Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

Well, Denizens, since the Texass stRangerS are getting their heads handed them once again  by the worst team in the American League (the annual July swoon is coming a little later than expected this year), and the C’boys are firmly ensonced in training camp…the re-launch of the Perfect Football Weekend™ couldn’t come at a better time. 

For those of you who are new to this blog, here’s the deal:  During the football season, I follow the adventures – or misadventures, in some cases – of six football teams which I like, and chronicle their exploits here.  I then invite you to do likewise in the comment section of each PFW post.

This year’s PFW teams are as follows:

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Okay, so the Shorts-In-A-Wad wing of the Evangelical Right™ is all up in arms over a Pete Sessions fund-raiser.

A political party hosted by Rep. Pete Sessions at a Las Vegas adult club has jaws dropping.
The event, in March 2007 at a club called Forty Deuce, raised money for the Dallas Republican’s political action committee, People for Enterprise Trade and Economic Growth.
Aides to Mr. Sessions, a self-described conservative, and others said the act was a mild burlesque show, but some conservative activists were aghast that the event was held at an adult club.
“What’s the difference?” asked Cathie Adams, president of the Texas Eagle Forum. “I don’t think that it’s representative of the constituents of the district. I’m in shock.”

(Gasp, ARRRRRRRGH~!!!!!!1!!!ONE1!)

Oh.  Puh.  Leeeeeeeeeeze.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


As if San Fran Nan Piglosi and Harry “What illegal real estate deals?” Greedyfingers are needing to cover their asses and make sure any other clueless fuck that can’t add 2+2 to figure out that they have more mortgage than income by passing the “Foreclosure Protection Act of 2008″, which of course the President has signed. Not the real relief we need, because this as the MarketWatch article states:

$300 billion in additional loan guarantees for the Federal Housing Administration, offer a temporary tax credit for first-time home buyers, and give money to local governments to buy foreclosed properties before they can blight the neighborhood.

Lovely, another $300 billion we all are going to have to pay for.

But buried in the fine print of this bill is this.

A slightly clearer explanation is here.

What this all comes down to is this. Big Brother, in the guise of the benevolent IRS, will be allowed to see ALL credit AND debit card transactions that occur. The author of all this invasion of our wallets? None other than San Fran Nan Piglosi. Can you say “DON’T WANT”? Yes, I knew you could.

Two things immediately come to mind. The first is Revelations 13:17 (I’ll leave the choice of translations to you). The second, time to get rid of any sort of plastic payment method and go to a strictly cash-only household. Until they start putting RFID transmitters in our paper money, or the first possibility occurs (see above).

Most transparent Congress in history, Piglosi you need to have you vision and intelligence checked cause you have no CLUE what that means.


Most of you probably saw or heard about the ranting, which we all promptly flushed down the crapper. Because we all know that’s exactly what the rant is — crap. Well ReasonOnline has a piece up on what the Gorebecil really meant by the fact that the U.S. must go “green” within 10 years.

Here’s a sample of the real “green”:

According to the Energy Information Administration, the existing capacity of U.S. coal, gas, and oil generating plants totals around 850,000 megawatts. So how much would it cost to replace those facilities with solar electric power?
Let’s use the recent announcement of a 280-megawatt thermal solar power plant in Arizona for $1 billion as the starting point for an admittedly rough calculation. Combined with a molten salt heat storage systems, solar thermal might be able to provide base load power.
Crunching the numbers (850,000 megawatts/280 megawatts x $1 billion) produces a total capital cost of just over $3 trillion over the next ten years.

Yes folks, that’s “Trillion” with a capital “T”. As if the current budget deficit isn’t enough, the Gorebecil in all his Gaia-enthralled intelligence just forgot to mention the cost. How quaint.

Apparently since the Gorebcil can afford to spend $16,533 a month of “green” power at his house (if you call it a “house” when it’s big enough to make Jed and Granny Clampett jealous), then he has zero problems with his conscience telling US FOLKS IN FLYOVER COUNTY that we HAVE to go 100% green on electricity production within 10 years.

Just who the fuck does this shitbag fatso think he really is??? Yo Al, in case you haven’t noticed YOU are getting as fat as the electric bills your fat arse is generating in that house of yours.

If you’re so damned pissy about getting the U.S. on green electricity in 10 years, how about coughing up some significant levels of “green” CASH for the project?

What’s that? You only tell us what the fuck we need to do, it’s not your place to fund your ideas (brain-dead as they are)??

Here’s a thought Gorebecil. Why don’t you, Breck Boy, and Hitlary all go investigate the lack of “green” electricity, love children, and universal health care in HELL. Be sure to take some sunblock, I hear the ozone hole is pretty big there. The people there are just screaming for a visit from a group like that!!!


Item:  A couple of weeks ago, the Bennigan’s Grill & Tavern chain began offering its menus in Spanish:

The new menus, which were placed in the chain’s 310 restaurants last month and are available upon request, have been well-received, a company executive said Monday.
“Hispanics purchase a meal outside of their home as many as four times a week, and we don’t want language to be a barrier,” Jennifer Gamble, Bennigan’s director of marketing, said in a statement. “This Spanish menu gives our servers that option when they need it.”

Apparently the menus weren’t that  well-received – Bennigan’s shut its doors after filing for Chapter 7 yesterday.

Hmmm.  Might not have been a good idea to pony up for those Spanish menus, eh guys? 

Justice.  Buford.  T.  Justice.

(Now, this is not to trivialize the plight of those employees hit hard by the resulting layoffs, nor to laugh at their misfortune.  You guys know me better than that.

It is  to point out that karma’s a real bitch to moronic bastards who try and kowtow to the illegal-alien community.  Maybe sooner, maybe later – but there will  be a reckoning, eventually.)


Politico’s got a sort-of puff piece on San Fran Nan Piglosi, The Shrieker Of The House™, and I was halfway trying to figure out the best way to do a rip job on the verbal methane that came from her stinking piehole.

Then I saw that Misha beat me to it.

There’s your reading assignment for tomorrow, Denizens.  It’s that good, and you’ll miss out if you don’t go take a look.

UPDATE:  LC Kwongdzu had the Line Of The Day™ yesterday in response to this Misha line:

And thanks to you, you’re just about the only surviving sentient being in this country who does still respect the office that you hold.

To which Kwongdzu replied:

Since when is Nancy Pelosi sentient?


Interesting news from the Blogosphere this evening:  Longtime (and yes, in the world of blogging, six years is a Long Time™) gun blogger Kim du Toit is retiring at the end of November.

Kim was, in part, responsible for my acquiring the Spatula City Arsenal of Freedom™, and his writings about any  subject can be counted on to be thoughtful, incisive and quite powerfully devastating to any socialist fucktard who dares to either read them or challenge them.  The man, put simply, is a superior intellect.

I cannot admit to reading his site all that often (time just doesn’t permit it), and obviously it is my extreme loss.  Now that opportunity is going to slip away, and it is a most sad day in the Blogosphere™ for it.

Godspeed, Mr. & Mrs.  Both you guys will be sorely missed.


… that a Congresskritter actually has a sense of humor. You can see the whole bill here.

But when it starts like this:

To provide for the transport of the enemy combatants detained in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba to Washington, D.C., where the United States Supreme Court will be able to more effectively micromanage the detainees by holding them on the Supreme Court grounds, and for other purposes.

So is this humor, a pork spending bill, or just a frivolous piece of legislation?


And the self-destruction of Amy Winehouse (at warp speed, no less) continues unabated.

The $64 billion question:  Why does anyone care?

UPDATE:  Yes, I know the article said it was just “meds”.  A cursory analysis of just what kind  of “meds” we’re talking about here would prove most illuminating, eh what?


All last year during football season, the Border Patrol conducted this ginormous-assed ad campaign for new recruits.  A big honkin’ sales pitch to see which of us were willing to go guard the border.

After this bullshit ruling, I can only conclude that no one in their right mind would willingly put themselves through such a fucking travesty of justice.

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals today affirmed the major counts against former Border Patrol agents Ignacio Ramos and Jose Compean, reversing only a minor obstruction of justice count.

Ramos and Compean are serving 11- and 12-year prison sentences, respectively, after a jury convicted them of violating federal gun laws and covering up the shooting of a drug smuggler as he fled back to Mexico after driving across the border with 743 pounds of marijuana in February 2005. U.S. Attorney Johnny Sutton’s office gave the smuggler, Osbaldo Aldrete-Davila, immunity to serve as the government’s star witness and testify against the border agents.

That would be Osbaldo Aldrete-Davila…known drug smuggling illegal alien pendejo  Osbaldo Aldrete-Davila.  To whom, I might add, illegal-alien-dick-sucking excuse-for-a-US-attorney Johnny Sutton gave immunity so that he could “testify” in a fucking kangaroo-court.  A kangaroo-court, moreover, that refused to let either Ramos or Compean offer the defense that would have cleared them.

The agents were convicted for assault, discharge of a weapon in the commission of a crime of violence, tampering with an official proceeding and deprivation of civil rights.
The court affirmed all convictions except for tampering with an official proceeding, which it vacated and remanded for resentencing.

In essence, Denizens, Ramos & Compean were thrown in federal prison for doing their fucking jobs.  For shooting a pene pendejo ilegal  in the ass after they both thought he’d pulled a gun on them.  And then being thrown under the legal bus by a motherfucking son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch named Johnny Sutton.

So why anyone with more than .1 of a brain would want to work for the Border Patrol – where you can apparently do everything right and still  get railroaded – is effin’ beyond me.

Ropes, trees, certain legal system officials (some of them black-robed sacks of shit):  Some assembly required. 


Capt. Carter (Base Weapons Officer): General, long-range sensors are tracking an inbound object. Identification computers indicate it is the reconnaissance droid we sent towards the Pegasus some time ago to infiltrate the Shelliak ships attempting to circle the Pegasus.

SG Rayegun: Captain, have the targeting computers on the rail guns been calibrated for long-range objects?

Carter: Sir, they’ve been cleared for short-range operation but we’ve only gotten them to 99.999% on long-range objects.

SG Rayegun: Then I suggest you get them fine tuned that last 0.001% on that recon droid. You have my leave to fire at will Captain.

Carter: Yes sir! Targeting droid with battery #1. Target locked.

{Carter speaks over the base intercom} Prepare for rail gun battery #1 firing.

Firing NOW!!

Carter: Sir, droid has been obliterated. Rail gun targeting is now at 100% accuracy.

SG Rayegun: Thank you Captain, you may cancel the Alert status.

Carter: Yes sir!

Well, with that little problem out of the way the Southern Command stands ready to do the same to any other “targets” that enter our surveillance range. Just as Spats has mentioned, I have for many years now ran the Area5Xp blog and for some…you should remember me from the BBS glory days.

Look for new posts from myself RSN (that’s “Real Soon Now” for those of you in Rio Linda).



Denizens, recall yesterday I mentioned that I was wanting multiple authors for the Realm™?  Well, that begins effective immediately.

Let me introduce you to Supreme General Rayegun, chief military officer out in the Southern Command of the Realm™, also known as Area 5Xp.  The General will be imparting wisdom, knowledge and after-action reports to those of us here in the Realm™ – soon as he…unnngh…

[Spats carries a big, bulky, robot-llke canister over to the torpedo launcher, dumps it on the conveyor belt, and watches as it glides into the bay.  He then shuts the door, secures it, walks over to an adjoining console and mashes one fist on a button, resulting in a slight jerking motion aboard Pegasus.

External view, we see the object launch from the forward torpedo tube, and sail about 10,000 kilometers before what look like jets thereupon fire and send the object on a heading of 180 mark 261.]

…soon as he takes back that reconnaissance droid he left here at the beginning of all this. 


Denizens, today is the day.  The IV project is now complete, and ready for deployment.

As you know, ever since Spatula City BBS! left the orbit of Planet Bogshplat, we’ve run on a platform of Movable Type 3.15.  And it’s served us well here, for the most part.

But, as Geddy Lee once said, “changes aren’t permanent – but change is”.  The time has come to part ways with Movable Type, and rebuild this fine blog upon another platform.

Therefore, later on today Spatula City BBS! will come down for a short period and convert from Movable Type 3.15 to WordPress 2.6.  With any luck, the changeover will be (other than the cosmetic appearance) relatively seamless.

There are three reasons for the conversion to WordPress:

1) This current version of MT doesn’t handle spam terribly well.  The filter, MT-Blacklist, is pretty much a reactive filter – you have to tell it what to block, and even then it’s not terribly efficient.  Our filter here is chock full, and still we continue to get spam-bombed.  I’m tired of having to deal with it all.

By contrast, WordPress is outfitted with a filter called Akismet.  It’s working extremely well on the Rott, and that hasn’t escaped my notice.

2) Ever since Mykki Chickenshit’s dick-sucking sycophant pussified minions decided to come in here and try shitting on my carpet, I’ve had to moderate comments.  That’s also tiresome.  Besides, I’m sure that The Six Or Seven Of You Who Still Read Me™ would prefer (as would I) to see your comments hit the blog in realtime.  WordPress will allow us to do that here.

3) MT’s “shareware” version (which is what this is) only allows for one author to a blog.  (The full version that allows multiple authors cost $69 two years ago, I can only guess it’s gone up since then, and I’m not independently wealthy.)

I have, for a long time now, wanted this blog to have multiple authors.  More authors means more posts, and potentially more traffic.

MERLIN:  Not to mention less work for you.

LSIK&T:  Shut up, conehead.


The plan is to build a Four Right Wing Wackos/Rott-style blog here, with multiple authors writing multiple posts per day.  More of My Eternal…


…uh, Our Eternal Wisdom™ for you, the masses.

The conversion will begin here in a bit.  Keep your eyes peeled.

UPDATE:  Ladies & gentlemen, welcome to the new Spatula City BBS!

Now that the migration is complete, we’ll see about adding some things that I’ve always meant to add to try and make the experience more like it was on the old BBS.

Feel free to look around. Have fun!

Update the 2nd:  The blogroll is not yet complete.  I’ll get it finished…

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:  Don’t tell me – Tuesday.

LSIK&T:  Would you go back to Veridian III and kick Soran’s ass?  I’m trying to run a blog here.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK:  Touchy, touchy.

Anyway, I’ll get it done soon as I can.  ThatIsAll™.


[SCENE:  In His Rudeness’ quarters.  Pegasus  is en route to the Shelliak homeworld, having destroyed its flagship without firing a shot.  Captain Korrioth, on orders from Lord Spatula, has dutifully transmitted footage of the “battle” to the Shelliak, along with a pointed message that they were not  happy campers.

Spats, having downed the aforementioned keg of peach-tea-flavored Theragen derivative, is now attempting to rest before the next encounter.  A chime, the location of which Our Hero™ cannot place, is insisting on his attention.

Spats sits up in bed, palms trying unsuccessfully to push back the throbbing migraine-like pain shooting out of his eye sockets.]

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >




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This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
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