Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...
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Okay, so let me see if I have this right:

We’ve got BambiCare causing all manner of folks to lose insurance they wanted to keep, and to pay more & more to replace it.

Vladimir Putin has invaded the Ukraine.

We have some 270 folks missing that were on a Malaysian Airlines plane.  No evidence of a crash or anything, the plane just went missing.

The Second Civil War™ may be just about to start.

And folks are getting the vapors over…thigh gap?!?!?!

It’s been OK to Photoshop since the invention of Photoshop, and perhaps no one has taken more advantage of it than the fashion and modeling industries. But Target’s apparent attempt to give a bikini model a fashionable thigh gap was such a hack job as to elicit a series of apologies from the company.

We.  Are.  So.  Fucking.  Screwed.

Let God’s judgement come.  We’ve fucking earned  it.

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Not that it’s of any major importance, but today is:

1) Name your PC Day
2) Absurdity Day

Keep reading, we’ll make more.

Dismissed™

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(Hat tip:  Dan Riehl.)

“Well Governor, let me start by saying it’s great to have a different opinion and a different person on the radio and I’m very, very happy that you’re doing this radio show. One of the reasons why I want to listen to your program every day is because you ran for office and you’ve been a politician, you have a different perspective I think.”

—The first caller to Mike Huckabee’s new radio show Monday, 4/9/12

You just can’t make shit like this up.

Well…actually…you can.

In fact, Huckabee…ummm…did.

In fact, “Mike from San Francisco” turned out after some digging to be one Mike McVay, the senior vice president of programming for… wait for it… the Cumulus Media Network. None of which was acknowledged on the air by either “Mike from San Francisco” or, more to the point, Mike Huckabee.

Jeffery Lord goes on to strongly imply (if not state outright) that Huckabee not only was in on it, but may have even had a hand in the staging.

Sad.

I’ve never done that here.  Could very easily, but I don’t roll like that. Any commenter you see here is a real person, really commenting.

True  conservatives don’t have to make shit up, y’know.

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[SCENE:  On the bridge of ISS Poseidon, the Realm's new Federation-class prototype.  Admiral Darth Venomous is still mired away in Facebook Hell™, and the bridge is empty, save for a couple of technicians named (ironically enough) Berkeley & Zhamno.

Zhamno is fiddling around with the Ops controls.  Berkeley is egging him on.]

BERKELEY:  Yeah, yeah!  Do it!  C’mon!

[Zhamno touches one last control.  On the viewscreen, the picture changes.]

ZHAMNO:  Schweet!

[At that moment, the turbolift doors fly open, revealing Supreme General Rayegun, who isn't the happiest of campers right at that moment.]

RAYEGUN:  What in the name of Fek’lhr  are you two doing?!?!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:  GENERAL, SIR!!!  Uh…uh…(ulp!)

RAYEGUN:  Never mind that.  Quit playing with the effing tractor beam and prep this bridge!  We launch in fifteen minutes!

BERKELEY:  Uh…sir?

RAYEGUN:  We’ve located the Admiral.  We’re going to assist Mrs. Venomous in rescue operations.

ZHAMNO:  But…but, sir…what about your ship?

RAYEGUN:  The Generalette took it.  Something called a “girls’ night out”.  Don’t ask, just move!!!

BERKELEY, ZHAMNO:  Yes, sir, aye aye, sir!!!  {They scurry as Rayegun exits.]

Prayers & well wishes for the quake area.

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(Hat tip Alan K. Henderson.)

Ew.

Just, ew.

(sigh) Jedi scum… 

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My money is on Mr. Netanyahu.

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Item:  OwlBore and his wife, Tipper, are separating after 40 years of marriage.

Reaction:  Looks like Al’s mistress – Mommy Gaia – finally won out.  (Shame Tipper can’t sue the earth for alienation of affection.)

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In late December, I slipped while in the middle of scratching an itchy ear.

With my car key.

MERLIN:  Ow.

KORRIOTH:  Doofus.

VENOMOUS:  Aah, whatever.

Didn’t puncture the eardrum, fortunately, but did scratch up the ear canal pretty good, to the point where I had to take a little extra care of it for a couple of weeks.

OZY MCCOOL:  You mean, like only scratching it with plastic  stuff?

VENOMOUS:  Hush, you.

However, that doesn’t even begin  to compare to what this dumb-assed Rooskie cop did.

Ladies & gentlemen, I give you…your  Darwin Award (oughta be) winner for 2010!

INVESTIGATORS believe a young Moscow cop died after scratching his nose with his loaded gun.

The Moskovsky Komsomolets reports the 23-year-old policeman, who was not named, was found under a desk with a head wound. The investigation ruled out a murder and there was no note that would indicate suicide, the paper said.

Ow.  Just, ow. 

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Let it never be said that conservatives aren’t a charitable lot.

Our crazy uncle in the basement (as it were), 9/11 TrutherLord™ Ron Paul, got his annual fifteen minutes of fame last night in winning the CPAC straw poll.

(Lest anyone take this poll, y’know, seriously  – Romney (aka Super Captain Mormonman™) won this poll the last three years running.  How’d that work out for ya, Romn-bo? 

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At a guess, I’d say that Tiger Woods definitely isn’t an alpha male.

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[SCENE:  Onboard Titanic, outside Transporter Room 1. The same crew that pulled this stunt off has congregated close to the doorway.]

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >

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Drudge has an interesting thing up this morning.

Yesterday, the Dow closed at 9605 and change.

Eight years ago – almost to the very day – the Dow closed at 9605 and change.

The more things change…

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Interesting blurb on Drudge about the proposed BambiCare package.  As it stands right now, the Demoscum are, to employ an aphorism, “betwixt the devil & the deep blue sea”.  If they go with public option, 44 Donk congresscritters oppose it – but it’ll likely die in the Senate.  If not, 57 congresscritters on the left oppose it, which’ll kill it outright.

But what caught my eye was this particular background piece on one of the potentially recalcitrant Dems:

Rep. John Murtha (D-PA): “We Cannot Support Any Health Care Reform Proposal Unless It Explicitly Excludes Abortion From The Scope Of Any Government-Defined Or Subsidized Health Insurance Plan.” “We believe in a culture that supports and respects the right to life and is dedicated to the protection and preservation of families. Therefore, we cannot support any health care reform proposal unless it explicitly excludes abortion from the scope of any government-defined or subsidized health insurance plan. We believe that a government-defined or subsidized health insurance plan, should not be used to fund abortion.” (Letter To Speaker Pelosi, 6/25/09)

John Murthafucker.  Ex-Marine (in this case, yeah – ex-Marine), enemy of the war, enemy of all troops – champion of the unborn.

The Chinese curse holds firm:  We live in interesting times.

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Someone forgot to tell the North that it was summer. 

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The Department of Absurdity™ apparently can’t wait to bring us this story.

Seems the Detroit brownshirts, having recently vanquished the politically-late-yet-unlamented Kwame Kilpatrick, needed a new target on which to practice their particular brand of Draconianism.

Enter the Pillow Fighters™.

Police in Detroit have ruffled some feathers after they cracked down on an organized pillow fight at a downtown park.

The Detroit News reports that police at Campus Martius Park prevented the feathery fight Saturday by disarming pillow-toting participants.

What was that old canard?  Something about not bringing a pillow to a gun fight…?

The bout was part of a worldwide event organized on social networking Web sites. Other bouts included one on Wall Street, where hundreds pounded each other in front of the New York Stock Exchange.

Michael Davis of Hamtramck, Mich., said police confiscated the 32-year-old man’s pillows but returned their cases. He said he was told that he needed a permit.

Participant Scott Harris added that as far as he knows it’s “not illegal to own a pillow.”

“When pillows are outlawed, only outlaws will have pillows.” 

Detroit police spokesman James Tate said the issue wasn’t about the bout but the mess it would have created.

I call bullshit.  Your politicians spew that much crap every day, and you morons do nothing.  What’s their  excuse?

I mean, pillows don’t kill people, people do.

Pissweaseled killjoys.

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