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Not that I like Herbie Cain all that much – and until he apologizes to Rick Perry, he can kiss my ass – but I don’t give two flying fucks at rolling donuts what Cain did twenty years ago.

However, a Patterico commenter named Gazzer said it best:

Lessee, John Edwards can knock a bitch up. Ted Kennedy and Dodd can go all “Night at the Roxbury” on a waitress. Billy Jeff can rape with impunity and abuse Castro’s finest export on an intern (amongst other things), but if that Cain so much as looks sideways at a woman…

Nail.  Head.

Find something else, Lame-Assed Media.


(Hat tip:  Drudge, plus a number of tabloids seen whilst shopping for groceries.)

ABC News is reporting this morning (via TMZ) that Kim “Sex Tape Queen” Kardashian, is filing for divorce from former Dallas Maverick Kris Humphries.

According to TMZ, Kardashian’s filing will cite “irreconcilable differences.” TMZ also said that Kardashian has retained the services of Hollywood attorney Laura Wasser, who brokered the divorces of Britney Spears, Mariah Carey and Angelina Jolie.


Ryan Seacrest, the executive producer of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” confirmed the news on Twitter, writing “Yes @kimkardashian is filing for divorce this morning. I touched base with her, getting a statement in just a few mins.”

Kardashian, 31, and Humphries, 26, married on August 20. Their wedding cost a reported $20 million and garnered a multi-episode television special on E!

After only 72 days.  In other words, all the hype leading up to the wedding lasted longer than the marriage itself.

And I thought my last two marriages combined  were short. 


It’s a damned good thing that I don’t own the Texas Rangers baseball franchise.

Ron “Crackhead” Washington would not have gotten the chance to manage Game 7.  He would have been fired tonight.


Denizens, we’ll start this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ by pontificating about one Ndamukong Suh of the Detroit Lions. And the pontification will begin with this video of Suh’s so-called “humble beginnings”.

The commecial speaks of humble beginnings being…”humbling”.

Apparently Suh’s never watched the thing.  Because what he had to say about Matt Ryan’s foot injury during Falcons-Lions sure as Hell™ wasn’t “humble”:

Speaking to reporters Monday, Suh denied “trash talking” Ryan and noted the injury occurred when Falcons left tackle Will Svitek stepped on Ryan’s ankle. Suh called the play “karma” for “all the bad stuff” the Falcons’ offensive line has “done in the past.”

Said Suh: “There are many, many, many plays that I could go back to that I watch on film all week that their offensive line has done,” Suh said, “and that they’ve been coached to do, as far as I know. It’s not anything that’s not been said; it’s not anything that’s new.”

Asked specifically if he said anything to Ryan after the injury, Suh said:

“I have nothing to say. The man’s sitting on the ground. We’ve obviously continued to do our job, getting to him, causing havoc, his own quarterback takes him out. … I have no comment, no issues, no nothing — nothing to say to him. At that time, when he’s on the ground, there’s nothing that I have to say to him. We’ve done our job, we’ve been in his face, we’ve caused him to go down, we’ve caused his offensive lineman to hurt him.”

Yeah, that’s real humble, all right.

Remember, Suh, you fat dumbass – karma’s a real bitch.  You guys are good, but you have yet to play Green Bay, and they  have a good offensive line – maybe the best in the league.  And wouldn’t it be…karmic…if somehow you managed to be pushed around so well by that line that you…oh, I dunno…blew out an ACL?

Just sayin’.  Karma, y’know, for all the shit you talk for thinking you’re that much of a bad-ass.

On to the football.  If it’s Thursday, it must be my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  Sure enough, this is Hi-Octane Test™ number two, as they take on Western Hills tonight.  Hills ain’t bad, either – they gave Southwest more of a fight than the Jackets did.  Don’t feel good about this one, either.

Tomorrow night, Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs play BigamY U at Cowboys Stadium.  It, however, is not  a conference game, what with the Mormons having gone independent this year.  TCU’s still better, though – by 13½, according to Vegas – so the Frogs shouldn’t have too much trouble.

Saturday, Bob Stoops’ ninth-ranked Oklahoma Soonersis on the road against eighth-ranked Kansas State.  Pains me to say this, but I think OU’s on its way to its first two-game losing streak in quite a while.  K-State’s handled their to-date common opponent (Kansas) far better than OU did, though Vegas has the Sooners as a solid 13½-point favorite.  Go figure.

Also on Saturday, Bo Pelini’s 14th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers will play host to the 11th-ranked Michigan State Spartans.  The Huskers are a four-point favorite at home, which means Vegas thinks it’s a toss-up.  But State just got through upsetting Bucky, so I’d have to give them the edge.  We’ll see.

Sunday night, I’ll turn down the TV sound, watch Faith Hill wiggle & wriggle and try to decide whether I’m impressed or not.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  Who are you and what did you do with my husband?

VENOMOUS:  Blonde, honey, remember?  Now get Eva Longoria out there, naked

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  KA-BONNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!

…uh, ow.

Afterwards, we’ll watch the Dallas Cowgirlz up in Filthydelpha against They Whom Would Buy A Lombardi Trophy™, the Beagles, feat. Mikey “Woof!” Vick.

Now, El Choko’s still starting, so normally I’d pull for Dallas’ opponent.  But there Ain’t No Fucking Way In Hell™ I’m pulling for any Phuckadelphia sports team.  Ever.  No.  Way.  No.  How.

Maybe I’ll pull for the refs.

In other action, Rock Chalk plays the sacrificial lamb for TU, after the Shortdicks go oh-for-Oklahoma, and Bucky is a 7½-point favorite at the Horseshoe vs. The  Ohio State University.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  In the meantime, my question for HDD is:  does Bucky have a chance against the Buckeyes after what Michigan State did to ‘em?


While I am thrilled that Cain is currently the GOP front runner, I am concerned that numbers two and three are Romney and Gingrich. To me this indicates a Republican party which still does not firmly embrace any sort of conservative ideal. Because of this lack of conviction, one must wonder if it is time to send the GOP packing, and to find another vehicle to advance the concepts of limited government and fiscal responsibility.


Bob Stoops, you’ve heard of the concept of “attaboy…awshit”, right?

Arlington Heights 38, South Hills 12

TCU 69, New Mexico 0

Oklahoma 38, Texas Tech 20, Texas Tech’s C-USA zebras 21

#13 Nebraska 41, at UMinnesota 14

St. Louis 7, at Dallas 34

Heights followed their usual formula of toying around with an opponent, then shutting them down in the second half.  I’m rather surprised – I expected the Scorpions to give them more of a fight.

Something interesting, though:  apparently Ged Kates has moved QB Omar Valadez to running back – and down the string at that.  Vince Berrones started at quarterback for Heights Friday night, and Valadez only got one carry for eight yards.  Hmm.

Some “dangerous”.

First New Mexico play from scrimmage was a run up the gut…and a fumble.  And a Frog recovery.  And a drive up a short field for a touchdown.

Lather, rinse, repeat.  Boom, TCU up 14-0.

How bad was it for New Mexico?  Eighty-five yards of total offense.  A single-digit number of plays run on TCU’s half of the field.  TCU scout-team quarterback Rick Settle running the offense in the fourth quarter – and scoring.

New Mexico is where TCU was about forty years ago, back in the Billy Tohill era.  And they might stay there for a while.


And if you think that’s  bad, how pathetic is the UMinne-haha program nowadays?

The Huskers (6-1, 2-1 Big Ten) took over TCF Bank Stadium in their first trip to the Twin Cities since 1989. More than two-thirds of the stadium was filled with red-clad Nebraska backers, and they had plenty to cheer about.

They got a show, alright.  Taylor was 13-22-162 and a score, Burkhead ran for 117 and a touch, part of a 346-yard rushing clinic put on by the Huskers.

Almost like the old NU-Iowa State days.  Right down to the Minne-haha unis. 

Outside of a couple of Stephen Jackson runs (one for a score), the Ram offense was dreadful.  And even Jackson wasn’t a cure-all, as most of the time they were just running him into a brick wall, almost literally.  Kinda reminded me of the Troy “What do ‘voluntary’ mean?” Hambrick days for the Cowboys, when it was half-a-yard ‘n a cloud of Astroturf.

As for the Cowboys – well, who needs Romo when you have DeMarco Murray?  The former OU standout ran for a club-record 253 yards, 91 of them and a touchdown the first time he touched the ball.

Even Dez Bryant got into the act in the second half, catching about three or four passes (one for a score).

Rob Ryan’s defense, not having to defend the object of the NFL’s worship, Tom Brady, this week…did remarkably well.  Then again, when all you have to do is make sure AJ “Touchy” Feely doesn’t hurt you, and as long as all they were doing was running Jackson straight into the line…well, anyone can defend a no-dimensional offense.

Still, it was a loss for me, as I refuse to pull any longer for El Choko, so I’ll take my lumps here.

And speaking of taking lumps…Bob Stoops? Aw, shit.

Congratulations, Bob-o.  You just lost to a vastly inferior team.  At home.  Where you hadn’t lost since dropping one to a good TCU team six years ago.

Still, it wasn’t all your fault.  Texas Dickhead-o-logical brought SMUT‘s officiating crew with them.  How else do you explain two blatantly ignored block-in-the-back penalties that led directly to touchdowns, plus a phantom roughing penalty that led to another one?

But you can’t expect good things to happen when you guys start believing your press clippings – and that’s part of what happened here.

Perhaps you should go have a talk with Gary Patterson – both about letting your teams get the big head…and not letting biased officiating crews work your games.

This week:  3-2 (Dallas’ win counts as a loss).  Overall:  31-8.

In other news, Bucky lost at Lansing again, and Kansas got destroyed by K-State.  KU to their head coach:  So long, Turner, been nice knowing ya.

The PFW will return Thursday, when we take another look at a former Cornhusker who seems not to watch his own Chrysler commercials.


Being one who, heretofore, had been somewhat of a supporter of/identifier with the Tea Party, I was somewhat of a defender of one Christine O’Donnell, she of the witchcraft accusations of 2010.

Seriously.  Let he whom has never absent-mindedly walked into the girls bathroom during “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) chuck the first pebble, y’know?  In fact, I’m willing to bet that those who screeched the loudest about the witchcraft thing had a Ouija board or two in their own closets growing up.

That said – eventually, give someone enough rope, they’re apt to hang themselves.  Just as O’Donnell’s done by throwing her support to Mittens.

Christine O’ Donnell, the former Republican Senate candidate and a Tea Party favorite during the 2010 election, said in an exclusive interview with ABC News that she has not only given money to presidential candidate Mitt Romney but also says she doesn’t think he is “getting a fair shake” from those within her own movement.

Romney has so far been highly criticized by the Tea Party movement, who sent protestors to picket during his debut September Tea Party Express event.

Jerry DeLumus, the chairman of the Granite State Patriots Liberty PAC, told ABC News at the Concord, N.H., event that he believed Romney was using the flashy Tea Party Express bus as a “photo op” and not because he is actually aligned with tea party principles.

But O’Donnell, who struggled with her own fair share of bad press during her Senate campaign, told ABC News that she tends to “empathize” when she sees “Romney’s record being so obviously distorted and twisted.”

Ah, yes.  The Romney record (hat tip:  the Emperor):

Lets recap: What Romney supported as Governor of Massachusetts:

1. Pro-abortion with full taxpayer funding.
2. Pro-state mandated healthcare.
3. Pro-government mandates in taxes and fees.
4. Pro-gay marriage; full-state sponsorship (1rst Governor).
5. Pro-transgendered education in public schools.
6. Pro-global warming caused by humans hysteria.
7. Pro-amnesty for illegal immigrants.
8. Anti-second Amendment.
9. Support of Ethanol Subsidies..
10. 75% of his Appointments were of Liberal Judges.
11. 47th state out of 50 in job creation.
12. Increased State spending 20.7% during his tenure.
13. Government employment grew 7.2% during his tenure.
14. Pro-Affirmative Action.
15. Romney will say whatever is necessary to get elected.

Among other things.

I hate to say it, but the establishment RINOs may have been nail-head, bang-on right  about you, Esmerelda O’Donnell:

You’re a fuckin’ ditz.


Denizens, this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend begins on a somber note, as we acknowledge the passing of Mansfield (TX) assistant coach Cody McCarty.

McCarty, 29, died of an apparent heart attack, Mansfield school district spokesperson Richie Escovedo said.

He had been the offensive coordinator and quarterbacks coach for the Wolves since 2009 and also was an assistant baseball coach and taught physical education.

“This is a big loss, and not just for football or baseball. He let every kid in his classes know that they were special,” Timberview head football coach Mark Walker said. “He was a good man that did everything right.”

It’s notable for two reasons:  1) he was only 29 years old, and 2) he was a former TCU Horned Frog:

McCarty played tight end for TCU from 2000-2004, following in the footsteps of his father, Mickey McCarty, who played baseball and football for the Horned Frogs in the 1960s.

The Realm™ mourns the death of this fine man.  He left us too soon.

The game itself seems meaningless after this, but let’s get on with it anyway.  Ged Kates & my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets risk their first two-game losing streak in about four or five years tonight as they take on the South Hills Scorpions at Farrington.  This ain’t a gimme – South Hills is 5-2, 4-2, and they undoubtedly saw the Southwest game film from last week.  I’d expect that Heights secondary to get tested early & often.

Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs get back to work Saturday at Amon Carter, as they host the New Mexico Lobos.  Patterson’s trying to put the fear o’ God into the Frogs…

TCU coach Gary Patterson called New Mexico “a dangerous team” during last week’s Mountain West media teleconference, which may have been a surprise to the Lobos (0-6, 0-1 in MWC), who fired head coach Mike Locksley three weeks ago and replaced him with defensive coordinator George Barlow.

But Patterson was not offering coach-speak and insisted after TCU’s practice Sunday that New Mexico, which has been outscored by an average of 44-18 this season, has dangerous receivers.

“Their wide receivers are really good,” Patterson said. “They’re the No. 2 throwing team in the league.”

That is, of course, coach-speak for “they can’t run for shit”.

Let’s put it this way:  if New Mexico finagles a win at Amon Carter, TCU  will be out of the PFW.  (The line, in case you’re wondering is NM plus 45.)

Bob Stoops’ third-ranked Oklahoma Sooners, meanwhile, are a 30-point favorite at home vs. Texas Tech.  This is the same Texas Tech that bent over & grabbed the ankles for Adam “Pussy” James and his bitch of a father Craig (so, Craigy, how much booster money did  you score at SMUT, princess?).

Tech isn’t anywhere near  as formidable under Tommy-boy Tuberville, so I’m not particularly worried about this one.

Bo Pelini’s 13th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers get to go up to UMinne-haha and kick the snot outta the Golden Gophers.  The line’s UMinne-haha plus 25½, so don’t look for this one on “Big Ten’s Greatest Games”.

Sunday, Sam Bradford and the St. Louis Rams come to town to play the Dallas Cowgirls.  (Presumably, the Rams & Cardinals took the same charter, as they’ll be playing only about half a mile from each other that day.)  I am, of course, pulling for the Rams here, as El Choko continues to start for the ‘Girlz – but there’s a greater-than-zero chance I’ll be disappointed this time, so we’ll see.

UPDATE:  The four-lettered network is reporting (via screen crawl) that Sam’s got a bum ankle and is out for the game. A.J. “Touchy” Feely goes in his place.

Cowgirlz’ll win this one.  There goes my PFW.

In other action, Bucky – believe it or not – is a 7½-point road dog to Michigan State.  Vegas must not be much of a believer in Russell Wilson.  If I had money…

Oh, and it’s Kansas-Kansas State, so no help for Turner there.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  In the meantime, my question for HDD is…do you  have money…?


ABC News has broken the news (confirmed by Roto-Reuters) that NATO forces have killed Moammar Qaddafi.

More later, possibly.

UPDATE:  The Picture™ is below the fold, for those of you who want to look (it ain’t pretty, you’ve been warned)…


Guys, I’m a little under the weather, plus I’ve got a stack of work on my plate, so unless the urge to post is overwhelming, it’ll be PFWs for a while.

Vicar, General…?


And, as expected, Romo & the Cowgirlz didn’t let me down.

Arlington Heights 21, Southwest 66

#3 Oklahoma 47, at Kansas 17

at #4 Wisconsin 59, Indiana 7

at New England 20, Dallas 16

What’d I Tell Ya™ about Heights & Southwest?

Three years ago, it was Donnell Dickerson.  The last couple of years, it’s been Marquis Jackson.  And it’s been Heights doing the hurting.

And now, it’s the Jackets’ turn to get hurt:

Fort Worth Southwest’s junior tandem of receiver Robbie Rhodes and quarterback Wesley Harris combined to set multiple national and state records in a 66-21 homecoming victory over Fort Worth Arlington Heights on Friday night at Clark Stadium.


Harris and Rhodes delivered a simple game plan in taking command of the contest. When in doubt, put the ball up and let the 6-foot-1 Rhodes go after it.

Rhodes finished with 10 receptions for 394 yards and had TD catches of 68, 20, 53, 48, 74, 32, 41, and 29 yards. The eight receiving TDs ties a national record set by Earvin Johnson of Cathedral High in Los Angeles on Nov. 7, 1998, according to the 2011 edition of the National High School Sports Record Book.

I guess I shouldn’t get too pissed when another school does to us what we’ve been doing to everyone else.  We’ll just have to run it up on ‘em next year.

But it does expose a flaw in the Jackets.  Same one that afflicts a lot of teams around here:  The secondary.

Sigh.  Expect South Hills to do this next week.

I hope to Cthulu Rhodes is a senior.

The first offensive series was…a three-and-out.

The game was actually tied at one point in the second quarter, 10-10.

Against the worst defense in college football.

Don’t let this four-lettered writeup fool you.  Had OU played like this against TU, there’s a greater-than-zero chance they’d’ve gotten their asses whipped.

Sure, Ryan Broyles had a career night, catching 13 Landry Jones throws for 217 yards and two TDs.  And yeah, Dom Whaley went 30-for-165 against Rock Chalk.

But this game should have been 77-something.  OU stunk it up, playing to the level of its competition.  Bobby Stoops best be busting some chops this week in practice.

Russell Wilson can throw and  catch TDs.

He threw one to Jake Pedersen, and caught one from Montee Ball.  (Ball scored three on the ground himself.)  All part of a ho-hum day for Bucky at Camp Randall.

If Bucky had had Wilson last year, TCU would’ve gotten their asses kicked.

I expected El Choko to fuck things up…and it didn’t take him long to come through.

An interception on his first pass led to three points, and he was conservative – or maybe, Red Headed Jesus was – the rest of the way.

But Rob Ryan’s defense kept the ‘Girlz in the game the rest of the way.  That is, until a three-and-out gave the ball back to Tom Brady with about three minutes left.  Whereupon he drove the Pansies eighty yards down the field for the winning score.

Way to let another one get away from you, ‘Girlz.  ‘Course, I was pulling for you to lose anyway, so it counts as a win for me.

This week:  3-1.  Overall…

…oh, wait.  Got this bonus game:

at Cincinnati 27, Indian-hapless 17

Andy 25-32-264 and a score.  Bengals were so impressed, they went and traded Carson Palmer to Da Raaiiiiii-duhhhhhs.

Have fun withering away in Oblivion™, Carson.

This week:  4-1.  Overall:  28-6.

The PFW will return Friday, when we mourn the passing of a former Horned Frog.


It’s the bottom of the 7th, and Michael Young of the Texas Rangers just went deep against Brad Penny of the Detroit Tigers.  And then, one out later, Nelson Cruz went deep for a two-run shot.

It’s now 15-4, Rangers.

Ain’t gonna be no fucking comeback tonight.


UPDATE:  Final:

at Texas 15, Detroit 5

A second straight American League pennant.

Damn.  Just, damn.


Denizens, this somewhat belated edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ begins with the fallout from an incident in the N’awlins Saints-Care-ah-line-ah Pan-thahs game last week.

Carolina’s Steve Smith broke a tackle from the Saints’ Jabari Greer, and glided into the end zone, sorta non-chalanting it.  He claims  that he was protecting against his momentum carrying him into the stadium wall, but anyone who saw the play knows that that’s bullshit.

In response, New Orleans safety Roman Harper plowed into Smith and knocked him to the ground, inciting a lot of pushing & shoving by both teams.  Smith, for his part, jumped up and spun the ball on the ground, acting like the douchebag he’s known for being.

Harper was fined $15,000.

Harper’s late hit was the only penalty called. Harper said after the game that he wasn’t going to apologize.

“If you’re going to score, go score, but a guy is not going to try and just walk it in on us like that,” Harper said. “You’re going to have to pay for it as you get past the goal line.”

Now that’s  my kind of football player.  Were I his owner, I’d pay the fine for him and give him a bonus.  In fact, I wish he played for the Cowgirlz.  We have a couple of assclowns in our division who could use a little of that.

On with the football. As I write this, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are taking on the Southwest Raiders Rebels.  (That’s right, FWIST and the rest of you PC pussies – I said “Rebels”.  Deal with it.)  This is gonna be Heights’ big test, and a win is not guaranteed this year – Southwest is good.

I’ve got my fingers crossed.

Saturday will be Guaranteed Win Day™ for Bob Stoops third-ranked Oklahoma Sooners, as they travel to Lawrence, KS, to play…Rock Chalk.

The line’s Kansas plus 36½.

Poor Turner.

Sunday, speaking of the Cowgirls, they’re gonna get their heads handed to them as they travel to Bahs-tun to play the New England Pansies.  And as promised two weeks ago, since El Choko’s starting, I’m pulling for the Pansies to kick the Cowgirlz’ asses.

Shouldn’t be a problem.

TCU & Nebraska are both off this week, so just for HDD, we’ll plug in fourth-ranked Bucky, who has Indiana at Camp Randall.

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.  In the meantime, HDD…I should like my chances against the Hoosiers, right?


In news that will shock the Uninitiated™ and damned few else…a leftard endorsed a leftard yesterday.

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie endorsed former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney in New Hampshire today, providing the frontrunner for the GOP presidential nomination with a boost on the verge of tonight’s New Hampshire debate.

A what?

Ex-sqeeze me?  Baking powder?

No, all KrispyKreme Christie (stolen from Mark Levin – thanks!) did was show his fat leftard ass to the rest of the world.  I mean, it’s not like we didn’t already know he was closer to Jim Corzine than Ronaldus Magnus, y’know?

In fact, if you ask me – and you didn’t – Governor KrispyKreme’s donning the kneepads for Mr. Ronmeycare is pretty much the Kiss Of Death™, electorally speaking.

Perry may not win the nomination, thanks to Malicious Malkin and her rim-jobbing sycophants like Pasa-dipshit Phylicia.  But it’s sure’s Hell™ not gonna be Romney now.

S’long, Mittens, thanks for playing, g’bye.


Got this from a friend o’ mine off o’ Facebook Hell™…

I know, I know…the Vicar’s having a Facepalm Moment™ Right About Now™… 


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