Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:28
In this frenzied era of new stadiums for football teams, the Noo Joisey Football Giants and the Noo Joisey J-E-T-S JetsJetsJets! have agreed on new digs of their own.
The New York Giants and Jets agreed Thursday to build a stadium in the Meadowlands that would become the first NFL venue to be owned and operated by two teams.
The facility will be built near state-owned Giants Stadium, which is currently home to both teams and is among the league’s oldest stadiums.
Specific details about the stadium plan are to be developed over the next several months, including its new name. The teams plan to put the naming rights up for bid.
Oh, I can see it now: “Sopranos Stadium at the Meadowlands, featuring Hoffa Field”.
On to the PFW. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will have one of their toughest tests tonight at 7:30 against the Western Hills Cougars. This game invariably comes down to a field goal or less, and I expect nothing different here.
The Horned Frogs of TCU are at home Saturday against the New Mexico Lobos in what could be the game for the Mountain West Conference championship. It’ll come down to which TCU secondary shows up – the brick wall that shut down Utah, or the Swiss Cheese Brigade that tiptoed past Brigham Young.
Bob Stoops’ Oklahoma Sooners welcome the Kansas State Wildcats to Norman for a Saturday evening Big XII matchup. Darren Sproles is no longer there to terrorize the Sooner secondary, but this game is still not a gimme. OU in a squeaker.
Fourth-ranked LSU (how’d they manage only dropping one spot in the polls after choking against Tennessee?) travels to Mississippi State tomorrow for an afternoon tilt. If Les Miles is worth his salt as a coach, and LSU is of a mind to take out last week’s loss against the next opponent, MSU is in trouble. But we’ll see.
Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys have their second of two straight games in the Bay area, this time against Th’ Raaaiiiiiduhhhs of Oakland. Al Davis would be better served sending his rabid fan base out against the Boys, but just watch: Oakland has Randy Moss – and Moss traditionally torches the Cowboys. Sad to say, I have to pick Oakland to get its first victory this year in a big way.
We’re back Monday for the recap.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:11
Yesterday’s high in Beautiful Metropolitan Dallas (cough) was 99 degrees or so. May have even topped 100 – not certain, but it sure as Hell felt like it. Not a cloud in the sky. (sweat sweat sweat)
As I type this, it’s overcast and 62. Fall has officially arrived in Dallas/Fort Worth.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 16:22
The SpatulaGoddess has nailed in on the head again regarding Mother Shitcan.
Go. Shoo. Read. I’ll be here when you get back. (grin)
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:04
I guess some folks just can’t take a compliment from the King & Tyrant.
It’s an only in New York story. A woman was given a ticket for sitting on a park bench because she doesn’t have children.
Gee, I wonder if this is what Queen Hilarious meant by “laws forcing women to have five children”…?
The Rivington Playground on Manhattan’s East Side has a small sign at the entrance that says adults are prohibited unless they are accompanied by a child.
Forty-seven-year-old Sandra Catena says she didn’t see the sign when she sat down to wait for an arts festival to start. Two New York City police officers asked her if she was with a child. When she said no, they gave her a ticket that could bring a one thousand dollar fine and 90 days in jail.
Damn, she could have gotten a first-class ticket to Miami on American for that. Hope she at least gets a bag of peanuts out of the deal, y’know?
The city parks department says the rule is designed to keep pedophiles out of city parks, but a parks spokesman told the Daily News that the department hoped police would use some common sense when enforcing the rule.
The spokesman told the paper that ticketing a woman in the park in the middle of the day is not the way you want to enforce the rule.
Aw, no!!! Y’think???
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:11
As I was saying, the San Transexual FairyWhiners’ offense was treating the Dallas Cowgirls’ defense as if it were a Raggedy Ann© doll. The running game was shoving the ball up the Cowgirls’ ass in the first half, averaging what must have been about six yards a pop. Tim Rattay looked like anything but the quarterback who suffered from a 21.0 QB rating against the Filthydelphia Beagles last week.
The Cowgirls’ cornerbacks were making Arnaz Battle and Brandon Davis look like the second coming of Jerry Rice and Little Terri Owens. Davis easily ran away from Anthony Henry on an 89-yard catch-and-run.
Our running game was marginally effective early, but Drew Bledsoe was sorely harassed the entire first half. Of his two interceptions, one was run back for a touchdown and the other directly led to another TD. It made for a 15-point Whiner lead in the first half and a 12-point lead after three quarters. This from a team the Cowgirls were expected to handle fairly easily.
Even the kicking game screwed up on the first touchdown drive. José Cortez’ PAT was bounced into the holder (sound familiar?) and was pulled off to the left. It was enough to earn Cortez a slap upside the head from lineman Larry Allen, though deep snapper Jon Condo was probably a more deserving target.
But Bledsoe overcame these errors to throw for 363 yards and two touchdowns, the last coming on a 14-yard toss to Keyshawn Johnson in the two-minute drill. The drive also feature a very nice looking 35-yard pass to Terry Glenn to get them into the red zone.
Rattay aided the Cowgirls’ cause by throwing two interceptions in the fourth quarter, giving him 12 career 4Q picks – the last one by linebacker Dat Nguyen coming on the final Whiner drive as they were attempting to go for a tying field goal.
Yeah, it’s a win. Yeah, it’s a surprise, since I was expecting a Whiner squash. But all things considered, any other team yesterday would have drilled them – and one’s waiting on the horizon right across the San Transexual bay.
The PFW will return Friday to discuss that.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:28
Every once in a while, a story comes along that slaps us back into reality and reminds us that there are some things more important than football.
One of those things just happens to be a football story I found on espn.com. You really need to go read this one.
Good on ya, Coach Weis.
Let’s go to the PFW.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:55
Those of you who were worried that the Duchess Hilarious was going to shift from a screeching moonbat leftist to a position more towards the center in a vain attempt to fool us into thinking she wasn’t as liberal as we thought…well, you guys can rest easy. She’s reverted to type.
2008 presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is warning that if President Bush’s Supreme Court appointees succeed in overturning the federal right to an abortion, state governments would likely implement a reverse of China’s one child policy that would instead force women to have five children.
Personally, I don’t see what the Duchess has to worry about. Given what she looks like – and given how her offspring turned out (snicker) – I’d think she’s fairly safe from having any more squids…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 9:00
Denizens, we’ll start off your week with a bit of humor.
I managed to get this from my arch-enemies at “Momscomefirst” (or Momsslurpcum or whatever they call themselves nowadays). How I got it is for me to know and them to find out. (snicker)
Anyway, enjoy. Spew warnings and so forth.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 16:50
It’s amazing the flotsam the Dullest Moaning Snooze will allow onto its opinion pages. Today’s “Stuck on Stupid” candidate is Jerry Berggren of Rowlett, TX.
Re: “Long Road to Recovery – Proceed with caution in New Orleans,” Tuesday Editorials.
Just to give you a background, Denizens. It’s actually a fairly well-written editorial.
You stated that Mayor Ray Nagin failed to provide transportation out of New Orleans for its poorest citizens, the 23 percent who live below the poverty line.
Well, Jerry, you moronic twit, that’s actually a fact. It was Nagin’s responsibility to evacuate the city – and I trust it won’t be necessary to show the picture of the waterlogged buses in that bus barn lot…?
Let’s suppose the mayor put these people on a bus. Where would they have gone?
This is probably the most asinine question I think I’ve ever heard asked. And it’s not the first time I’ve heard it over the last couple of weeks. It’s posed by fuckheads who are desperate to blame the Katrina aftermath on President Bush, instead of on Ray-Ray Nagin and Kathy Babblingbimbo Blanco, where it belongs.
Where would they have gone, Jerry? How about “Away from New Orleans”, you Doddering Dimwitted Dumbass?
You got a Category 5 hurricane bearing down on your ass. You’re not gonna survive it if it hits you dead-on. Are you seriously suggesting that the people of New Orleans actually stay there??? Are you out of your fucking mind???
What community in this country, much less in the Deep South, would have accepted the poorest of the poor, the disenfranchised, the needy, the part of New Orleans’ population that requires federal and state assistance for support?
Have you been paying attention to the news, you Ferret Fellating Fuckstick? Here in Texas alone, we had Dallas, Houston and San Antonio accepting Katrina evacuees. People in Oklahoma, Arkansas, Tennessee and other states opened their arms to help these people, too.
But those states, if memory serves, went for Bush in 2004, so they’re not “communities”, are they? “Communities” are only those groups of people who are addicted to sucking on the public teat like you and your fellow Demoscum, aren’t they, Jerry, you dumb son-of-a-bitch?
The answer, of course, is that no other city called the mayor and offered shelter.
What the fuck did you want, shit-for-brains? A fucking gold-plated engraved invitation?
None would take them before the storm, and only when enough Americans felt embarrassment, shame and, to a lesser degree, compassion, did New Orleans’ evacuees have a place to go.
That’s nothing but abject bullshit, you airheaded asshelmet. The only American that should be feeling embarrassment is you, for being such a fuckheaded freak.
Then again, you’re a sorry excuse-for-an-American, so that would be embarrassment enough…if you weren’t such a fucking moron.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:34
Denizens, today’s tidbit is from the Grab-Bag. Enjoy.
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful. What makes life 100%?
If we assume that:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%
K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%
So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:23
The Realm joins with the Rottweiler Empire this morning in praying for the city of Houston and its citizens.
May the God of Heaven be with those folks south of here as they face this trial, and may He wrap His arms around them during this unpleasant time.
UPDATE: Don’t construe that to mean we’re not praying for N’awlins, as well.
We are, and have been ever since Katrina hit.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:20
Two items today before we get into our PFW:
1. Hurricane Rita has already had an impact even before it makes landfall. Texas A&M has moved its squash of Texas State U. (formerly Southwest Texas State, in San Marcos) to this evening instead of Saturday (Rice & UHouston have had their games postponed). The wager from here is that TSU would rather have faced A&M Saturday.
REF: Texas State has won the toss. Do you wish to receive?
TSU: We’ll defer our option and take the wind.
A&M: Ohhhhhh, shit…
You get the idea. Fourth down at your 1-inch line, breeze at your back? NO PROBLEM!
2. Last year, the SpatulaGoddess was a team mom for a group of Pop Warner kiddos. As such, she…how shall I put this delicately?…butted heads with some of the, ah, more vocal (read: asshole-ish) parents whose squids played on the team.
Well, this year, those squids moved to another team. And got squished by their former compadres last week, 27-0.
Ah, justice. ‘Tis a wonderful thing.
On to this week’s PFW. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets open district play Friday night against the O.D. Wyatt Chaparrals. Heights won this game last year, 14-0, so I expect Wyatt to be out for a bit of revenge here. Look for Heights to win in a squeaker.
TCU’s Horned Frogs travel to Provo, Utah Saturday to take on Brigham Young’s Cougars. Presumably, BYU will attempt to convert the Froggies to Mormonism before ripping their secondary to shreds.
Bob Stoops’ Oklahoma Sooners have the week off – and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Casting calls are now out for anything resembling a quarterback. (Rumor has it that Vinny Testaverde tried to sneak in to audition – but he was intercepted at the door. (rimshot))
LSU’s number-three-in-the-country Tigers square off against #10 Tennessee in Baton Rouge. LSU had a tough time with then-number-15 Arizona State in Week 2, so this one kinda worries me, but we’ll see. Give me LSU with the home-swamp advantage.
And speaking of swamps, the Dallas Cowgirls head to the marshes of San Transexual for their semi-annual bend-over-and-take-it-in-the-out-dooring from the FairyWhiners.
Philadephia manhandled the Whiners last week, 42-3, but the week before ST surprised the St. Louis Rams 28-25, so I anticipate that Tim Rattay is salivating at the thought of sending Brandon Lloyd and Arnaz Battle against that shutdown tandem of Roy Williams and Aaron Glenn.
I mean, you gotta figure: If Mark “Cement Sneakers” Brunell can do it, why not Tim Rattay? Look for the Whiners in a squash, unfortunately.
Back Monday with the recap.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 6:58
Denizens, your reading assignment today is this John Stossel column, brought to us courtesy of the Lady Heather, which pulls back the curtain and reveals People’s Exhibit Number 290,317 of why Washington should not be trusted with our money.
“Read it all”, as our old friend Straight Up With Sherri might say. Go. Shoo.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:48
Denizens, as you know, Houston’s expecting Hurricane Rita here in a couple days or so.
As I write this, Drudge has this link posted atop his site.
Right above the link is this picture:
Memo to Kathy Blanco and Ray Nagin: Note that middle lane, bud. That is what you were supposed to be doing prior to Katrina hitting. Mobilizing big yellow things like the ones in that center lane right there. Not trying to figure out a way to blame it on Bush when you failed.
Get a clue, Kathy & Ray.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:20
(Hat tip Lucianne.)
The Department of It’s About Time!!! has submitted for our review this piece about a police department that has zero problem actually doing its duty.
In this case, serving the people – by shutting “Shitcan” Shee-hag the hell up. (snicker)
First, we’ll start with the title of the piece:
NYPD Unplugs Cindy Sheehan
City’s Finest pulls move even Bush wouldn’t have tried
That’s right – and that’s one of the reasons why Bush’s poll ratings are in the toilet Right About Now. The guess from here is that, were he to forcefully accost the Crawford Ditch Bitch, and tell her to STFU, his numbers would jump a minimum 25 points.