Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:35
Denizens, at the moment I’m working on a verbal bitch-slapping of a complete asswipe, but just so you don’t miss me too  much   , here’s something out of the Grab-Bag™ from the Mothergoose in Denton:
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:04
Happy Memorial Day, Denizens.
The annual posting of the Memorial Day column can be found here.
It remains a very good read, even today.  Hie thee hence.  Go.  Shoo.
And remember why we have this day today.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 11:11
Okay, so while the SpatulaBride™ is sleeping, I’m catching up on some chores, and in the midst of all that, I started going through my inbox to throw stuff in folders.
And I found this, sent to me last year though the old Everyone’s Internet mail account:
Subject: blog link trade?
I’m a reader. I’ve recently started a blog of my own, at empiresfall.blogspot.com, and I wonder if you’d consider adding a link to me. I’ll put up a reciprocal link.
You’re doing a great job, by the way. Keep up the good work.
So I went and looked at the guy’s site.  Not only has he updated it just once since December…he’s also a skosh to the left of Dingy Harry Reid.  (Bonus points if you can tell me the pop culture reference for the word “skosh”.)
Mr. Empiresfallman, with all due respect…that is to say, very damned little, given your political leanings…thanks, but – to quote one of yer links – “sadly, no”.
And it’ll help if you actually read  my blog before asking to link to it.  Somehow, I get the feeling you haven’t.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:28
Denizens, I’m going to be out of pocket for a few days.
As you may or may not know, I’m taking one final whack at the matrimony thingie, beginning today at around 3:00.  (The Emperor and the SpatulaGoddess will be there, and if you’re reeeeeal nice to ‘em, they might just blog on the experience, mheh.)
When I come back, I’ll have a Major Announcement™ for you guys.  Stay tuned.
UPDATE:  Oh, guys, you are not gonna believe  the surprise La Reina Espatula™ & I got tonight for dinner.
Full report plus pictures forthcoming.  Especially  watch this space.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:55
(Hat tip LC HJ Caveman82952.)
Denizens, you have absolutely, positively, without fail, got to got to got to  GOT TO  go see this video.
According to Caveman, this was created by a fifteen-year-old girl.
A fifteen-year-old girl, I might add, that has more patriotism in her little pinky toe than all the Demoscum do collectively.
UPDATE:  Some of you guys are having trouble linking to it, so here it is:
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:50
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 17:53
This just in from the SpatulaGoddess Emeritus:
at 12 pm today I was sworn to defend the USA from enemies foreign and domestic… Thus demolishing the leftards’ beloved bromide about how everyone who joins the military is poor, stupid, mislead and uneducated. Eat crow, leftards–YET AGAIN! Maybe your little fast-food-slinging comrade Jesse McBitch can serve you some hot sauce with that. Mullahs, hold on to your towels. Commies, hold on to your red diapers.
Now there’s one major babe to whom I will not  say “CSITMF”.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:16
The right-thinkers of America & the world lost an icon yesterday.  The Reverend Jerry Falwell was called home at age 73.
Falwell was the author of the rise of the Christian Right – a force in politics without which the GOP still  can’t win a general election even today.  He gave those of us who call on the name of the Lord the confidence to declare our beliefs before the nation, unashamed.  He took the lead in proclaiming that no, abortion is not  okay; no, homosexuality is not  okay; no, pornography is not  okay.  He helped bring us Ronaldus Magnus and control of the Senate in 1986.
Naturally, “wire reports” (read:  the Asphyxated Piss) couldn’t resist using one of their limp-wristed tools to take a last parting shot at Rev. Falwell:
Matt Foreman, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, extended condolences to those close to Mr. Falwell, but added: “Unfortunately, we will always remember him as a founder and leader of America’s anti-gay industry, someone who exacerbated the nation’s appalling response to the onslaught of the AIDS epidemic,
“Appalling” here meaning “correctly pointing out that the heterophobe community was chiefly responsible for bringing it to this country”.  It still sticks in Wittle Mattie’th craw that Patient Zero was a regular at one of the San Transexual bathhouses.
someone who demonized and vilified us for political gain,
“Who did his betht to thtave off our takeover of government and the thubthequent thhoving of our agenda up the American athth…”
and someone who used religion to divide rather than unite our nation.”
Think you’re divided now, Matilda?  Wait until you’re standing before God on the Day of Judgement.  You’ll be wishing  it was only Jerry then.
The Realm™’s deepest condolences & prayers go out to the Falwell family, Thomas Road Baptist Church and Liberty University.  Our hearts are with you, and we grieve & mourn alongside you.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 9:11
(Hat tip:  Sir George.)
Item:  Mikey Fatfuck has challenged Fred! to a debate over health care.
And here is Fred’s! response:
Now that, my friends, is what you call a bitch-slap.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:59
(This one will stay on top all day.  Look below for new posts – today only.)
(ED. NOTE:  The following originally appeared in this space a couple of years ago.  I’m reprinting it now, with appropriate tweaks.
And Skip – my son, you may not understand this now, but the reason I’m writing this has absolutely nothing to do with you, and everything to do with why you not only don’t get to ever spend any time with me, but also why you haven’t received a birthday or Christmas present since 2003, thanks to your mother and your grandparents. (More on that later.)
And thanks to what they’re probably telling you about me, you might not even believe any of this – but it’s true, and I have the documentation to prove it.
I do love you, son.  I realize your mother and grandparents will try mightily to persuade you that I don’t – but I do, very much.  Someday – hopefully – I’ll get to tell you to your face.)
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:18
Organized opposition to Farmers Branch City Ordinance 2903 – i.e, the one forbidding landlords to rent to illegal aliens – called themselves “Let The Voters Decide”.
Well, today they decided.
In favor of the ordinance.
So whaddya think the pro-illegal alien pussies are going to do?
Why, file a lawsuit and try to overturn the election, of course.
Opponents, who outspent supporters of the ordinance more than 7-1 during the campaign, vowed renewed court challenges this week seeking injunctions against enforcement.
Liberal bastards.  Once again, their modus operandi  is crystal clear – go through the courts to get what they can’t get at the polls.  They don’t give a flying fuck about democracy.  They don’t give a good god’s damn about letting the voters decide.  Fucking socialist erase-the-borders, destroy-our-sovereignty faggots think they know better what’s best for us than we do ourselves.
IYAM, every last one of them should be taken out and properly ventilated, if you know what I mean.  And that include the motherfucking sons-of-bitches who go and file the lawsuits on Monday.
UPDATE:  And to the fine folks in Farmers Branch – good on ya.  I’ll be spending my money there whenever I can.
Except, of course, in those places run by assclowns who want more illegal immigration, rather than less.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:59
Denizens, your weekend assignment is to read this.
I have one belief to add to what Pam said:  I believe that, in order to save the United States of America, the Left in this country will – at some point – have to be taken out.  And unless they straighten up their act, it’ll have to be soon, or it’ll be too late for us.
Now, you have reading to do.  Go.  Shoo.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 20:26
So here are these 11 RINOs, “warning” President Bush that either things in Iraq improve quickly or else he’ll lose their support.
My question:  What  fucking support?
Do these 11 RINO bastards think we haven’t been watching them as they cozy up to and suck the dicks of the Demoscum on whose leashes they reside?  Do they honestly think that we haven’t seen them backhand the Administration at every turn?
The delegation, headed by Mark Kirk of Illinois and Charles Dent of Pennsylvania, told Bush: “We need candor. We need honesty,” and that the White House had lost its credibility on the war, NBC reported.
Yeah, and here’s what the right-thinking people of the United States need from you,  you son of a bitch:  Shut the fuck up and give the President more support against the traitorous pussies of the Demoscum Party.  And either keep your own fucking counsel when it comes to this war, or offer it to the President whilst out of earshot of treasonous pondscum like the NY Slimes.
Otherwise, you may find that when you need our  support, it’s nowhere to be found, and the Watering Can™ might just be dumped all over you.
If you know what I mean.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 22:05
Once again, it’s time for my favorite pet peeve – the lily-livered limp-wristed pussy who speake the truth on a controversial topic one day, only to apologize for it & take it back the next.
Today’s contestant:  Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling.
I’d actually had a fairly healthy respect for the man, especially after the 2005 season when he gutted out an injured & bloody ankle in the League Championship Series against the Damn Yankees™.  And even though he regularly embarasses the Texas
s stRangers (then again, who doesn’t nowadays?), he’d never done anything to piss me off.
Item:  Schilling ripped steroid home-run king Barry Bonds yesterday during a radio interview:
“I mean, he admitted that he used steroids,” Schilling said during his weekly appearance on sports radio WEEI’s “Dennis and Callahan” show. “I mean, there’s no gray area. He admitted to cheating on his wife, cheating on his taxes, and cheating on the game, so I think the reaction around the league, the game, being what it is, in the case of what people think. Hank Aaron not being there. The commissioner [Bud Selig] trying to figure out where to be. It’s sad.
“And I don’t care that he’s black, or green, or purple, or yellow, or whatever. It’s unfortunate … there’s good people and bad people. It’s unfortunate that it’s happening the way it’s happening.”
So what heppened today?  Al Sharpton & the Rrrrrrrrrrrrevrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn’d Jaaaack’s’nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn must’ve gotten to him, because he backed off effin’ big-time today:
“Everyone has days and events in life they’d love to push the rewind button on, yesterday was one of those days,” Schilling wrote on his Web site, 38pitches.com. “Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything Barry Bonds it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did. I don’t think it’s within anyone’s right to say the things I said yesterday and affect other peoples [sic] lives in that way.
“… As someone who’s made it very clear I have major issues with members of the media that take little or no pride in their work it’s the height of hypocrisy for me to say what I did, in any forum,” he wrote. “I started this blog to give people a look into the life we live on and off the field, not to get into back and forths with people I don’t like or have issues with. Doing that will only make this a rant filled no content bunch of words.
“… It was a callous, wreckless [sic] and irresponsible thing to say, and for that I apologize to Barry, Barry’s family, Barry’s friends and the Giants organization, my teammates and the Red Sox organization as well as anyone else that may have been offended by the comments I made,” he wrote.
No, Curtie, ol’ fellow, it was the fucking truth,  and had you stuck by your guns, you’d have gained a helluva lot more fans than you lost today.
But then, Barry’s black, and you’re white, and, well…you just can’t say things about a black man when you’re white.  Cardinal sin, y’know.  Never mind that what you said was 100% absolutely true – MLB’s trying to reach out to the black community, y’see, and they just can’t have an ambassador of theirs speaking the truth about one of the black community’s icons.  Isn’t politically correct, y’know.
ESAD, Schilling.  Y’just lost me.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 23:24
(Hat tip Emperor Misha, as usual.)
And here I was thinking I might actually not mind holding my nose too much while voting for Giuliani in ’08.
Then I find out that Rudy donated six times to the largest abortion provider in America.  This despite  claiming that he “personally abhors” abortion.
G’night, Rudy.  And g’night GOP – unless Fred Thompson runs.