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Oh, I’d really like to see them try this.

Stephen Hockman QC is proposing a body similar to the International Court of Justice in The Hague to be the supreme legal authority on issues regarding the environment.

The first role of the new body would be to enforce international agreements on cutting greenhouse gas emissions set to be agreed next year.

But the court would also fine countries or companies that fail to protect endangered species or degrade the natural environment and enforce the “right to a healthy environment”.

The fact that we have a spineless, ball-less, dickless excuse-for-an-administration coming to occupy the White House notwithstanding, I’d really  like to see the Hague send people to come and collect those fines.

They’d collect metallic objects, all right – but they wouldn’t be coins.

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Oh, my & merciful heavens.

If there is any  semblance of truth to this, there are some police that need to not only lose their badges, but their lives.

But what angered Mr D’Souza almost as much were the masses of armed police hiding in the area who simply refused to shoot back. “There were armed policemen hiding all around the station but none of them did anything,” he said. “At one point, I ran up to them and told them to use their weapons. I said, ‘Shoot them, they’re sitting ducks!’ but they just didn’t shoot back.”

There are few things worse than an armed official who, when charged with a duty to protect, refuses.

Special place in Hell for asscrusts like that.

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Lemme get this straight:  We liberate their country, get rid of Hussein and his boys, let them have their say in who their leaders are, and this is the thanks we get?

Y’know, a helluva lotta Donktards kept bitching that all the war in Iraq was about was oil, that all we wanted to do was control the oil.  I’m starting to think that’s what we shoulda done in the first place.

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This brief edition of the Perfect Football Weekend starts by noting that Donna McCrabbs, The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History Of Ever, Ever™, got his ass benched in a loss to the Baltimore Ravens last Sunday.

Breaks our ever-lovin’ heart, it does. 

Now, it says here that Donna will start tonight against the Arizona Cardinals, but this humble scribe (*cough*) says that the writing’s on the wall for Fat-Assed Wilma’s Campbell Chunky Soup©-eating baby boy.

Memo to backup Kevin Kolb:  Start warming up now.

On to the PFW.  TCU’s done until the bowl, but I still have four teams in the hunt.

As you know, it’s the annual Thanksgiving Day game in Dallas today.  This year, the Seahags of Seattle and their excuse-for-a- running back, Jewels Jones, come a-callin’ to Texas Stadium in that venue’s final-ever Turkey Day classic.  Seattle’s 2-10, so normally I wouldn’t worry about this one – but they have Matt Hasselbeck, and Dallas…well…Dallas has that secondary.

Sigh.

My dessert tomorrow will be my fingernails.

Friday, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls have what I think is their  last game until bowl season when they host Kent State.  I don’t think we’d need the SpatulaLine™, even if we still had it – I think the Bulls win this with relative ease.

Also Friday, Bo Pelini’s Nebraska Cornhuskers are an 18-point favorite at home against the woeful Colorado Buffaloes.  This’ll be closer than UBuff-Kent State, but as long as Joey Ganz can hit the broad side of a barn, NU shouldn’t have too much trouble.

Saturday is Bedlam Day™ in the state of Oklahoma, as the third-ranked Sooners pay a visit to Sweetwater to take on the 11th-ranked Oklahoma State Cowboys.

Now, in theory, since Texas Tech destroyed Okie State, then in turn got demolished by OU, this shouldn’t be close.  But Vegas has the Sooners only as a seven-point road favorite, so let’s at least see the first half before making any predictions.  I think OU will win, to be sure, but I’m not gonna bet the farm, if you know what I mean.

Assuming our heads aren’t still overdosing on L-tryptophan from all the turkey, we might have the recap for you Sunday.  Then again, as you already know, this scribe’s on vacation, so I’ll get to it when I bloody well feel like it. 

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(Yeah, it’s a rerun of a rerun.  Of a rerun.  Bite Sue me, mkay?  I’m busy cooking. )

I first penned (penned?) this screed (g) on 11/17/01.  I thought it appropriate, it being Thanksgiving and all, to jot down a list of those things for which I was thankful.  This year, the tradition continues, below the fold, again with only a few minor tweaks:

First of all, let me once again apologize for not blogging as much as I wish I could.  Ideally, I’d be cranking out two or three posts a day.  There’s certainly that much going on in the world, and it tears at my gut to be missing the opportunities to write about these things.  Pains me even more to think that you, the Denizens, are missing out on my great wisdom. 

The fact is that I simply have not had time to do one of the things that I enjoy more than I ever thought I would – writing.  I never for a moment, sitting in my first ever English Composition college class twenty-five years ago, taught by a guy I believed to be an idiot, thought that I would ever come to the point that I actually got a kick out of slapping thoughts on page.

Amazing how things change.

But, I digress.  There’s not been enough time.  There’s never  been enough time, but that’s beside the point.  I’ve been swamped at work, and that’s when I’m not trying to renew a certification.  This is taking me away from the chores I need to be doing – keeping the house clean, doing the laundry in a timely fashion, cleaning the kitchen, picking up dog crap off the carpet, those sorts of things.  And when I do finally get around to those things, they keep me from doing stuff I like to do – like surfing the Web and writing these columns.

Which brings me around to the topic at hand.  Thanksgiving’s today, and it’s a good time to kick back and tick off the things for which your obdt.  svt.  (a little Blackie Sherrod lingo, there) is thankful:

God.  The God of the Bible.  The God of Abraham, Issac, Jacob, David and Solomon.  That  God.  Not Allah, not Muhammad, not Cthulu, not crystals and/or chakras and/or trees.  God.

His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the work He performed on the cross that allowed me to receive His salvation.  (An aside:  Yeah, in case anyone didn’t know – I’m a Christian.  Not anywhere close to being the best example thereof, to be sure, but I’m still being worked on, and you’re just gonna have to be patient.)

Being an American, and free to worship as I choose.  For now, given whom the morons of this country just put into office.

My current home – a three-story, one-point-five-bedroom jobber I share with a chow/terrier and a huge lump of muscle & energy in the shape of a collie/sheltie mix.  Not the cozy cottage in Forney, but at least I have an office again from which to pen (pen?) these screeds.

My son – Stephen Geoffrey “Skip” Crager, Jr.  (although his doublewide-assed mother insists on calling him “Geoffrey”).  Even though I haven’t seen you in five years, Skip, I still love you.  Always remember that.

Friends & family, some more than others.  Even the ones who are diametrically opposed to me in their beliefs.

Employment.  Specifically, mine as a desktop technician, where I get to play with computers all day long – in effect, getting paid to practice my hobby.

(Thankfully, I’ve had a full-time gig since 2006, for a company known to me and only to me – since I know pussies like Cianderella Tierney, who bitched long and loud about me being a NetKKKop before having his ass exposed as a lying skank that doesn’t work at EDS, would love to find out where I work and try to get me fired…)

Okay, where was I…?

MP3s.  The ability to take all my all-time favorite songs, regardless of format, and transfer them to something I can listen to in my car.  Fuck you,  Hilary Rosen.

Turkey.  Lots of it, preferably drumsticks.

Leftovers.  Turkey sammiches with lots of mustard.  YEAH!

(Well, hold the bread on that.  I have got to-got to-got to start paying more attention to Atkins.)

An American President who, though he is still not completely trustworthy in my eye, is at least giving the impression that he is, at least, trying – which is a damn sight better than what we could have had, hm?  And at least this guy understands that the Presidency isn’t just one big frat party.  (This will be crossed out for at least the next four years.)

The military which he commands.  Peepz, these men & women do a helluva job protecting you and yours and the freedoms you enjoy, and they do it for pretty much next to nothing.  Next time you see one, take a moment to say, “Thank you”.  (Another aside:  When I first posted this, I left out one very important group of guys:  the Coast Guard.  Unconscionable, since one of my readers served in that very branch.  Mr. Slagle, my apologies – and my thanks.)

My car:  A 2007 Chevy Cobalt.  Quick, cozy, and twice the gas mileage of my old truck.  In this day and age, that’s important.  For $10 more per month, I get all that, plus a 5/50 warranty.  Good stuff, that.

A seafood restaurant chain here locally by the name of “Ole Whiskers”.  Catfish, chicken, ribs, stuffed crab, onion rings, and a host of other great stuff.  Catfish topped with Tabasco© sauce has become a staple.

My current box – a Pentium 2.66-GHz with 2 gigs (yeah – gigs) of DDR RAM.  Two 21″ monitors so that I don’t have to squint anymore when I write these things.  (Well, not much, anyway – at 1280×1024, things are still awfully small.)

The aforementioned crap-on-the-carpet dogs – she’s still a precious little lapdog, and she captures the heart of anyone that meets her.  The aforementioned collie mix – a whirling dervish that tears everything up, but he has an infectious personality.  Even my brother’s little min-pin, Mindy – one of the most affectionate dogs you’ll ever see.

Ham.  Not as much as a turkey drumstick, but leftover ham does go good with eggs.

Any college football team that severely thrashes the Texas A&M Aggies.  (Not anymore.  Now that they’re rid of Dennis “The Mercenary” Franchione, and they’re getting their heads handed them on a weekly basis, it’s probably more appropos to pity them.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Nebraska.  (Not since they hired Bo Pelini, and hopefully never again.)

Any college football team that severely thrashes Miami.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Arkansas.

Any college football team that severely thrashes Texas.  (Unless it’s Arkansas.)

TCU’s Horned Frogs.  Good job this year, Gary Patterson.  Well, except for losing to Utah ’cause you didn’t have the brains not to trust your kicker, but you did  beat SMUT this year, so all is forgiven.  Again.

Which reminds me:  Any college football team that severely thrashes SMUT.

Any pro football team that kicks the crap out of Donna McNabb and the Philthydelphia Beagles – something the Cowboys will do this year in Dallas Philly (having already done it in Dallas.  Pity McNabb won’t be around to suffer it, assuming he stays benched. (snicker)

Tony Romo.  There’s the future of the Cowboys, Denizens.

Jerry Jones – for signing that extension for Romo. (grin)

Southern Baptist churches that aren’t afraid to call themselves “Baptist”. (Not since they climbed into bed with the enviro-nutjob movement.  Now it’s any church that unashamedly preaches the Gospel and refuses to compromise with its enemies.

An occasional road trip – maybe to go fishing, or even if it’s work-related.  I love staying in hotels where I can crank up the AC at night, and not have to worry about the electric bill (grin).

Microsoft.  No, all you morons at the federal judiciary – Bill Gates does not run a monopoly, and you damned well know it.  What he does do is run an extremely successful company, one that you bastards tried to shake down for $$$$, and failed.  It’s not a secret that the tech sector crashed simultaneously with Janet El Reño’s baseless attack against Microsoft.

Spanish-language television channels.  You will not find a better-looking collection of major babes anywhere on Planet Earth.  And they don’t mind letting people know that they’re women either, dammit.  Take that, NOW.  :-)

Mashed potatoes.  With a ton of gravy.  (Atkins be damned on this one.  (grin))

Ranch-style beans™.

Sweet tea – even though, being a Type II diabetic, I can no longer drink the stuff (make mine Sweet ‘n Low, 3 packets per 40 ounces, please).

Hooters’ hot wings.  Scenery’s not bad, either. 

Dueling-piano bars.  Picture two baby-grands.  Picture two players with crass senses of humor.  Picture some of the raunchiest lyrics ever conceived – sometimes on the fly.  Picture yourself laughing your ass off.  Try it sometime.

Rush Limbaugh.  Sean Hannity.  Glenn Beck.  Michael Savage.  Michael Reagan – and, in case I’ve not mentioned it before…his dad, too.

Ann Coulter.  Michelle Malkin.  Laura Ingraham.

The Blogosphere™.  Specifically, Misha and Alan Henderson – for getting me into this blogging thing.

My new hairstylist.  In all my lifetime, I’ve only found three people who could fully understand what I wanted done to my hair, and do it right in a minimum of time:  one retired about 15 years ago.  This one’s just as good as her predecessor – and she’s a major babe, too.  (grin)

Broadband.  Forney didn’t get it on a widespread basis – but I have Verizon FIOS now, and I rock yet again. (grin)

And finally (though this list is by no means complete) – you Denizens who keep coming back to the site in hopes that I’ve updated it.  Without you guys, why am I doing this?  Thanks very much for being here.

And Happy Thanksgiving.  Remember from Whom the blessings come…

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It’s that there time again, Denizens.

Those of you who’ve been with me all these years know by now what this means:

Beginning today, other than posts which have already been scheduled, you may or may not see anything come from this keyboard, because I am freakin’ ON VACATION, BABY!!!

May go fishing, may not.  Still have to see.  Watch this space.

ThatIsAll™.

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Well, at least now she knows how we feel about her.

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Denizens, I have three major posts to work on – well, two majors and a minor, anyway (grin) – so between now and Thursday, there’ll probably be a lot of Grab-Bag™ stuff.

It’ll still be good, don’t get me wrong – but you’ll probably have seen it before.

(General, if you have anything original, now’d be a good time.)

ThatIsAll™.

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Oh, this is just perfect.

Fort Lupton Municipal Judge Paul Sacco says his novel punishment of forcing noise violators to listen to music they don’t like for one hour has cut down on the number of repeat offenders in this northwestern Colorado prairie town.

About four times a year, those guilty of noise ordinance violations are required to sit in a room and listen to music from the likes of Manilow, Barney the Dinosaur, and The Platters’ crooning “Only You”.

I could think of some gangsta rappers in their cars around here to whom I’d like to do that.

Justice.  Buford.  T.  Justice.

Is this a great country or what? 

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I see here that the Union Of Mentally, Psychologically, Emotionally And Politically Challenged People Who Earn Money By Reading Other Peoples’ Writings™ is about to go on strike.

The Screen Actors Guild said Saturday it will ask its members to authorize a strike after its first contract talks in four months with Hollywood studios failed despite the help of a federal mediator.

Federal mediator Juan Carlos Gonzalez adjourned the talks between SAG and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers shortly before 1 a.m. after two marathon sessions failed to produce an agreement. No new talks are scheduled.

The SAG, representing more than 120,000 actors in movies, television and other media, said in a statement that it will launch a “full-scale education campaign in support of a strike authorization.”

All together now…

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Memo to TTech fans:  Ouch.

at #15 Texas Christian 44, Air Force 10

UBuffalo 40, at Bowling Green 34 (2OT)

at #6 Oklahoma 65, #2 Texas Tech 21

at Dallas 35, San Francisco 22

Call ‘em the Cardiac Bulls.

Drew Willy rallied UBuffalo from 20 points down with fourth-quarter touchdown passes to Brett Hamlin and Naaman Roosevelt, then the Bull defense forced a fourth-down incompletion from Tyler Sheehan to Corey Partridge on BG’s second-overtime possession.  On the very next play, James Starks rumbled 25 yards for the winning score.

Starks wound up with 62 yards on 14 total carries.  Willy was 29-41-297.

It looked almost too good to be true.  On TCU’s opening drive, the Frogs sliced through Air Force’s defense like the proverbial hot knife through the proverbial butter.

Then, on the Falcons’ opening drive, they attempted to force their will on the Frogs using their vaunted running game.

Bad move.

Save for a 54-yard run in the first half (which led to a field goal), and a 57-yarder in the second half for a touchdown, the Falcons’ rushing attack was non-existent, as was pretty much all Frog opponents’ ground games this year.  Not a good thing when you can’t pass (Air Force, ironically, managed only 11 yards through the air).

Dalton was 21-27-321 and 2 touchdowns, ran for two more, and Joseph Turner & Aaron Brown managed 95 yards between them.

In other words, a fairly methodical win for the Tadpoles.

TCU will now wait to see where it goes for their bowl game.  Likely candidates are the Pioneer Bowl in Vegas or the Poinsettia Bowl in San Diego.

Earlier this week, Terrell Owens was overheard whining to NFL Network’s Deion Sanders about how he’s supposedly not involved in the offense.

Well, it is  whining – especially since he’s the featured receiver in the offense and they throw to him multiple times per game (memo to T.O.: Try catching the damned thing) – but he does have a point, as was evidenced Sunday.

Owens caught seven Romo passes for 213 yards and a touchdown as the Cowboys rolled over a not-quite-there-yet Niner team.  Frisco was so intent on stopping Marion Barber – he had only 59 yards on 19 carries – that they ignored how other teams were defensing Owens, and he made them pay.

Romo was 23-39-341, 3 touchdowns and a QB rating of 113.3.  Patrick Crayton & rookie Martellus Bennett also caught TD passes, and special teams, playing well for once, blocked a Niner punt out of the end zone for a safety.  The defense held SF workhorse Frank Gore to 26 yards on 14 carries, recovered a fumble and scored an interception..

Memo to Gary Patterson:  Shut up about how you played even-up with OU after that disasterous first quarter a few weeks ago.  Bob Stoopes was merciful on your in-over-your-head ass.

Had OU played the Frogs like they played Texas Tech Saturday night, Bradford & company could easily – easily  – have hung 80 or more on you guys.

The bottom line was that Tech simply could not stop the OU offense.  Running, throwing, you name it, there was no stopping the Sooner juggernaut.  Bradford was 14-19-304 and four touchdowns, DeMarco Murray had 125 yards and two touchdowns on 18 carries, and third-straing running back Chris Brown had 108 yards and three touchdowns on 21 carries.

Even when the Red Raiders would try to get something going, they either fumbled the ball, threw a pick or got sacked to put a crimp in things.

So now the Big XII South – and the BCS, for that matter – is in a slight tizzy.  OU was beaten by TU, which in turn was beaten by TTech, which in turn was…well, you know.

It makes for some very interesting water-cooler conversation – which is a helluva lot more fun than any solution the Ayatollah Obambi could propose.

This week:  4-0.  Perfect Football Weekend achieved.  (6).  Overall:  53-15.

The PFW will return Thursday with another limited schedule, whilst I’m slaving away over hot stoves, crockpots & deep fryers… 

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As promised, Denizens, here are the answers to yesterday’s quiz:

Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. Asparagus and rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside. Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.

6. Three English words beginning with dw. Dwarf, dwell and dwindle. (Isn’t “Dweeb” a word?)

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh. Lettuce..

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with “S”: Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.

HDD got most of them completely right. 

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Denizens, I’m going to be fairly busy pretty much all weekend.  The Frogs play early this afternoon, and then there’ll be a strategy session with the Sibling Unit™ over logistics regarding Thanksgiving.

(Incidentally, there’s going to be a ton of food, so if any of you guys are close, gimme an RSVP and we can either find room for you that day, or you can help us eat leftovers on some day subsequent thereto.  (“Afterwards”, in plain, non-Spatulaesque-legalese English.  ))

Anyway, because the schedule sucks this weekend, we’re going to the Grab-Bag™ and getting this quiz, which has been submitted by the Mothergoose from Denton™.

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn’t. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine, it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters “dw” and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter “S.”

If you think you know any of these, feel free.  Make sure you put the right question number by your response.

Answers tomorrow.

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Denizens, it’s now been 10 long years since I made what is probably the Mistake Of My Life™ and married that doublewide fatassed trollop in East Texas.

But this post isn’t for you guys, it’s for her.  Therefore, feel free to bypass this and go straight to the PFW post below.

Now.  Stephanie Dawn Stewart Crager – front & center, bitch.

Happy anniversary, bimbo.  Of sorts, that is.  Lemme tell you a bit about what you gave up when you snatched up my son and high-tailed it to that fortified bunker in Sulphur Springs, TX.

I’m now making somewhere in the neigborhood of $50 large per year, doing what I love doing (and, incidentally, something at which I’m still  better than you.  Not bad for someone whom you thought was “simi-worthless”, huh?)  Had you at least tried  to gut it out at the Dallas ISD – well, you still might not have your job anymore, but then again, maybe you would.

We’d now be in the six-figure income bracket.  We’d be financially free, or at least close to it (we’d probably still be paying on that massive Mastercard of yours, but we’d at least have a fighting chance).

Had we stayed in our little cottage in Forney, it would have most, if not all, the problems with it fixed by now – new A/C, new carpet, new fencing, new weatherstripping, new insulation, an exhaust fan in the attic, and a helluva lot lower electricity bills than what we’d had.

We’d’ve done some remodeling of the kitchen – which is what the guys who bought the house wound up doing (I got to see it – they did a pretty good job).  New paint, a new column on the front porch, maybe some Pergo© in the living room with some sort of rug, maybe even a fireplace when we remodeled.

You’d have gotten a real chance to have that garden of yours, if you’d have wanted it.  Perhaps we could even have done a pool or hot tub out in the back.

Or we could have moved to another house which would have been far nicer.  Four bedrooms, garden tub, two-car garage, a lot closer to everything that meant anything to us and our boy.

And who knows?  Maybe Skip would have wanted a brother or sister to have fun playing with.  That might have been possible, too.

But no.  Not only no, but hell, no.  Because your god was always your ass, and because you weren’t willing to work to make yourself a halfway-decent teacher, you quit your job at DISD, scooped up my boy and left.  You quit  on the marriage, Steffi – just like you’ve quit on pretty much everything else you ever attempted.

That’s why you’re a failure, Your Doublewideness.  You never see things through to completion – at least, not the worthwhile things.  It’s why, save you doing a 180 personally, you’ll never amount to all that much.

In a way, I almost feel sorry for you.  You could’ve been part of something special.  You could’ve been  someone special.

But every time I start to feel like that, I remember what you did to me, and what you did to my boy by denying him a relationship with his father – and I lie down until the feeling goes away.

Eff ewe, Steffie, you pathetic loser.

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Denizens, we start this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend by yet again ripping into the Ayatollah Obambi – this time for sticking his jug-eared skank ass where it doesn’t belong – namely, the college football playoff debate.

The president-elect has begun his push even before taking office, taking on the college football oligarchy and demanding that they change in the name of fairness and common sense.

Two concepts about which the Manchurian Muslim™ knows less than dick, truth be told.

But you guys knew that already, didn’t you?

Mr. Obama mentioned the issue for the second time in a week Sunday, near the end of a 40-minute interview with CBS News’ “60 Minutes.”

But he went further Sunday than he had before, vowing to use the power of the presidency to push the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA).

“This is important,” Mr. Obama said. “I’m gonna throw my weight around a little bit. I think it’s the right thing to do.”

Y’know, I think I’d really, really love  to see the ball-less wonder try.  I mean, what’s he gonna do?  Sic his Truth Squad™  on ‘em, hm?  Have ACORN register fake people to demand the NCAA do something?  Have Jackass-i-miah Wrong call them the NC-of-KKK-AA?

Boggles the mind, it does.

“I think any sensible person would say that if you’ve got a bunch of teams who play throughout the season and many of them have one loss or two losses [and] there’s no clear decisive winner, that we should be creating a playoff system,” Mr. Obama said.

Here’s a news flash for the Ayatollah:  Sensible  people know that, if you have two losses, you’re likely not the best college football team in America (last year’s LSU team notwithstanding).

Then again, sensible  people know you’re nothing but an empty suit with a forked tongue, anyway.  One might as well ask the First Cupid Stunt™ what she  thinks of all this, since she has all the testicles in the family anyway.

“Eight teams. That would be three rounds, to determine a national champion. It would add three extra weeks to the season. You could trim back on the regular season. I don’t know any serious fan of college football who has disagreed with me on this.”

Allow me to introduce myself, you smarmy little pisspot pussy.  I am Darth Venomous, ruler of this particular Realm™, and not only do I disagree, I think you’re a stupid little fuck.

Just for shits & giggles, let’s assume – dangerous, yes, I know – an eight-team “playoff”.  I’ve asked the entire civilized, intelligent world this – but now it’s your turn:

How are you going to determine those eight teams and their playoff seedings, dumbass?????

That kinda takes us right back to…oh, I dunno…RANKING THE FRIGGIN’ TEAMS?!?!?!  Hello?!  Bueller???

Gawd.  What.  A.  Dumb.  Fuck.

On to the PFW.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets are once again one-and-done…but whereas I usually have a backup team in place, this year I just don’t give enough of a shit to do that.  So we’re down to five teams.

Tonight, Turner Gill’s UBuffalo Bulls travel to Bowling Green State University to play the Falcons in football.  BG’s actually pretty good, but they’re only a four-point favorite at home, so normally the SpatulaLine™ would be 18.

But the UBuffs have played sufficiently well this year that I think it’s time to do away with the SpatulaLine™.  Therefore, the Bulls need to win straight-up for it to count.  (We’d call this “playing without a net”, were anyone outside this house to give more than one micron of a shit about the SpatulaLine™.  )

Saturday, 15th-ranked Texas Christian will play its final home game of the year before finding out which minor bowl wants them as a guest.  Thanks again, Ross Evans.

Saturday, the opponent is Air Force – and while AF isn’t chopped liver, TCU should win this one.

Saturday night is the latest Game Of The Century™, as Bob Stoopes’ fifth-ranked Oklahoma Sooners host the number two team in the nation, that being the Texas Tech Red Raiders.  Normally this wouldn’t be close, but: 1) Tech isn’t really the road juggernaut, and 2) OU is 60-2 at home during the Stoopes era.

It’ll be close.

Sunday, the Dallas C’boys, walking with a touch more swagger than recently, will host the San Transexual Fairy-Whiners San Francisco 49ers.

There is a newfound respect for the Niners, primarily because they promoted Mike Singletary to be their head coach, and This Fine Blog™ respects the hell out of Mike Singletary.  The Niners will play hard, even if they don’t play well, and Dallas would be well-advised to take much heed, lest this turn into another St. Louis debacle.

Got it, Coach Cupcake?!?! 

UPDATE:  Oh, by the way – Nebraska’s off this week.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, Vegas thinks so little of Bucky-Cal Poly that they don’t even have it on their board, so my question for HDD is:  Is this a trap game? 

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