Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:36
The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official annoucement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.
Okay, so I lied. This is the last-ever blog post.
Then again, I rather doubt anyone other than me will ever read this, so…
First things first: It was ten (10) years ago today – also a Saturday, as fate would have it – that I challenged the so-called Rev’r’nnnnnnnnnnd Mykeru of the Church of the SubTarded – known forever hereinafter as “Mykki Chickenshit” – to come out from behind his M-1 and his inflatable dolls and $66-wielding sock puppets, and show up on my doorstep and spew his anti-Christian bullshit to my face.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 0:01
ALL PERSONNEL, please read enclosed.
THAT IS AN ORDER!
General Claus’ Visit
To: All Personnel
_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2014. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:
_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.
_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2014. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2014.
_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.
_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2014, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.
_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.
_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2014, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.
_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”
_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.
_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.
__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
OIC, Special Services
At ease, troops.
Posted by David Hartung @ 12:12
This actually happened a while back, but it seems that not all Federal judges have drank the “marriage equality” koolaid. Check this out.
Posted by David Hartung @ 10:53
My friends, on this day in 1945, Germany surrendered and the European side of World War II came to a close. The problem is that many, of not most of our countrymen have no idea of this, they have no understanding of just how many gave their lives to drive back tyranny.
I would like to request that each of you who read this, tell at least two others of the heroism of our soldiers in that war so many years ago. let’s impress upon them the fact that had we not won that war, the world would be a much worse place than it is today.
Posted by David Hartung @ 10:16
This has been making the email rounds. Looks like it just might have possibilities:
What a clever idea! Yes, Christmas cards. This is coming early so that you can get
ready to include an important address to your list.
Want to have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD this year.
As they are working so very hard to get rid of the CHRISTMAS part of this holiday, we should all send them a nice, CHRISTIAN card to brighten up their dark, sad, little world.
Make sure it says “Merry Christmas” on it.
Here’s the address, just don’t be rude or crude. (It’s not the Christian way, you know.)
125 Broad Street
New York , NY 10004
Two tons of Christmas cards would freeze their operations because they wouldn’t know if any were regular mail containing contributions.
So spend 44 cents and tell the ACLU to leave Christmas alone.
Also tell them that there is no such thing as a “Holiday Tree”. . . It’s always been called a CHRISTMAS TREE!
And pass this on to your email lists. We really want to communicate with the ACLU! They really DESERVE us!!
For those of you who aren’t aware of them, the ACLU, (the American Civil Liberties Union) is the one suing the U.S. Government to take God, Christmas or anything Christian away from us. They represent the atheists and others in this war.
Help put Christ back in Christmas!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:05
Denizens, I have a special prayer request today for you guys:
Not sure if I ever mentioned this, but late last year the Mothergoose from Denton was forced by the state (albeit indirectly) to close her home-based water testing business. (A license the state said she needed to continue was cost-prohibitive to acquire.) Thus, she became a statistic. She’s managed to glom onto a job in a lab with low pay and a massive (try three hours one-way) commute, but she’s at least got a job for now.
Now for the request: She’s got a bead on a possible new position that pays a little more (barely), but with only a 50-minute commute. She has a good chance of getting this job, but she could use our prayers, nonetheless.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:10
Denizens, there will be a slight delay in posting the Resolutions for 2009, as well as the Year in Review.
(Translation: I don’t feel much like writing right now. Bleh.)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 13:07
Those of you who have not yet registered to comment here will need to use another email address besides Gmail.
Because of spambots that are trying to invade ThisFineBlog, I’ve had to blacklist that domain.
Sorry. Hopefullly, at some point, I can turn Gmail back on.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 15:32
Denizens, I have three major posts to work on – well, two majors and a minor, anyway (grin) – so between now and Thursday, there’ll probably be a lot of Grab-Bag stuff.
It’ll still be good, don’t get me wrong – but you’ll probably have seen it before.
(General, if you have anything original, now’d be a good time.)
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:06
As of right now, I’m as ashamed to be an American as I’ve ever been. And I’m ashamed to be a resident of Dallas County.
Happily, I can correct the latter. Fixing the former will take some doing.
Barack HUSSEIN!!! Obambi, the Manchurian Muslim, the Dickless Wonder, the “Messiah”, Jugears McHopenchange, managed to steal the election last night with the help of: a) the Lame Stream Mediots, who have cast aside all pretense of being in the tank for this feckless jackass, b) ACORN, who couldn’t illegally register enough illegal voters fast enough, and c) illegal aliens, who benefited not only from ACORN’s tactics, but from election officials who couldn’t – or wouldn’t – take the time & effort needed to make sure that legal citizens’ votes retained their full value.
And in Dallas County, a bunch of stupid-assed elitist bastards managed to shove an incompetent lesbian down our throats again for the office of sheriff. Thanks to an assload of illegal alien voting, I’ll soon be looking for residence in an adjoining county. One which doesn’t have its head up its socialist ass.
And to add insult to injury, the fucking damnfool extra-chromosome jackasses in western Pennsylvania put Benedict Murtha back in office.
Shit-for-brains fuckheads, all of you.
About the only good things to come out of yesterday’s elections were that the faggots got their dicks cut off and handed to them, and that enough Minnesotans woke up and figured out that no, he’s not good enough or smart enough, and he’s not really that well liked.
But now I have about 62 million enemies. And I’m serious about what’s up on the banner – if you voted for that son-of-a-bitch Obambi, you’re now my enemy. Anything I can legally do to make your life a living hell, I’ll do it. And I’m going to give your illegal occupier of the White House exactly the amount of respect you gave George W. Bush – that is to say, less than fuckin’ zero.
From this point forward, Jugears McHopenchange will be known by his formal title, the Ayatollah Obambi. His bitch-of-a-wife will be known as the First
Stupid Cunt Cupid Stunt. (Apologies to cunts.) His fuckfaced little excuse-for-an-administration will be known as Al-Obambi.
And every bad thing that happens to the Unites States from this point forward, whether it’s the economy, teen pregnancy, downturns in the war or a fucking hangnail on the right little toe of Joe The Plumber, will be fully blamed on B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi.
This is what you asked for, you retarded liberal fucks.
Get used to it. I’m through being nice.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:06
Okay, Denizens, without going into too much detail (for fear we’ll jinx it, y’know), we’re closing in on new Realm Headquarters.
MERLIN: Y’don’t say?!
KORRIOTH: About farkin’ time!!
OZY MCCOOL: Finally!!!
KORRIOTH: (slaps McCool upside the head) Shut up! You haven’t even been here six months!!!
OZY MCCOOL: (rubs head gingerly) Have too!!!
LSIK&T: You’re forgetting the time he spent as a cadet, Korrioth.
KORRIOTH: Oh, right! In that cushy little dormitory where the Earthers sleep!
LSIK&T: Earthers like me, Railroad-track Head?
KORRIOTH: (opens his mouth, remembers whom he’s addressing, thinks better of it) Uh…you know what I meant, m’Lord.
Start praying, guys. If all goes well, we can actually start planning Texas Blogfest ’07.
THE SPATULAGODDESS: About time, hon.
LSIK&T: Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:28
Denizens, I’m going to be out of pocket for a few days.
As you may or may not know, I’m taking one final whack at the matrimony thingie, beginning today at around 3:00. (The Emperor and the SpatulaGoddess will be there, and if you’re reeeeeal nice to ‘em, they might just blog on the experience, mheh.)
When I come back, I’ll have a Major Announcement for you guys. Stay tuned.
UPDATE: Oh, guys, you are not gonna believe the surprise La Reina Espatula & I got tonight for dinner.
Full report plus pictures forthcoming. Especially watch this space.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:35
I’ve been trying to stay ahead of a medical condition that’s plagued me for the last ten-plus years or so. (Those of you who know me well know what I’m talking about.)
Anyway, the bastich has caught up and smacked me upside the head again, necessitating a probable, slight change in routine.
Bottom line: Posting will be even more erratic than it is now. We’ll have the annual Memorial Day post tomorrow, then posting will be on an as-I-can-get-to-it basis. (IOW, standard operating procedure, only moreso.)
Will have more on the medical condition soon as I have it under control. Watch this space.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 16:05
Presumably, it happened around 12:25 this morning, though I tend to doubt that.
Whatever, visitor number 50,000 has now happened by this particular site.
Thanks to all who’ve graced me with your presence. Yes, even you fuckheaded libtards. Yes, even that limpwristed plays-with-inflatable-dolls chickenshit, Michael “Mykki” Cortese.
Here’s to the next 50,000.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:55
LC & IB Delftsman reminds us that it’s Holocaust Rememberance Day – also known as “Give the Iranian President a Dirty Swirly Day”, but that’s another post – and we stop down, remember, and mourn our Jewish brethren.
Delfts’ father was nearly a fatality of the Holocaust, and gave Focus on the Family an interview last week on his experiences, which you are cordially invited to go check out.