Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:11
As we launch this pre-holiday edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, Denizens, I find myself having lost all respect for one Adrian Peterson of the Minne-haha ViQueens.
No, not because he drew a tiny dollop of blood when he spanked his son a little too hard with a switch. (As an aside…Steffi Dawn Stewart, I trust you’re not taking it easy on our son when it comes to discipline. I would hate to think he turned out…well, like you.)
No, I’ve lost respect for the man because he caved in to the NFL and promised “never to use a switch as discipline on any of his children again”.
“I won’t ever use a switch again,” Peterson told USA Today Sports in his first extensive public remarks since being indicted for reckless or negligent injury to a child. “There’s different situations where a child needs to be disciplined as far as timeout, taking their toys away, making them take a nap. There’s so many different ways to discipline your kids.”
Commissioner Roger Goodell, in a statement announcing Peterson’s suspension, was critical of the star running back, saying, “You have shown no meaningful remorse for your conduct.”
And what the ever-loving fuck do you know about “discipline”, Roger Goodfella? Hell – you thought it was okay to only suspend Ray Rice two fucking games!!!
As for you, Peterson – thanks for letting us know your kids are now gonna grow up to be just like the doucherifles over there in Ferguson, MO.
See, Denizens, this is what I rail about when I scream bloody murder about the pussification of America. Peterson’s kid probably had a spanking coming, but because a droplet of blood emanated from his butt-ocks (a little Forrest Gump lingo, there), the metrosexual pansy-assed dickless wonders that make up the Low-Information Lunatic Lickspittles of our society clutch their pearls, acquire Teh Vapors and decry what, fifty to sixty years ago, this society would have roundly cheered.
And then we wonder how we could have elected an illegal Kenyan bastard to the White House – twice – and then just sit, whine & kvetch when he goes and blatantly violates the Constitution instead of manning up, getting off our asses and going and doing something about it.
Let’s get on with the football. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have a chance to do what no Fort Worth “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) team has done in nearly 15 years: Win an area football playoff game.
They have Wichita Falls Rider tonight at 7:30 in Mineral Wells. Rider & Heights look to be pretty evenly matched – they beat White Settlement Brewer by more than did Heights, but didn’t beat Grapevine by as many as Heights did. They’re capable of putting up points, but they can also give them up, too. Should be a good game.
Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals come to the Southern Command to take on Supreme General Rayegun’s Texans. If they can keep J.J. Watt out of the endzone (either offensively or defensively), they might have a shot. Vegas has the Texans as a two-point home favorite, which translates to a toss-up. I guess it’ll depend on whether Ryan FitzPatrick takes the field.
TCU is off this week, so we’ll have four wildcard games: Rock Chalk to go into Norman and give #21 Oklahoma a scare (and if Kansas does pull off the upset, they’ll be calling for Bob Stoops’ head before the night’s out), #25 UMinnesota to have a letdown game against #23 Nebraska (and believe me, I’d love for Jerry Kill’s bunch to go in and upset Bo Pelini’s kids, but I just don’t see it happening), eighth-ranked Ole Miss to give Ar-kansas a shellacking in Fayetteville (I will never pick the Hogs for anything, ever), and Liberty U. to get their asses whipped at Coastal Carolina. (Sorry, Turner – I was gonna pick you…but then I saw whom you were playing, and you couldn’t beat ‘em at home last year, so…(shrug))
We’re back Monday for the recap. (And it will be Monday, too – tune into this channel tomorrow to learn why. (Hint: This is as close to a countdown as you guys are gonna get this year. One.))
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:41
Welp…there go the playoffs.
Arlington Heights 70, Burleson Centennial 28 (Bi-District)
#4 TCU 34, at Kansas 30
Cincinnati 27, New Orleans 10
Oklahoma 42, at Texas Tech 30
at #20 Wisconsin 59, #16 Nebraska 24
at #5 Alabama 25, #1 Mississippi State 20
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 20:06
Denizens, we launch into this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend with yet another blurb from the Penn State debacle – this time with the No Cojones At All administration coming >< this close to stepping into a pile of shit up to its collective head.
“A newly disclosed email from the NCAA’s top lawyer documents just how close Penn State came to having its football program shut down due to the Jerry Sandusky child abuse scandal.
It says the school’s “cooperation and transparency” saved the program.”
(Sorry for the formatting – looks like WordPress is vomiting up a lot of my coding tonight.)
That would be the “cooperation and transparency” into which it was browbeaten & cowed, if you’ll recall.
“The email from lawyer Donald Remy to a school attorney was attached to a court filing Thursday, as the NCAA battles with two Pennsylvania officials over penalties that were imposed on Penn State.
The email establishes that on July 17, 2012, six days before the Penn State sanctions were announced, a majority on the NCAA executive committee favored the “death penalty,” shutting down the football program.”
And again, this is the NCAA threatening to shut down the football program for the actions of people who weren’t even employed there, simply because they had certain access to certain buildings, where they performed activities that were not even sanctioned by the university, that were eventually dealt with by school personnel in accordance with Pennsylvania law.
This would be akin to Arlington Heights losing its football program for me entering the school building and performing some illegality, any illegality, that was arbitrarily & capriciously deemed to be _¡qué horrible!_
Damn good thing I’m not the PSU chancellor. My lawsuit against the NCAA would have started at ten (10) digits, and gone from there. (For the pussies in the Church of the SubTarded, that’s one-extra-extra-extra-extra large, or one billion.)
Once again…fuck you, NCAA.
Very quickly now, on with the football. As I write this, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, fresh off a perfect season, are in the bi-district playoffs against Burleson Centennial HS down south of Realm HQ, in Mansfield. As of this writing, Heights is up 7-0, so we’ll keep an eye on that.
Tomorrow, Gary Patterson takes his fourth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs – yes, that’s right; if the season ended today, the Frogs would be in the playoffs – up to Lawrence to play Rock Chalk. The Tadpoles are a solid 28-point favorite here, so unless they lay a complete egg, I don’t see them breaking _that_ much of a sweat.
Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Kittycats – fresh off that humiliation at the hands of Cleveland (Cleveland?), try to snap out of it vs. the Saints at the Superdome in N’awlins. This isn’t the best place to try to snap out of a funk, but N’awlins isn’t playing all that well, either (they’re one game under .500), so even though they’re a 7-point favorite at home, Cincy’s got a shot here.
Wild card games are as follows: *Oklahoma* traveling to Lubbock & taking out their Baylor frustrations on TTech (sorry, Generalette), #16 Nebraska going up to Madison to get pounded on by #20 *Wisconsin* (Joel Stave’s not quite as crappy a quarterback as Tommy Armstrong), and top-ranked Mississippi State running into fifth-ranked *Alabama’s* buzzsaw (sorry, Vicar).
We’re back next week with the recap. Maybe it’ll be Monday – who knows?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Something is wrong with Andy Dalton.
Arlington Heights 67, Western Hills 0
at #6 TCU 41, #7 Kansas State 20
at Cincinnati 3, Cleveland 24
Marshall 63, at Southern Miss 17
#23 West Virginia 16,
T-Sip ShortdicksTexas 33
#20 Georgia 63, at Kentucky 21
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:15
As we launch another edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, Denizens, we are compelled to revisit the railroading & virtual crucifixion of one Joseph Paterno, former Pennsylvania State University head football coach, and how he was made to account, drawn & quartered, for basically performing within the scope of his job.
In this column, we are now finding out that even the NCAA knew that it didn’t have the legal authority to hand down any sanctions on either Paterno or the PSU program.
New internal NCAA emails offer a glimpse into how the organization questioned its own decision-making leading up to the unprecedented sanctions levied against Penn State in 2012, saying at one point it was banking on the fact that the university “is so embarrassed they will do anything.”
Seven pages of emails — from July 13 to July 21, 2012 — were filed Sunday as part of a Pennsylvania state senator’s lawsuit against the NCAA.
NCAA president Mark Emmert announced the sanctions against the university July 23, 2012.
“Delicate issue, but how did PSU gain a competitive advantage by what happened?” Kevin Lennon, the NCAA vice president for academic and membership affairs, wrote July 14, 2012. “Even if discovered, reported, and actions taken immediately by the administration, not sure how this would have changed anything from a competitive advantage perspective.”
Julie Roe Lach, then the NCAA’s top enforcement officer, responded to Lennon about 75 minutes later. She told him that “Mark” — believed to be Emmert — thought Penn State did gain a competitive advantage, although she and several others disagreed with that point.
“I characterized our approach to PSU as a bluff when talking to Mark yesterday afternoon after the call,” she wrote.
“We find it deeply disturbing that NCAA officials in leadership positions would consider bluffing one of their member institutions, Penn State, to accept sanctions outside of their normal investigative and enforcement process,” the university said in a statement released Wednesday.
So, basically, the NCAA intimidated Penn State into firing JoePa and engaging in its own little bit of self-flagellation.
Now, there’s not a single one here who is saying that what Jerry Sandusky did wasn’t wrong. What I’m saying is that neither PSU nor Paterno bore any responsibility in the matter (save for State firing Paterno & turning him into some sort of pariah), and should not have been held accountabled. And for the NCAA to have done exactly that, through illegal means, smacks of the worst sort of fascism.
Fuck you & the horse you rode in on, NCAA.
On with the football. Another early start to the PFW, but this time it’s Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals at home versus cross-state rival Cleveland for first place in the AFC Central.
Normally I wouldn’t give Brian Hoyer much chance on the road, but Cincy’s defense isn’t exactly the ’93 Cowboys. Game goes to whomever has the ball last.
Last game of the regular season for Phil Young and my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets Friday evening, this one against the Western Hills Cougars (aka the Alma Mater of the First Wife) – and, given what’s been done to them this year…well, call it overconfidence if you must, but Heights could play it’s third-string all game and rout these guys.
How bad is Western Hills? Their only victory is against North Side. By six points.
South Hills destroyed them on an Aledo scale, 83-7.
Trimble Tech, whom Heights smashed last week, 64-0? The week prior, they beat Hills 60-18.
This will be the first unbeaten season in football for Heights in a long time. How long? Don’t know for sure, but I think I was going there at the time.
Saturday, it’ll be Gary Patterson’s sixth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs at home versus Bill Snyder’s seventh-ranked Kansas State Wildcats. The purple team will win.
TCU needs this one. Get it, and it’s all but a fait accompli that they win the Big XII. They’re home, so I feel better than I otherwise would, but it’ll still be close.
The wildcard games this week will be Marshall at Southern Miss (sorry, Vicar), #23 West Virginia taking out their frustrations versus TU (Charlie Strong runs into another buzzsaw), and #20 Georgia destroying Kentucky (the Dawgs are not happy about losing to Florida, and the Wildcats are gonna be made to pay).
We’re back next week with a recap. With any luck, it’ll actually be Monday.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:09
Didn’t have much time to begin with this week, frittered away what little I had, so this is all I got – results.
Arlington Heights 64, Trimble Tech 0
#7 TCU 31, #20 West Virginia 30
at Cincinnati 33, Jacksonville 23
#3 Auburn 35, at #4 Ole Miss 31
#18 Oklahoma 59, at Iowa State 14
Indiana 10, at Michigan 34
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 19:11
Denizens, as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, we are amused that Joseph “Lightfingers” Randle simply Can. Not. Keep. His. Mouth. Shut.
Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant and running back Joseph Randle got into an argument as the media was entering the practice field Friday.
Bryant did not divulge what the argument was about when asked after practice, but a source said it was related to a comment Randle made during the running back’s arrest earlier this month in reference to a July 2012 incident involving Bryant and the receiver’s mother.
“Dez didn’t miss no games for slapping his mama,” Randle said in the video, obtained by KDFW-TV, that was taken while he was being booked after stealing underwear and a tester bottle of cologne form a Dillard’s in Frisco, Texas.
Randle was wondering aloud if he’d be suspended by the team for the shoplifting arrest.
Bastard shoulda been cut – especially after coughing up the ball the other night against the Foreskins.
In the video, Randle also made a comment about Josh Brent, who was convicted of vehicular manslaughter for his involvement in an accident that led to the death of teammate and friend Jerry Brown in 2012.
“Josh Brent, he’s still up in the locker room. He was driving drunk. That’s stupid,” Randle said.
Randle made other flippant remarks while being booked, including asking a female jail employee if she would give him a massage if he paid her $100 and asking why his height and weight were not on his mug shot.
Asshole thinks he’s a hot shit, when he’s not even among the top three running backs at Valley Ranch.
Let’s get on with the football. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, having all but won District 7-5A, have to fight against a letdown tonight when they play the Trimble Tech Bulldogs here in a little bit. South Hills handled the Green & White pretty easily a couple of weeks ago, so I expect Heights to roll here.
Tomorrow afternoon, Gary Patterson’s seventh-ranked TCU Horned Frogs have what will probably be their toughest test, as they’re in Morgantown to play the 20th-ranked West Virginia Mountaineers.
How tough? WVA gave Baylor what should have been their second consecutive loss – had it not been for the LIttle Darlings′ hand-picked zebras a couple weeks ago.
TCU’s a 5½-point road fave, which means it’ll come down to Jaden Overkrom, most likely.
Sunday, it should be a near-walkover for the Cincy Bengals, as Andy Dalton’s crew hosts the worst team in the NFL, namely the Jacksonville Jaguars.
Running back Giovani Bernard is out for the Black & Orange; hopefully, that won’t make much of a difference. AJ Green returns, though, so that should get them through.
The wildcards this week will be 18th-ranked Oklahoma taking out their frustrations on Iowa State, 3rd-ranked Auburn at 4th-ranked Ole Miss (I’m going out on a limb on this one), and Indiana for the upset special at Michigan (trust me, sportz fanz – Brady Hoke is on his way out).
With any luck, we’ll have a timely recap this week. In the meantime…the crumb-crunchers are about to start knocking at my door, so…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:27
That’ll teach me.
Arlington Heights 66, South Hills 48
at #10 TCU 82, Texas Tech 27
at Cincinnati 27, Baltimore 24
at #16 Nebraska 42, Rutgers 24
BYU 30, at Boise State 55
at #11 Kansas State 23, Texas 0
at Dallas 17, Washington Foreskins 20 (OT)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 18:44
As we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend, Denizens, we note for the record that the Dallas Cowboys have finally come to their senses and released Michael Sam from the practice squad in favor of linebacker Troy Davis and defensive tackle Ken Bishop (both of whom were in Dallas’ training camp).
This creates something a dilemma in the Realm.
Remember back here, when I said:
So that’s it. I’m done with Dallas – for good, this time. The Cowgirlz now become a PFW “Anti-Team” – meaning they’re now this scribe’s least-favorite team, more disliked than even the Warshington Foreskins or the San Transexual Fairy Whiners.
Honestly, what’s a King & Tyrant to do? They’re playing well, and Cincy…well…isn’t. And I’ve pretty much always followed them, whereas I’m only following Cincinnati because of Andy Dalton.
Okay, on with the football. This is the acid test for Phil Young & my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. They have the South Hills Scorpions tonight, and SHHS is every bit as good (if not better) as the Jackets.
As much as I hate to say it, I think the Scorps are gonna win…and Great Honkin’ Cthulhu, I hope I’m wrong.
Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 10th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs are at home against perennial pest Texas Tech.
This is sort of a rivalry game in the Realm, as the wife of Supreme General Rayegun (hereinafter referenced as the Generalette) is a Tech grad; thus, the Southern Command has a vested interest in the game.
OZY McCOOL: Shall I get to work on the shields, in case the General decides to bring the Black Helicopter Fleet and take TCU’s inevitable victory out on us?
VENOMOUS: Probably, and make sure the pulse disruptor is in good repair, as well.
(Sorry, General. But TCU’s flying high, and you guys barely beat Rock Chalk last week. Besides, Vegas has the Frogs as a 23-point favorite.)
Sunday, Cincinnati will try to score a point.
Don’t laugh. They have Baltimore at home, and even though the Unconvicted Criminal, Ray Lewis, no longer plays for them, their defense is still most stout. And Vegas has the Ravens as a 1-point road favorite.
And after what Indy did to them last week, there’s a raised eyebrow pointed towards Cincy’s offensive coordinator.
For my wildcard games, we’re going with Rutgers visiting #16 Nebraska (the Scarlet Knights have basically stunk up their first year in the B1G), BigamY U (that’s Brigham Young for those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) traveling to that ugly-assed blue field to take on Smurf-Turf State (things aren’t quite as easy with out Chrissy “Trick Play” Peterson on the sidelines) tonight, the
T-Sip Shortdicks TU Longhorns up in Lawrence to take on #11 Kansas State (the Wildcates bore everybody to a win) – and in a bonus game, the Dallas Cowboys to steamroll the Warshington Foreskins REDSKINS, DAMMIT!!!!! at home…
UPDATE: …on Monday night.
I will make an effort to get you the recap on
Monday Tuesday. In the meantime, my question for the Vicar is…Southern Miss, a 9½-point home dogg to Louisiana Tech?!?!?!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:17
What in the hell has happened to A&M?
Arlington Heights 63, North Side 3
at #12 TCU 42, #15 Oklahoma State 9
Cincinnati 0, at Indianapolis 27
at #7 Alabama 59, #21 Texas A&M 0
#19 Nebraska 38, at Northwestern 17
at #11 Oklahoma 30, #14 Kansas State 31
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
God forbid that anything should happen to the Little Darlings of the Big XII Conference, y’know. Right?
Arlington Heights 52, O.D. Wyatt 15
#9 TCU 58, #5 Baylor 40, Pussy-Assed Needle-Dick XII’s Faggot Zebras 21
at Cincinnati 37, Carolina 37 (OT)
at Iowa 45, Indiana 29
West Virginia 37, at Texas Tech 34
Oklahoma 31, Texas 26 (at Dallas)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:01
Denizens, once again my workload betrays me as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend – such that I don’t have a story to rant about (there’s not been time to look)
So let’s get on with it. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are playing the O.D. Wyatt Chaparrals for the District 7-5A championship. (Yes, it’s still early in the season, but Wyatt’s the only team in the district that even looks like it could take Heights.)
And as I’m writing this, the Chaps aren’t doing a very good job – it’s 52-15, Heights, in the fourth. We’ll chalk that one up as a win.
Saturday, Gary Patterson’s ninth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs continue their personal Bataan Death March as they go into Waco to play at #5 Baylor’s new digs. The Cubbies are an 8½-point favorite at home – but then again, OU was favored against the Tadpoles, so we’ll see.
Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals, fresh off their whipping at the hands of New England, return home to face Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers. Carolina’s still a Jekyll & Hyde-type team, and Vegas has Cincy as a 7-point home fave…which means that Newton’ll probably run wild.
For my wild-card games, I’m going with Indiana visiting Iowa (Vegas has it razor-thin, but Iowa’s at home), West Virginia at Texas Tech (Kliff’s Kidz will eventually get well, but not here), Rice at Army (if they can beat Southern Miss at Hattiesburg, they can handle the Cadets at West Point) – and of course, Oklahoma trampling the TU
Shortdicks Longhorns (Charlie Strong’s dismissed about a quarter of his team so far, and what they have left isn’t enough to handle a pissed-off OU squad).
UPDATE: I do note, for the record, that they’re now calling OU-Texas the “Red River Showdown”.
Well, at least it’s better than the limp-wristed, pansy-assed, metrosexual “Red River Rivalry”… (sigh)
We’re back Monday or thereabouts with the recap. In the meantime…I think Heights has scored again…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
When you run into a buzzsaw, there isn’t a helluva lot you can do.
Arlington Heights 75, Southwest 6
at #25 TCU 37, #4 Oklahoma 33
Cincinnati 17, at New England 43
Posted by David Hartung @ 6:19
It does happen. this past Saturday, not only did the MSU Bulldogs decisively beat Texas A&M(48-31), but Ole Miss beat number one ranked Alabama 32-17. For the first time since 1962 Ole Miss is 5 and 0, and the last time both teams were rankle in the top 15 at the same time was the 1950s. Needless to say, Mississippi college football fans are in a very good mood. From a Mississippi standpoint, about the only thing that could have made it better would be if our other major university had managed a win; unfortunately, Southern Mississippi seems to be rebuilding this year.
From the standpoint of the Vicar’s family, Mrs. Vicar grew up near Pittsburgh, and the Vicar grew up in Wisconsin, and both of us are USAF veterans. Air Force beat Navy 30-21, and both Green bay and Pittsburgh NFL Teams won.
The question is, can we do it twice in a row, Mississippi State plays Auburn this coming Saturday at Scott Field in Starkville, both teams are undefeated, but Auburn is a 2.5 point favourite. Ole Miss will travel to Texas to play the Aggies, the hope here is that they will win so decisively, that the Aggies develop a complex about Mississippi!
We shall see!