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Item:  The Los Angeles Dodgers clinched the NL West title the other day in Arizona – and to celebrate, they climbed the right-field fence and took a dip in the stadium’s open-access pool after everyone had left.

Item:  This act pissed off half-assed excuse-for-a-senator RINO McLame:

“Poolgate” reached the nation’s capital Friday when Arizona Sen. John McCain voiced strong displeasure with the Los Angeles Dodgers’ celebration of their National League West title.

After the Dodgers clinched the division with Thursday’s 7-6 win against the Arizona Diamondbacks, roughly half the team celebrated by jumping into the pool behind the right-center field wall at Chase Field.

The revelry upset many players, executives and fans of the Diamondbacks, including McCain, who took to Twitter with this rant:

John McCain @SenJohnMcCain

No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats! “The #Dodgers are idiots” http://www.azcentral.com/insiders/danbickley/2013/09/19/the-dodgers-are-idiots/ …
12:36 PM – 20 Sep 2013

Item:  Dodgers’ relief pitcher Brian “The Mohawk” Wilson had a classic response:

Brian Wilson @BrianWilson38

Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS
3:44 PM – 20 Sep 2013

BOOM!!!!! 

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The Mississippi State Bulldogs may not have won the College World Series, but by golly they made it all the way to the final series! This team has made it further than any other Bulldog team in school history! We are proud of them!

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To the Miami Heat:

Congratulations on your purchase  of another NBA championship.

We trust that this most recent purchase  will further help to soothe the butthurt caused by your inability to beat the Dallas Mavericks for the title two years ago.

Not to mention the fact that you purchased  the title in 2006, too.  They don’t call you the Miami cHeat for nothing, y’know.

So enjoy your purchase, chumps.  Since you sure as Hell™ can’t build  a championship team, we s’pose buying  one is your only recourse.

Have fun with your purchase.

Asswipes.

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Denizens, when it became apparent that Josh “Crack” Hamilton wasn’t going to re-sign with the Tex-ass StrangerS, the hue & cry went up from the masses.

Paraphrasing, it went something like “Ohnoes!  How are we ever  going to replace our hero & Saviour?!?!  What are we going to dooooooooo?!?!?!?!  OHNOES!!1!!ON3!!!!!ELEVENTYBILLIONTRILLION!1!!1~

(Hamilton, for his part, iced up his ass & poured Crisco™ on the skids, what with his play tanking the last two or three games of last season, and him saying that Arlington “wasn’t a baseball town” and that it was “God’s will” that he and li’l Katie take as much money as Widdle Arte Morono Moreno would throw at them.)

Well, fast forward a few months…

…and the StrangerS (surprisingly, I admit) have the best record in baseball, and are cruising right along with some of the best pitching in the major leagues.

And “Crack”?

He and his Angels are nine games out of first, after only 32 played…and manager Mike Scosia actually had the temerity to bench his ass for a game.

After watching Josh Hamilton strike out five times in eight at-bats in the first two games against Baltimore, Angels Manager Mike Scioscia had seen enough of his struggling outfielder to know that he needed something more than just a pep talk. So rather than risk another poor performance in front of a national TV audience, Scioscia held Hamilton out of the starting lineup Saturday.

“It’s 100% a mental day,” Scioscia said of Hamilton, who had more than twice as many strikeouts (13) as hits (6) in his last nine games. “There’s no doubt that Josh is trying to find a rhythm in the batter’s box. Hopefully a day off to clear some cobwebs out … will push him a little bit forward.”

Hamilton, who flied out in a pinch-hitting appearance Saturday, went 1-for-4 on Sunday. He is hitting .208 with just six extra-base hits and 38 strikeouts in 31 games.

One remembers when it was more than an RBI per day, rather than more than a strikeout.

Now, guyz, I’m well aware that Our Boy Josh could very well turn it around tonight, and go on a three-month hot streak.  “That the way baseball go”, as StrangerS manager Ron “Warsh” Washington is so fond of saying.

But for some reason, this passage keeps coming to mind.  Something about pride & haughty spirits or somesuch… 

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Not far from Realm™ Headquarters, at Texas Motor Speedway in FNFW (Far North Fort Worth), they just completed a night-day NASCAR double-header, capped off by the NRA 500.  Kyle Busch took both ends of the twin-bill.

Now comes word that NASCAR is about to commit financial suicide.

NASCAR plans to become more involved in race-sponsorship decisions by speedways in light of the continuing controversy surrounding the National Rifle Association’s sponsorship of the Sprint Cup race Saturday at Texas Motor Speedway.

“The NRA’s sponsorship of the event at Texas Motor Speedway fit within existing parameters that NASCAR affords tracks in securing partnerships,” said NASCAR spokesman David Higdon. “However, this situation has made it clear that we need to take a closer look at our approval process moving forward, as current circumstances need to be factored in when making decisions.”

The “situation”?  The “current circumstances”?  Why, the whining, kvetching & sniveling du jour  from the Lame-assed Limp-wristed Leftards™, of course!

In some respects, this weekend at TMS has become more about politics than racing for the NRA 500, as the sponsorship coincides with the current national gun control debate to become the prevailing storyline.

Democratic Sen. Chris Murphy of Connecticut wrote to News Corp. chief Rupert Murdoch asking the Fox network not broadcast Saturday night’s race because of the NRA sponsorship.

“Eez a vaddy nize tellyvizhan netvork you have zere, Meezter Ayyyyllllllzzzzz. A zhame, no, eef somfzink vere to happen  to eeet…?”

Sources confirmed Friday that two drivers were advised by their public relations directors not to do interviews in the TMS media center so they could avoid having the NRA logo behind them.

Y’know, Denizens, I think now would be a damned good time to remind NASCAR that a goodly portion of their fan base…um, how to put this diplomatically?…happen to also be NRA members.

And if you backhand them, NASCAR, by backhanding the NRA…well, it’s been said that you’re doing this because of “backlash”?

Trust me, dumbasses:  You haven’t seen  “backlash” yet.

Tell 98% of your fan base to go fuck themselves…wow.  Just.  Wow.

I wanna be a fly on the wall for that.

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This.

This  is why I fucking follow football.

The best Triple-A team in the major leagues just handed an 8-2 crushing to a franchise that was supposed  to maybe – just maybe! – contend for the World Series this year.

You would think  that, after last year’s pathetic-assed chokejob, general manager/El Grande Presidente  Jon Daniels, boy wunderkind, would get up off his ass and actually, y’know improve the ballclub.

Aw, but hell no!  This supposed genius  did nothing but lose several front line players (granted one of them was Josh “Quitter” Hamilton, but still), sign two aging, probably-done veterans, and do exactly fuckin’ dick  in upgrading the pitching staff.

And then little Ronnie Warshington (yeah, I called him Warshington – don’t like it, come tell me to my face, pussies) ONCE AGAIN  shows his ass in trying to, y’know, manage  the fucking thing.

It’s a damned good thing there was an NCIS marathon going opposite on USA, else this rant would be a lot  more vitrolic.

The only other good thing about this is that I can at least ignore competition sports for the next five months or so, until football comes back.

Fucking bastard-assed excuse-for-a-baseball-franchise… 

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To the Miami Heat and its thousands of excuses for fans:

Congratulations on your second purchase of an NBA Championship.  We out here trust you fanboies will get as much joy out of it as you did in 2006, when you purchased Shaquille O’Neal, plus whatever cadre of zebras you needed to see that no one so much as breathed on your honeyboy, Widdle Dway-nee Wade.

Not to mention the fact that Widdle LeBwon couldn’t do shit without a ton of help around him.

And that he still  couldn’t get it done last year against Dallas. 

But we do  hope it will assuage the guilt that you’ll eventually feel someday, knowing that you’ve never won  an NBA title, just purchased a couple of them.

Sincerely, The Rest Of The World Out Here That Doesn’t Give Two Shits About You

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Denizens we start this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™…by talking about basketball.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  Who are you and where is my husband?

MERLIN:  Relax, m’lady.  He does this about every other year or so.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  Hmf.

Anyway, I found this article about a 30-year-old basketball tradition over in Arkansas that I thought was damned cool.

Well, here’s a call that won’t ruffle anyone, and also one that is never disputed. It’s the technical foul that gets called at John Brown University (in Siloam Springs, Ark.) every season when the basketball team sinks its first field goal and the fans respond by blanketing the court with toilet paper.

Roughly 500 rolls of TP take flight, in a tradition that dates back 30 years for the Golden Eagles. This season’s opener, Oct. 28 against Hillsdale Freewill Baptist, figures to be particularly celebratory, because it also will showcase the new Bill George Arena.

Damn, I wish I coulda been there for that.

Now, it’s one thing when it happens, and the other team just stands there looking all annoyed about it.  But when the opponents are actually wanting  to be part of the festivities, that just makes it all the more fun.

Can you imagine being the ref that gets to call that tech?  I dunno if I could do it – I’d be too doubled over laughing my ass off. 

Let’s get on with the football.  Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be wrong tonight when I predict the end of the football season for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  They’ve got Killeen in the area round of the playoffs over in Waxy-hachet (for the Uninitiated™, that’s my personal nickname for Waxahachie).

That’s “Killeen”, as in the ones who beat Stephenville earlier this year.  That’s “Stephenville” as in, national “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) football power Stephenville.

Get ready to be plugged into the PFW, Bucky.

Saturday, Gary Patterson brings his 19th-ranked (gawd, it feels good to be able to say that again) TCU Horned Frogs for a couple of victory-lap games.  Tomorrow’s is against the Colorado State Rams – and, while CSU always puts the fear o’ Cthulu into me, they never do all that well in Ft. Worth.  And Vegas would seem to concur; they’re giving CSU 34 points.

And since UNLV is here next week, basically it’s win this one and force Britton Bernowsky Craig Thompson to don the stiff upper lip as he hands the Frogs their fourth – and last – Mountain West championship.

Mheh.

Also Saturday, fifth-ranked Oklahoma has to go down to Waco and put up with all the swooning over 22nd-ranked Baylor and ARRRRR GEEEEEE THREEEEEEE!!!!!!  all night long.

Truth be told, I’d feel better about this game had the Cubbies not nearly stunk up the joing against Rock Chalk.  Now they’ll be on their guard.  Bob Stoops, have a care.

Early in the day, Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers go to the Big House™ and square off against Denard Robinson and the 18th-ranked Michigan Wolverines.

Vegas has it as a toss-up (Michigan minus 3½ at home), but I don’t like this game – the Huskers always have trouble against fleet-footed QBs, and Robinson is as fleet-footed as they come -and  he’s got an arm.  Things don’t look good here.

Sunday, the Dallas Cowboys travel up to Warshington to play the Foreskins.

OZY McCOOL:  Admiral…

[Venomous silences Ozy with a mere glance.]

OZY McCOOL:  …uh, right.  Forgot for a second.  Sorry.

Back in Dallas, they could only manage six field goals.  But that was BD (Before DeMarco).  Dallas has gotten better since then, while Warshington’s gotten worse.

I’m actually pulling for Dallas in this one, since you will never – ever – catch me pulling for the Foreskins.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  In the meantime, Rock Chalk visits Texas A&M, and I don’t think even A&M will be able to blow this  lead.  And Bucky will travel to Champaign and run roughshod all over the Illini.

So, as we exit, my question for HDD this week is…would you rather play in UIllinois’ regular stadium…or in Wrigley Field?

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It’s a damned good thing that I don’t own the Texas Rangers baseball franchise.

Ron “Crackhead” Washington would not have gotten the chance to manage Game 7.  He would have been fired tonight.

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It’s the bottom of the 7th, and Michael Young of the Texas Rangers just went deep against Brad Penny of the Detroit Tigers.  And then, one out later, Nelson Cruz went deep for a two-run shot.

It’s now 15-4, Rangers.

Ain’t gonna be no fucking comeback tonight.

Suck it, Detroit!!!  BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!1!1!!!!ONE-ELEVENTY-ELEVENTEEN (snort) 

UPDATE:  Final:

at Texas 15, Detroit 5

A second straight American League pennant.

Damn.  Just, damn.

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Payback is such  a bitch, ain’t it, Miami?

BWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…!!!!11!!!!ONE!!!ELEVENTYTEEN!!!1!~

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Yeah, the same ones who were laughing at the Dallas Mavericks & their fans after the Spurs beat the higher-seeded Mavs last year in the playoffs…?

How’s it feel, chumps?!?!?! 

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Remember my chagrin, Denizens, when my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets blew a 25-point lead last year against Saginaw Boswell?

And the final score from the “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) basketball playoffs at Burleson High School:

Arlington Heights 85, Saginaw Boswell 27

No big-time comeback this  time, was there, Pioneers?

For the Uninitiated™, many of Heights’ skill players in football (e.g. Marquis Jackson) play hoops, as well.

Gee, y’think maybe those guys were a little pissed  at Boswell?  I mean, I don’t necessarily wanna say “revenge”, but… 

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ITEM:  T-sip U. the other day inked a 20-year, $300 extra-large (that’s million  to those of you in the Church of the SubTarded) contract with the four-lettered Mickey Mouse outfit (that’d be “ESPN” to the aforementioned SubTarded) to broadcast TU athletic events.

UT President William Powers Jr. said the agreement, which also involves IMG College, a company that handles marketing and licensing for the university, will create 50 to 100 network jobs based at Royal-Memorial Stadium, fund some academic initiatives and further cement the university’s sports brand, already one of the most lucrative in the nation.

”We see this as a very important part of sort of continuing to reinvent the models through which we do business,” Powers said. “This is reflective of being much more creative in how public higher education positions itself as we go forward, even aside from the athletics.”

LORD VENOMOUS’ REACTION:  Well, they have to meet the player payroll somehow.

(NOTE:  The above is my First Amendment-protected opinion.  TU attorneys – you can turn it sideways and go fuck yourselves with it.)

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When the Tex-ass stRangerS failed to guarantee Cliff Lee a seventh year, thus letting him get away to Pussydelphia, the thinking was “well, okay, we’ll just trade for Kansas City’s Zach Greinke, and we’ll have our ace and we’ll be fine.  No worries.”

Welllllll, not so fast.  KC just traded Greinke and Yuniesky Betancourt to Milwaukee for two pitching prospects, a shortstop & an outfielder.

Plan “C”, anyone? 

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