Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Okay, so let me see if I have this right:

We’ve got BambiCare causing all manner of folks to lose insurance they wanted to keep, and to pay more & more to replace it.

Vladimir Putin has invaded the Ukraine.

We have some 270 folks missing that were on a Malaysian Airlines plane.&#160 No evidence of a crash or anything, the plane just went missing.

The Second Civil War&#153 may be just about to start.

And folks are getting the vapors over…thigh gap?!?!?!

It’s been OK to Photoshop since the invention of Photoshop, and perhaps no one has taken more advantage of it than the fashion and modeling industries. But Target’s apparent attempt to give a bikini model a fashionable thigh gap was such a hack job as to elicit a series of apologies from the company.

We.&#160 Are.&#160 So.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Screwed.

Let God’s judgement come.&#160 We’ve fucking earned&#160 it.

Not that it’s of any major importance, but today is:

1) Name your PC Day
2) Absurdity Day

Keep reading, we’ll make more.

Dismissed&#153

(Hat tip:&#160 Dan Riehl.)

“Well Governor, let me start by saying it’s great to have a different opinion and a different person on the radio and I’m very, very happy that you’re doing this radio show. One of the reasons why I want to listen to your program every day is because you ran for office and you’ve been a politician, you have a different perspective I think.”

—The first caller to Mike Huckabee’s new radio show Monday, 4/9/12

You just can’t make shit like this up.

Well…actually…you can.

In fact, Huckabee…ummm…did.

In fact, “Mike from San Francisco” turned out after some digging to be one Mike McVay, the senior vice president of programming for… wait for it… the Cumulus Media Network. None of which was acknowledged on the air by either “Mike from San Francisco” or, more to the point, Mike Huckabee.

Jeffery Lord goes on to strongly imply (if not state outright) that Huckabee not only was in on it, but may have even had a hand in the staging.

Sad.

I’ve never done that here.&#160 Could very easily, but I don’t roll like that. Any commenter you see here is a real person, really commenting.

True&#160 conservatives don’t have to make shit up, y’know.

[SCENE:&#160 On the bridge of ISS Poseidon, the Realm’s new Federation-class prototype.&#160 Admiral Darth Venomous is still mired away in Facebook Hell&#153, and the bridge is empty, save for a couple of technicians named (ironically enough) Berkeley & Zhamno.

Zhamno is fiddling around with the Ops controls.&#160 Berkeley is egging him on.]

BERKELEY:&#160 Yeah, yeah!&#160 Do it!&#160 C’mon!

[Zhamno touches one last control.&#160 On the viewscreen, the picture changes.]

ZHAMNO:&#160 Schweet!

[At that moment, the turbolift doors fly open, revealing Supreme General Rayegun, who isn’t the happiest of campers right at that moment.]

RAYEGUN:&#160 What in the name of Fek’lhr&#160 are you two doing?!?!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:&#160 GENERAL, SIR!!!&#160 Uh…uh…(ulp!)

RAYEGUN:&#160 Never mind that.&#160 Quit playing with the effing tractor beam and prep this bridge!&#160 We launch in fifteen minutes!

BERKELEY:&#160 Uh…sir?

RAYEGUN:&#160 We’ve located the Admiral.&#160 We’re going to assist Mrs. Venomous in rescue operations.

ZHAMNO:&#160 But…but, sir…what about your ship?

RAYEGUN:&#160 The Generalette took it.&#160 Something called a “girls’ night out”.&#160 Don’t ask, just move!!!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:&#160 Yes, sir, aye aye, sir!!!&#160 {They scurry as Rayegun exits.]

—

Prayers & well wishes for the quake area.

(Hat tip Alan K. Henderson.)

Ew.

Just, ew.

(sigh) Jedi scum…&#160

My money is on Mr. Netanyahu.

Item:&#160 OwlBore and his wife, Tipper, are separating after 40 years of marriage.

Reaction:&#160 Looks like Al’s mistress – Mommy Gaia – finally won out.&#160 (Shame Tipper can’t sue the earth for alienation of affection.)

In late December, I slipped while in the middle of scratching an itchy ear.

With my car key.

MERLIN:&#160 Ow.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Doofus.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Aah, whatever.

Didn’t puncture the eardrum, fortunately, but did scratch up the ear canal pretty good, to the point where I had to take a little extra care of it for a couple of weeks.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 You mean, like only scratching it with plastic&#160 stuff?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hush, you.

However, that doesn’t even begin&#160 to compare to what this dumb-assed Rooskie cop did.

Ladies & gentlemen, I give you…your&#160 Darwin Award (oughta be) winner for 2010!

INVESTIGATORS believe a young Moscow cop died after scratching his nose with his loaded gun.

The Moskovsky Komsomolets reports the 23-year-old policeman, who was not named, was found under a desk with a head wound. The investigation ruled out a murder and there was no note that would indicate suicide, the paper said.

Ow.&#160 Just, ow.&#160

Let it never be said that conservatives aren’t a charitable lot.

Our crazy uncle in the basement (as it were), 9/11 TrutherLord&#153 Ron Paul, got his annual fifteen minutes of fame last night in winning the CPAC straw poll.

(Lest anyone take this poll, y’know, seriously&#160 – Romney (aka Super Captain Mormonman&#153) won this poll the last three years running.&#160 How’d that work out for ya, Romn-bo?&#160

At a guess, I’d say that Tiger Woods definitely isn’t an alpha male.

[SCENE:&#160 Onboard Titanic, outside Transporter Room 1. The same crew that pulled this stunt off has congregated close to the doorway.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 Okay, we’re set on the plan, right?&#160 We’ll beam in, hide in a strategic location, and wait on His Rudeness’ return.

EMPEROR MISHA:&#160 Assuming he hasn’t already figured out the plan – surprising me & my brood last time was&#160 his idea, y’know.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Trust me – he’s too panicked about the TCU game to have even given it a second thought.

CLAUDIUS:&#160 I s-s-s-sure h-h-h-op-p-p-e s-s-s-s-o, Mr Korrioth sir.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Relax, Claudius.&#160 My people & yours are at peace.

CLAUDIUS:&#160 Oh, okay.

B.C.:&#160 Where’s my damned beer?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Wizard…?

[Chief Engineer Merlin gestures, and the requisite case of beer appears before B.C.’s gaping eyes.&#160 B.C. shakes his head in wonder.]

B.C.:&#160 How the fuck d’ya do that?

MERLIN:&#160 Several decades of school, young’un.&#160 Plus a century or two of apprenticeship.

CALIGULA:&#160 Says the whippersnapper.

MERLIN:&#160

KORRIOTH:&#160 Awright, enough!&#160 We only have a few minutes to get down there before they come back with the pizza.&#160 Everyone have their hiding place scoped out?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 In other words, find a pile of dust and hide behind it?

MERLIN:&#160 Mrs. Venomous would kill you for saying that.

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 I’m dead anyway, remember?

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 He’s got you there, Commander.

MERLIN:&#160 Mheh.

KORRIOTH:&#160 SpatulaGoddess, you have the birthday cake?

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 Angel-food pineapple upside-down cake with Splenda&#169, per your request, Captain.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Excellent, m’lady.&#160 Your service to the Realm&#153 is worthy of song.&#160 Oh, but no Tazmanian clean-up dervishes until later, if you would – Ozy’s right; we need those dust-bunnies for cover.

THE SPATULAGODDESS:&#160 (blush!)

[The group approches the transporter room door, and it parts silently & obediently…to reveal Lord Darth Venomous at the controls.&#160 There is a smug grin on his face, as if he knew all along this was coming.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Going somewhere, boys?

[The group collectively gapes in wonder.&#160 Korrioth is the first to find his voice.]

MERLIN:&#160 How…how did you…you…?

VENOMOUS:&#160 It’s in the script.&#160 [He hands a stack of papers to Korrioth.]&#160 Right there on page three, see?

RAYEGUN:&#160 Dammit, I knew&#160 we shoulda used non-union!

VENOMOUS:&#160

—

Yes, Denizens.&#160 I’m 47 today.&#160 Feel free to tip one or eight (grin) in my honor.

Drudge has an interesting thing up this morning.

Yesterday, the Dow closed at 9605 and change.

Eight years ago – almost to the very day – the Dow closed at 9605 and change.

The more things change…

Interesting blurb on Drudge about the proposed BambiCare package.&#160 As it stands right now, the Demoscum are, to employ an aphorism, “betwixt the devil & the deep blue sea”.&#160 If they go with public option, 44 Donk congresscritters oppose it – but it’ll likely die in the Senate.&#160 If not, 57 congresscritters on the left oppose it, which’ll kill it outright.

But what caught my eye was this particular background piece on one of the potentially recalcitrant Dems:

Rep. John Murtha (D-PA): “We Cannot Support Any Health Care Reform Proposal Unless It Explicitly Excludes Abortion From The Scope Of Any Government-Defined Or Subsidized Health Insurance Plan.” “We believe in a culture that supports and respects the right to life and is dedicated to the protection and preservation of families. Therefore, we cannot support any health care reform proposal unless it explicitly excludes abortion from the scope of any government-defined or subsidized health insurance plan. We believe that a government-defined or subsidized health insurance plan, should not be used to fund abortion.” (Letter To Speaker Pelosi, 6/25/09)

John Murthafucker.&#160 Ex-Marine (in this case, yeah – ex-Marine), enemy of the war, enemy of all troops – champion of the unborn.

The Chinese curse holds firm:&#160 We live in interesting times.

Someone forgot to tell the North that it was summer.&#160

The Department of Absurdity&#153 apparently can’t wait to bring us this story.

Seems the Detroit brownshirts, having recently vanquished the politically-late-yet-unlamented Kwame Kilpatrick, needed a new target on which to practice their particular brand of Draconianism.

Enter the Pillow Fighters&#153.

Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park.

The Detroit News reports that police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants.

What was that old canard?&#160 Something about not bringing a pillow to a gun fight…?

The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking Web sites. Other bouts included one on Wall Street, where hundreds pounded each other in front of the New York Stock Exchange.

Michael Davis of Hamtramck, Mich., said police confiscated the 32-year-old man’s pillows but returned their cases. He said he was told that he needed a permit.

Participant Scott Harris added that as far as he knows it’s “not illegal to own a pillow.”

“When pillows are outlawed, only outlaws will have pillows.”&#160

Detroit police spokesman James Tate said the issue wasn’t about the bout but the mess it would have created.

I call bullshit.&#160 Your politicians spew that much crap every day, and you morons do nothing.&#160 What’s their&#160 excuse?

I mean, pillows don’t kill people, people do.

Pissweaseled killjoys.