Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 5:35
My faith in Wal-Mart may have been restored a little bit.
Went there yesterday to purchase a couple of items on which to munch for lunch. (Yeah, I know – but they were the only store around where I happened to be.) Came to the 20-items-or-less checkout to pay.
In front of me: a young black woman with a scowl on her face…and the bimbo in front of her, who had 40 items in her basket if she had one.
(I hesitate to point out here that the bimbo looked very much like an illegal. Would not have surprised me had that been the case…but I digress.)
Apparently the young black woman had complained to management about the situation. “For all the good that’s gonna do her”, I thought…
…until another cashier relieved she who had been going to allow the 40+ items, and politely informed the illegal bimbo that she needed to find another line.
(Insert stares of wide-eyed disbelief here. )
First store I’ve ever been to in my life that actually cared enough about its other customers to enforce an item limit in the express line.
Thanks, Wal-Mart. Maybe you’re not all a bunch of morons, after all.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 9:48
Happy Memorial Day, Denizens.
The annual posting of the Memorial Day column can be found here.
It remains a very good read, even today. Hie thee hence. Go. Shoo.
And remember why we have this day today.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:35
I’ve been trying to stay ahead of a medical condition that’s plagued me for the last ten-plus years or so. (Those of you who know me well know what I’m talking about.)
Anyway, the bastich has caught up and smacked me upside the head again, necessitating a probable, slight change in routine.
Bottom line: Posting will be even more erratic than it is now. We’ll have the annual Memorial Day post tomorrow, then posting will be on an as-I-can-get-to-it basis. (IOW, standard operating procedure, only moreso.)
Will have more on the medical condition soon as I have it under control. Watch this space.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 16:56
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:29
Denizens, it’s difficult tonight to know where, or how, to start expressing the outrage.
The Imperial RINO Senate told the American people to go fuck themselves today.
If Limpdickya signs their piece-of-shit bill (that is, assuming it makes it out of committee), 20 million illegal alien fucktards will walk. And so will the fucking bastards who employ them. Bastards whom you should be boycotting even now. Tyson Foods and Cargill Meats, for starters – and I can probably dig up a few more if you ask.
The GOP has given away the Senate for a very long time to come. The House may not be far behind, especially if they crack:
Representative John A. Boehner of Ohio, the House majority leader, said today that he was hopeful that the Senate and House could reach a compromise. But when asked what form that compromise would take, he acknowledged he did not know.
Here’s your “compromise”, Boehner, you goat-felching tosser: You go along with the Senate on this, you lose your jobs. How’s that for a “compromise”?
And the White House is all but assured to go back to the Demoscum in ’08, unless we get a Tancredo-style or George Allen-style conservative as the candidate. Certainly McCluetard (RINO-AZ) has all but killed his chances two years hence. And for you Bush-loving imbeciles…don’t even think of Jeb getting into the White House. To paraphrase Pappy, “Nope…ain’t gonna happen…nope…”
Congratulations, Grand Ol’ Pissants. It’s not many political parties that can go from having their collective foot on their opponents’ collective throat to being completely swept out of power in a four year span. But you shit-for-brains Rockefeller Republicans are about to pull it off cleanly.
Fuck ‘em all, the end.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:45
Item: William “Bribes, Lies & Videotape” Jefferson’s Capitol Hill office gets searched over the weekend by the boys at the FBI.
Item: In a surprise move, Denny Hastert (RINO-Ill Noise) joins San Fran Nan “Breck Girl” Pelosi in demanding the return of the materials the FBI confiscated.
Curiouser and curiouser…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:36
Jessie “I’m not an Army Ranger, but I play one on Peace Videos” MacBeth and Michael “Forsake The Troops (ekthept for that one, he’th cute)” Crook.
Don’t they just look like the cutest couple?
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:19
The Dullest Moaning Snooze reports that Lloyd Bentsen died today at the age of 85.
My mamma taught me that if you can’t say anything nice about a left-wing, pork-barrel-tax-and-spend, pro-abort, cheap-shot-artist son-of-a-bitch…then don’t say anything.
So I’ll just say that Lloyd Bentsen died today, and leave it at that.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 20:34
(Hat tip Michelle Malkin via Misha.)
Among those who will be cleared of past crimes under the Senate’s proposed immigration-reform bill would be the businesses that have employed the estimated 10 million illegal aliens eligible for citizenship and that provided the very “magnet” that drew them here in the first place.
Buried in the more than 600 pages of legislation is a section titled “Employer Protections,” which states: “Employers of aliens applying for adjustment of status under this section shall not be subject to civil and criminal tax liability relating directly to the employment of such alien.”
Supporters of the legislation insist that such provisions do not amount to “amnesty”.
Oh, no, don’t call it “amnesty”. Under no circumstances whatsoever call it “amnesty”. Even when it fits the dictionary definition of “amnesty” – by no means call it “amnesty”.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 11:43
Mheh. Someone up in southern Kentucky must be reading me. (No, I don’t really think so, but it’s fun to imagine they do.)
If you’ll recall, an ACLU-dick sucking, black-robed, tinhorned excuse-for-a-judge had forbidden a member of the senior class of Russell County “Hah Skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) to pray. And, if you’ll recall, I advised those seniors to ignore the pointy-headed bench-jockey.
And lo & behold – they did. Boy, did they ever:
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 18:25
Look out, Blogosphere. My influence is spreading…mhehhehhehheh…
Politics and Religion makes its grand debut in our little realm…and, speaking of the Realm – yes, he is my blog-son.
Keep an eye on his blog. It’s gonna be a good’un.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:37
Another year, another graduation ceremony…another black-robed tinhorned son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch pseudo-tyrant with delusions of mere sexual inadequacy thinking he can tell free Americans when they can pray and not pray:
A federal judge on Friday blocked a southern Kentucky high school from including prayers in its graduation ceremony Friday evening.
The American Civil Liberties Union filed a federal lawsuit this week seeking a restraining order on behalf of an unidentified student at Russell County High School in Russell Springs, 90 miles south of Louisville.
Memo to those Kentucky kids: Ignore it. Those shitheels at the Allah-humping Caliphate Lickspittle’s Union can’t enforce this, no matter how many stormtroopers they send up there.
The student had appealed to principal Darren Gossage to drop the prayer from the Friday evening ceremony, but the principal refused, ACLU attorney Lili Lutgens said.
Hmmmmm. Might be because the school official, as an extension of government, has to stay neutral in such matters, y’think?
Of course, the Asshatted Crackheads Leprosy Union is well known for its hatred of all things religious. Unless that religion is the one featuring the Pedophile Prophet (bees pee upon him), of course.
Lutgens argued that any prayer would be unconstitutional because it would endorse a specific religion and religious views. U.S. District Judge Joseph McKinley granted the temporary restraining order Friday morning, prohibiting the school district from having even a student representative say a prayer during the ceremony.
And if there were any justice in the world, he’d find the view from the lamppost most enligtening the next day.
Just sayin’, is all.
The U.S. Supreme Court has held that clergy-led prayer in public school graduations and sporting events is prohibited. Lutgens said earlier this week that student-initiated prayer before or after the ceremony would be OK.
“Heavenly Father, as we’re about to make this sacrifice of the traitorous skank, we ask that You ignore the stench coming from her piehole.
We tried to plug it, but little Lili was just a bit too flatulent, y’know?”
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 16:08
Okay, let’s see…how to start this…
“Once upon a time…”
MERLIN: Oh, you can not be serious.
OZY MCCOOL: Ew. Just, ew.
LSIK&T: Oh, all right. (rolls eyes)
“It was a dark & stormy night…”
OZY MCCOOL: Uh, helloooooooooooo??? You traveled in the daytime, remember???
MERLIN: Great Honkin’ Cthulu, man, if you’re gonna start a story with a cliché, at least make it a good one, huh?
LSIK&T: Day-um, you’re a tough crowd. Sheesh.
“Juuuuuust sit right back and you’ll hear a tale…a tale of a fateful trip…”
LSIK&T: There. Happy now?
MERLIN: Well, it’s still cheesy…
OZY MCCOOL: …but it’ll do.
OZY MCCOOL: Fine. He can shove you out the airlock this time.
LSIK&T: Thank you.
So here I was, about to leave the domecile and head out on this fantastical odyssey that is the Blown-eyed Blodgers Great Texas Invasion of 2006. It’s about 8:00 in the morning, my traveling companions Deathknyte and Krondax…
OZY MCCOOL: Hey, how come we didn’t get to go?
MERLIN: Yeah, what’re we, chopped liver?
LSIK&T: You weren’t invited; you don’t write blogs. Now hush.
…are due in about an hour or so, and I’ve barely enough time to run put my paycheck in the bank, scoot over to Whataburger for a quick breakfast-on-the-go, get the rental car and get to the terminal to pick them up. It’s now 8:00
8:01: Enter the Dallas North Tollway. See the absolutely massive backup southbound. Get caught in it. So much for the bank (fortunately, I still have some chump change left from cashing in my Cingular 401k, so I don’t absolutely have to make the deposit…
MERLIN: …while he continues to pay us minimum wage…
OZY MCCOOL: …and continues to renege on his promise of giving us a raise…
LSIK&T: (pulls out Klingon disruptor, sets spread formation, and nails both Merlin & Ozy, who crumple in a heap) There. That’s better. Now, where was I…?
…but now I’m running out of time and need to scoot.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 18:26
(Hat tip – and many thanks – to the SpatulaGoddess.)
Damn, I’d give anything if I could be in Altoona, PA on July 2nd.
“Why’s that, Spats?”, you may ask. “I mean, you’re not a fan of the Great Game, so what gives?”
Well, it might have something to do with the fact that I love laughing at morons, and the Altoona Curve’s special promotion that night would give me nine innings worth of doing just that.
Inspired by a Los Angeles Angels fan who filed a lawsuit against the club because he did not receive a red nylon tote bag as part of the major league club’s Mother’s Day promotion last May, the Altoona Curve have announced that they will be holding Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night as part of their Sunday, July 2nd game at Blair County Ballpark.
The Curve’s salute to all ridiculous lawsuits ever filed will include the following:
# A Pink Tote Bag Giveaway to the first 137 men in attendance ages 18 and over
# The first 137 women 18 and over will receive lukewarm coffee so they will not burn themselves
# The first 137 kids will be given a beach ball with a warning not to ingest it
# Angels merchandise and novelty items given away throughout the game
# Honoring some of history’s “Most Frivolous Lawsuits” during the game
A grand prize drawing in which one fan will receive a “clue” and their own frivolous lawsuit.
Additional details will be announced later
“We realize that these giveaways as part of our Salute to Frivolous Lawsuit Night are fairly stupid and serve no real purpose,” said Curve General Manager Todd Parnell. “But if our fans don’t like them, then they can sue us!”
Curve President and Managing Partner Chuck Greenberg, himself a practicing corporate and sports attorney, declined to comment on his club’s promotion because of concerns that his comments could lead to a frivolous lawsuit.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:51
Supposedly, National Review is the conservative’s magazine of record.
I’ve read it – even had a subcription to Buckley’s rag at one time – and I can’t say I’m terribly impressed. True, it does possess a certain right-of-center lean to it – but it’s more of a “country-club” style of conservatism. (Such individuals were commonly known as “Rockefeller Republicans” in extreme dishonor of ol’ John D.)
We’ve been lamenting here lately about how the ever-increasing problem concerning our beloved government (*cough*) has come to a tipping point, thanks to the way that the RRs in power have completely bungled critical issues like illegal immigration, and the RRs over at National Review Online are stomping on the panic button at the prospect that conservatives might just stay home in droves come November.
One such Shrubya Kool-Aid drinker is a guy by the name of Jim Geraghty. Jim-bo – like his fellow RRs, fearful that their favorite toy (the Republican majority) is about to be taken away from them – start in with the whining: