Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________





Denizens, to end the year on a good note, here’s a little Cute Overload-age-ery™ for y’all.  My collie/sheltie D’ohji does this to me a lot, too, so I can identify with the little munchkin.

Happy New Year, guys.  See you on the flip side.

UPDATE:  Actually, I didn’t think I could embed the thing, but here y’all go:

_____________________________________________________





As you may have heard by now, the Washington Compost’s  Esther Ezra Klein went and stuck his head up his ass foot in his mouth head up his ass the other day when he said that the U.S. Constitution was “confusing” because it was “over 100 years old”.

I’d rip him a new one, but several others have already done so, not the least of which is Doug Ross.  Hie thee hence and read it.

(Besides, it’s New Year’s Eve and I don’t feel like writing – I gotta *hic* uphold an old Venomous tradition. (*belch*)) 

_____________________________________________________





Denizens, as we start the final Perfect Football Weekend™ of the season, we have ourselves a WITY™ to share with you guys.

Remember about two or three weeks ago, I said this?


Jenn Sterger’s manager, Phil Reese, said Thursday that she would like the league to “implement a program” to prevent unwanted advances — similar to those she’s alleging Favre made. Reese said Sterger wants the league to discipline Favre before his career ends.

They’d best hurry. There’s a greater-than-zero chance Favre doesn’t play against the NY Football Douchebags – and, with his big consecutive-games streak done, and the ViQueens out of the playoff picture, there’d be no reason to play him any further – and the guess from here is that after this season, he’s done.

And true to form, the NFL…is sweeping the whole thing under the rug.

Down to the last few days of the season and maybe Brett Favre’s career, the NFL ended a slow-paced investigation of tawdry allegations against the quarterback with a $50,000 fine and a rebuke for not being candid.

The league punished one of its marquee players for failing to cooperate with investigators who were trying to determine if the 41-year-old quarterback sent inappropriate messages and below-the-belt photos to Jenn Sterger in 2008, when both worked for the New York Jets.

The ruling came days before what could be the final game for the three-time MVP. He’ll start for Minnesota at Detroit on Sunday if he’s recovered from a concussion sustained Dec. 20 against Chicago, and has said this will be his final season, though he’s unretired in the past. He made the declaration even before his NFL record for consecutive starts was snapped at 297 in mid-December.

Oh, yeah, that’s  gonna put the hurt to Mr. Pants-on-the-Ground, YesSirreeBob™.  How’s ol’ Brett gonna ever  endure the pain, the humiliation, the absolute fucking shame  of it all?  And losing that $50 large is just a-gonna put him in the poor house!!!!, Bah Gawd (a little Good Ol’ J.R. lingo, there)!!!!!1!!ONE!!!1!!ELEVENTYMILLIONTEEN!!!1!

Well, guys?  What’d I Tell Ya?™ 

For her part, Sterger is…somewhat torqued about the whole thing:

“Today’s decision is an affront to all females and shows once again that, despite tough talk, the NFL remains the good old boys’ league.”

– Joseph R. Conway, attorney for Jenn Sterger

Well, Jenn, I’d say it’s time to put up or shut up.  That lawsuit should be making its way westward to Minnie-haha Real Soon Now™, if your credibility is to remain anywhere near the size of your gorgeous chest.

Awright, on to the football.  In bowl season, you don’t get many rematches of a regular-season game, but we have one tonight.  Bo Pelini will take his 17th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers into battle tonight for the Holiday Bowl in San Diego, where Taylor Martinez (or Cody Green or Zac Lee, take your pick) will match wits against the UWashington Huskies’ Jake Locker.  Locker’s the latest incarnation of Ryan Leaf – meaning only a few folks in Washington think he’s any good, while the rest us are are suitably unimpressed.

Big Red’s favored by 13½.  If the Blackshirts are healthy, it should be considerably more.

Saturday, Bob Stoops takes his ninth-ranked Oklahoma Sooners to the Fiesta Bowl to take on the Connecticut Huskies.  The Sooners won’t have running back Roy Finch, but they’ll have RB DeMarco Murray and QB Landry Jones.  They should be fine.

Vegas has OU favored by 17.  Let’s just say that UConn’s football team isn’t quite  as good as its women’s hoops team.  OU won’t have any trouble here.

The marquee matchup for us will also be Saturday, as the Rose Bowl features two PFW teams – fourth-ranked Bucky takes on Gary Patterson’s third-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs.  It’ll be the Badgers’ size versus the Frogs’ speed.

Generally, I hate matchups like this – remember a couple years ago when I posted this? I was worried about Matt Panfil getting pushed around by Phil Loadholt, and I was right (in fact, that could’ve been a WITY™ right there).  I’m just as worried this week that Bucky’s gonna pound on the TCU defensive front until it collapses.

Therefore, TCU had best jump out to a quick, big lead.  Let it remain close into the fourth quarter, and Bucky will win this game.  Don’t let that happen, Gary Patterson.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz bring a merciful end to the season, as they go to Pussydelphia to play Mikey “Woof Woof Yikes!!!” Vick and the rest of the Beagles.  No way Dallas wins this game – but if there’s any justice (and if Dallas has any balls to speak of), DeShawna Jackoff leaves the game on a cart after trying to showboat one more time.

Then again, what am I talking about?  These are the Cowgirlz – we’ve known they’ve had no balls since Owner Jethro whined about Dez Bryant getting his ankle tweaked in training camp.  Dallas, just go, expose your belly to the Beagles and put us out of our misery for another year.

Final recap and the Benediction™ will be Monday.  Hopefully, we’ll have something to celebrate around these parts.

_____________________________________________________





possibly has been turned back on.  Check this one out.

Incoming House Speaker John Boehner and his Republican colleagues are acutely aware of public anger over how Congress operates… and plan to do something about it.

“They see a government in Washington that isn’t listening, doesn’t get it, and frankly the American people think that Washington doesn’t really care,” Boehner recently said.

And Congressman Jason Chaffetz (R-Utah) says, “I was elected with a mandate to change the status quo. We have to change the way we do business in Washington.”

So when Republicans take control of the House, they want to implement some new rules.

Well, as several of the commenters mention, this sounds good but I’ll believe it when I see it.

But these paragraphs right here give me the most hope that change is coming.  REAL change and not the Jugears McHopenchange variety.

Republicans will also require lawmakers to take another step, says Jason Chaffetz. “When you submit your piece of legislation, you’re gonna actually have to cite constitutional authority for that bill.”

In fact, Republicans plan to read the constitution on the floor when they return next week.

And that’s only the beginning. They also want hearings to expose the details of any regulations proposed by the administration that are not specified in legislation approved by Congress.

Looks like the radar teams here at the Southern Command have a new target to track in the new year. If Boehner, Chaffetz, and other freshman reps can do what they are saying here it actually could be interesting to watch C-SPAN again. Just for the chance to see the progressives go into apoplectic shock.

Dismissed™

_____________________________________________________





Well, Denizens, she’s done it again.  Or rather, she and her fat-assed pussy of an excuse-for-a-father have done it again.

Stephanie Dawn Stewart (she long ago forfeited any right she ever had to wear the Crager name) refused to allow my son to have the Christmas present I got for him.  Or more to the point, they were too cowardly to even answer the door so that FedEx© could give it to them.

Even when I followed her suggestion and put it in the form of a gift card, well, they’re above  all that.  Can’t have his father  giving him a Chirstmas present, y’know.

And it’s not as if you can’t say you weren’t home.  FedEx, after, all, tried three times  and left three door cards  to let you know there was something for Skip.

But none of that matters to you, does it?  Long as you can stick it to me and deny me any  contact with my son – well, that just makes you cream your granny panties, doesn’t it?

So, fine, Steffi.  Have it your way.

You’ve whined in the past about how I keep saying “some aweful things” (no kidding, Denizens, that’s how an elementary school teacher  spells it) about you in the past, even though I’ve pretty much documented things.

But you can’t keep him under your cowardly thumb forever.  At some point, I’m going to get to tell Skip my  side of the story.

And when I do, the things I’ve  said about you will pale in comparison.

Bank on it, you miserable little shrew.

_____________________________________________________





Saw this on David Barton’s “Wallbuilders” FB page.

Seems that the repeal of DADT in the military is having its intended affect.  Reducing the the American military eventually to a collection of pansy-assed enviroweenies.

But not in THIS mans’ military.  While it sucks that a LTCol is choosing to retire rather than force his troops into the mandated homosexual indoctrination sessions, his reasoning is 100% sound IMHO.  I knew something like this was coming when the talk of Al-Obambi & Co. hit that they were going to repeal the regulation.

The wussification of this country is now complete, thanks to the “progress”-ives.

Folks, if you haven’t gotten them already it’s really past time to do it.  Take your 4th 2nd [Fixed.   -Venomous]  Amendment RIGHTS straight to the gun shop and SPEND.  Be sure to get plenty of ammo too, you’re gonna need it!

ThatIsAll™

_____________________________________________________





Coming from a metropolis FULL of rocket scientists as we are here in the Southern Command, this one DOES NOT TAKE ONE IOTA of brain power to understand.

SITYS as the great El Rushbo says…

111th Congress Added More Debt Than First 100 Congresses Combined: $10,429 Per Person in U.S.

Is it 2012 YET???

_____________________________________________________





Y’all ever look up and wonder what happened to the time?

Sheesh.

Sorry, guys – nothing tonight.

_____________________________________________________





So much for the Jason Garrett era.

Dallas 26, at Arizona 27

The damnfools who’ve been insisting that Jon “10 wins, baby!” Kitna was ever  a better quarterback than Tony Romo showed us how well they know what they had for dinner last week, as Kitty threw two quick pick-sixes in rapid succession.  True, Miles Austin slipped on the first one, so it can’t really be blamed on widdle Jonny (though you just know  I’ll try).  But the second one?  Only a moron who’s been a freakin’ loser everywhere he’s gone would even think  about throwing a pass like that into double coverage.

Oh, hello, Jon Kitna.

Yet, even with all that, the ‘Girlz came back, and even took the lead on a Stephen McGee (in because Kitty had been injured earlier) TD pass to Miles Austin.

Enter David Buehler.  The NFL-kicker-wannabe hooked the PAT attempt like it was his approach on the 1st tee – which, thanks in part to him, is where he’ll be spending his time after the season.

The point he left on the field left Dallas with only a two point lead…and true to form, the C’girl secondary allowed the Cardinals to march right down the field, convert a 4th-and-15 at midfield (thanks, in part to Paula Pasqualoni asking Keith “Molasses” Brooking to cover All-Everything receiver Larry Fitzgerald), which ultimately led to Jay Feely kicking a 48-yard FG for the win.

So the ‘Girlz have lost to one of the worst teams in the NFL.  Which leaves them…where, again?

The report from Hidden Valley Ranch is that Jerry “Owner Jethro” Jones is, and I quote, “mad as hell”.  Yeah, well – look in the mirror, fuckhead.  You built this team.  Own it.

Thanks, Owner Jethro.  Way to condemn this franchise to several more years of just this type of shit football.  You bastard.

This week:  0-1.  Overall:  70-19.

The PFW returns Thursday for the Bowl Edition.  See you then.

_____________________________________________________





(This will stay on top all day.  The PFW post is below.)

This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.  Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.  She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet:  “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” – which means, “God with us.”

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.  But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.


                      -Matthew 1:18-25

And may God add His blessings to the reading of His holy Word.

It doesn’t matter what shape the economy has taken.  It never has, and it never will.  For it’s still not about fat men in red suits, little tiny elves, reindeer, pine trees decorated in lights & ornaments, turkey, ham, pumpkin pie, Playstations, Xboxes, Transformers or anything like that.

It is – and has always  been – about the birth of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, and about the beginning of His mission to save us from our sins.

And we’d do well to remember that.

Merry Christmas 2010, Denizens.

_____________________________________________________





Denizens, the Christmas edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…kicks off…

CREWCORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

VENOMOUS:  Merry Christmas, guys.

MERLIN:  And the merriest of Christmases to you as well, m’liege.

KORRIOTH, K’HADIBAK’H:  QISmaS DatIvjaj ‘ej DIS chu’ DatIvjaj.

OZY MCCOOL:  Nollaig shona duit.

T-BONE MCMANX:  Bliain úr faoi shéan is faoi mhaise duit.

…kicks off with yet another story about everyone’s favorite Widdle Terri Owens-wannabe, DeShawna Jackoff.

Seems the little needle-dick pulled another showboating act during the game with the NY Football Douchebags, where the D-bags suffered a total collapse, losing the game on the very last play.

That play, as you all know, was a punt that coach Tommy-boy Coughlin told his punter to kick out of bounds, but saw him kick it to Jackoff anyway.  Whereupon Jackoff muffed the punt, then picked it up and raced to the goal line.

At this point, it gets interesting.  What you saw on your TV screens was Jackoff taunting the D-bags by running parallel to the goal line for about 25 yards before scoring.

What you didn’t  see…was here.

DeSean Jackson’s goal-line grandstanding could have caused his miraculous game-winning punt return to be wiped out, a review of FOX replays show.

As the Philadelphia Eagles return man was running parallel to the end zone, delaying his touchdown for maximum showboating effectiveness, a number of his teammates ran onto the field from the sideline, a clear violation of the NFL’s “too many men on the field” rules.

The new wrinkle on Jackson’s return was first noticed at BallHyped.com. Because he took a turn at the 6-yard line instead of running into the end zone, a number of his teammates and some coaches spilled out onto the field in anticipation of his touchdown, which didn’t come until a few seconds later. A flag could have been thrown, bringing back the touchdown and sending the game to overtime.

Which, of course, it wasn’t.  The zebras could have…and should have…called it.  But…just as we saw with the aforementioned Widdle Terri Owens, his then-quarterback Donna McCrabbs and the now-infamous Roy Williams Rule, the league protected its butt-buddy honeyboys in Pussydelphia and looked the other way.

Which is to say that the Beagles are just like their NFL counterparts, the New England Pansy-asses, and the Smurf Turf Fucknozzle State Bronc-ettes…they can’t win playing straight-up football.  They have to have help.

Of course, none of this would have happened if the C’girlz had had any testicular fortitude and taken out little Ms. Jackoff at the knees two weeks ago.

Speaking of the C’girlz, tonight we have them traveling out to the Arizona desert to take on the Phoenix Cardinals.  Phoenix is starting a rookie quarterback, and their defense hasn’t stopped anyone this year – but they still have Larry Fitzgerald at receiver, and the C’girlz have a wire-strainer defense…it lets everything  through.  Cardinals in an easy win.

We’re back Sunday for the recap, then we’ll have the Bowl Edition™ next week.  Keep it here.

_____________________________________________________





Yet another holiday tradition hits us here at the Realm™, Denizens – the annual visit by everyone’s favorite General, the fat guy who wears all the red. 

Usually it’s a round-robin between Supreme General Rayegun, David Hartung and myself, each of us taking turns posting it, and the other two linking thereto.  However, given that (even though each of them still have their own little corner of cyberspace Rayegun’s place is still intact) we’re all in one place now, it seems fitting that I tack the bulletin to the board.  Raise the flag and see who salutes, as it were.

Besides – it’s my turn, anyway. 

(More to the point, neither the General nor the Vicar have volunteered to do the honors, so…)

And, wonder of wonders – this year, it’ll even be formatted properly.  (Well – mostly, anyway.    )

General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2009.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1996, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

At ease, troops. 

_____________________________________________________





(Hat tip Dan Riehl – dammit, Dan, do you always have to be the bearer of bad news like this?  Hell, let Sissy or Jen do it OneOfTheseDays™.)

Denizens, have any of you ever read the Mark Levin book Rescuing Sprite?  If you haven’t, don’t – at least, not without about three boxes of Kleenex© within arm’s reach.  So help me Cthulu, I tell you that it will get mighty damned dusty in whatever room you happen to be at the time.

I reference this because it’s just been brought to my attention that the wonderful pup Mark’s wife & daughter got him to ease the pain of losing Sprite, has himself passed on.  Griffen was somewhere in the neighborhood of 16 years old or thereabouts.

This hits me somewhat hard – one, because I love dogs, and two, because it won’t be all that long before I have to face that journey myself.  Pup-Pup turned ten years old back in October, and even though she’s still a little ball of energy and people still can’t believe she’s not a puppy, I can tell she’s lost a step.  And it’s gonna tear my guts out when I have to say goodbye to her.  And it’s not as if I haven’t lost a pet or two before, as you guys well know.

So God bless you, Mark Levin.  I understand where you’re comin’ from, buddy.

_____________________________________________________





(Hat tip to Allahpundit.)

Pat Robertson, people, has jumped the shark.

Count this among the 10 things nobody ever expected to see in their lifetimes: 700 Club founder Pat Robertson, one of the cornerstone figures of America’s Christian right movement, has come out in favor of legalizing marijuana.

Calling it getting “smart” on crime

…Robertson became a fool.

Well, at least there’s Scriptural precedent, y’know?

Robertson aired a clip on a recent episode of his 700 Club television show that advocated the viewpoint of drug law reformers who run prison outreach ministries.

Yeah, y’know, Pat – drug runners have a “prison outreach ministry”, too.  Usually, it has something to do with passing along instructions on how to run the cartel.

A narrator even claimed that religious prison outreach has “saved” millions in public funds by helping to reduce the number of prisoners who return shortly after being released.

Yeah, I’ll just bet.  Or maybe it’s just a strong desire to avoid a return “engagement” as Bubba’s bitch, if you will.

“It got to be a big deal in campaigns: ‘He’s tough on crime,’ and ‘lock ‘em up!’” the Christian Coalition founder said. “That’s the way these guys ran and, uh, they got elected. But, that wasn’t the answer.”

Uh, Patricia?  Yes, it was.  “Lock ‘em up”, and keep locking ‘em up until the drug-addled dumbasses get the clue.

Who knows?  Maybe one of ‘em will pick up the one you’ve lost, Pattianne.

I think, over the next few days/weeks, you will see donations to the 700 Club take a plunge off the cliff.  Followed shortly, of course, by Pattianne Robertson’s sudden decision to “retire” to “spend more time with his family”.

Perhaps they can spend it toking. 

_____________________________________________________





Memo to Smurf Turf Dickweed State:

We  beat them 47-7.

In their own fucking backyard.

And  we didn’t have to use trick plays to get there, either.

Yeah, I think we’re a helluva lot better than you pussies.  We  don’t lose to teams like Nevada.

_____________________________________________________

« Previous Articles    
_______________
 
 
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Spatula City BBS! was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.