Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official announcement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.

Okay, so I lied.&#160 This&#160 is the last-ever blog post.

Then again, I rather doubt anyone other than me will ever read this, so…

First things first: It was ten (10) years ago today – also a Saturday, as fate would have it – that I challenged the so-called Rev’r’nnnnnnnnnnd&#160 Mykeru of the Church of the SubTarded – known forever hereinafter as “Mykki Chickenshit” – to come out from behind his M-1 and his inflatable dolls and $66-wielding sock puppets, and show up on my doorstep and spew his anti-Christian bullshit to my face.

And, as you all know by now…he never showed.&#160 (Neither, for that matter, did his sock-puppet, “Von Vockerman”.&#160 Or&#160 that sixty-six small ($66 to you in the Church of the SubTarded) that I was offered to meet him “halfway” in Tennessee, come to think of it.

And in so not&#160 doing, putting the exclamation point on my decades-long contention – that libtards are nothing more than chickenshits who talk reeeeeeeeeal&#160 big when it’s just them and their keyboards – but put them face-to-face, mano a mano&#160 with someone who’ll take quick exception…not so much, really.

Pity, Mykki.&#160 You are now known forever as the coward who wouldn’t even stand up to a 50-year-old, out-of-shape fatass.

OTOH, I guess it does&#160 beat having your swishy ass handed to you by that selfsame 50-year-old…so there’s that.

So you can relax now.&#160 This is the last time you’ll ever be mentioned on these pages.

For that matter, this is the last time anything&#160 will ever be mentioned on these pages.

As I stated back in January…this endeavor isn’t fun any more.&#160 It’s work.&#160 It’s tedium.&#160 It’s a fucking chore.&#160 Hell – it’s a massive effort to even write this, so how much enjoyment could I possibly get out of writing a blog that no one ever reads?&#160 And let’s be honest here – long before the January “hiatus”, Spatula City BBS! was no longer being read – not even by the Six or Seven&#153.&#160 When I said “screaming into the whirlwind”, I wasn’t kiddin’.

Even despite all that, it was&#160 fun.&#160 For a while.&#160 Got to rant, got to rave, got to use whatever the hell language I wanted, got to call assholes & pussies just that – “assholes” and “pussies” – and never had to worry about some sysop or moderator or wannabe censor&#160 coming along & rapping my knuckles.&#160 Complete.&#160 Freedom.

Damn,&#160 that was a good feeling.

But…all good things, as they say.&#160 It got to the point where it just wasn’t fun anymore.&#160 There are only so many ways you can rail against something, and I ran out of them.&#160 How many different ways, for example, can one say B. HUSSEIN!!!!&#160 (one last time, for old times’ sake) Obambi is a Communist jackoff whose citizenship, to say nothing about his “qualifications” for office, are highly in question?&#160 In how many different ways can you call the Kenyan bastard incompetent?&#160 (Let me know if you figure it out.&#160 I gave up trying quite some time ago.)

How many times can you challenge someone to “come say it to my face”?&#160 Hell – even that’s&#160 gotten old.&#160 Very little point in doing it anymore, though it’s gotten a little traction on Twitchy every so often.

Even the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 became difficult to suck it up & do.&#160 And then I never had time to do a proper recap, because work…well, work always&#160 got in the way, but it was even more pronounced at the end.

And when something that used to be fun becomes a major bore…it’s time to hang it up and go do something else that’s more fun.&#160 Or maybe more productive, at least.

All that said…that’s only part of the reason I’m hanging it up.

Before we get into all that, though, I wanna tell you about a guy I used to know named Willie Martin.

Willie was a real old guy, early 70s or so (mind you, this was back in the ’90s; I’m guessing he’s long gone by now), WWII vet, HAM radio operator, had one hellaciously hot daughter – a fact of which the old Spatulaites & Spatulaettes never failed to remind me.&#160

Willie was also an avowed racist.&#160 Cheerfully admitted it, in fact.&#160 Didn’t mind if you knew it, either.&#160 He & I got into quite a few disagreements over it, in fact.&#160 Never swayed him.

Back in Fidonet, Willie was persona non grata&#160 on more than one BBS and/or echomail conference.&#160 More than one mod sent me Netmail about blocking him from their particular fiefdom.&#160 A couple even suggested that I dump him.

I ignored them all, and kept him around.&#160 And I did it because I remembered what it was like to be told elsewhere that my opinions were no longer welcome.&#160 And I never wanted that to happen to Willie.&#160 Disagree with him as I did

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, he had a right to be heard.&#160 Opinions & beliefs don’t physically hurt anyone, and Willie was otherwise harmless.

Which brings me to the Rott.

For years, in addition to This Fine Blog&#153, I was also a moderator – more than a few folks referred to us as The Management&#153 – at Misha’s blog.&#160 As long as we didn’t outright ban too many people, we were pretty much free to do what we wanted.

Enter a user that went by the name of Bruce. During one particular thread (no, I won’t mention which one; I don’t feel like giving them the trackback), Bruce made some vague reference that might – might – maybe have been construed as slightly racist.&#160 Certainly wasn’t overt, and I paid it no mind.

Now, we all knew – or should have, anyway – that Bruce was harmless.&#160 Vietnam vet.&#160 Old as dirt.&#160 In a wheelchair.&#160 Anyone who even dared think that Bruce was a threat to anything probably needed to have his/her head closely examined.&#160 Such an idiot would obviously not be operating with a full deck.&#160 A few fries short of a Happy Meal©.&#160 A couple cans short of a six-pack.&#160 One tit shy of a hooker.

Enter a bitch that goes by the name of Nicki.

Nicki, who is known on the Rott as Misha’s sestrichka, went off on Bruce

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, calling him every vile name in the book – and some that aren’t&#160 in the book.&#160 And I told her, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off.&#160 And she’s, like, “Or what – are you gonna ban me or something?”

To be perfectly honest – my finger was hovering over that very button.&#160 Click, click, as I’m wont to occasionally say.&#160 The abuse of Bruce had been going on for some time, despite my attempts to shut it down, and I had by now signaled my intention to put a stop to it.

Enter Misha.

Misha said – again, in no uncertain terms (hell, he said it outright; how much more “no uncertain” can you get?) – that no one was going to be banned. And in so doing, yanked out of my hands the one tool I had for maintaining order on the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler.

Holy betrayal, Batman.

Now, let’s get one thing straight:&#160 I’m a firm believer in the concept of “my blog, my rules”.&#160 That blog, and the accounts that oversee it, are the sole personal property of Emperor Misha. And as owner, he has the absolute right to dictate any rules, policies or procedures that govern his blog.&#160 You will never, and I mean never, hear me say that Misha does not have the right to run his blog the way he sees fit.

On the other hand, up until that point he seemed not to have much (if any) problem with the manner in which I administrated the blog.&#160 So to be told, straightaway, that I could no longer do my job was…well…shall we say, disheartening.

My response was immediate.

That’s all I needed to hear.

I quit.

Seriously, if you’re going to render your ghISnar&#160 cat toothless, what the hell good is he?&#160 And since I’d long since stopped being a regular commenter there, why did I need to hang around?

That episode, as much as anything else, pretty much dampened my enthusiasm for the whole blogging thing.&#160 Not that I necessarily want to pin all (or any) of the blame on Misha, but I figured, being Management&#153, I at least outranked the sucksdicka – and it was sorta-kinda a blow to find out I didn’t.

And, quite frankly, I have better things to do than constantly have my legs yanked out from under me by folks I had&#160 considered to be good friends.&#160 What’s the old saying again?&#160 With friends like that…?

So anyway, that’s it, in a nutshell.&#160 Betrayed by friends, my own readership at zero, the whole experience no longer being much fun – there’s just no excuse to keep beating my head against the brick wall.

Spatula City BBS! is officially, now & forevermore, closed.&#160 Even if I were to get back into this particular game, it would be under a new moniker.

As I said in the January post, this little hobby has taken up 23 years of my life.&#160 Time to let Sy Greenbloom have his little toy back, and go do something else.

To quote Mr. Adams…so long, and thanks for all the fish.

Take care.


Figures I’d go out on a clunker of a clusterfuck like that.

But then again, sportz fanz…that’s what Executive Fiat&#153 is for.

Cincinnati 10, at Indianapolis 26

Pittsburgh 17, at Baltimore 30

Detroit 20, at Dallas 24

at Arizona 16, Carolina 27

#19 Auburn 31, #18 Wisconsin 34 (OT) (Outback Bowl)

#14 UCLA 40, #11 Kansas State 35 (Alamo Bowl)

Bucky found their running game again in the nick of time.&#160 Melvin Gordon found the holes that Ohio State wasn’t giving him, and ran for 251 yards & three scores.&#160 Auburn’s attempt to tie in overtime clanged off the right upright.

The Bruins had to hold off a late charge from Bill Snyder’s Wildcats, but held on to win a squeaker.

Shoulda known better to pick the third-string quarterback in the playoff game.&#160 Arizona’s defense is good, but so is Carolina’s.&#160 Ryan Lindley basically didn’t have a shot.

This isn’t Ray “Unconvicted Thug” Lewis’ Raven defense – but someone forgot to tell Ben Rothelisberger that.

Oh, great.&#160 Now&#160 Dallas decides to start winning.

No matter.&#160 I still don’t regret my decision to throw them out of the PFW.

I do, however, regret my decision to go with Cincinnati because of Andy Dalton.

He now gets the nickname I had bequeathed upon his ex-Cowboy teammate, Terrence Newman – “Bust”.

It’s the fact of the matter – Andy Dalton is not the answer at quarterback in Cincinnati.&#160 He’s not NFL-starter caliber.&#160 He throws too many interceptions, and doesn’t take care of the ball well enough in the pocket (he lost yet another fumble yesterday).&#160 He has a lot of work to do to improve in the NFL, and I don’t think it’s going to happen in Cincy.

So it’s a 1-5 record for the week

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, but I’m declaring a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 anyway.

MERLIN:&#160 Why, m’liege?&#160 This is the worst week you’ve had since…

KORRIOTH:&#160 …since you posted that oh-fer last year.

[Venomous glares at Korrioth.]

KORRIOTH (feigning look of innocence):&#160 Hey, I’m just sayin’.

Yeah, yeah, I know.

But then, there was this:

#8 Michigan State 42, #5 Baylor 41

Michigan State scored three touchdowns in the fourth quarter on New Year’s Day to beat playoff-snubbed and No. 5 Baylor 42-41 in the highest-scoring Cotton Bowl ever.


Michigan State (11-2), which won the Rose Bowl as Big Ten champions last season, has won four consecutive bowl games after trailing in each of them at halftime. The Spartans’ only two losses this season were to Pac-12 winner Oregon and Big Ten champ Ohio State.

Down 41-21 going into the fourth quarter , Michigan State got the winning touchdown after Marcus Rush blocked Chris Callahan’s 43-yard field goal attempt with 1:05 left.

Kinda reminiscent of how Baylor scored 24 on TCU in the fourth quarter back in October, huh?&#160 (Without all the bogus pass-interference penalties, of course.)

Live by the 21-point comeback…die by the 21-point comeback.

And after all the crowing Baylor did after 61-58…there are no words to express how sweet it was to see Baylor eat crow Thursday.&#160 HAPPY NEW YEAR, CUBTARDS!!!!!!&#160

This week:&#160 2-5.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved by Executive Fiat&#153 (4).&#160 Final PFW record:&#160 83-34-1.

It was a pretty decent year, as Perfect Football Weekend&#153 years go.&#160 Heights did well, TCU had a killer year…all in all, no complaints.

And that does it for me, Denizens.&#160 I’d say “…and now, we return you to your regularly-scheduled rant-blogging”, except that there’s going to be nothing to return to.

The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official annoucement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.&#160 I’m going on hiatus to work on other things in my life…specifically, my health.&#160 I gained 20 pounds over the holidays, and I’m pushing 40-inch slacks again.&#160 So, much of my free time will be spent working out and trying to get back down to at least 220, hopefully less.

And, to be brutally honest about it…I’ve lost the desire to do this.&#160 See, I’ve been at this, in some way, shape or form, since 1992.&#160 22, 23-some-odd years of My Eternal Wisdom&#153 (snort!), as it were, either as a BBS, or as a website that I created/wrote myself, or as a blog.

And I’m tired…and I’m tired of it.

It used&#160 to be fun – but it hasn’t been fun for a long time.&#160 A very&#160 long time.&#160 And I don’t see beating my head against the proverbial brick wall to do it if it’s no longer any fun.

For me, there are fewer days ahead than behind.&#160 I need to make more of those days than I have as of late.

Vicar, General – feel free to post as you like, but keep in mind no one’s reading us – not even the Six Or Seven&#153 – so it’s pretty much screaming into the whirlwind at this point.

So, as Mr. Rhyner says most nights…you guys stay hard, keep jammin’ – and we’ll see ya…



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(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun of a rerun.&#160 Of a rerun.&#160 Et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.&#160 Bite Sue me, mkay?&#160 I’m busy cooking. )

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.&#160 I thought it appropriate then (and still do), it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.&#160 This year the tradition continues, below the fold, as usual with only a few minor tweaks to keep things current:

First of all, let me once again&#160 apologize for not blogging as much as I wish I could.&#160 Ideally, I’d be cranking out two or three posts a day.&#160 There’s certainly that much going on in the world, and it tears at my gut to be missing the opportunities to write about these things.&#160 Pains me even more to think that you, the Denizens, are missing out on most of My Eternal Wisdom&#153.&#160

The fact is that I simply have not had time to do one of the things that I enjoy more than I ever thought I would – writing.&#160 I never for a moment, sitting in my first ever English Composition college class twenty-five thirty years ago (Great Honkin’ Cthulhu&#153, has it been that long????), taught by a guy I believed to be an idiot, thought that I would ever come to the point that I actually got a kick out of slapping thoughts on page.

Amazing how things change.

But, I digress.&#160 There’s not been enough time.&#160 There’s never&#160 been enough time, but that’s beside the point.&#160 I’ve been swamped at work, and that’s when I’m not trying to renew a certification.&#160 This is taking me away from the chores I need to be doing – keeping the house clean, doing the laundry in a timely fashion, cleaning the kitchen, picking up dog crap off the carpet, those sorts of things.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 Since when do you&#160 do those things anymore, slave driver?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Since I have you to do them for me, sweetie… (plants long kiss on the lips of Mrs. Venomous)

MRS. VENOMOUS (tossing aside cast-iron skillet):&#160 (swoon!!!!!)

Anyway, when I do finally get around to those things, they keep me from doing stuff I like to do – like surfing the Web and writing these columns.

Which brings me around to the topic at hand.&#160 Thanksgiving’s today, and it’s a good time to kick back and tick off the things for which your obdt.&#160 svt.&#160 (a little Blackie Sherrod lingo, there) is thankful:

God.&#160 The God of the Bible.&#160 The God of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, David and Solomon.&#160 That&#160 God.&#160 Not Allah, not Muhammad, not Cthulhu, not crystals and/or chakras and/or trees.&#160 God.&#160 Too damned few of us show our Creator too damned little appreciation for everything He’s given us, and do trust me when I tell you that that little tidbit has not&#160 escaped His attention.

His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the work He performed on the cross that allowed me to receive His salvation.&#160 (An aside:&#160 Yeah, in case anyone didn’t know – I’m a Christian.&#160 Not anywhere close to being the best example thereof, to be sure, but I’m still being worked on, and you’re just gonna have to be patient. (grin))

Being an American, and free to worship as I choose.&#160 For now, given whom the morons of this country just put into office.

My wife, Mrs. Venomous.&#160 Yes, Denizens, I haven’t really mentioned it all that much this past year, given my track record with such pronouncements (rueful grin) – but it’s once more through the marriage breach, dear friends.&#160 That’s five now – yes, it does pain me to say that – and So Help Me Cthulu&#153, this is the last one, forever & ever, a-freakin’-men.&#160 But this one has convinced me that the institution of marriage really is a Good Thing&#153 – she cares for me more than the other four combined.&#160 (No offense intended, D.)

My current home – a one-story, 3/2/1.5 house I share with the aforementioned Mrs, a chow/terrier and a huge lump of muscle & energy in the shape of a collie/sheltie mix.&#160 Not Better than the cozy cottage in Forney, but at least and I have an office again from which to pen (pen?) these screeds.

My son – Stephen Geoffrey “Skip” Crager, Jr.&#160 (although his doublewide-assed mother insists on calling him “Geoffrey”).&#160 Even though I haven’t seen you since 2003, Skip, I still love you.&#160 Always will.&#160 Always remember that.

Friends & family, some more than others.&#160 Even the ones who are diametrically opposed to me in their beliefs.

And while I’m thinking about it – and I should have really mentioned this last year, too – my sister in law.&#160 My brother, heretofore doomed to a lifetime of Eternal Bachelorhood&#153 – not necessarily a Bad Thing&#153, given his sibling’s aforementioned catastrophic track record – was pulled from that abyss by a wonderful woman he met only a couple of years prior.&#160 They celebrated their first anniversary back in August 2006, and while it hasn’t been Easy Street&#153 for them, they’re doing better than okay.

Employment.&#160 Specifically, mine as a desktop technician, where I get to play with computers all day long – in effect, getting paid to practice my hobby.

(Thankfully, I’ve had a full-time gig since 2006, for a company known to me and only to me – since I know pussies like Cianderella Tierney, who bitched long and loud about me being a NetKKKop before having his ass exposed as a lying skank that doesn’t work at EDS, would love to find out where I work and try to get me fired…)

Okay, where was I…?

MP3s.&#160 The ability to take all my all-time favorite songs, regardless of format, and transfer them to something I can listen to in my car.&#160 Fuck you,&#160 Hilary Rosen.

Turkey.&#160 Lots of it, preferably drumsticks.

Leftovers.&#160 Turkey sammiches with lots of mustard.&#160 YEAH!

(Well, hold the bread on that.&#160 I have got to-got to-got to start paying more attention to Atkins.)

An American President who, though he is still not completely trustworthy in my eye, is at least giving the impression that he is, at least, trying – which is a damn sight better than what we could have had, hm?&#160 And at least this guy understands that the Presidency isn’t just one big frat party.&#160 (This will be crossed out at least until 2012 2017.)

The military which he commands.&#160 Peepz, these men & women do a helluva job protecting you and yours and the freedoms you enjoy, and they do it for pretty much next-to-nothing.&#160 Next time you see one, take a moment to say, “Thank you”.&#160 (Another aside:&#160 When I first posted this, I left out one very important group of guys:&#160 the Coast Guard.&#160 Unconscionable, since one of my readers served in that very branch.&#160 Mr. Slagle, my apologies – and my thanks.)

My car:&#160 A 2007 Chevy Cobalt 2013 Hyundai Genesis Coupe 2.0T turbo.&#160 Fast, fast, sleek, fast, fully equipped – and did I mention it was fast? (grin)

A seafood restaurant chain here locally by the name of “Ole Whiskers”.&#160 Catfish, chicken, ribs, stuffed crab, onion rings, and a host of other great stuff.&#160 Catfish topped with Tabasco&#169 sauce has become a staple. (They closed this year – dammit.)

My current boxes – an AMD FX six-core processor screaming along with 32 gigs of RAM, plus an Acer Aspire HP Pavilion with eight gigs of RAM.&#160 Two 23″-plus monitors so that I don’t have to squint anymore when I write these things.&#160 (Well, not much, anyway – at 1280×1024 1920×1280, things are still awfully small.)

The aforementioned crap-on-the-carpet dogs – she’s still a precious little lapdog, and she captures the heart of anyone that meets her.&#160 The aforementioned collie mix – a whirling dervish that tears everything up, but he has an infectious personality.&#160 Even my brother’s little min-pin and dachsund, Mindy & Demi respectively – two of the most affectionate dogs you’ll ever see.

Ham.&#160 Not as much as a turkey drumstick, but leftover ham does go good with eggs.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Nebraska.&#160 (Not since they hired Bo Pelini, and hopefully never again.) (As you guys know, I’m done with Pelini.&#160 Guy is one of those Dave Campo types – great coordinator, lousy head coach.)

Any college football team that severely thrashes Miami.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Arkansas.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Texas.&#160 (Unless it’s Arkansas.)

Any pro&#160 football team that severely thrashes ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

TCU’s Horned Frogs.&#160 After your best job (again) ever last year, Gary Patterson.&#160 You’ve established yourself as one of, if not the&#160 best coaches the program’s ever had.&#160 Do the city of Fort Worth a favor – don’t go all Franchione on us and jilt us for Bama or Notre Dame or somesuch, mkay?

Any college football team that severely thrashes SMUT.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Bastard Smurf-Turf State.&#160 (That’d be you, Boise, and until you can prove that you can win something without having to resort to “trickeration”, that’s the way it’ll stay.&#160 You potato-humping pussies are nothing bur frauds.)

(What with TCU’s win at Boise in 2012, all – for the moment – is kinda-sorta forgiven.&#160 Let’s not play again for a while

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, mkay?)

Any pro football team that kicks the crap out of Donna McNabb and the Philthydelphia Beagles & Warshington Foreskins – something the Cowboys did last year (twice), should have done this year in Warshington, and will do this year in Dallas need to start doing a helluva lot more of.&#160 (McCrabb’s not even playing for the ViQueens now anymore, so never mind.)

Tony Romo.&#160 Especially if he ever wins a playoff game… (sigh)&#160 (Assuming he can play behind something resembling an offensive line.) (Not until he can win something.)

MERLIN:&#160 Yeah, that line’s offensive, alright.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hush, you.


Jerry Jones – for signing that extension for Romo. (grin) (See above.)

Southern Baptist churches that aren’t afraid to call themselves “Baptist”. (Not since they climbed into bed with the enviro-nutjob movement.&#160 Now it’s any church that unashamedly preaches the Gospel and refuses to compromise with its enemies.)

An occasional road trip – maybe to go fishing, or even if it’s work-related.&#160 I love staying in hotels where I can crank up the AC at night, and not have to worry about the electric bill (grin).

Microsoft.&#160 No, all you morons at the federal judiciary – Bill Gates does not run a monopoly, and you damned well know it.&#160 What he does do is run an extremely successful company, one that you bastards tried to shake down for $$$$, and failed.&#160 It’s not a secret that the tech sector crashed simultaneously with Janet El Reño’s baseless attack against Microsoft.

(Linus Torvalds, and the job he’s done with Linux.&#160 And the fine folks at Ubuntu)

Spanish-language television channels.&#160 You will not find a better-looking collection of major babes anywhere on Planet Earth.&#160 And they don’t mind letting people know that they’re women either, dammit.&#160 Take that, NOW.&#160 🙂

Mashed potatoes.&#160 With a ton of gravy.&#160 (Atkins be damned on this one.&#160 (grin))

Ranch-style beans™.&#160 (Well, not so much now, seeing as ConAgra Backstabbing Foods has decided to shut down the Fort Worth plant that RSB has called home forever – but it’s still a nice little bean.)

Sweet tea – even though, being a Type II diabetic, I can no longer drink the stuff (make mine Sweet ‘n Low, 3 packets per 40 ounces, please unsweetened, unless it’s peach or cranberry tea, please).

Hooters’ hot wings.&#160 Scenery’s not bad, either.&#160

Dueling-piano bars.&#160 Picture two baby-grands.&#160 Picture two players with crass senses of humor.&#160 Picture some of the raunchiest lyrics ever conceived – sometimes on the fly.&#160 Picture yourself laughing your ass off.&#160 Try it sometime.

Rush Limbaugh.&#160 Sean Hannity.&#160 (There’s a rant coming on this assclown.&#160 Eventually.&#160 Maybe.)&#160 Mark Levin.&#160 Glenn Beck (though Levin seems to not like him for some reason).&#160 Michael Savage.&#160 Michael Reagan – and, in case I’ve not mentioned it before…his dad, too.

Ann Coulter.&#160 Michelle Malkin.&#160 (Not since Horseface foisted the Romerrhoid on us, and you already know how I feel about Malicious Malkin.)&#160 Laura Ingraham.&#160 Sigh, yowzah.&#160

The Blogosphere&#153.&#160 Specifically, Misha and Alan Henderson – for getting me into this blogging thing.&#160 (It’s a long story regarding Misha.&#160 Basically, it comes down to that bitch in Florida he calls his sestricka sucksdicka.)

My hairstylist.&#160 In all my lifetime, I’ve only found three people who could fully understand what I wanted done to my hair, and do it right in a minimum of time:&#160 one retired about 15 years ago.&#160 This one’s just as good as her predecessor – and she’s a major babe, too.&#160 (grin)

Broadband.&#160 Forney didn’t get it on a widespread basis – but I have Verizon FiOS Time Warner Cable AT&T U-verse now, and I rock yet again…(though, as soon as Verizon FiOS comes to Arlington I get just this much more&#160 pissed at AT&T… (grin))

And finally (though this list is by no means complete) – you Denizens who keep coming back to the site in hopes that I’ve updated it.&#160 Without you guys

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, why am I doing this?&#160 Thanks very much for being here.

And Happy Thanksgiving.&#160 Remember the Source from whom the blessings originate…


Those of you who have read me for any&#160 length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.&#160 Go ahead.&#160 Click it.&#160 I effin’ dare&#160 you.

And turn it up.&#160 Waaaaaay&#160 up.&#160 &#160 )

That’s right, sportz fanz:&#160 It’s vacation time for His Rudeness&#153.&#160 A chance to Get Away From It All&#153, as it were.

For the first time in ten years, this is a multi-week vacation, as I get two whole weeks to spread as much hate & discontent as I possibly can.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 You are not&#160 going to any strip clubs, you hear meeeeeee?!?!?!?!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yeah, yeah, whatever, woman.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):&#160 CLAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

…uh, ow.

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.&#160 General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command&#153, could I borrow a couple cases of Band-Aids©…?

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Six years ago today, she came into my life. One year to the day thereafter, we married

And my life’s been a living hell ever since. 🙂

Still sorta crazy about her, though, y’know?.

Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous.



(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.&#160 It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.

This will very likely be the last time this ever gets posted, as I do intend to close Spatula City sometime next year.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

I got four hours of sleep last night. I’m fighting the obligatory yearly case of tonsillitis. My throat hurts like Hell ™, my body is racked with soreness, and – not to put too fine a point thereupon – I’m in need of a tube of Prep H.

You get the idea. (sigh)

So here I am on LBJ Freeway in Dallas, plodding my way through traffic, fighting hard the urge to fall asleep at the wheel, literally. I’m listening to our sports-talk/guy-talk station on AM, the Ticket (KTCK 1310), when the sports jocks there suddenly exclaim something to the effect of, “WTF…?!”. Apparently, a heavy jet has veered off course and slammed into one of the World Trade Center twin towers in New York City.

“Wow,” I’m thinking, “they’ll likely stay with this one all day”, and I immediately turn over to the news/talk station here, WBAP 820, for all the coverage. Yes, I admit it – I’m fascinated by carnage.

At that point, though, I’m thinking tragic accident. Somebody’s plane lost its hydraulics and careened out of control, and the World Trade Center, unfortunately, was simply in the way.

That was 7:50. At 8:09, my worldview – and that of 280 million Americans, I would bet – changed radically.

At that point, a second jet slammed headfirst into the other tower. At that point, it’s not just a major tragedy. This looks just a weeeee bit too organized to be a coincidence.

It’s 8:20 when I get to the office, and I meet my buddy and old Wingtip Courier dispatcher as he’s driving up. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything. We get inside the office, and I bring him and our other compadre up to speed on things (he wasn’t listening to the radio, either, which was surprising). I go into my office and try pulling up a video stream for any of this. It’s 8:25.

Fifteen minutes later, the message is clear: America is under attack for the first time in 60 years. Yet another heavy jet has crashed – this one into the Pentagon. Reports are coming in about multiple hijackings. I’ve read a report about a worldwide alert issued last Friday concerning our resident international terrorist, Osama bin Laden, Two & two are quickly starting to come together.

(Side note: Don’t let them tell you they had no warning. I’m not kidding about that worldwide alert concerning bin Laden. They knew. Damned right they knew.)

(SECOND SIDE NOTE:&#160 As I go through the years, I’m less inclined to blame the Bush Administration than I was nine years ago.&#160 Sure, they knew it was possible, but all they had was a general warning.&#160 Nothing specific that said they were going to do what they did precisely on that day.&#160 So the Bush Administration gets a pass from me on this one.

The Demoscum, on the other hand…)

I can’t pull up anything on the ‘Net – and I have a T1 at work. The radio offers some details, but I want to know more. I run across the street to the CompUSSR to scope out the TV images.

And ohmigod – what TV images. I saw the second plane come in behind the first tower, and a plume of fire and deep black smoke explode out the other side. I saw the collapsed side of the Pentagon. I saw both WTC towers collapse – I had to ask someone if they’d collapsed all the way, so incredulous was the scene there. (A third building nearby would collapse six hours later.) I heard reports of yet another plane crash – this one near Pittsburgh. Rumor has it that the plane was headed to Camp David – we’re somewhere around the anniversary of the Camp David accords, so I hear.

Returned to work around 11:00 in a state of near-shock. Twenty minutes later, I received the go-ahead to go home. After a quick stop-off at the school to check on my wife, I arrived home and turned on the TV to Fox.

The images there were even more unbelievable than before. Fox had the direct angle on the second tower hit. They also had better angles on the collapse of both towers – although by that time, there was so much smoke & dust that one could hardly make anything out.

After a quick lunch, I sit down here to gather news stories, and I find this.

That’s right, sports fans. Here are a group of Palestinian squids laughing, dancing and cheering the attack on us, whom they call “the Great Satan”.

Compassionate people, those Palestinians.

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with my day, here’s my analysis: CNN early on was doing everything it could to avoid calling it a terrorist attack. But, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes, it’s too coordinated, too organized to be anything but. These events had to be planned months in advance. Certain people had to be installed at just the right junctures in order to pull this off – our airport security procedures, despite the fact that they’re handled by part-timers making minimum wage, are still way too strict. People who knew how to fly those planes had to arrange for passage on these planes. This would have been a major undertaking for simply one airliner – for four to have been hijacked in this manner and turned into suicide machines screams for the fact that this is more than just a Chinese fire drill.

So. Who’s got the capability to pull it off? Who has the money to train these thugs, place them right where they needed to be placed, and then turned loose? And who among them hates us enough to target us? Not to mention, who’s stupid-assed enough to try it?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, go back to school and take a comprehensive reading course. You think about it, there’s really only one man who qualifies: Osama bin Laden.

There can be no question. The mastermind behind the 1993 bombing at the aforementioned World Trade Center is so consumed with hatred for the United States that it sticks in his craw that he failed to bring us down eight years ago. So he decided to try and finish the job, gambling that we’ll be too chicken-shit to do anything about it.

(Second side note: Yeah, the Palestinians and the Taliban in Afghanistan are denying responsibility. Don’t believe the bastards. This is their baby.)

This is where George W. Bush needs to prove him wrong. Take this one to the bank, my friends: The Bush presidency – whether he believes it or not, whether he likes it or not – rides on how he handles this.

America is screaming for justice. More to the point, America is screaming for revenge. This is nothing short of an act of war. Yes, war. There’s been a formally undeclared one on us now, by most of the non-Israeli countries of the Middle East, for several years now. The Muslims hate our guts. The Syrians, the Iraqis, the Iranians – we’re their enemy. “Death To America” has been cruising at #1 on the Middle Eastern Top 40 for several years. They’re getting bolder, too – because they think we’re too cowardly to fight back. They think we’ve forgotten how to fight.

If George Bush has any balls, now’s the time to prove them wrong.

This is your solution, like it or not: Any country harboring terrorists – that would include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Syria, et. al. – must be wiped from the face of the earth.

Scramble 30 bombers. Five warheads each – six if the plane will hold it. Bomb the shit out of these countries – get rid of these raghead bastards.

So what if you take innocents out, too? This is war, people. They don’t care about killing our innocents; why should we give a shit about theirs??

And that goes for the Palestinians, too. Let’s do Israel a favor and eliminate those sons-of-bitches from the annals of history, as well. They want to laugh and make merry at our misfortune, they need to pay the ultimate price.

Show the world some balls, George W. Teach them that there’s a price for fucking with America. Demonstrate to them that we have not forgotten how to fight!


The question has been axed…yeah, I said “axed”, come say it to my face if that pisses you off…if Yours Truly intends to host a Perfect Football Weekend&#153 this year.

And the answer is…maybe.

I mean, at this point…what with This Fine Blog&#153 having basically gone the way of Yeah, Right, Whatever, and its pithy readership having trudged off for blogs that actually update…who’s gonna read it?

Still, there’s probably gonna be things about which I can vent, so we’ll see.

Now, to go find some non-Core teams that don’t disappoint from week to week…


Denizens, I have come to a decision regarding This Fine Blog&#153, and will be announcing it sometime within the next few days.

Watch this space.



Some dumbshits just do not know when to take a fucking hint.


Five’ll get you a hundred that Philip Seymour Hoffman got his start on marijuana.

Morons in Colorado & Washington State, take note.


The No Fuckingballs League announced the Pro Football Hall of Fame’s 2014 class last night.

Now, it’s bad enough that widdle Mikey “Gap Toof” Strahan gets in.&#160 He owns a “record” for sacks that Brett “Hey, Jenn, lookit my balls” Favre laid down – literally – to give him.&#160 No respect for players like that at all.

But, when Aeneas Effing Williams&#160 of the Phoeniz Cardinals (yeah – that&#160 piss-poor excuse-for-a-football-team) gets in, with zero Super Bowl rings, while Charles Haley (only player in NFL history with (ahem) five) gets snubbed again

Fuck you, NFL writers.&#160 You pissweasels are as irrelevant as the bastards who dish out the Nobel Peace Prize.


“Binghampton”? 🙂


DIS chu’ botIvjaj!

qaStaHvIS DISvam, reH qaDmeylIj DacharghmeH yapjaj HoSlIj, ‘ej not nIHoSmoHtaHbogh qaDmey DaHutlhjaj.

(May you all enjoy the new year!

During this year, may you always be strong enough to overcome your challenges, and may you never lack for challenges to keep you strong.)


KORRIOTH:&#160 And with a tolerable accent, too.&#160 You honor us, Admiral.

VENOMOUS:&#160 I try.

Happy New Year, Denizens.


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