
Tomorrow, Bob Stoops and 12th-ranked Oklahoma will take their own potshots at what has become a sorely disappointing (to their fans, anyway) W. Virginia Mountaineers team – one that, at the beginning of the season, had bona fide visions of a national championship. I honestly expected WV to be better than this, but it turns out that the Mountaineers don’t have a defense this year.
Vegas has OU as an 11½-point favorite – and I think they’ll actually cover this time.
Elsewhere, UMinne-haha will get sacrificed to 14th-ranked Nebraska at Lincoln. Vegas has Bo Pelini’s bunch as a 20½-point home favorite, so Taylor might only play the first couple of quarters, who knows?
Bucky, meanwhile, is going to get its head handed to them by The Ohio State University, who just happens to be in Camp Randall for the weekend. The Badgers are a 2½-point favorite, but I don’t buy that for a second. Not with Braxton Miller playing.
Turner Gill’s Liberty U. Flames travel to Virginia for the last game of their season against the Keydets of VMI. The Keydets are 2-8, so I expect Liberty to not have too much trouble with them, especially after handling Stony Brook last weekend.
Sunday afternoon, the Dallas Cowgirls are at home to take on the Cleveland Browns.
A very bad 2-8.
Lose this one, Jason Garrett, and you may as well start packing.
We’re back Monday for the recap. In the meantime, my question for HDD is…does Bucky stand a chance against OSU?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
No, I didn’t watch it. I don’t have to watch if I know what’s gonna happen.
Arlington Heights 27, Granbury 31
at TCU 10, #2 Kansas State 23
at #12 Oklahoma 42, Baylor 34
at #16 Nebraska 32, Penn State 23
Wisconsin 62, at Indiana 14
at Liberty 28, Stony Brook 14
Dallas 38, at Philadelphia 23
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
It’s a sad beginning, Denizens, to this episode of the Perfect Football Weekend, as we bid a tearful farewell to the greatest UTexas coach of all time. Darrell K. Royal was 88.
Royal, 88, died Wednesday in Austin but left behind legions of admirers from both sides of the Red River and across the country. At the height of his coaching career, Royal ranked “right up there with the Alamo” in terms of Texas icons, said Dan Jenkins, a renowned author and sportswriter from Fort Worth who serves as the official historian of the National Football Foundation’s College Football Hall of Fame.
Jenkins, a TCU graduate, covered Royal’s teams for both the Fort Worth Press and Sports Illustrated. He watched Royal fashion a 167-47-5 record in 20 seasons with the Longhorns (1957-76), claiming national championships in 1963, 1969 and 1970.
“If you did a Mount Rushmore with the faces of college football people from Texas, Darrell would be on there,” Jenkins said. “[SMU's] Doak Walker would be one. [TCU's] Sam Baugh would be one. The fourth person, you could take your choice. But those three are inarguable.”
He will be sorely missed.
Now to the football. At the moment, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets actually made a game of it before falling late to Granbury, 27-31. Expect excuse-for-a-head-coach Todd Whitten to be reassigned in the coming weeks.
Tomorrow evening, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs will host second-ranked Kansas State at Amon Carter in Fort Worth. The purple team will win.
Tomorrow afternoon, Bob Stoops’ 12th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners get to feast on Baylor’s cubbies at Norman. Artie Briles is finding out that life isn’t all that good without overrated hypemeister ARRRRRR GEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEE!!!!!1!!ELEVENTY!!!1!!!, and OU should be no exception. Baylor can carve up the Sooner defense, but the reverse is more than true, and Vegas likes OU at home by 21½.
A PFW by Executive Fiat is on the line tomorrow as the Penn State Pussies visit Lincoln to face Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers. The Huskers are a 9-point favorite at Memorial, and I like them to cover.
Bucky travels to Hoosierville tomorrow to run roughshod over Indiana U. The Badgers are a seven-point favorite on the road – and, even as bad as they’ve been this year, they should cover this.
In the FCS (aka Division I-AA), Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames will face Big South leader Stony Brook. I’m putting a SpatulaLine of 30 on this one – Stony Brook’s 9-1, and will probably do to Liberty what fiddy-million shitheads did to liberty on Tuesday – namely, rip it to shreds.
Sunday, El Choko & the Cowgirlz go for three in a row – losses, that is – as they travel to Pussydelphia to take on the Beagles. Phucky’s offensive line has been just that – offensive – recently, letting the Saints at one point last week sack Mikey “Woof!” Vick three straight times.
Of course, any woes the Beagles have been undergoing recently will all be cured when Rob Ryan’s Folly comes to town. I’m calling Phucky in a squash.
We’re back Monday (I hope) for the recap. In the meantime, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather have Bucky’s O-line, or the Beagles’?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Just results this week, Denizens. Time’s been at a premium lately.
Arlington Heights 10, Southwest 42
TCU 39, at #21 West Virginia 38 (2OT)
#12 Oklahoma 35, at Iowa State 20
#20 Nebraska 28, at Michigan State 24
Liberty 26, Charleston Southern 12
Dallas 13, at Atlanta 19
Only real shocker was TCU beating the Mountaineers at Morgantown. Props to Gary Patterson for calling that two-point conversion on the last score, and props to Trevone Boykin for getting the ball to Josh Boyce (barely) for the win.
This week: 4-2. Overall: 39-23
We’ll have a PFW tomorrow, when we mourn a coaching legend.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:44
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
I have a losing week, and still get to declare a PFW.
Arlington Heights 38, Western Hills 35
TCU 14, at Oklahoma State 36
at #8 Oklahoma 13, #5 Notre Dame 30
at Nebraska 23, #22 Michigan 9
at #25 Wisconsin, Michigan State 16 (OT)
Liberty 12, at Coastal Carolina 36
at Dallas 24, NY Football Douchebags 29
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:53
No time for much of anything, Denizens, so here’s what we got: Heights beat Western Hills last night, so that’s one.
Today, TCU’s at Oklahoma State, OU has Notre Dame in Norman (book this one for the Sooners – ND can’t match up with OU’s speed), Nebraska gets Michigan in Lincoln (probably a Wolverine win here), Michigan State gets fed to Bucky at Camp Randall, and Turner Gill’s LIberty Flames go for four in a row at Coastal Carolina.
Sunday, it’s the New York Football Douchebags at the Cowgirlz without Sean Lee. I don’t give a shit, necessarily, who wins – but if Vickie Cruz tries that little samba dance, I want a Cowboy to go for his knees.
We’re back next week with something resembling a recap. In the meantime, I remind my staff (and my Denizens) that PFWs aren’t solely my domain. That’s what I have comments for, and I’m sure my crack
ed staff (grin) has some teams they follow…right?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:12
Take your lumps now, Froggies. As long as you start delivering them in 2013.
Arlington Heights 13, OD Wyatt 41
at #23 TCU 53, #17 Texas Tech 56 (3OT)
at #9 Oklahoma 52, Kansas 7
Nebraska 29, at Northwestern 28
at Wisconsin 38, UMinnesota 13
at Liberty 21, Concord 13
Dallas 19, at Carolina 14