Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:59
Denizens, as you may (or may not) know, I’ve pretty much eschewed Halloween for several years now. Yeah, giving kiddies candy ‘n treats ‘n stuff is all cool ‘n all (when they bother even showing up) – but I’ve been fairly down on the goblins & spooks and general darkness October Thirty-Oneth has turned into in recent years.
That said…Great Honkin’ Cthulhu, check out this costume:
It’s been a heck of a day for bizarre and captivating Halloween costumes. But the first prize definitely goes to California photographer Royce Hutain who designed a LED Halloween costume for his daughter that created a startling effect in which the toddler appears to be an animated stick figure.
“She is 22 months old and loves wearing the suit,” Hutain writes on his YouTube page. “I’ll be uploading a video of her in different locations running around and doing her usual funny stuff.”
Is that effin’ cool, or what?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 23:51
That’s an order.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 19:12
Item: The Los Angeles Dodgers clinched the NL West title the other day in Arizona – and to celebrate, they climbed the right-field fence and took a dip in the stadium’s open-access pool after everyone had left.
Item: This act pissed off half-assed excuse-for-a-senator RINO McLame:
“Poolgate” reached the nation’s capital Friday when Arizona Sen. John McCain voiced strong displeasure with the Los Angeles Dodgers’ celebration of their National League West title.
After the Dodgers clinched the division with Thursday’s 7-6 win against the Arizona Diamondbacks, roughly half the team celebrated by jumping into the pool behind the right-center field wall at Chase Field.
The revelry upset many players, executives and fans of the Diamondbacks, including McCain, who took to Twitter with this rant:
John McCain @SenJohnMcCain
No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats! “The #Dodgers are idiots” http://www.azcentral.com/insiders/danbickley/2013/09/19/the-dodgers-are-idiots/ …
12:36 PM – 20 Sep 2013
Item: Dodgers’ relief pitcher Brian “The Mohawk” Wilson had a classic response:
Brian Wilson @BrianWilson38
Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS
3:44 PM – 20 Sep 2013
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:44
PETA Crashes Biker Gathering…
Well, that was a mistake…
UPDATE: After a bit of research, I’m believing that this is just a tad apocryphal. (Shows what I get for not invoking the 48-hour rule.)
What the hell – it’s still a good read.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
Got this from a friend of mine on FB.
1. There shall always be bacon in the house. Always.
2. There isn’t a food that doesn’t go on well with bacon. Not even ice cream.
3. There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who love bacon and those who do not.
4. Bacon is so tasty even pigs will eat it.
5. There is no wrong way to cook, boil or fry bacon.
6. Most of the world’s problems can be solved with more bacon. Fact.
7. Meals without bacon are simply not meals.
8. You shall consume bacon every day of the week.
9. Bacon makes everything taste better. Just add bacon.
10. Bacon will get you laid.
So that’s why I never get laid…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 8:48
Ever since Senator Ted Cruz (Conservative-TX) began his ascendancy, the Pansy-assed ProgNazi Pussies on the left have been making a big deal about how he’s supposedly not a U.S. citizen. They fear (as they rightly should) that Cruz will someday run for president, and they want to use the very same argument that they’ve been sneering at for lo these past five years concerning their own limp-wristed crapweasel, the ball-less, dickless effeminate in the White House.
(I had a “friend” of mine try a similar tactic once. I used a certain argument as my platform in a presidential run for a certain “hah skrewl” (little Rush lingo, there) organization. The jackass sneered at the argument, voted for my opponent – then used the exact same argument himself in a vice-presidential bid of his own. And rightly got his head handed him.)
Except B. HUSSEIN!!!!! Obambi never produced a bona fide copy of his birth certificate – and Cruz…well…
Though he’s clearly a U.S. citizen, he may face a decision about his Canadian citizenship if he runs for president.
Leave it to the sniveling leftists at the Dullest Moaning Snooze to try & deflect the fact that Cruz just kicked their asses.
Take that, libtard doucherifles!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:12
Got this off a friend of mine off Facebook.
A Coyote Tale…
The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi” and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
He calls Animal Control. Animal Control captures the coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.
The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.
The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote awareness program” for residents of the area.
The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional special training regarding the nature of coyotes.
PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit against the State.
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks his dog.
The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging.
The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.
The buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why California is broke and Texas is not.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:00
Now this is Damn Fine Stuff!!!
New parent? Learn it – love it – live it.
That…is an order.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
Denizens, your homework assignment for tonight is to go read this excellent fisking by the good Emperor.
Damn, I wish I could write like that…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 13:44
Got this from Uncle Ted via FB
Now that…is greatness.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 14:21
The Islamic calendar starts at the time of Mohammed went to Mecca so it is year 1434 AH (Year of the Hajji) and nothing happened before.
Apparently, that year happens to have been the Chinese year of the Pig.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 16:47
[SCENE: Deep inside that sector of the Fifth Intergalatic Realm known as the Southern Command. Slow pan to a point about 140 degrees from the opening shot.
We then see a spatial displacement come into view. The translucent shimmer becomes the faint outlines of an image, which then coalesces into an oversized, seemingly-upside-down Klingon Bird-of-Prey.
Cut to: the bridge of the recently repaired ISS Pegasus, which has just decloaked someplace it was not previously known to be.]
VENOMOUS: And that’s a problem, Narrator?
KORRIOTH: Well, we usually file a flight plan with someone, y’know.
VENOMOUS: Look, Bumpy, when I go on vacation, I don’t give a shit if anyone know where I’m gonna be…
K’HADIBAK’H: Uh, guys…
KORRIOTH: …you know, so a certain Black Helicopter Fleet isn’t tempted to engage in…
[At that very moment, the bridge is rocked violently, back & forth. Cut to previous external view, and the Bird-of-Prey is now surrounded by what seems to be four Husnock warships, each taking turns firing on Pegasus.
Cut back to Pegasus' bridge.]
KORRIOTH: …target practice.
K’HADIBAK’H: Four warships, Admiral. IDs… [Kha double-checks his board] …it’s the Black Helicopter Fleet, sir.
T-BONE McMANX: Admiral, we’re being hailed.
VENOMOUS (with a very annoyed look on his face): (sigh) On screen.
[On the viewscreen, space is replaced by a very familiar image.]
VENOMOUS: Supreme General Rayegun.
RAYEGUN: What did I tell you about coming through the Southern Command without proper permittage-ery?
VENOMOUS: And what did I tell you about the Southern Command being part of my Realm?
[The Supreme General of the Realm renders what could only be described as a smart-assed smirk.]
RAYEGUN: Damned straight, Narrator.
VENOMOUS: I do hope you’re enjoying your new toys, General. Figures you’d hog ‘em all and not share…
RAYEGUN: Funny you should mention that…
[Cut to external view. Yet another spatial displacement shimmers & coalesces into a fifth Husnock battlecruiser.
Cut back to Pegasus' viewscreen.
RAYEGUN: Meet your new flagship, Admiral - ISS Vengeance.
[It's a Realm first: Admiral Darth Venomous...is speechless.]
RAYEGUN: What did I tell you, Korrioth?
KORRIOTH: Five hundred credits on their way, General.
VENOMOUS: Wait. You had a bet on this…?
[Rayegun & Korrioth look away & adopt feral grins as we fade to black...]
IN THE SOUTHERN COMMAND – She had been christened Excelsior II.
That was before I got it out on Texas State Highway 130. (For the Uninitiated, that’s the Austin-to-San Antonio toll road, where the speed limits run up to 85. Not that anyone ever observes them…heh…heh…heh…)
This car makes the original Excelsior feel like driving my old Cavalier.
Damn. Just, damn.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:08
From Bruins-Sabres last night. This was the first sporting event since the bombs went off at the Boston Marathon the other day.
Somehow, it’s gotten a little dusty in here, y’know?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 21:14
Satan has begun his eternal raping of Hugito the Needle-Dick.
Let the party…commence!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:00
Today, 1/23/13, is the tenth anniversary of what is one of my favorite blog posts ever – so much so that I actually saved it to file. (Good thing, too – apparently, it’s no longer on the ‘Net.)
It was written by Stephen the Doggerel Pundit, and it’s below the fold for your perusal & enjoyment.