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Denizens, when it became apparent that Josh “Crack” Hamilton wasn’t going to re-sign with the Tex-ass StrangerS, the hue & cry went up from the masses.

Paraphrasing, it went something like “Ohnoes!  How are we ever  going to replace our hero & Saviour?!?!  What are we going to dooooooooo?!?!?!?!  OHNOES!!1!!ON3!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLIONTRILLION!1!!1~

(Hamilton, for his part, iced up his ass & poured Crisco™ on the skids, what with his play tanking the last two or three games of last season, and him saying that Arlington “wasn’t a baseball town” and that it was “God’s will” that he and li’l Katie take as much money as Widdle Arte Morono Moreno would throw at them.)

Well, fast forward a few months…

…and the StrangerS (surprisingly, I admit) have the best record in baseball, and are cruising right along with some of the best pitching in the major leagues.

And “Crack”?

He and his Angels are nine games out of first, after only 32 played…and manager Mike Scosia actually had the temerity to bench his ass for a game.

After watching Josh Hamilton strike out five times in eight at-bats in the first two games against Baltimore, Angels Manager Mike Scioscia had seen enough of his struggling outfielder to know that he needed something more than just a pep talk. So rather than risk another poor performance in front of a national TV audience, Scioscia held Hamilton out of the starting lineup Saturday.

“It’s 100% a mental day,” Scioscia said of Hamilton, who had more than twice as many strikeouts (13) as hits (6) in his last nine games. “There’s no doubt that Josh is trying to find a rhythm in the batter’s box. Hopefully a day off to clear some cobwebs out … will push him a little bit forward.”

Hamilton, who flied out in a pinch-hitting appearance Saturday, went 1-for-4 on Sunday. He is hitting .208 with just six extra-base hits and 38 strikeouts in 31 games.

One remembers when it was more than an RBI per day, rather than more than a strikeout.

Now, guyz, I’m well aware that Our Boy Josh could very well turn it around tonight, and go on a three-month hot streak.  “That the way baseball go”, as StrangerS manager Ron “Warsh” Washington is so fond of saying.

But for some reason, this passage keeps coming to mind.  Something about pride & haughty spirits or somesuch… 

Not far from Realm™ Headquarters, at Texas Motor Speedway in FNFW (Far North Fort Worth), they just completed a night-day NASCAR double-header, capped off by the NRA 500.  Kyle Busch took both ends of the twin-bill.

Now comes word that NASCAR is about to commit financial suicide.

NASCAR plans to become more involved in race-sponsorship decisions by speedways in light of the continuing controversy surrounding the National Rifle Association’s sponsorship of the Sprint Cup race Saturday at Texas Motor Speedway.

“The NRA’s sponsorship of the event at Texas Motor Speedway fit within existing parameters that NASCAR affords tracks in securing partnerships,” said NASCAR spokesman David Higdon. “However, this situation has made it clear that we need to take a closer look at our approval process moving forward, as current circumstances need to be factored in when making decisions.”

The “situation”?  The “current circumstances”?  Why, the whining, kvetching & sniveling du jour  from the Lame-assed Limp-wristed Leftards™, of course!

In some respects, this weekend at TMS has become more about politics than racing for the NRA 500, as the sponsorship coincides with the current national gun control debate to become the prevailing storyline.

Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut wrote to News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch asking the Fox network not broadcast Saturday night’s race because of the NRA sponsorship.

“Eez a vaddy nize tellyvizhan netvork you have zere, Meezter Ayyyyllllllzzzzz. A zhame, no, eef somfzink vere to happen  to eeet…?”

Sources confirmed Friday that two drivers were advised by their public relations directors not to do interviews in the TMS media center so they could avoid having the NRA logo behind them.

Y’know, Denizens, I think now would be a damned good time to remind NASCAR that a goodly portion of their fan base…um, how to put this diplomatically?…happen to also be NRA members.

And if you backhand them, NASCAR, by backhanding the NRA…well, it’s been said that you’re doing this because of “backlash”?

Trust me, dumbasses:  You haven’t seen  “backlash” yet.

Tell 98% of your fan base to go fuck themselves…wow.  Just.  Wow.

I wanna be a fly on the wall for that.

This.

This  is why I fucking follow football.

The best Triple-A team in the major leagues just handed an 8-2 crushing to a franchise that was supposed  to maybe – just maybe! – contend for the World Series this year.

You would think  that, after last year’s pathetic-assed chokejob, general manager/El Grande Presidente  Jon Daniels, boy wunderkind, would get up off his ass and actually, y’know improve the ballclub.

Aw, but hell no!  This supposed genius  did nothing but lose several front line players (granted one of them was Josh “Quitter” Hamilton, but still), sign two aging, probably-done veterans, and do exactly fuckin’ dick  in upgrading the pitching staff.

And then little Ronnie Warshington (yeah, I called him Warshington – don’t like it, come tell me to my face, pussies) ONCE AGAIN  shows his ass in trying to, y’know, manage  the fucking thing.

It’s a damned good thing there was an NCIS marathon going opposite on USA, else this rant would be a lot  more vitrolic.

The only other good thing about this is that I can at least ignore competition sports for the next five months or so, until football comes back.

Fucking bastard-assed excuse-for-a-baseball-franchise… 

To the Miami Heat and its thousands of excuses for fans:

Congratulations on your second purchase of an NBA Championship.  We out here trust you fanboies will get as much joy out of it as you did in 2006, when you purchased Shaquille O’Neal, plus whatever cadre of zebras you needed to see that no one so much as breathed on your honeyboy, Widdle Dway-nee Wade.

Not to mention the fact that Widdle LeBwon couldn’t do shit without a ton of help around him.

And that he still  couldn’t get it done last year against Dallas. 

But we do  hope it will assuage the guilt that you’ll eventually feel someday, knowing that you’ve never won  an NBA title, just purchased a couple of them.

Sincerely, The Rest Of The World Out Here That Doesn’t Give Two Shits About You

Denizens we start this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…by talking about basketball.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  Who are you and where is my husband?

MERLIN:  Relax, m’lady.  He does this about every other year or so.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  Hmf.

Anyway, I found this article about a 30-year-old basketball tradition over in Arkansas that I thought was damned cool.

Well, here’s a call that won’t ruffle anyone, and also one that is never disputed. It’s the technical foul that gets called at John Brown University (in Siloam Springs, Ark.) every season when the basketball team sinks its first field goal and the fans respond by blanketing the court with toilet paper.

Roughly 500 rolls of TP take flight, in a tradition that dates back 30 years for the Golden Eagles. This season’s opener, Oct. 28 against Hillsdale Freewill Baptist, figures to be particularly celebratory, because it also will showcase the new Bill George Arena.

Damn, I wish I coulda been there for that.

Now, it’s one thing when it happens, and the other team just stands there looking all annoyed about it.  But when the opponents are actually wanting  to be part of the festivities, that just makes it all the more fun.

Can you imagine being the ref that gets to call that tech?  I dunno if I could do it – I’d be too doubled over laughing my ass off. 

Let’s get on with the football.  Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be wrong tonight when I predict the end of the football season for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  They’ve got Killeen in the area round of the playoffs over in Waxy-hachet (for the Uninitiated™, that’s my personal nickname for Waxahachie).

That’s “Killeen”, as in the ones who beat Stephenville earlier this year.  That’s “Stephenville” as in, national “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football power Stephenville.

Get ready to be plugged into the PFW, Bucky.

Saturday, Gary Patterson brings his 19th-ranked (gawd, it feels good to be able to say that again) TCU Horned Frogs for a couple of victory-lap games.  Tomorrow’s is against the Colorado State Rams – and, while CSU always puts the fear o’ Cthulu into me, they never do all that well in Ft. Worth.  And Vegas would seem to concur; they’re giving CSU 34 points.

And since UNLV is here next week, basically it’s win this one and force Britton Bernowsky Craig Thompson to don the stiff upper lip as he hands the Frogs their fourth – and last – Mountain West championship.

Mheh.

Also Saturday, fifth-ranked Oklahoma has to go down to Waco and put up with all the swooning over 22nd-ranked Baylor and ARRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!!  all night long.

Truth be told, I’d feel better about this game had the Cubbies not nearly stunk up the joing against Rock Chalk.  Now they’ll be on their guard.  Bob Stoops, have a care.

Early in the day, Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers go to the Big House™ and square off against Denard Robinson and the 18th-ranked Michigan Wolverines.

Vegas has it as a toss-up (Michigan minus 3½ at home), but I don’t like this game – the Huskers always have trouble against fleet-footed QBs, and Robinson is as fleet-footed as they come -and  he’s got an arm.  Things don’t look good here.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys travel up to Warshington to play the Foreskins.

OZY McCOOL:  Admiral…

[Venomous silences Ozy with a mere glance.]

OZY McCOOL:  …uh, right.  Forgot for a second.  Sorry.

Back in Dallas, they could only manage six field goals.  But that was BD (Before DeMarco).  Dallas has gotten better since then, while Warshington’s gotten worse.

I’m actually pulling for Dallas in this one, since you will never – ever – catch me pulling for the Foreskins.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  In the meantime, Rock Chalk visits Texas A&M, and I don’t think even A&M will be able to blow this  lead.  And Bucky will travel to Champaign and run roughshod all over the Illini.

So, as we exit, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather play in UIllinois’ regular stadium…or in Wrigley Field?

It’s a damned good thing that I don’t own the Texas Rangers baseball franchise.

Ron “Crackhead” Washington would not have gotten the chance to manage Game 7.  He would have been fired tonight.

It’s the bottom of the 7th, and Michael Young of the Texas Rangers just went deep against Brad Penny of the Detroit Tigers.  And then, one out later, Nelson Cruz went deep for a two-run shot.

It’s now 15-4, Rangers.

Ain’t gonna be no fucking comeback tonight.

Suck it, Detroit!!!  BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!1!1!!!!ONE-ELEVENTY-ELEVENTEEN (snort) 

UPDATE:  Final:

at Texas 15, Detroit 5

A second straight American League pennant.

Damn.  Just, damn.

Payback is such  a bitch, ain’t it, Miami?

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!!!11!!!!ONE!!!ELEVENTYTEEN!!!1!~

Yeah, the same ones who were laughing at the Dallas Mavericks & their fans after the Spurs beat the higher-seeded Mavs last year in the playoffs…?

How’s it feel, chumps?!?!?! 

Remember my chagrin, Denizens, when my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets blew a 25-point lead last year against Saginaw Boswell?

And the final score from the “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) basketball playoffs at Burleson High School:

Arlington Heights 85, Saginaw Boswell 27

No big-time comeback this  time, was there, Pioneers?

For the Uninitiated™, many of Heights’ skill players in football (e.g. Marquis Jackson) play hoops, as well.

Gee, y’think maybe those guys were a little pissed  at Boswell?  I mean, I don’t necessarily wanna say “revenge”, but… 

ITEM:  T-sip U. the other day inked a 20-year, $300 extra-large (that’s million  to those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) contract with the four-lettered Mickey Mouse outfit (that’d be “ESPN” to the aforementioned SubTarded) to broadcast TU athletic events.

UT President William Powers Jr. said the agreement, which also involves IMG College, a company that handles marketing and licensing for the university, will create 50 to 100 network jobs based at Royal-Memorial Stadium, fund some academic initiatives and further cement the university’s sports brand, already one of the most lucrative in the nation.

”We see this as a very important part of sort of continuing to reinvent the models through which we do business,” Powers said. “This is reflective of being much more creative in how public higher education positions itself as we go forward, even aside from the athletics.”

LORD VENOMOUS’ REACTION:  Well, they have to meet the player payroll somehow.

(NOTE:  The above is my First Amendment-protected opinion.  TU attorneys – you can turn it sideways and go fuck yourselves with it.)

When the Tex-ass stRangerS failed to guarantee Cliff Lee a seventh year, thus letting him get away to Pussydelphia, the thinking was “well, okay, we’ll just trade for Kansas City’s Zach Greinke, and we’ll have our ace and we’ll be fine.  No worries.”

Welllllll, not so fast.  KC just traded Greinke and Yuniesky Betancourt to Milwaukee for two pitching prospects, a shortstop & an outfielder.

Plan “C”, anyone? 

Those of you who follow baseball (you know who you are) are well aware that 2010 off-season prize pitcher Cliff Lee spurned both the Rangers and the Yankees in favor of the Pussydelphia Phillies.  Five years, about $100 extra-extra large (that’s million  for those of you in the Church of the SubTarded).

What you may not  know is that Lee’s agent told Rangers new owner Chuck Greenberg that all it would take for Lee to come back…was a guaranteed seventh year.

The Rangers presented Lee with a six-year offer that included an option for a seventh season. Apparently, guaranteeing the seventh season would have been enough to land Lee. That also would have reportedly taken the value of the contract past $160 million. It also would have been for two more guaranteed seasons than Lee ultimately signed for.

“There was a point at which we were told ‘if you do x, we’ll sign’,” Greenberg said. “Though we had been aggressive in pursuing him, that was beyond what we felt comfortable with, particularly in terms of years.”

So basically, what you’ve got here is the Rangers balking at a seventh year of guaranteed salary – an extra $20-some-odd million.

Now, the comments in this blog entry are running heavily in favor of the Rangers for not caving into Lee’s demand for that seventh year, by which time Lee would be nearing 40 years of age.  I – as you might’ve guessed – have a different view.

Cliff Lee is a way-above-average quality pitcher.  As of now, at 33 years old, he’s an ace.  A number-one-spot pitching stud.  The type that doesn’t come along very often, and hasn’t around here in roughly 30 years.

At age 40, the skills may well have diminished, but the guess from here is that he’ll still be a good fourth or fifth starter.  Considering that the Rangers tried folks like Rich Harden, Scott Feldman, Doug Mathis, Dustin Nippert and Matt Harrison in the fifth spot last season, they could certainly do worse.  Besides, this guy isn’t Chan-Ho Park.  Cliff Lee knows how to get people out in parks other  than Dodger Stadium.

The Rangers, in desperate need of continued street credibility after their World Series appearance last year – spit the bit and choked on the asking price.  In other words, the current Greenberg/Nolan Ryan regime did exactly what its predecessor did – turned squeamish at a good pitcher asking a high price.

The guess from here is that they fail to make any significant progress in this year’s free agency, just like Tom Hicks failed to do after signing Alex Rodriguez, and they will wallow around in good-but-not-good-enough mediocrity the next few years.

And I’ll be there laughing at them, saying, “WITY?”

Memo to the stRangerS:  Mark my words, chumps.  I will have fucking  told you so!

Texas
Rangers

2010
American League Champions

(Yeah, Jon Daniels & Ron
Washington, I guess you guys can stay.)

It says here – according to Dullest Moaning Snooze hockey guru Mike Heika, anyway – that notorious pussified union thug Donald Fehr is going to head the NHL Players’ Union.

I stayed away from baseball for many a year because of a motherfucking mongoloid – and I do mean that in the aboslute worst of ways – like Donna Fehr.  (I stay away now, primarily because – until this year, anyway – the stRangerS have been god-awful…but also because their manager got caught doing crack last year, and the Texass lack of organization saw fit not to get rid of him.)

I can stay away from hockey, too.  And for as long as it takes, until more intelligent heads can prevail and realize Donna Fehr is nothing short of a first-class asshole.

Puck’s in your end of the ice, NHLPA.