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I try&#160 to do this every year, but more often than not there just isn’t time to give it justice.&#160 Which translates into a crappy post.

Oh, well – here goes…

2011 was the year of the Occutard.&#160 The Occupussy.&#160 The Occuchickenshit.&#160 The lazy-assed, shiftless, shitheaded assholes of douchebaggery who think they entitled&#160 to what we’ve worked so hard for, just because.

It started in September in New York City as “Occupy Wall Street” – and, when Michael Bloomberg, aka “Bloomberg the Ball-less” – being the pansy-ass he is – refused to kick them out, the bowel movement spread to other cities (and countries) as well, including a tiny one here at Realm&#153 Headquarters.

Supposedly, according to Wiki (for all they themselves have zero credibility), the so-called “Occupiers” are

protes[ing]…against social and economic inequality, high unemployment, greed, as well as corruption, and the undue influence of corporations—particularly from the financial services sector—on government. The protesters’ slogan We are the 99% refers to the growing income and wealth inequality in the U.S. between the wealthiest 1% and the rest of the population.

It’s all bullshit, of course – basically, these pusstards want what you & I have, and they don’t want to have to work to get it.&#160 Their “solution” to this so-called “problem” is to take the 1-percent’s wealth and “redistribute it” (sound familiar?) to…them, of course.

Happily, though, some cities, such as Oakland, decided they’d had enough of the Occufools, and most of the encampments had been dismantled by December.

2011 was a year in which the morons Al-Obambi (beginning, of course, with Barack HUSSEIN!!!&#160 Obambi, MMM, MMM, MMM!!!), continued to make asses & assholes of themselves – the endless vacations & golf trips, Solyndra, the USA credit downgrade, “Fast & Furious” aka Gunwalker, Al-Obambi’s refusal to enforce border laws, then suing states who tried to enforce it in their stead…the list just goes on & on.

UPDATE:&#160 2011 was also the year that all United States troops left Iraq.&#160 Followed immediately by the Taliban – y’know, the ragheads that Vice-Perpetrator Hair-Butt-Plugs-BiteMe says aren’t our enemy? – started bombing the place incessantly.

Heckuva job you’re doin’ there, Barry.

2011 was a year in which the Pussified Left&#153 continued to label any criticism of Bambi or his excuse-for-an-Attorney General, Eric(a) Holder, as racism.&#160 And it was a year in which the charge itself lost any value whatsoever.

2011 was a year in which the European economy threatened utter collapse all year long – and also threatened to take the United States economy along with it.&#160 As it was, the markets ended the year pretty much where they started it.

2011 was a year in which the states began to push back against the federal government.&#160 26 states challenged the so-called “Affordable Health Care Act” law; the Soprano Supreme Court will hear those challenges this term.

It was a year that saw the end (for now, anyway) the end of the Harry Potter&#160 franchise, the continuation of the Twilight&#160 movie series (although it, too, received some push-back from George Takei, of all people), the slide into reprobation by one Destiny Hope “Miley” Cyrus, the continued slide into oblivion by Lindsay Lohan, the “coming out” by Hollyweirdos on nearly a monthly basis (most of whom were they subsequently pushed onto the ash heap of history), and the breakup of a number of Hollyweird power couples, most notably Maria Shriver & the Governator, “Ahnuld”, Demi Moore & Ashton Kuchter and Katy “Skank” Perry & Russell “Megaskank” Brand.

However, 2011 was also the year of the first royal wedding in some 25 years, as Prince Harry married Kate Middleton.&#160 Married above ya, did ya son?&#160

2011 was the year the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex saw the Super Bowl, NBA Finals & the World Series all in the same calendar year.&#160 It was the year the Dallas Mavericks won their first NBA championship in the 31-year history of the franchise.&#160 The year also saw the Texas Rangers win their second straight American League pennant (and subsequently choke the Series to the St. Louis Cardinals, who really had no business being there in the first place).&#160 It saw at least three sports franchises (two here in DFW) declare bankrupcy and obtain new ownership as a result; the third is still in the courts.

2011 was the year that TCU’s football team capped off its first perfect season ever with a win over Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl.&#160 They would then follow that up with a 11-2 season that probably should been perfect as well – and would have been, save for a piece-o’-shit kicker and a highly-biased officiating crew.

2011 was the year the NFL’s Lombardi Trophy returned home to Green Bay.&#160 And the Packers look like they may repeat this year.&#160 And it was the year the NHL’s Stanley Cup was won by the Boston Bruins.

In 2011, we lost luminaries such as Amy Winehouse, Elizabeth Taylor, Steve Jobs, Andy Rooney, Bubba Smith, Don Meredith, Sherwood Schwartz, Betty Ford, Jimmy Kimmel’s uncle Frank, Jeff Conaway, Jackie Cooper, Jerry “Mr. Peppermint” Haynes, Peter Falk, Teena Marie, Gerry Rafferty, Don Kirschner, Randy Poffo (aka Randy “Macho Man” Savage), Jack LaLanne, Jane Russell, Phoebe Snow, James Arness, Clarence Clemons, Cliff Robertson, Bil Keane, Harry Morgan and Christopher Hitchens.

The year was not that great personally.&#160 The diabetes gained the upper hand, although it prompted a round of weight loss (approximately 20 lbs. in three months) that will eventually beat it back.&#160 Financially, the House of Venomous&#153 took a beating, as did most American households.&#160 And yes, the end result was what you’d probably expect – and that’s all I’m going to say about it.

The good thing is that Mrs. Venomous is still here after two years of marriage, which is more than I can say for some of her predecessors.&#160 She’s on her fourth iron skillet though, so…

The other good thing is that you’re still here, and I’m still here, and ready to replace a SCOAMF in the White House in 2012.&#160 Let’s get to it!

NEXT:&#160 2012 resolutions.

Denizens, I’m not sure if it’s zapped energy because of the holidays, or burnout, or what, but I’m not feelin’ it as regards to writing a Year In Review post this year.

Nevertheless, I will attempt to crank one out this evening.&#160 Aided, of course, by copious quantities of carbonated adult beverage.&#160

Watch this space.

Denizens, our final Perfect Football Weekend&#153 for the season begins with an advisory.

As you’ve probably heard or seen, by now, ARRRRRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!1!ONE!1ELEVENTEENTYBILLION!1!!&#160 was given the Heisman Trophy as an early Christmas present for (hack, spit) Baylor&#160 Half-Assed-Excuse-For-A-University, thus rendering that particular award as being on a par with the Nobel Peace Prize.&#160 (In other words, utterly worthless.)

That’s right, given.&#160 Because he sure as motherfucking Hell&#153 didn’t win&#160 it.

And of course, all of the Limp-Dick Media&#153-types are creaming their panties over how ARRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!!&#160 went to hell-and-back, overcame ADVERSITY, BAH GAWD!!!!!&#160 (a little Jim Ross lingo, there), and beat UWarshington last night in the BCS Ultimate Championship EVAH BECAUSE ARR GEE THREE’S THERE!!!!!! Alamo Bowl.

Okay?&#160 Okay.

Now.&#160 Let’s get one thing straight Right-Fucking-Now&#153.&#160 Robert.&#160 Griffin.&#160 The.&#160 Third.&#160 Ain’t.&#160 That.&#160 Good.&#160 Andy Dalton is five times&#160 the quarterback Griffin ever thought&#160 of being, is far more deserving of a Heisman than Griffy ever&#160 was, and he didn’t get one.

Anyone who honestly looks at Baylor’s schedule this year will immediately see that they caught teams at just the right times.&#160 They caught TCU the very first game of the year, right after the bulk of the top-ranked Frog defense had graduated, and much of their secondary hadn’t been game-tested (the first game is usually against a Division I-AA opponent, in order to work out the kinks and get your team game experience – otherwise, why else would Alabama schedule North Texas every year?).&#160 Moreover, they caught Oklahoma when they were banged-up and had several key players out with injuries.

(We won’t talk about how they caught TU by the time they’d all but given up on the year.)

Flip those two games – IOW, schedule OU the first game and the Frogs later in the season – and both schools kick the Widdle Cubbies ever-lovin’ asses.&#160 Up the field and right back down.&#160 And America’s New Darling&#153 doesn’t have his widdle Heisman, and the award itself retains some prestige.

In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that if TCU had anything resembling a reliable field-goal kicker, they win that game 51-50, and ARRRRR GEEEEE THREEEEEE!!!!!!&#160 is just another good college quarterback who’ll make a nice defensive back in the NFL.

Don’t believe me?&#160 Then ask yourself again:&#160 Explain A&M.&#160 Explain Oklahoma State.&#160 And explain why they damned near lost to Rock Chalk, of all teams.

Onward.&#160 The good people of Tempe, AZ, are going to watch fourteenth-ranked Oklahoma rip the Iowa Hawkeyes apart this evening.&#160 Same team whose asses Nebraska kicked back about a month ago.&#160 Vegas has OU favored by 14, and I really don’t see the Hawkeyes giving the Sooners much of a fight.

Speaking of the 20th-ranked Huskers, they’re in action Monday afternoon in the Captial One (“What’s in your&#160 huddle?”) Bowl against Steve “Ol’ Ball Coach” Spurrier and the ninth-ranked S. Carolina Gamecocks.

BEAVIS:&#160 Heh heh.&#160 He said “cocks”.&#160 Heh heh.

BUTTHEAD:&#160 Huh.&#160 Huh.&#160 Huh huh huh huh huh.&#160 Huh.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Shut up, both of you.

Spurrier loves to throw the ball all over the lot – and this, naturally, is the Achilles’ Heel of the Huskers’ defense.&#160 Strangely enough, though, Bo Pelini’s bunch is a 2&#189-point favorite against SC, so maybe Vegas knows something I don’t.

After that game, it’ll be 10th-ranked Bucky making a second straight appearance in the Rose Bowl, this time going against fifth-ranked Oregon.&#160 Just to give you an idea – Oregon this year is way faster than TCU was last year.&#160 If Bucky doesn’t contain that speed and impose its will on the Duckies early, it’s going to be another long afternoon for Bielema & the boys.&#160 The World’s Second Third-Ugliest College Football Uniforms&#153 are a near-solid six-point favorite over Bucky, and I think that’s about right.

Sunday, the Allas Cowgirlz (that’s right, no D) play their last game of the season in the Meadowlands against the New York Football Douchebags.&#160 After leading the division going into December, the ‘Girlz will be completely out of the playoffs after the game.

O for a tactical nuke.

We’ll come back sometime next week for the recap & benediction.&#160 (I’d promise it Tuesday, but I’ve been promising Monday recaps as of late, and how’s that worked out for me?)&#160 See you then.

Ouch.&#160 That’s gonna leave a mark.

Ron Paul’s campaign is denying an accusation from Michele Bachmann that her former Iowa campaign manager, state Sen. Kent Sorenson, was paid to defect.

Hours after appearing with Bachmann at an event, Sorenson endorsed the Texas congressman at a Des Moines rally saying Paul is the most conservative of the top-tier candidates.

Bachmann says Sorenson “was offered a large sum of money” and that he previously told her that ‘everyone sells out in Iowa, why shouldn’t I.'”

The torpedoing of Malicious Malkin’s honeygirl candidate aside, this speaks to two things:

1) How bad’s Michelle “Not an Elvis Expert” Bachmann’s campaign gotta be if even her Iowa campaign manager thinks it sucks?

2) More to the point, how good a judge of character can Bachman even be&#160 if her campaign staff is picking The GOP’s Crazy Uncle In The Basement&#153 as a place to where they should jump?&#160 I mean, Perry’s camp has openings, doesn’t it?&#160 That’s the best Sorensen can come up with?

Anyway, s’long, Michelle, thanks for playing.

And like Elvis – whom you hardly knew – your campaign has left the building.

Owner Jethro really should get postal carriers to play for him on Sundays.

They don’t charge as much to mail it in.

#18 Texas Christian 31, Louisiana Tech 24 (Poinsettia Bowl)

at Dallas 7, Pussydelphia 20

TCU basically sleepwalked through the first two-plus quarters, then turned it on in the second half to squeak by La Tech.

VEGAS:&#160 What’d We Tell Ya&#153 about the ten-point spread?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yeah, well – had we not given them a pair of gift turnovers (one a Brandon Carter muffed punt, the other a Pachall pick), it would have only been 31-10 – or worse.&#160 Say what you want about the Bulldogs wanting it more – they’re in the Western Athletic Conference for a reason.

VEGAS:&#160 What.&#160 Ever.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hmf.

Skye “Clank” Dawson finally caught a ball when it counted for a 42-yard score in the fourth, earning Player-Of-The-Game honors for himself.

Nice work, Dawson.&#160 ‘Bout damned time.

The Frogs are in the Big XII Nine Ten Nine, but let’s call it XII XII next year.&#160 Keep your fingers crossed.

—

Romo went out with a bruised hand in the first quarter – then, once it was discovered the NY Football Douchebags had been handed their game by the NY J-E-T-S-JetsJetsJets!!!, the rest of the team took the day off, too.

In fact, had second-round pick Bruce Carter not blocked a punt late, the Cowgirlz would have suffered their first shutout at the Death Star.

Some home field advantage.

This week:&#160 1-1.&#160 Overall:&#160 55-17

The PFW returns Friday for the last go-round this year, seeing as all the rest of our teams – yes, including the Cowgirlz – all play their last games.&#160 We’ll explain why then.

I do not normally post my sermons on-line. They are written for a specific congregation, and I like to keep them in that context, but today I am making an exception. Below is a version of the sermon I preached this morning.

John 1:1-14

Grace mercy and peace be unto you from our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”(John 1:1)

The first verse in today’s Gospel lesson. Takes us all the way back to before the world was created. Today we are celebrating the birth of a child, why have this text? Would not the story from Luke chapter two be far more appropriate?

In truth, if all we were celebrating today was the birth of a child, then yes, Luke would be more appropriate, and even more enjoyable, However, this day we commemorate and celebrate much more than the birth of a mere human child. Today we mark the earthly birth of God’s own Son, who has been sent that we may “have life, and have it abundantly”!(John 10:10)

In order to for this to make sense, we need to recognize, deep down in our very being, that this child is in fact God himself, and not some lesser created being. This is the very point made by The Apostle in today’s lesson.

“In the beginning”, or before creation. “was the Word”. Virtually all scholars recognize the “Word” here to mean the Christ. So far in this text we are told that the Christ existed before creation, before anything was made.

“The Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

The Son, or the Christ and God are one and the same. This is critical, God and Christ are not two separate beings, but one and the same. We worship a triune God, and all three parts of the Trinity were in existence even before the universe was created.

“All things were created through him, and without him was not anything made that was made.”

Our God, the one true God brought into being an entire universe.

I could go on through the whole text and comment on each phrase, but in many ways, what we have looked at so far is the most critical, and here’s why.

This verse demonstrates that the coming of the long promised Messiah, the event we celebrated last evening and still celebrator this morning, was not something God came up with after mankind “blew it”. God has always planned that the Messiah should come and win for his creation, eternal life. We see this in that both the Son and The Father predate creation. This is the true celebration, the fact that our God loves us so much that he came to earth, became human, and offered himself as our redeemer.

As important as this is, there is another equally important thing to consider in this text.

Though the Christ came into the world, and was in the world, the world did not recognize him. Despite the events surrounding his birth, and despite the many signs he performed, and despite three years of patient teaching, most people still did not see the man Jesus as the promised Messiah.

The truth of the matter is, most Jews saw Jesus at most as a gifted teacher, and at worst as a troublemaker and potential revolutionary.

The same is true today. Most people in the world, including many who are members of Christian churches, do not recognize this carpenter turned rabbi from the First Century as any sort of savior; let alone the one promised by God since the Garden. In fact, the hard truth is that most people will never recognize Jesus as Lord. That is the bad news.

Today, however, we celebrate good news!

Today we celebrate the good news that those who do recognize the “True Light” have been granted the right to be children of God. In other words, through our faith, the faith granted to us in the waters of our Baptism, and poured out upon us regularly through God’s Word and through the sacrament of the Altar, we have become God’s own family!

“12 But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.”(John 1:12-13)

John sort of sneaks it in, but in verse thirteen he points out that we are not saved by our will, we have not become these children of God, by any choice we have made. but instead our God has declared us to be his children. It is by God’s will that we are his children.

A good example of this is the adoption of an infant. When a couple adopt a newborn infant, the child has absolutely no say in the matter, instead it is the parents who choose him.

(As an aside, the newborn child also does not know he needs parents. This can also be a picture of fallen, unregenerate man)

In our case, the wonderful fact is that God chose us even before the creation of the universe. We have no idea how this could be, how God could possibly know these things, except to say that our God is indeed omniscient, or all knowing.

Honestly however, the fact that God was able to select us as his children, even before we were created is not important. We simply understand that the all powerful creator of the universe has such power, and we rejoice that he loves his creation enough to choose us.

What is important is that this gift of membership in his family, is the gift our Lord came to bestow, and is the entire reason he was born in that stable.

As cute and cuddly as a baby is, and as much as we enjoy our Christmas celebration, we recognize that this is only a part of God’s ultimate plan.

You see, ultimately, Our Lord has chosen us for no other reason than his love for us. Like the adopted baby above, we have done nothing to deserve membership in God’s family. As a matter of fact, if our conduct was the deciding factor, we would be cast far from God, into eternal damnation.

God has chosen us, has granted us faith and forgiveness through the water and the Word, in spite of our conduct. Because he has chosen us, and because of the faith he has given us, we are indeed “children of God”.

This is what we celebrate this day!

May the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Amen.

The Birth of Jesus Christ

¹ In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. ² This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. ³ And all went to be registered, each to his own town. ⁴ And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, ⁵ to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. ⁶ And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. ⁷ And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.

The Shepherds and the Angels

⁸ And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. ⁹ And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with great fear. ¹⁰ And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. ¹¹ For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. ¹² And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” ¹³ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

¹⁵ When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us.” ¹⁶ And they went with haste and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. ¹⁷ And when they saw it, they made known the saying that had been told them concerning this child. ¹⁸ And all who heard it wondered at what the shepherds told them. ¹⁹ But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. ²⁰ And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.

²¹ And at the end of eight days, when he was circumcised, he was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before he was conceived in the womb.

Luke 2:1-21

May our Lord bless this reading of his word.

This day we begin our celebration of the birth of a baby. While it is indeed right and proper to celebrate this birthday with great joy, we must never forget why this birth was necessary. We must also remember that the plan which was fullfilled on Calvary was God’s plan before the creation of the Universe.

May the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Amen

Take a look, Denizens:

Memo to the Blondie&#160 staff (specifically, Dean Young & John Marshall):&#160 Any carolers who give me that “we know where you live” line will find themselves with faces full of 12-gauge.

See, we have a little thing in Texas called “castle doctrine” (it’s also the law in other states, as well).&#160 Means that we can respond to threats in our domicile with deadly force if we see fit.

And “we know where you live” most definitely qualifies.&#160 Cap&#237ce???

Just a reminder for you and your “carolers” who think threats like that are cute ‘n clever.

ThatIsAll&#153.

General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2011. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2011. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2011.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2011, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 2005, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2011, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”


_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2011, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

Denizens, we’ll start this Bowl Edition&#153 of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 with an example of what happens when the rule-makers and the zebras that enforce their wishes get a liiiiiiiiiitttttttllllleeeee too anal-retentive.

When he raised his fist on his way to the end zone, Boston (Mass.) Cathedral High quarterback Matt Owens thought he was celebrating the score that would hand his school a surprising Super Bowl title. Instead, he was doing the one thing that could keep them from it: Earning a penalty on a play where there was nothing but green turf between himself and the end zone.

Taunting.&#160 They called him for fucking taunting.

As reported by the Boston Globe and Boston Herald among other sources, Owens was handed an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for raising his fist during his run to the end zone in the fourth quarter, a call which negated the touchdown and moved the ball back to the spot of the foul at the Blue Hills (Mass.) High 24-yard line.

[…]

The called back touchdown cost Cathedral the lead — had Owens reached the end zone without incident, Cathedral would have gained an 18-16 lead with roughly six minutes remaining in the game. A play later, the quarterback essentially cost his team the game, throwing an interception to Blue Hills cornerback Keith Gomes that paved the way for Blue Hills to run out the rest of the clock and seal a 16-12 victory.

All because a fuckheaded zebra – and a bunch of “aw, give’m a trophy just for showing up” helicopter parents thought a kid on another team that had also worked hard to get where they were was taunting their pwecous widdle babeezzzz.

Syphillitic sinkholes full o’ shit.

On to the football.&#160 It’s the Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego tonight, so that must mean it’s TCU.&#160 The 18th-ranked Froggies are a 10-point favorite over Louisiana Tech…

VENOMOUS:&#160 Vegas, are you sure&#160 you have that right?

VEGAS:&#160 Problem?

VENOMOUS:&#160 You mean besides a team that would’ve beaten Baylor if it had a dependable kicker, would’ve torched SMUT with an impartial officiating crew, and did&#160 beat a top-10 team on their Smurf Turf field only being a 10-point favorite over a team that couldn’t beat Hawai’i?&#160 Nah, not really.

VEGAS:&#160 (grunt)

Bet the house on TCU.&#160 This isn’t even&#160 going to be close.

Saturday night, the Dallas Cowgirlz get their first second shot at wrapping up the NFC Least when they host Mikey “Woof!” Vick and the rest of the Philthydelphia Beagles.

Wouldn’t really even bother me too much if the ‘Girlz lost this…as long as DeSeanna Jackoff finally took a beating.&#160 But this is the same buncha cowards that wouldn’t put a steel-toed boot to Bwandi Jackoff’s crotch the other night, so look for another embarrassment.

We’re back Sunday or so for the recap.&#160 Assuming, that is, that I’m not sawing logs from too much Christmas ham the night before…

To: His Nastiness Darth Venomous, Commander Pegasus(or whatever bucket of bolts he might have running)

From: The Vicar

Re: Unknown Lights

Your Nastiness, when embarking on your Christmas Cruise, beware of bright stars in the east! Starship collision with stars almost always ruins the cruise, and results in the vessel needing major space dock level maintenance!

Hmf.&#160 I guess Tampa really is&#160 that bad.

Dallas 31, at Tampa Bay 15

Didn’t really help that the Bucs sorta shot themselves in the foot a couple times.&#160 But Romo did what Romo is basically supposed to do, which is slice ‘n dice a bad team to shreds.

Let’s hope he can do it next week.

Overall:&#160 54-16.

Time permitting, we’ll start chronicling the bowl games tomorrow night, when I proclaim a Guaranteed Win Night&#153 for the Froggies.

Drudge has it up that Kim Jong “Mentally” Il has packed it in.

Y’all know what that means…

PARRRRR-TEHHHHH!!!1!ONE!!!

Cowgirlz play tonight at Tampa Bay.&#160 Guaranteed Loss Night&#153.&#160 Recap either tomorrow or Monday.

Four women in history.

The first becomes pregnant through an act of prostitution.
The second is a prostitute.
The third is an enemy alien.
The fourth becomes pregnant through an act of adultery.

What might these women have in common?

What significance might this have in our lives?