Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:20
Who could have possibly known that, with the assassinations of both Jack and Bobby Kennedy, the two smartest members of that particular clan were taken from our midst?
At least, that seems to be the case, given the idiots with which we were left.
We all know what a gasbag that Chappaquiddick Teddy turned out to be. Now his nephew, Bobby Jr, is doing his damndest to follow in his footsteps – by joining the rest of the DUmbasses and the Daily Kossacks and trying to blame Hurricane Katrina on President Bush (and, to a lesser extent, former GOP chair Haley Barbour):
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 6:55
Bill Whittle now has competition.
From time to time, you’ve seen me post some outrageously good stuff from a guy named Bob Blount. Herr Blount is a good from from Back In The Days When Spatula City BBS! Really Was A BBS, and his essays have never failed to be outstanding reads that provoked thought. Most of the time, though, it was just stuff he’d email to a host of his closest friends, of which I’m honored to count as one.
Well, Bob’s got his own blog now, and you’d best believe it’s going up on the blogroll. For his opening post, he’s dug into his own Grab Bag and pulled out an oldie but goodie from last year.
You are hereby ordered to go read it. As in, right now.
Go. Shoo. I’ll be here when you get back.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:05
John at Powerline has this about a PL reader who spent a couple days in Camp “It’s all about MEEEEEEEEE!!!” and reported back.
The last couple paragraphs sum it all up, I think.
Cindy Sheehan spent most of her time huddled with VIPS in and air-conditioned trailer. When she ventured out it was for a scripted and often televised moment. She was always trailed by her media people, and they were quick to keep her on point. During one conversation I had with her I tried to ask her a pointed question about how much time she would actually be on the bus tour to Washington (I had discovered she would only be on the tour for two days, and would be away giving speeches during the rest of the trip…and I wondered if she were being paid for these speeches) Her media person grabbed her arm and led her back to the trailer, and away from me. The message was protected. I was left standing there…alone, and feeling a little less secure about my status at Camp Casey.
But just a few minutes later, she emerged from the trailer, smiling, and performing for the cameras. Like the chicken at the local carnival that plays tic tac toe, she eagerly performs for any microphone. She is relentless, and professional, well financed and on message.
And that, my friends, is all you need to know about “Shitcan” Shee-hag.
This isn’t about Casey at all. It never has been. It’s all about a hate-America-first, blame-America-first, traitorous fucktard of a bitch who’d rather see this great country bow to Mecca five times a day, asses high in the air and pay homage to a ragheaded pedophilic Islamofuck bastard, rather than fight and die for our beliefs.
Fuck you, Shitcan, you stupid bimbo. Take your skanky ass back to your Vacaville trailer park where it belongs. You’re wasting our oxygen, trollop.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:12
As you guys know, I’m not the greatest fan of the teaching abilities of Steffi the Doublewide Bitch Supreme – when I, with no degree whatsoever, can outspell a teacher with a bachelor’s, there’s a problem.
But I would’ve defended to the death her right to teach without being assaulted, either verbally or physically. Had I witnessed some snot-nose abusing my then-wife, said snot-nose would’ve been introduced, face first, into the nearest wall. Courtesy of an assist from moi.
With that background, the Department of Inmates Running The Asylum checks in with this blurb from the Beeb about a new policy taking effect in class.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:26
Denizens, any of you remember a li’l punk named Maurice Clarett? You know, the snot nose that sued the NFL for the right to enter the league despite not being old enough?
If you’ll recall, I had a little something to say about it. Part of which was:
Actually, I’m hoping that whatever team drafts him, makes him a fuckin’ fourth-stringer. What’s he gonna do then? Sue the team for the starting back’s job?
Well, he finally grew up – chronologically, anyway – and got drafted by the Denver Broncos, a team known for cranking out great running backs. Of which Boy Maurice would be the next one, right?
Wrong. Denver’s gonna cut his ass tomorrow, Clarett never having risen above third string.
Guess you weren’t all that and a bag o’ chips after all, were you, Boy Maurice? I’d keep that attorney’s number on standby if I were you.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 14:34
It’s official now, I think: “Shitcan” Shee-hag has now replaced Dr. YEARRRRRRRGH!!! as the Demoscummic Party’s designated “stick both feet in the ol’ piehole” moron-ette extraordinaire. It’s almost as if she’s trying to top herself every succeeding day as to how asininely, stupidly shitheaded she can sound.
Now she and her fucknozzled Donk handlers are trotting out the old meme that we’re mind-numbed robots – “brainwashed”, as it were:
After calling the terrorists in Iraq who killed her son “freedom fighters,” anti-Bush activist Cindy Sheehan now says other mothers of those slain in the conflict whose views oppose her own are “brainwashed.”
“I have been silent on the Gold Star Moms who still support [President Bush] and his war by saying that they deserve the right to their opinions because they are in as much pain as I am.
Excuse me, Shithag, but they have the right to their opinions because they happen to be citizens of the United States of America and Article I of the Bill of Rights of the governing document of said country explicitly states that they have that right. Same as you, same as me.
And if they want to agree with me that you’re nothing but an Angst-ridden Addle-brained Asshatted Airhead – well, it sucks to be you, doesn’t it?
(Side note to BC: Yes, you can steal that one. (grin))
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 8:29
So where was I yesterday?
Well, after getting a few groceries, I met up with Emperor Misha and Sir George of the Rott (George is in town on a project), and we proceeded to partake of some fine Cajun cuisine at Razzoo’s (if you’ve never been, go – it’s good stuff).
(Memo to the SpatulaGoddess: Misha finally has his ale. Yeah, I know – it took long enough. Sue me. (grin))
Now, Denizens, a heads-up: I’m on vacation this week. As you guys should know by now, the planned evacuation of Bent Tree Forest in lieu of new digs is Thursday, and I’m in the final stages of packing and staging my stuff for the movers. (Yes, movers. I’ll be forty-freakin’-two years old in November, and I’m getting too damned old to be hauling this crap around on my lonesome.)
As a result, the light posting I’ve been threatening for the last month is finally going to come to pass. We’ll have the PFW recap tomorrow, and Shitcan the Shee-hag has once again open her skanky piehole and uttered verbal flatulence worthy of fisking, so I’ll probably have that sometime later today. Maybe.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 8:23
Bill Quick, the Daily Pundit, reports on an editorial over at the New York Post written by Arnold Ahlert. Misha reports that the Post apparently doesn’t like being linked to, so go see Bill’s post on the matter.
Current poll numbers – if one gives them any credence, which I don’t, necessarily – show that 58% oppose Bush’s handling of the Iraq war.
I submit to you that a goodly chunk of that number represents people who see this as turning into another Vietnam. Not because the military has bogged down there – that’s a subject open for debate – but because it’s looking more and more like we’re fighting with one hand tied behind our back, so as not to give certain people (*coughragheadedIslamofuckbastardslikeIbrihimHooperofCAIRcough*) offense.
With each passing day that we don’t hear about dozens of sorties of bombers running roughshod over an identified terrorist safe-house or other stronghold, we the American people become more & more disillusioned. President Linguinispine-ya, without realizing it, is caving in a little more each day to “Shitcan” Sheehan and the Shee-hags down there in the Crawford ditch.
Bush, you need to quit fighting this war as if you’re waiting for the cavalry to come over the hill in the form of an Iraqi constitution. Our military there is the cavalry, sir, and it needs to kick ass, take names and send the fucking ragheads on to their 72 goats.
The more you delay, the more your enemies here like the Crawford Ditch Bitch and her willing accomplices in the TSM are going to make this look like another Vietnam.
Take off the kid gloves now, Mr. President. For the good of the country.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:39
Denizen and semi-regular contributor to this blog Lady Heather advises us of some difficulties she and her family are facing.
While I’m not at liberty to discuss most of it, part has to do with the fact that they’re right in the path of Hurricane Katrina – which would be the third hurricane they’ve endured in the past year.
She and her family are in need of your prayers. This writer is sending his posthaste.
UPDATE: Have since been given permission to share the details.
Lady Heather’s hubby went to see a cardiologist today; he’d been having chest pain and heartburn symptoms. They were to put a catheter in him and see what they could find, although previous tests have all turned up negative.
Stay tuned. And pray.
Update the 2nd: The results are back, and hubby’s coronaries are clean. He’ll be home tomorrow.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 8:29
Your tidbit today, Denizens, comes courtesy of LC Silverandblue42.
Question: How do you tell the difference between Democrats, Republicans and Southern Republicans?
The answer can be found by posing the following scenario:
You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife/husband and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 caliber, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife/husband think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? (ED. NOTE: Yes, I realize that this is a moot point, seeing as the Donk bed-wetter, in all likelihood, isn’t packing – just work with me here, mkay?)
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days over lattés and try to come to a consensus.
Southern Republican’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click…(sound of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click
Why, yessuh, I do b’lieve I’ll have me another Suth’n Comf’rt they-ah…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:55
Word to the NFL wise: If you play for Bill Parcells, you do not want to get hurt in training camp. And if you do get hurt, you’d best be on Parcells’ good side at the time.
Two who weren’t got hurt within the past 10 days – second-year tackle (and high 2004 draft choice) Jacob Rogers and fourth-year kicker Billy Cundiff. Both are now gone.
Cundiff was never one of this reporter’s favorites, because he never engendered that kind of confidence that he’d win a game that happened to be on the line – something which did, believe it or not, happen from time to time with this team. Rogers, on the other hand, never got onto the field to prove he could make the play in the first place. He seemed to be extremely fragile, going from one injury to the next, which snarked Parcells off severely.
Maybe someone else can do something with ‘em. Parcells simply ran out of patience.
On to this week’s PFW. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets begin their season by visiting the Azle Hornets tomorrow night at 7:30. Azle beat the Jackets last year, so I’m a little uneasy about it, but we’ll see.
The Dallas Cowboys return home to take on the Houston
Tampons Texans Saturday at 7:00. Houston’ll probably win, but it would do my heart good to see a Cowboy squash – particularly since I’m going to this one, courtesy of free tix from the Sibling Unit. (No, I haven’t forgotten about 19-10. Why do you ask?)
In other games, Michael Vick (the Second Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever) and the Atlanta Falcons travel to Jacksonville this evening to take on the Jaguars. No, I don’t care who wins – but it’s football, remember? (grin)
Friday night, the Ben Rothelisberger Odyssey, otherwise known as the Pittsburgh Steelers, will travel to Washington to play the Redskins (ESAD, PC-fucktards). I think that’s on TV, I’m not sure.
Monday, the St. Louis Rams will travel to Detroit to face Joey Harrington and the Lions. I will now take wagers on any of Harrington’s receivers suffering a season-ending injury in the game (seeing as it always seems to happen right about now).
TCU, LSU and Oklahoma are off until next week, when PFWs start counting for real. (Side note: Next week is guaranteed not to be a PFW – and I’ll explain why next Friday. Stay tuned.)
(UPDATE: Second side note: Given that Heights’ season actually starts tomorrow night, I guess these start counting for real now, don’t they? Hmmmmmm…)
Back Monday or Tuesday for the recap.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:08
Denizens, I’d been mulling over how I was going to address the Pat Robertson issue. I was going to pontificate over how I wholeheartedly agreed with Robertson, was going to slam those banana-boat bastards in Venezuela who called him a “terrorist”, dare them to call me that (to my face, of course), and basically renew the call for Hugatita’s totalitarian candy-ass on a platter.
Then I read this.
Conservative U.S. evangelist Pat Robertson apologized on Wednesday for calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, saying he spoke in frustration earlier in the week.
“Is it right to call for assassination? No, and I apologize for that statement. I spoke in frustration that we should accommodate the man who thinks the U.S. is out to kill him.”
As you guys are probably aware, one of my biggest pet peeves is someone who backs down in the face of whiners after he’s said something that’s bang-on.
Pat, WT-ever lovin’-F, mate? I’ll ask you what I ask people who are always on John Rocker’s ass about his Noo Yawk comments – what was it you said that wasn’t true?
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:17
Denizens, your howler for today comes courtesy of the Sibling Unit.
Click on this link. (It’s about 4 megs in size, so dial-up folks will have to wait a while – trust me, it’s worth it. (grin))
Double-super-secret-spew warnings in effect.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:20
Your gut-buster for today comes courtesy of Denizen David Hartung:
Bill and Hillary attend a World Series Game. Sitting in the first row, the Secret Service people are sitting directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill.
At first, Clinton stares at the guy. Then, he looks at Hillary. Then, he looks back at the agent. Finally, he shakes his head “no”.
The agent then says, “Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team — from the team owner to the bat boy.” Bill thinks about it. He almost agrees, then changes his mind. So, the agent tells him, “The fans would love it!” Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, “Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C’mere Hilly baby…”
With that, Bill gets up. Grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants. He lifts her up, and tosses her over the wall, onto the field.
She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, “Bill, you “!^$#@&!”
The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up and down, cheering, hooting and hollering, and high-fiveing. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, “How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!”
Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong.
The agent replies, “Sir, I said, that they want you to throw out the first PITCH…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:25
Bill Parcells is known for preferring “his guys” over younger players whose exploits are unknown to him.
Might be time to rethink that policy.
Dallas beat Seattle last night, 18-10. And it’s true that the Cowboy offense scored their only touchdown of the night on a Drew Bledsoe drive.
But most objective observers will tell you that Tony Romo was the best-looking quarterback of the three that played. His throws were crisper, he ran the offense more smoothly and seemed to show more confidence.
Parcells had best have a quarterback who knows what he’s doing out there. The Seattle offense under Matt Hasselback shredded (with a capital S) the Dallas secondary. One Seahawk receiver literally ran away from 2003 first-round
bust draft choice Terrence Newman – supposedly the Cowboys’ best corner.
There is hope on the horizon for the Dallas defense, however. Rookies Demarcus Ware and Justin Beriault were all over the field all game. Ware caused a first-quarter fumble from Hasselback, which he then recovered. He also had an interception where he showed impressive closing speed after it looked as if he had been beaten. Additionally, he deflected a pass and was generally buzzing around the heads & shoulders of Seattle quarterbacks all evening.
He’s being compared to another Parcells linebacker – Lawrence Taylor. He’s nowhere near there yet, but he didn’t look bad this evening.
Beriault laid several big hits on unsuspecting Seahawk backs & receivers, and forced a safety on an end-zone blitz midway through the fourth quarter. He plays a great deal like another rookie from 20 years ago – Bill Bates. It’s maybe not a coincidence that Beriault wears Bates’ number 40.
The PFW will return Thursday or Friday. Watch this space.