Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:30
Six years ago today, she came into my life. One year to the day thereafter, we married
And my life’s been a living hell ever since.
Still sorta crazy about her, though, y’know?.
Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:04
(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001. It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.
This will very likely be the last time this ever gets posted, as I do intend to close Spatula City sometime next year.)
NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:22
The question has been axed…yeah, I said “axed”, come say it to my face if that pisses you off…if Yours Truly intends to host a Perfect Football Weekend this year.
And the answer is…maybe.
I mean, at this point…what with This Fine Blog having basically gone the way of Yeah, Right, Whatever, and its pithy readership having trudged off for blogs that actually update…who’s gonna read it?
Still, there’s probably gonna be things about which I can vent, so we’ll see.
Now, to go find some non-Core teams that don’t disappoint from week to week…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:30
Denizens, I have come to a decision regarding This Fine Blog, and will be announcing it sometime within the next few days.
Watch this space.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:45
Some dumbshits just do not know when to take a fucking hint.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:46
Five’ll get you a hundred that Philip Seymour Hoffman got his start on marijuana.
Morons in Colorado & Washington State, take note.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 16:20
The No Fuckingballs League announced the Pro Football Hall of Fame’s 2014 class last night.
Now, it’s bad enough that widdle Mikey “Gap Toof” Strahan gets in. He owns a “record” for sacks that Brett “Hey, Jenn, lookit my balls” Favre laid down – literally – to give him. No respect for players like that at all.
But, when Aeneas Effing Williams of the Phoeniz Cardinals (yeah – that piss-poor excuse-for-a-football-team) gets in, with zero Super Bowl rings, while Charles Haley (only player in NFL history with (ahem) five) gets snubbed again…
Fuck you, NFL writers. You pissweasels are as irrelevant as the bastards who dish out the Nobel Peace Prize.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:37
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 1:19
DIS chu’ botIvjaj!
qaStaHvIS DISvam, reH qaDmeylIj DacharghmeH yapjaj HoSlIj, ‘ej not nIHoSmoHtaHbogh qaDmey DaHutlhjaj.
(May you all enjoy the new year!
During this year, may you always be strong enough to overcome your challenges, and may you never lack for challenges to keep you strong.)
KORRIOTH: And with a tolerable accent, too. You honor us, Admiral.
VENOMOUS: I try.
Happy New Year, Denizens.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:59
Those of you who have read me for any length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.
For now, click the link. Go ahead. Click it. You know you want to.
And turn it up. Waaaaaay up. )
That’s right, sportz fanz: It’s vacation time for His Rudeness. A chance to Get Away From It All, as it were.
We’re out of money at the moment, so it’s gonna be a staycation, which will give us enough time to finish decorating the new digs.
MRS. VENOMOUS: Along with other stuff…right, sweetie…???
Vicar, General – you guys have the conn. General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 17:15
As you may or may not have guessed, Denizens, the PFW is done for the year. I’ve run out of ways to say that my teams suck.
In addition, the annual Fall Vacation Countdown isn’t going to be posted until maybe tomorrow. If then.
I know I tease, drop hints, etc, about hanging it up every now & again. This time, though, it’s a major case of burnout. I’ve been doing this now for over ten years, and I’m tired. There are only so many ways you can say Bambi & the Demoscum are fucking cowards, only so many ways you can dare them to grow a set and come go mano a mano. And when they don’t (see “Chickenshit, Mykki), what else is there?
So it’s a “sorta kinda” hiatus for Yours Truly for a little bit. (Not that I’ve been writing all that much before, but still.) I’ll come back when I fucking well feel like it.
When that might be…who the hell knows?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 11:38
There won’t be a Perfect Football Weekend column this week, after all. There just isn’t time.
And that’s getting to be a major problem around here. Remember how I’ve groused in the past about This Fine Blog going the route of the original BBS? Never having time to maintain it and such?
That’s getting to be the case, writ extra-large, these days. I can’t give this endeavor the time it deserves at this point, and I’m honestly wondering if I want things to continue that way going into 2014.
(For the One Or Two Of You That Still Care About This Blog, yes – that’s an indication that I may be ready to put SCBBS back on the shelf for the time being.)
Watch this space.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 1:09
[SCENE: On the near-powerless bridge of ISS Vengeance. Admiral Darth Venomous and General Korrioth are overseeing a minor refit of the communications module. Chief Engineer Ozymandias McCool carries a solid-state console module in his arms, awaiting instruction from Venomous.]
VENOMOUS: Anytime you’re ready, McCool.
OZY McCOOL: Aye, sir.
[McCool slides the module into the empty slot. Power comes to life on the bridge - for about two seconds.
Massive sparkage flies from the just-installed module, sending all three diving for cover. (Well, Korrioth & McCool, anyway. Venomous merely turns away with a disgusted look on his face.)
Venomous turns & glares at McCool.]
OZY McCOOL (looking very nervous at the moment): As I suspected, m’lord. Major flaw in the J2 circuit.
VENOMOUS: Fine. And in whose head is Kor going to sink his bat’leth this time?
OZY McCOOL: Personally, I’d start with the union writers. They’ve got all manner of plot devices up their sleeves, and they’ve had it in for you ever since you beheaded Allan.
VENOMOUS (chuckling): Mheh. That’s what I like about you guys – no foolin’ around, cut to the chase. Okay, Kor, see to it.
Okay, we’re officially back online here, and all it cost me was my primary keyboard. Fry’s will be furnishing me a replacement shortly.
In the meantime, we’ll catch up on the Perfect Football Weekend beginning tonight – Heights will play its annual one-and-done playoff game this evening, and I’ve some thoughts on Incognito-Juanita Martin (and no – that’s not a typo.)
Oh…and anyone who even dares breathe the number “51″ dies. You have been warned.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 17:37
Katy Perry’s Firework really does sound like fingernails on chalkboard.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 0:01
Item: Bambi today blamed the recent partial governmental shutdown on “meddling bloggers and ‘activists who profit from conflict’”.
Reaction: Where’s my paycheck?