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Probably the most boring PFW ever.

‘Sokay.&#160 Boring is good.

at #9 Oklahoma 26, Iowa State 6

at #21 Nebraska 20, Iowa 7

at #16 Wisconsin 45, #19 Penn State 7

at Dallas 20, Miami 19

And, I suppose if I want a fifth game to round things out, I have this one:

at Cincinnati 23, Cleveland 20

Oklahoma seems like it’s imploding.

Yeah, they lost Ryan Broyles for the year, plus they have other injuries, especially on defense.&#160 But they essentially sleep-walked through three of the four quarters of this game, not doing all that much against the Cyclone defense, save for the second quarter.&#160 They even let ISU take a lead out of the first quarter, courtesy of a botched punt snap that gave the Cyclones the ball at the OU 10.

However, that would be ISU’s offensive swan song for the day, as the elements (and the Sooner defense) pretty much shut both offenses down.

—

In the ’60s with USC, it was basically “student body left, student body right, student body up-the-middle” for the Trojan offense.

Substitute “Rex Burkhead” for “student body”, and you have the Nebraska offense.&#160 Burkhead carried the load for the Huskers Saturday:

Burkhead started the week with his right foot in a walking boot and finished it by running for 160 yards and a touchdown on a school-record 38 carries in Nebraska’s 20-7 victory Friday.

“A little sore — definitely a little sore,” Burkhead said afterward. “It feels good. It was a great win. To see the seniors go out in that fashion. That’s the best thing.”

[…]

After quarterback Taylor Martinez tweaked his left ankle on a first-quarter run, offensive coordinator Tim Beck told Burkhead that he would be the main man.

Was he ever.

—

How bad is the Cowgirlz’ secondary?

Third quarter, Fin ball at the Dallas 35.&#160 Matt Moore launches a deep ball towards Brandon Marshall.&#160 Terrence “Bust” Newman is on him, and hog-ties him at the two.&#160 We’re talking a WWE-style reverse chin-lock here.

And Marshall still&#160 catches the ball.

Add that to the two picks that “El Choko” threw on Dallas’ first two possessions, and you’d think it was a slam-dunk for the Fins, right?

Yeah, I’d think so, too.

But El Choko went 22-34-226 with two TD passes to Laurent Robinson, and Dan Bailey kicked the game-winner as time ran out, thus avenging the Leon Lett snow-game from 17 years ago.&#160 (Well, not really, but it feels good to say.)

—

Andy Dalton 21-31-270, and Mike Nugent kicked the game-winner with :38 left as Cincy is now at 7-4.

Not bad for the rookie from TCU, huh?&#160

—

Montee Ball, touchdown run.&#160 Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ball racked up 156 yards and four touchdowns on only 25 carries, and fellow Heisman candidate Russell Wilson added 186 yards and two more TDs on 19-of-29 passing as the Badgers cruised to another win at Camp Randall.

And because it was against Penn State, it’s an automatic PFW – never mind that none of my teams lost this week.&#160 (And in other games, Mizzou shut Turner’s offense down in the second half, beating Rock Chalk 24-10.)

This week:&#160 5-0 (the Cincy win counts, as well).&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved. (6)&#160 Overall:&#160 50-14.

The PFW will return Friday for the last full-schedule edition, and grouse about why I couldn’t attend a TCU game this year (grrrrr).

(Pun very definitely intended.)

Denizens, to officially&#160 start your week off, we have this from the Sibling Unit&#153:

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not…

… a Congress!

“Indeed”, as the Puppy Blender&#153 would say.

From that, we jump to some breaking news that’s hitting Fox as I type this (and confirmed by Drudge via CNN)…that Bawney Fag is bailing out on Congress.

Merry Christmas, Denizens!&#160

“What would a commercial with me be without an incredible offer like this?”

Uh…barely watchable?

Denizens, remember last year when I lamented what it appeared one Destiny Hope “Miley” Cyrus was turning into?

Shame, Miley. Given who your dad is, we out here were hoping you’d spare us a modicum of angst by not becoming a clone of Britney Spears. That you might grow up to be someone we’d want our daughters to emulate – someone wholesome, upright, even pure (relatively speaking, anyway).

Guess we can’t have everything we want in life, huh?

Well, Denizens?&#160 Chalk up yet one more WITY&#153 for Der Spatulameister (hat tip:&#160 411mania):

Miley Cyrus is a “pothead” and apparently she doesn’t care who knows it.

At least that was the “party line” at her private 19th birthday bash last week at the Roosevelt Hotel Beacher’s Madhouse Club in Los Angeles. In a video obtained exclusively by Flash, when Kelly Osbourne presents a cake to Cyrus emblazoned with the face of a ganja icon, the former “Hannah Montana” star cracks, “You know you’re a stoner when friends make you a Bob Marley cake — you know you smoke way too much f***in’ weed.”

[…]

Of late, it seems the former child star has gone to great lengths to distance herself from a clean pop image, including hosting “Saturday Night Live” this year and dissing Disney child actors. Can another “SNL” sketch with dead-on Cyrus impersonator Vanessa Bayer be in the works?

Can a prison career a la&#160 Lindsey “My Breasts Have Been a Big Hit” Lohan be far behind?

Outside of the Magnolia state, this game had no importance, but last evening Mississippi State beat Ole Miss 31-3 in their annual match-up. MSU is now bowl bound with a 6-6 record, while Ole Miss is through, and is looking for a new head coach.

For State fans, this officially a PFW! 🙂

Unfortunately, Denizens, I don’t have any stories to tell about having kicked an Occupussy’s ass during my Black Friday shopping experience (yes, I went – scored myself a damn good monitor, too), so here’s something gleaned from the Backyard&#153, courtesy of my sister-in-law:

Note, if you will, that this particular laptop is running…Ubuntu.

Cool, huh?&#160

(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun.&#160 Of a rerun.&#160 Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.&#160 Bite Sue me, mkay?&#160 I’m busy cooking. )

…

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.&#160 I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.&#160 This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:

First of all, let me once again apologize for not blogging as much as I wish I could.&#160 Ideally, I’d be cranking out two or three posts a day.&#160 There’s certainly that much going on in the world, and it tears at my gut to be missing the opportunities to write about these things.&#160 Pains me even more to think that you, the Denizens, are missing out on most of My Eternal Wisdom&#153.&#160

The fact is that I simply have not had time to do one of the things that I enjoy more than I ever thought I would – writing.&#160 I never for a moment, sitting in my first ever English Composition college class twenty-five years ago, taught by a guy I believed to be an idiot, thought that I would ever come to the point that I actually got a kick out of slapping thoughts on page.

Amazing how things change.

But, I digress.&#160 There’s not been enough time.&#160 There’s never&#160 been enough time, but that’s beside the point.&#160 I’ve been swamped at work, and that’s when I’m not trying to renew a certification.&#160 This is taking me away from the chores I need to be doing – keeping the house clean, doing the laundry in a timely fashion, cleaning the kitchen, picking up dog crap off the carpet, those sorts of things.&#160 Plus, there’s the chore of moving, which (for this year, anyway) means squeezing three bedrooms full o’ stuff that was already packed into two bedrooms, and trying to fit it all into a one-bedroom apartment.&#160 And when I do finally get around to those things, they keep me from doing stuff I like to do – like surfing the Web and writing these columns.

Which brings me around to the topic at hand.&#160 Thanksgiving’s today, and it’s a good time to kick back and tick off the things for which your obdt.&#160 svt.&#160 (a little Blackie Sherrod lingo, there) is thankful:

God.&#160 The God of the Bible.&#160 The God of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, David and Solomon.&#160 That&#160 God.&#160 Not Allah, not Muhammad, not Cthulu, not crystals and/or chakras and/or trees.&#160 God.&#160 Too damned few of us show our Creator too damned little appreciation for everything He’s given us, and do trust me when I tell you that that little tidbit has not&#160 escaped His attention.

Broadband.&#160 Forney didn’t get it on a widespread basis – but I have Verizon FiOS Time Warner Cable AT&T U-verse now, and I rock yet again…(though, as soon as Verizon FiOS comes to Arlington… (grin))

…

And finally (though this list is by no means complete) – you Denizens who keep coming back to the site in hopes that I’ve updated it.&#160 Without you guys, why am I doing this?&#160 Thanks very much for being here.

And Happy Thanksgiving.&#160 Remember the Source from whom the blessings originate…

Denizens, this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend starts out with a game of “What Took You So Fuckin’ Long?”

Five years ago, the National Collegiate Athletic Association – otherwise known as the NatCollAthAsses – banned the use of Injun names (yeah, I said it – you PC-types can shove it) for its member organizations.&#160 Among the universities affected were the U of North Dakota Fighting Sioux.

Back then, the university made noises about taking the AthAsses to court.

Five schools changed or are changing their nickname, including Midwestern State in Wichita Falls, which became the Mustangs. One school was allowed to keep its nickname but was put on a watch list. The University of North Dakota announced that state officials voted to sue the NCAA to keep its Fighting Sioux nickname.

Well, the other day, they found an ally.

GRAND FORKS, N.D., Nov. 1 (UPI) — The Spirit Lake tribe Tuesday sued the NCAA for blocking its attempt to let the University of North Dakota use the sports nickname Fighting Sioux.

Tribal attorney Reed Soderstrom said the lawsuit filed in U.S. District Court challenges the NCAA’s policy banning the use of Native American names and imagery by collegiate athletic teams.

He said the suit against the National Collegiate Athletic Association was brought on behalf of more than 1,004 members of the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe “in direct response to their attempt to take away and prevent the North Dakota Sioux Indians from giving their name forever to the University of North Dakota” despite a tribal vote in 2009 and a “sacred and religious spiritual ceremony” by tribal leaders in 1969 that granted “perpetual use” of the name to the school.

About damned time someone fought back against the PC bullshit.&#160 Said it before, will say it again – who the Hell&#153 appointed these assholes to be our moral arbiters?

Let’s get to the football before we stuff ourselves silly.&#160 Normally, this being Thursday, there’d be a Heights game – but Killeen took care of that, and I don’t have any other skins in this particular game (Sulphur Springs obligingly declined to be good enough to get past the area round of the playoffs); however, it’s Thanksgiving, so that means Cowboys-Cowboys-Cowboys, buddy (a little SportsRadio 1310-The Ticket lingo, there).

Today, it’s Miami at the Death Star – and, unlike 18 years ago, there’s no snow in the forecast, so there won’t be a repeat of Leon Lett’s blunder.&#160 The Fins won the preseason finale in Miami; however, even though they’re playing better of late, it still shouldn’t be good enough to beat El Choko and the ‘Girlz.

Tomorrow, instead of chucking up a hairball against the Cyclones of Iowa State, 21st-ranked Nebraska will host Iowa’s other&#160 major-college team at Lincoln – that being the Hawkeyes of Iowa.&#160 Iowa hasn’t been great this year, so you’d think this should be a gimme.

Then again, so was Northwestern.

Bo’s boys are a 9&#189-point favorite at home, so let this one scare you a bit.

Speaking of Iowa State, they’ll be the sacrificial lamb at Norman on Saturday, as Bob Stoops’ ninth-ranked Sooners take their Baylor frustrations out on the Cyclones.&#160 OU’s a 28&#189-point favorite at Memorial Stadium – this one’s gonna get real ugly, real fast.

Also Saturday, Bucky (having been plugged in for Arlington Heights) will get to feast on Nittany Lion at Camp Randall as Penn State comes calling.&#160 Bucky’s a 15&#189-point favorite, and the rule is in place – they win, and it’s an automatic PFW, no matter what else happens.&#160 Suffice to say, I like my odds.

In other games, it could be Turner Gill’s swan song as Rock Chalk gets hammered by Mizzou at Arrowhead Stadium in Kansas City.&#160 Honestly, I don’t foresee KU bringing my old friend back for another year, do you?

And TCU is off this week – which is probably good news for BCS-chance killer Ross Evans, as he got himself in a bit of a legal dustup this past week.

TCU kicker Ross Evans faces a misdemeanor charge of criminal trespassing after he kicked in an apartment door while trying to retrieve a cellphone for a friend of a friend, Denton police said Monday.

Been nice knowing you, Mr. Evans.&#160 Patterson should kick your ass off the squad yesterday.

We’re back Monday or so with the recap – Sunday, if I can get over my L-tryptophan hangover by then.&#160 In the meantime…happy Thanksgiving, HDD.

Those of you who have read me for any&#160 length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.&#160 Go ahead.&#160 Click it.&#160 I effin’ dare&#160 you.

And turn it up.&#160 Waaaaaay&#160 up.&#160 &#160 )

That’s right, sportz fanz:&#160 It’s vacation time for His Rudeness&#153.&#160 A chance to Get Away From It All&#153, as it were.

Thanks to Bambi & his shitty economy, though, Mrs. Venomous & I are staying in town and not doing a helluva lot, due to the money just not being there.

MRS. VENOMOUS:&#160 Ohhhhhh, don’t worry, sweetie.&#160 We’ll find plenty&#160 of things to do. (wink)

VENOMOUS:&#160

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.&#160 General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Occutards down there in the Southern Command&#153, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…?&#160

One.

On a rerun of the program Gene Simmons Family Jewels, I have just overheard Gene saying he was responsible for developing the careers of the group Pet Shop Boys.

Reaction:&#160 Oh, shit – you mean it’s all his&#160 fault?&#160

If this bastard is that good…then explain Kansas State, A&M, Oklahoma State and Rock Chalk.

Arlington Heights 25, Killeen 60 (Area round, AHHS eliminated)

at #19 TCU 34, Colorado State 10

#5 Oklahoma 38, at #22 Baylor 45

#16 Nebraska 17, at #18 Michigan 45

Dallas 27, at Warshington 24 (OT)

As expected, the team from Fort Worth, which divides its talent up amongst some, what, 15 high schools?…got its ass handed them by the team from Killeen, which throws all its&#160 talent into one facility.

(Side note:&#160 the only Texas city that can divide its talent like so and get away with it?&#160 Down there in something called the “Southern Command”.&#160 Bite me, General. :-/ )

Anyway, 9-3 for the boys from Fort Worth.&#160 Ged Kates can keep his job another year – but dammit, son, you need to find you a secondary.

—

El Choko damned near pulled another defeat from the jaws of victory.

In overtime, having driven the Cowboys deep into Foreskin territory, and having lined up for the game-winning field goal, Romo noticed that the clock was winding down, and rose to call a timeout.

One slight, almost trivial problem:&#160 He didn’t have one to call – the Cowboys had already used their two allotted for the overtime period.

That would&#160 have been a fifteen-yard penalty, making the FG attempt a 54 yarder – which, had rookie sensation Dan Bailey kicked it the same way, would have drifted over into the next county.

Fortunately for Dallas…Warshington also&#160 called a timeout a split-nanosecond before El Choko committed his potential clusterfark.&#160 The resulting 39-yarder was just barely inside the upright for the win.

Other than that, it was a fairly uninspired outing for the local heroes – the offense sputtered against an okay Foreskin defense, Rob Ryan’s boys once again proved that they can’t stop Rex-Fucking-Grossman, of all people, and even the kick-coverage teams suffered brain farts all day long.&#160 (Which has kinda been de rigueur&#160 for them this season; if I’m the Red-Headed Jesus&#153, I’m casting one slitted eye in Joe DeCamilis’ direction.)

Oh, well – a win is a win is a win, so…

—

Used to be that three losses in a season would start the calls for the Nebraska head coach’s ass on a platter.&#160 Let’s hope the Husker faithful return to form someday.

That was an effing embarrassment in Ann Arbor Saturday.&#160 Probably even moreso than the Northwestern game.&#160 NU simply doesn’t have any answer for a fleet-footed quarterback, it seems – and the Wolverines kicked Husker ass early, late & often Saturday.

I’ve really seen all I want to see of Bo Pelini as a head coach.&#160 His players may run through walls for him (a plus point I’d given him several years ago), but if they keep playing like crap while doing so, doesn’t that suggest the coaching may not be up to par?

And I’m really starting to grow increasingly uncomfortable with Taylor Martinez as a quarterback.&#160 The trajectory of the ball as it comes off his hand just does not inspire confidence in me nowadays.&#160 Are we sure he’s not hurt?

NU has a lot of work to do if it wants to be competitive in the Big Ten Eleven Twelve Ten going forward.

—

After seven long years, Colorado State finally gave TCU the game I’ve been fearing they’d give them.

This was not an easy victory at all for the Froggies.&#160 CSU outworked them, outhustled them, out-physicaled them – and, had they been successful on a few more offensive plays, would have out-pointed them.&#160 (And it was by a freshman quarterback making his first start, no less, so how much of an “awshit” would that&#160 have been?)

Nonetheless, a fortuitous defensive play sealed the win for Gary’s bunch – Tank Carder’s 69-yard pick-six gave TCU the momentum it needed to finish off the Rams.&#160 And Waymon James continued to show why he’s the best Frog back this year – 108 yards on 15 carries, and no fumbles&#160 (Ed Wesley, call your office and quit reading your press clippings).

The Frogs clinched a share of the Mountain West crown Saturday, and they’ll run to the Big XII with it in a couple weeks when they demolish UNLV here in Ft. Worth.

—

I’m sorry.&#160 ARRRRR GEEEEE THREEEEE!!!!!!ONE!!1!!ELEVENTY!!1!&#160 flat-out isn’t that good of a quarterback.

Yes, he all but confirmed for us that OU doesn’t have a secondary (widdle Sethie Doggy-Style of Guns-Up-In-Loser-Formation-Tech showed us that a couple weeks back) – but if he’s all that and a bag of moldy chips…

…why did Kansas State beat him?

…why did A&M and Oklahoma State torch&#160 him?

…why did Rock “0-for-the-Big XII” Chalk only lose to him by one fucking point?

(And let’s not forget that, had it not been for the fact that TCU has a piece of shit for a kicker, he wouldn’t have beaten the Frogs, either.)

“Heisman candidate” my ass.

No, I didn’t watch the game.&#160 Didn’t care to.&#160 But I can tell you this – if the game was played in Waco (and it was), then – aside for the shitty OU secondary – there had to have been some homer calls from the zebras in the game.&#160 (The TCU game proved that in spades.)

All that said – Bob Stoops, your assignment for next year is the same as Ged Kates’ is:&#160 Find some effing cover people.

This week:&#160 2-3 (the Dallas win counts for&#160 me this week, because ain’t No Way In Hell&#153 I’m pulling for Warshington).&#160 Overall:&#160 45-14.

(Oh, by the way – Rock Chalk got shellacked by A&M (they finally got a lead even they couldn’t give up), and Bucky eased past the Illini in Champaign.)

The PFW will return Thursday (I hope), because of the Cowboy game.&#160 Have no idea what I’ll talk about, but I’m sure something will come up…

Two.

Three.

Four.