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Proving once again that she’s good for one thing, and one thing only

President Obama’s job approval is down with many Americans – but not with Eva Longoria.


Longoria, who told Kimmel she knows Obama well from her advocacy work on Latino issues, said she took advantage of her time with the President to tell him that he has her support.

“He’s been governing in, like, a state of emergency since the time he went into office,” said Longoria, who added that “we haven’t really seen him do what he can do.”

She also took the opportunity to slam what she called “an extremist movement happening” that threatens to derail the commander-in-chief.

Longoria called the movement “very dangerous because it’s not the character of America.”

The actress didn’t mention the Tea Party by name but when Kimmel asked her specifically about the conservative group she said she can see how it might be “a source for good comedy.”

Yeah, just like we can see how you might be good for – oh, I dunno – porn…?

Cupid Stunt™.


Denizens, in this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, we’re going to integrate the lead-in with the actual schedule.

My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have the Eastern Hills Highlanders (Highlanders?  There can be only one, y’know) tonight at Farrington.  It’s yet another Thursday game for the Jackets, who play six of their ten games this year on Thursday night.

Memo to the FWISD’s athletic department:  They call it “Friday  Night Lights” for a reason, y’know.

Anyway, Eastern Hills will be a tougher test for Heights, but not one they can’t handle.  That is, unless they start gaping at the drill team up in the stands.  Yowzah.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  KA-BONGGGGGG!!!!!

…uh, ow. 

Saturday, 20th-ranked TCU finally learns whether it’s learned anything from the torching that Baylor’s (hack, spit) Donna-McCrabbs-wannabe, ARRRR GEEEE THREEEE!!!!1!!ONE!!11!, gave them.  They’re at home against the Shitland Ponies of Stan & Muffy University, good ol’ SMUT, who like to throw the ball all over the lot.

TCU’s not a lock for this one (don’t let the -13 in the Vegas odds fool you), so don’t be surprised if I’m in a very  snarly mood come Monday.

Oklahoma’s reward for handling Mizzou at home last Saturday?  A drop to the number-two ranking, behind Swamp Gas U. out in Baton Rouge.  (Memo to the AP:  Mizzou’s better than West Virginia, mkay?  I like LSU okay, but they do not  deserve to be number one.)

Anyway, Stoops’ crew will take out their frustrations on Ball State, who comes to Norman to be a sacrificial lamb (Vegas is giving them 38, and that’s not gonna be near  enough).  Expect the second team early in this one.

Bo Pelini’s eighth-ranked Nebraska Cornuskers have it toughest of all.  They get to go to Camp Randall Stadium to play seventh-ranked Bucky.  I’d pay money to go see this one.

Bucky’s a 9½-point favorite here, which is sort of an insult to the Huskers.  Field goal decides this one.

Sunday, Nick Fairley makes his debut in the Detroit defensive line.  Right next to Ndamukong Suh.  And Kyle Vanden Bosch.

And it would  be against Dallas.  (sigh)  Sorry, sportz fanz – the Cowgirlz don’t win this one.

Elsewhere, Turner Gill’s swiss-cheese secondary gets roasted, as Texas Tech comes a-calling to give Rock Chalk a royal spanking.  Vegas is being generous – they’re only favoring Tech by 6½.  Mheh.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  And I’m kinda glad HDD isn’t around right now – he might wanna put money on Husker-Bucky…


Y’know, Denizens, I had  been wanting to associate myself with the Tea Party.  I mean, what’s not to like?  We both think we’re overtaxed, we both want government to return to conservative, Constitutional principles, we both want a conservative in the White House…right?


Wellllllll, not so fast there, Sparky.  Looks like the Tea Party – at least, the organized  one – has jumped the shark.

After last Thursday’s debate, in which both Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich outshone both of the purported frontrunners, the question of whether primary Republican voters will choose their nominee according to conventional wisdom as to what makes a candidate electable or according to personal preferences and conservative principles has been (somewhat) reopened.

Well, I don’t know about Cain.  I think that was a case of Big Dickhead Perry shooting himself in the foot, combined with the fact that Mittens isn’t going to get elected dogcatcher in FLA.

But Ms. Korbe, if you think Newt Gingrich can outshine a black hole, I’ve a bridge I wanna sell you.

Anyway, continuing on…

But Cain’s surprise upset in the Florida straw poll this weekend was a forcible reminder that Perry and Romney aren’t technically alone in the race — and that Republicans are willing to reassert preference and principle in symbolic ways, at least. In that vein, Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips recently endorsed eloquent debater Newt Gingrich.

That would be the Gingrinch that sat on the couch with San Fran Nan Pig-lousi.  That would be the Gingrinch that sided with Bambi on Bambicare.  That would be the Gingrinch that called us “right-wing social engineers”.  And he included you  in that, Juddy baby.

And that’s who you want to see as President.

G’night, Tea Party.  Be sure to run over a few cacti in your slide to oblivion, hm?


Quick, who’s the best kicker on the Cowboyz’ roster?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Buehler?

Uh, no. 

Arlington Heights 41, Trimble Tech 0

at #20 TCU 55, Portland State 13

at #1 Oklahoma 38, Missouri 28

#9 Nebraska 38, at Wyoming 14

at Dallas 18, Washington 16

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >



On July 5, 2011, presidential candidate Abdul K. Hassan asked the United States Federal Elections Commission to issue a ruling as to his rights and obligations under the various federal election laws including the Federal Election Campaign Act (“FECA”). After an open meeting on September 1, 2011, during which the issues were intensely deliberated, the FEC unanimously voted (6-0) the next day. The FEC ruled that I can run for President and can solicit and receive contributions.

As I understand, Mr. Hassan was born in Guyana,

Also, consider this:

As a naturalized American citizen, the natural born provision of the Constitution prevents me from becoming President. However, in my view, this prohibition has been trumped by the equal protection guarantee of the Fifth Amendment of the Constitution which prohibits the sort of national origin discrimination that is contained in the natural born provision.
It is also my view that the Citizenship Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, in essence, placed naturalized and natural born citizens on equal footing and in so doing, abrogated and trumped the discrimination against naturalized citizens that is contained in the natural born provision.


Oh, this  is choice.  Check out this headline (h/t Drudge):

Greek default would destroy faith in Europe: Merkel

Faith?  What  faith?

“We need to take steps we can control,” Merkel said, drawing a parallel between the Greek situation and that of Lehman, whose bankruptcy helped trigger the global financial crisis.

“What we can’t do is destroy the confidence of all investors mid-course and get a situation where they say that if we’ve done it for Greece, we will also do it for Spain, for Belgium, or any other country. Then not a single person would put their money in Europe anymore.”

What I wanna know is:  what fool is throwing money into that  socialist hellhole?

Seriously.  If you’re hemorrhaging money into that  pit, come see me.  I can put that money to far  better use.

I need a 2012 Mustang.  Convertible.  Black.  With a DVD/Blu-ray player.


Hell, I’ll even give you one of my t-shirts for your trouble.



Denizens, this week’s Perfect Football Weekend gets rolling with Yet Another Reason Why I Call Them The New York Football Douchebags™.

Early on Monday night, the St. Louis Rams were going all LA-Laker-Showtime on the D-bags, running them ragged with a no-huddle offense.  The NFC East’s resident pussies couldn’t cope, and were faced with having to find a way to slow things down.

Enter the “injury bug”.  (And yes – I’m using sneer quotes for a reason.)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


My teams seems to have developed this disturbing trend of showing up extremely late for games before coming through at the end.

MERLIN:  Maybe they’re taking after you…?

VENOMOUS:  Aww hush, you.


Arlington Heights 14, OD Wyatt 7

at #23 Texas Christian 38, Louisiana Monroe 17

#1 Oklahoma 23, at #5 Florida State 13

at #10 Nebraska 51, UWashington 38

Dallas 27, at San Transsexual 24 (OT)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Got this from an old Fido friend, Seanette Blaylock, who in turn go it from someone else! :)

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These southern boys will be dropped in Afghanistan knowing only these facts about terrorists: 1. Hunting season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, John Wayne or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. The Pentagon expects the problem to be over by Monday!


Hey denizens, it’s the General checking in.

Sorry I’ve been absent of late but there’s been more pressing items that have needed my attention. One being some threatening wildfires that breached the 25-mile perimeter markers on the northeast side of the base and then last week another one that breached the 20-mile perimeter markers on the southwest side.

All is well now due to what appears to be some sort of “extreme condensation particulate” falling from the sky. The R&D folks have been testing this “condensation” but as of yet they have not reported their findings. Most of the general populace are befuddled as my R&D staff appears to be, but luckily no major incidents have been reported.

Please continue to pray, and if possible, support, those affected by the major wildfire in Bastrop, TX. The last count showed well over 1,000 homes were lost. With another 400 or so in the wildfires here closer to home. These families are in need of something we as Americans always know what to do, and do it best…..a helping hand. Texans are a strong lot, we will recover. We will bounce back. It may take some time, but it will happen.

Flags here on base are ay half-mast today as this marks the one-year anniversary of the Generalette’s father’s passing. Her sadness is tempered by the fact that the long-awaited remodeling of the master bathroom at the General’s residence has now commenced. The Generalette and myself spent several glorious hours last weekend demolishing various aspects of said bathroom and our chosen contractor has begun the process of putting things back together per our design requirements just today. Completion should only take 2-3 more days.

Other minor issues continue, but there are the stuff of daily life here at the Southern Command. Now if I can just nail down that Darth character long enough to inform him to quite taking artistic liberties with what my Public Affairs staff discloses things will be much calmer…

I’ve just been handed a report hot off the laser printer over in the R&D office. They can now confirm that the “extreme condensation particulate” falling from the sky is (or was) common rain. Their report states that due to the lack of recent empirical evidence to refer back to, the testing of the material had to shift to a spectographical nature under extremely controlled conditions. They did mention in the report also that the testing was aided by the seemingly abundant amount of test material and the broad geographic locations from where test samples could be gathered from. This report has eased the nerves of the entire base population, and the kids seemed to enjoy it as well.



Denizens, we start off this somewhat-late edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ with the ultimate in offensive stra-tee-gery (a little Rush lingo, there):  Don’t let your opponents have the ball.

Because of the great variety in high school sports, it’s exceedingly rare that a statistic pops up that is nearly unfathomable. Yet, in a much ballyhooed Arkansas matchup between perennial power Little Rock (Ark.) Pulaski Academy and Cabot (Ark.) High, one figure in particular jumped off the page: Pulaski led the game 29-0 before Cabot ever ran a play.


After winning the opening coin toss, Pulaski drove down the field for a touchdown. Immediately following the score, the Bruins lined up to kick off … and used an onside kick. Moments later, the team was back in the end zone, celebrating another touchdown. As Pulaski lined up for another kickoff, it would have seemed almost unthinkable that it try another onside kick. It did, and it recovered it again, and scored again.

Guess what happened next? Another onside kickoff, another recover and another touchdown. After only 4:25 had elapsed, the then-No. 99 team in the RivalsHigh 100 led 29-0.

Quickly on to the football.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are taking on OD Wyatt even as I type this.  It’s raining here right now, so it’ll be a contest to see who can hang onto the ball.

Tomorrow, Gary Patterson’s 23rd-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs have their home opener against Louisiana-Monroe.  This probably should’ve been TCU’s Game 1 on the schedule – and, if it had been, with the Froggies getting all the kinks out of their game early on, I don’t think we’re talking about ARR GEE THREE  and the rest of Baylor’s stupid-assed little cubbies.  Heed the word, Gary.

The Toadies are a 31-point Vegas favorite, and I doubt it’ll be that close, unless backup QB Matt Brown plays the fourth quarter.

Tomorrow night, Bob Stoops will take his top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners down to Tallahassee, Fla, to play the Seminoles.  While Fla State got blown out in Norman last year, the game the swamp is pretty much a tossup to Vegas (OU -4).  Basically, the longer the ‘Noles hang around, the worse OU’s prospects.

Also tomorrow, what should  be a classic revenge game takes place tomorrow in Lincoln, as Bo Pelini’s 10th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers take on the UWarshngton Huskies.  If I’m Bo, I’m reminding my Huskers of the Holiday Bowl last year, when Widdle Jakie Fucker Focker Locker, aka “Ryan Leaf without the talent”, basically embarrassed them.

Doubt Bo will, though – last year’s outburst during that game has pretty much neutered him, and he’s likely on a short leash with NU’s brass.  I’ll settle for the 17½ points by which Big Red is favored.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowgirlz are in San Transsexual to try and keep from getting buggered by the FairyWhiners.

Now, I hate to say that this is a “must-win” game for the ‘Girlz – primarily because last year, they found themselves in just such a situation against Shit-cago, having just lost a game they should  have won against Warshington – they started off well enough, but after Da Bears figured out their blitz package, essentially ripped Dallas apart.

And if you think last  week was embarrassing, imagine what it’ll feel like to lose to Alex “Bust” Smith and the FairyWhiners’ “offense”.  No West Coast Offense this, it does well enough to keep out of its own way.

I expect Dallas to get torched.

I’d put Kansas in this week, but they’re at Georgia Tech, and the Ramblin’ Wreck is a 15-point favorite at home, and I just don’t trust Rock Chalk that well yet.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, Northern Illinois’ reward for playing the Jayhawks close last week…is to get mauled at home by Bucky.  My question to HDD, therefore, is:  Only  a 17-point favorite?


Looks like Malicious Malkin is having a little trouble handling the flak she’s rightly getting for her continuous kvetching about Rick Perry.

(UPDATE:  You might be thinking that it’s no big deal that ol’ Malicious comments in her own thread.  Unless you’ve been reading her for a while, and realize that she hardly ever  comments in her threads, much less leaves a second  one – like this was.)

In response to this comment

On September 15th, 2011 at 4:18 pm, theporch said:

I have been reading Michelle’s site for several years now. Seems like she has nothing good to say about any of the Republicans running for office. It seems she is wanting to ensure that obummer gets reelected in 2012. I have in the past, almost exclusively agreed with Michelle but something has changed. She seems to have changed. I have come to the conclusions that she has become very bitter. Sorry Michelle.

…ol’ Malicious bleated the following:

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


So I guess now we know why Timmeh Pawlenty(of shit) didn’t have the stones to confront Mittens on Rombamacare in Massachusetts, huh?

Tim Pawlenty admitted tonight that he had erred by retreating from attacking Mitt Romney on “Obamneycare” during the debate Monday night.

“I should have been much more clear,” Pawlenty told Sean Hannity. “I don’t think we can have a nominee that was involved in the development and construction of Obamacare and continues to defend it.”

Yeah, well – it turns out T-Paw was harboring a secret man-crush on ol’ Mittens.

One month ago Tim Pawlenty was on a stage in Iowa debating against Mitt Romney, but today the former Minnesota governor – no longer in the presidential race – became a national co-chair for Romney’s campaign.

“Mitt Romney is fighting for the same things I fought for as governor and during my campaign for president,” Pawlenty said today. ” As a former blue state governor, I appreciate what Mitt was able to do in Massachusetts. He created jobs and balanced his budgets without raising taxes – even with an over eighty percent Democrat legislature. That ability to get things done is what we need in our nominee.”

Modified Stockholm Syndrome, anyone?

Well, that’ll  put Mittens over the top, ayup.  What was Buttmunch polling when he dropped out – something like two, three percent?  That puts Rombo within sight of…Perry’s exhaust!  He’ll overtake ‘im Any Day Now™, I tells ya!


That’s it.  Candace, you can have him.  I’ve had enough of that son-of-a-bitch.

Arlington Heights 52, Carter-Riverside 0

#25 Texas Christian 37, at Air Force 19

at #10 Nebraska 42, Fresno St 29

at Kansas 45, Northern Illinois 42

Dallas 24, at NY Jets 27

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


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