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Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

For the first time in ten years, this is a multi-week vacation, as I get two whole weeks to spread as much hate & discontent as I possibly can.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  You are not  going to any strip clubs, you hear meeeeeee?!?!?!?!!

VENOMOUS:  Yeah, yeah, whatever, woman.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  CLAAAANNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

…uh, ow.

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow a couple cases of Band-Aids©…?

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As we launch this pre-holiday edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, Denizens, I find myself having lost all respect for one Adrian Peterson of the Minne-haha ViQueens.

No, not because he drew a tiny dollop of blood when he spanked his son a little too hard with a switch.  (As an aside…Steffi Dawn Stewart, I trust you’re not taking it easy on our son when it comes to discipline.  I would hate to think he turned out…well, like you.)

No, I’ve lost respect for the man because he caved in to the NFL and promised “never to use a switch as discipline on any of his children again”.

“I won’t ever use a switch again,” Peterson told USA Today Sports in his first extensive public remarks since being indicted for reckless or negligent injury to a child. “There’s different situations where a child needs to be disciplined as far as timeout, taking their toys away, making them take a nap. There’s so many different ways to discipline your kids.”

[...]

Commissioner Roger Goodell, in a statement announcing Peterson’s suspension, was critical of the star running back, saying, “You have shown no meaningful remorse for your conduct.”

And what the ever-loving fuck  do you  know about “discipline”, Roger Goodfella?  Hell – you  thought it was okay to only suspend Ray Rice two fucking games!!!

Bastard.

As for you, Peterson – thanks for letting us know your kids are now gonna grow up to be just like the doucherifles over there in Ferguson, MO.

See, Denizens, this is what I rail about when I scream bloody murder about the pussification of America.  Peterson’s kid probably had a spanking coming, but because a droplet of blood emanated from his butt-ocks (a little Forrest Gump lingo, there), the metrosexual pansy-assed dickless wonders that make up the Low-Information Lunatic Lickspittles™ of our society clutch their pearls, acquire Teh Vapors™ and decry what, fifty to sixty years ago, this society would have roundly cheered.

And then we wonder how we could have elected an illegal Kenyan bastard to the White House – twice – and then just sit, whine & kvetch when he goes and blatantly violates the Constitution instead of manning up, getting off our asses and going and doing  something about it.

Thanks, A.P.

Dumbass.

Let’s get on with the football.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have a chance to do what no Fort Worth “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) team has done in nearly 15 years:  Win an area football playoff game.

They have Wichita Falls Rider tonight at 7:30 in Mineral Wells.  Rider & Heights look to be pretty evenly matched – they beat White Settlement Brewer by more than did Heights, but didn’t beat Grapevine by as many as Heights did.  They’re capable of putting up points, but they can also give them up, too.  Should be a good game.

Sunday, Andy Dalton’s Cincinnati Bengals come to the Southern Command™ to take on Supreme General Rayegun’s Texans.  If they can keep J.J. Watt out of the endzone (either offensively or defensively), they might have a shot.  Vegas has the Texans as a two-point home favorite, which translates to a toss-up.  I guess it’ll depend on whether Ryan FitzPatrick takes the field.

TCU is off this week, so we’ll have four wildcard games: Rock Chalk to go into Norman and give #21 Oklahoma a scare (and if Kansas does  pull off the upset, they’ll be calling for Bob Stoops’ head before the night’s out), #25 UMinnesota to have a letdown game against #23 Nebraska (and believe me, I’d love for Jerry Kill’s bunch to go in and upset Bo Pelini’s kids, but I just don’t see it happening), eighth-ranked Ole Miss to give Ar-kansas a shellacking in Fayetteville (I will never pick the Hogs for anything, ever), and Liberty U. to get their asses whipped at Coastal Carolina.  (Sorry, Turner – I was gonna pick you…but then I saw whom you were playing, and you couldn’t beat ‘em at home last year, so…(shrug))

We’re back Monday for the recap.  (And it will  be Monday, too – tune into this channel tomorrow to learn why.  (Hint:  This is as close to a countdown  as you guys are gonna get this year.  One.))

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Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

This year, Mrs. Venomous & I are traveling Purt’Near™ to the Southern Command, “down aroun’ San Antone”, as the Doobie Brothers are wont to say.  Mrs. Venomous wants to see the Alamo.

MRS. VENOMOUS:  Along with other  stuff…right, sweetie…???

VENOMOUS

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…? 

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I may not post as much as I used to…

OZY McCOOLMay  not?

KORRIOTH:  (snort!)

MERLIN

Ever’body’s gotta be a comic, don’t they? (sigh)

…but I sure as hell don’t neglect to post this.

Ten.

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Those of you who have read me for any  length of time – well, you probably knew it was coming all along, didn’t you? – but you know damned well what this is.

For now, click the link.  Go ahead.  Click it.  I effin’ dare  you.

And turn it up.  Waaaaaay  up.    )

That’s right, sportz fanz:  It’s vacation time for His Rudeness™.  A chance to Get Away From It All™, as it were.

Thanks to Bambi & his shitty economy, though, Mrs. Venomous & I are staying in town and not doing a helluva lot, due to the money just not being there.

MRS. VENOMOUS:  Ohhhhhh, don’t worry, sweetie.  We’ll find plenty  of things to do. (wink)

VENOMOUS

Vicar, General – you guys have the conn.  General…when you’re done chlorinating the gene pool of Twinkie-hating union goons down there in the Southern Command™, could I borrow another squadron of those black helicopters…? 

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(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

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