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Here is a blog post which purports to have quotes from a book by a Secret Service  agent, giving the inside thoughts of the Secret Service about various presidents. It is absolutely interesting, but I urge caution. The quotes are so one sided that I have to wonder just how true it is.

Upon further research I found this. It seems that like many blog articles, this one was a mixture of fact and fiction. Interestingly, with the exception of Obama, the blog article got it right on the presidents. What makes this particularly interesting is that this article shows that the post 1960 Republican Presidents were decent people, while the Democrats have essentially been scum.


Five years ago today, she came into my life.  One year to the day thereafter, we married.

And my life’s been a living hell ever since. 

Still love her, though.

Happy anniversary, Mrs. Venomous! 


…aka the Pansy-Assed Football League.

Denizens, as we start this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, we are once again reminded of what a bunch of pussified doucherifles the state of Kalifornication has become.  For now, their infectious cancer has touched youth football.

Usually, when a mercy rule becomes a bone of contention it’s because the policy isn’t instituted soon enough, until after a game is already far out of reach. Yet in one Northern California community the opposite is unfolding, with parents furious about a new rule that they feel is cheating their children and coaches of football and money wasted on fines.

As reported by Sacramento NBC affiliate KCRA, the Northern California Federation Youth Football League (NCFYFL) instituted stiff new penalties for any teams that beat opponents by 35 points or more. Specifically, those teams will be fined $200 and their coaches will be suspended from all league activities for two weeks. The penalty is a drastic change for the league of 7-13 year-olds, which previously issued teams with a warning following such blowouts and required a written description that detailed what the victorious team had done to try and keep scores low.


With the new, harsher penalties, some players have begun insisting that their development is being hurt. One team has stopped attempting any field goals, leaving kicker James McHugh unable to attempt any scoring kicks except points after touchdowns. That’s a problem for a 13-year-old who hopes to serve as a high school placekicker in fall 2014.

Oh, hell  no.  Actually, it’s a problem for any self-respecting human being.

Thankful am I that Skip doesn’t play in such a league.  For if he did, and they passed a fucktarded rule like this, the head of said league would have the term “ass-whipping” re-defined for him.  By me.

And speaking of ass-whippings, let’s get to the football.  It’s my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, destined to have their magical oh-fer season extended by the Aledo Bearcats.  It’s Guaranteed Loss Night™, and the SpatulaLine™ is set at 65½ for this one.

Tomorrow morning, it’ll be Gary Patterson’s TCU Horned Frogs playing host to SMUT for the Iron Skillet.

And I shit you not – Vegas has the Frogs as an 18½-point favorite at home.

With Trevone Boykin at quarterback.

I think the Shitland Ponies win this one outright.  Look for me to be extremely  pissed come Monday.

Also Saturday, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames take on Kentucky Weslyan, which is apparently such a small program that they don’t even have an ESPN listing.  Flames win comfortably here.

Sunday finds Houston playing host to Golden Taint and the Seattle Seahags.  If the Tex-annes can’t beat Baltimore without RAYYYYMONNNNND LEWWWWWWISSSSSSSS!!!!!, I rather doubt they’ll beat Seattle.  Vegas doesn’t think so, either – the Hags are a 2½-point road favorite.

And for a bonus game, the Dallas Cowboys, fresh off a manhandling of the St. Louis Ewes, travel to Mrs. Venomous’ home of San Diego to take on the “San Dee-ayy-go…Superchar-gers…” (a little Chris Berman lingo, there).  Vegas likes Dallas minus 2½, so look for the Powder-Blue-And_Gold to romp.

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime…dang, I didn’t know OU’s Blake Bell could throw


Oh, this is choice.

A senior police inspector was injured after his service revolver misfired while he was cleaning it on Tuesday night. The incident took place at his home at Bibvewadi’s Vaibhav Society. The injured inspector, Shailendra Shinde, is presently the in-charge of Bibvewadi police station.

Deputy commissioner of police (Zone II) Ramnath Pokale said, “Shinde went home at 11pm on Tuesday. He took out his service revolver to clean it as usual. He had removed five bullets from the revolver and was struggling to take out the last one which had got stuck in the magazine. While doing this, he accidentally touched the trigger and the revolver fired. The bullet pierced through his right leg, hit the cushion sofa and then hit the ground.”

A magazine.  In a revolver

Uhhhhhhh, yeah.  Right.



Item:  George H.W. Bush witnessed – and apparently approved – a lezbo wedding.

Former President George H.W. Bush was an official witness at the same-sex wedding of two longtime friends, his spokesman said Wednesday.

Bush and his wife, Barbara Bush, attended the ceremony joining Bonnie Clement and Helen Thorgalsen as private citizens and friends on Saturday, spokesman Jim McGrath said.

Thorgalsen posted a photo on her Facebook page showing Bush signing the marriage license as a witness. She captioned the photo: “Getting our marriage license witnessed!”

Reaction:  I’m now officially sorry I ever voted for George H.W. Bush.


Hellaciously good thing I added the Cowboys at the last minute, isn’t it?

Liberty 21, at Richmond 30

Houston 9, at Baltimore 30

at Dallas 31, St. Louis 7

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Something I caught whilst watching the NBC pregame show just now:

The slogan:  “Subway – Where winners eat”.

And whom just happens  to be one of their spokesmorons?



Item:  The Los Angeles Dodgers clinched the NL West title the other day in Arizona – and to celebrate, they climbed the right-field fence and took a dip in the stadium’s open-access pool after everyone had left.

Item:  This act pissed off half-assed excuse-for-a-senator RINO McLame:

“Poolgate” reached the nation’s capital Friday when Arizona Sen. John McCain voiced strong displeasure with the Los Angeles Dodgers’ celebration of their National League West title.

After the Dodgers clinched the division with Thursday’s 7-6 win against the Arizona Diamondbacks, roughly half the team celebrated by jumping into the pool behind the right-center field wall at Chase Field.

The revelry upset many players, executives and fans of the Diamondbacks, including McCain, who took to Twitter with this rant:

John McCain @SenJohnMcCain

No-class act by a bunch of overpaid, immature, arrogant, spoiled brats! “The #Dodgers are idiots” http://www.azcentral.com/insiders/danbickley/2013/09/19/the-dodgers-are-idiots/ …
12:36 PM – 20 Sep 2013

Item:  Dodgers’ relief pitcher Brian “The Mohawk” Wilson had a classic response:

Brian Wilson @BrianWilson38

Senator McComplain knows a thing or two about coming in second and watching someone take a plunge in the pool (I mean poll) #POoLITICS
3:44 PM – 20 Sep 2013



Denizens, as we begin this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ (and yes – sorry it’s late), we note that Nebraska head coach (and former PFW target) Bo Pelini was forced by the pussy-assed excuse-for-an-administration that is Nebraska U. to apologize for Yet Another Rant™.

Oh, did we mention this was one he made two years ago?

Nebraska coach Bo Pelini apologized Monday for a profane rant from 2011 in which he criticized “fair-weather” Cornhuskers fans.

The website Deadspin posted the 2-year-old audio of the Cornhuskers’ coach going off on fans and newspaper reporters after a game.

What was already a bad day got much worse for Bo Pelini, who has some explaining to do to Nebraska fans, writes Mitch Sherman. Blog

Pelini’s problematic Monday came on the heels of yet another brutal loss for the Huskers. UCLA wiped out an 18-point deficit in Lincoln and beat Nebraska 41-21 on Saturday.

The tape caught Pelini speaking off air with Husker Sports Network play-by-play man Greg Sharpe before his postgame radio interview following Nebraska’s win over Ohio State in October 2011. Pelini had been criticized by fans and media in the days leading to the Ohio State game for the Huskers’ performance the week before in a 31-point loss at Wisconsin.

In the audio, Pelini repeatedly uses an expletive to refer to what he calls “fair-weather” fans.

Okay, in the first place, this was two fucking years ago, mkay?

Second, it was a private conversation, awright?

If i have a private conversation with someone two years ago, and some half-assed pussy site like Deadspin broadcasts it to the fucking world, the owners of Deadspin.com best hope I don’t ever find them. At the very least, they’ll be the proud recipients of an eight-digit minimum  lawsuit.  And if I happen to have a certain object in my possession…

Nebraska chancellor Harvey Perlman said he was disappointed by the comments.

“We are taking some time to consider it and what impact it would have on the university,” Perlman said.

Perlman declined to answer whether Pelini was in danger of losing his job.

Athletic director Shawn Eichorst said he talked to Pelini about the rant.

“I am disheartened and disappointed by the 2011 comments published today attributed to Coach Pelini about our dedicated and passionate fans and supporters,” Eichorst said in a statement. “I have spoken with Chancellor Perlman and I have addressed the situation with Bo and expressed our deep concern.”

Now, I’m no longer a Pelini fan (at least, as a head coach), but Perlman?  Eichorst?

You fucknozzles are true douchebags.  This is Yet Another Reason™ why Nebraska is no longer in the PFW.

Let’s go to the football.  It’s Guaranteed Loss Night™ for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets, as they take on the Aledo Bearcats (at least, I think they’re the Bearcats).  That’s Aledo, as in top-25-in-the-fucking-nation  Aledo.

The SpatulaLine™ is in place on this one, and I’m setting it at 65.  Don’t argue – Aledo’s that good, and Heights is that bad.

UPDATE:  I’m gonna kill my Intelligence division.

Heights doesn’t lose to Aledo until next  week.

Guess I get to run with three teams this week, after all.  (sigh)

Saturday, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames travel to Richmond to take on the Spyders.  Richmond’s 1-2, but they should give Liberty all they can handle.

Sunday, Houston travels to Baltimore to take on the RAYMOND LEWIS!!!!!!!-less (as well as Ed Reed-less) Ravens.  Andre Johnson will play this game, or so I’ve been led to believe, so give me Houston & the points (they’re a 1½-point road fave).

TCU is guaranteed not to lose this week…why, Wizard…?

MERLIN:  Because they don’t play.


Now, I really need four teams to make this worth my while, so I’m gonna plug in the Cowgirls hosting the St. Louis Ewes Rams Ewes.  Vegas has the ‘Girlz by 3, so that means Dan Bailey will win it in overtime.

We’re back Monday for the recap.  Hopefully.


Okay, now that we’ve had another mass shooting, let’s go through the liberal checklist, shall we?

* White Anglo Saxon Protestant, che…oh, wait.

* Christian, che…oh, wait.

* Teaba…oh, wait.

Due to the excessive availability of guns, che…oh, wait.

Hmmm…looks like the libtard narrative is being found to be somewhat wanting, isn’t it?

Well, leftist doucherifles, you may rest assured of one thing:  You still  can’t have my guns.  Don’t even think  about it.


Conventional wisdom says that if you have two quarterbacks that deserve to start, then you have no quarterbacks.

In TCU’s case, 0 – 2 = 0.

Arlington Heights 21, at White Settlement Brewer 23

#24 TCU 24, at Texas Tech 20, Blind-Assed Fucking Zebras -14

at Liberty 38, Morgan St. 10

at Houston 30, Tennessee 24 (OT)

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


Denizens, your homework assignment is to read this treatise on this recap of the 9/11 biker rally up in DC PA this week.

PETA Crashes Biker Gathering…

Well, that  was a mistake… 

UPDATE:  After a bit of research, I’m believing that this is just a tad apocryphal.  (Shows what I get for not invoking the 48-hour rule.)

What the hell – it’s still a good read.


As we begin this early edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, Denizens, the Department of Dirty-Assed Football Players™ is once again bringing our attention to one Ndamukong Suh, former Nebraska Cornhusker and late of the Detroit Bankruptcies Lions, who has yet again been fined for doing what he does best…namely, being the dirtiest player in the game.

Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh was fined $100,000 by the NFL for his hit on Minnesota Vikings center John Sullivan during Sunday’s game but won’t be suspended, the NFL announced Tuesday.

The league said in a statement that NFL vice president of football operations Merton Hanks told Suh on Tuesday that he had been fined.

“Suh was penalized for violating Rule 12, Section 2, Article 5 (a), which prohibits blocks below the waist by players of either team after a change of possession,” the league said in its statement.


The controversial play occurred during an interception return by Lions linebacker DeAndre Levy, who scored an apparent touchdown to give Detroit the lead. But the play was nullified because Suh was whistled for an illegal low block against Sullivan well behind the play. The Lions eventually won the game 34-24.

All he did was try to take out an opposing player’s knee.  Nothing to see here, move along.

Naturally, Suh is appealing.  And claiming complete & total innocence.

Suh said he wasn’t going after Sullivan’s knees Sunday, adding the two talked about it at halftime.

“I spoke to him. We’re good,” Suh said after Sunday’s game. “So that’s all that matters.”

Yeah, right.  Whatever.


Let’s get on with the football.  It’s Gary Patterson’s 24th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs going up against Mike Leach’s Kliff Kingsbury’s Texas Tech Red Raiders.

Last time under circumstances like this, TCU jumped out to a 21-0 lead…then got outscored, 14-70.  Ouch.

Vegas has the Froggies as a 3½-point road favorite.  Hate to say it, but I think Tech’s gonna roll here.

Tomorrow night, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets get to play the sacrificial lamb over in White Settlement vs Brewer High.

Many moons ago, when I had a fiancé that had attended Brewer (and later jilted me), I’d’ve given anything to see this, because Heights would have destroyed the Bears.

Now?.  Not.  Fucking.  Likely.

Saturday, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames will entertain Morgan State at home.  Morgan State’s 0-2, with one of those losses being to Army – so while I think it’ll be close, I like Liberty here.

Sunday, Gary Kubiak’s Houston Texans have their home opener vs. the Tennessee Titans and Jake Fucker Locker Fucker.  (D’ya get the feeling I don’t like Jake Locker?)

Vegas has the Texans as a solid 9-point favorite at home, so I like their chances.  I’d wanna watch the game to see how many old Oiler fans scream at the Titans for deserting them. 

We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, I’ll entertain a pool on whether Putin actually tries to carry out the Syrian disarmament plan.


(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.  It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


I don’t remember Arlington Heights ever having a winless season.

But after that travesty Saturday night, it’s not out of the question.

Arlington Heights 7, Paschal 42

at #24 TCU 38, SE Louisiana 17

at Liberty 45, Monmouth 15

Houston 31, at San Diego 28

Aw, come on! Is that all you got?! >


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