Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 18:33
The Anti-War Whore′s minions are going to be on the Capitol steps tonight banging pots & pans.
Liberals are making noise in Washington – left-wing activists will gather near the Capitol Tuesday night and bang pots and pans to drown out President Bush’s State of the Union address.
Last week a group called “World Can’t Wait – Drive Out the Bush Regime” was denied a permit to gather on the Mall for security reasons. The group won a federal lawsuit and has been given permission to make noise while Bush speaks to a joint session of Congress.
Shame I can’t be there to bang a few heads. I understand that a Louisville Slugger makes a nice, lovely, hollow “thud” when slapped upside a liberal fucktard’s noggin.
But that’s just what I’ve been told.
Actually, I just wish that they’d go ahead and start this “revolution” they’ve been threatening to bring to us for lo these many years. Go ahead and show us their papier-machés, as it were.
It would, after all, give us the excuse for which we’ve been waiting to take these cowards and give them the ass-whipping for which they’ve been begging.
Just sayin’, is all…
UPDATE: Denizen David Hartung informs us that Mother Shitcan had her skanky ass hauled away from inside the Rotunda last night. Seems she was a “guest” of Congresscretin Lynn Woolsey (Dipshit-CA), when she took off her jacket and revealed a
burqa shirt with an anti-war slogan on it.
That bimbo Woolsey probably should’ve been thrown out of there, too – though I’d've preferred drawn and quartered, myself.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 20:45
You just knew they were going to try, didn’t you? Like a whiny five-year-old desperate to stay in the toy section whilst mommy & daddy are on their way out to the minivan, the Demoscum leadership (Dingy Harry, Teddy the Red-Nosed Senator, the Duchess Hilarious, et. al.) kicked, screamed and wet their collective pants and ran back to the kiddie section to keep playing with their toy filibuster.
Whereupon mommy, daddy, and the five-year-old’s older, wiser sibling unit strode over, grabbed the brat by the ear and dragged the little shit back to the van.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:00
“So, Spats”, I hear you guys saying, “how was your Christmas?”
Not too bad, I gotta say. Got a lot of stuff I can use, and the sibling unit (who’s this close to graduating from being called the “sibling unit” (grin)) got me a ticket to TCU-Iowa State (you may have noticed that a couple of entries from two weeks back originated from Houston?), which turned out to be one hellacious game. And I built a new bed, which is a damned sight more comfortable than my old bed; my back is thanking me non-stop for that.
And, on top of all that, I was able to give almost everyone on my list what they wanted. The sibling unit got himself a comforter, plus a CD-dubbing unit he’d had his eye on for a while; this allowed me to win the annual “who can outgive the other” contest we always have.
But – and you just knew there hadda be a “but” in there somewhere – we must now focus on the key word in that last paragraph: “Almost”.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 11:36
Denizens, your Laugh For The Day comes from Charles Johnson and the fine people at Little Green Footballs, who bring us news that…
…are you sitting down?
…Mother Shitcan is threatening to run for the US Senate.
Cindy Sheehan to Dianne Feinstein:
Fillibuster Alito or I’ll Challenge Your Senate Seat
Caracas, Venezuela – Gold star mother Cindy Sheehan has decided to run against California Senator Diane Feinstein if Feinstein does not filibuster the Supreme Court nomination of Judge Samuel Alito. While in Venezuela attending the World Social Forum, Sheehan learned that several Democratic Senators had announced their plans for a filibuster but that Senator Feinstein, who’s up for re-election in November, had stated she would vote against the nomination but not filibuster it. “I’m appalled that Diane Feinstein wouldn’t recognize how dangerous Alito’s nomination is to upholding the values of our constitution and restricting the usurpation of presidential powers, for which I’ve already paid the ultimate price,” Sheehan said.
Awright, Denizens – all together now, on three – one…two…three:
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 20:04
Y’know, for a party (even if it is a half-assed excuse for one) supposedly soooooo confident that it’s going to retake Congress this year and the White House two years hence…they surrrrre seem to be showing more than just a modicum of desperation lately.
Take, for example, this screeching diatribe laid down by Dingy Harry Reid (D-Al Jizzera) to the US Conference of Mayors today.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:12
Okay, Denizens, stop the presses. It’s the Apocalypse. The End Of The Fuckin’ Universe. The Sky Is Falling, even.
For the Leader of the Free World…has pissed off Helen Thomas.
(Pardon me one second… )
Okay…where was I…? Ah, yes:
President Bush today again avoided taking a question from White House doyenne Helen Thomas during his 45-minute press conference, even though he took questions from every reporter around her front-row, center seat.
In other words, just your average day at the White House. Standard Operating Procedure. Move along. Nothing to see here… (snicker)
“He’s a coward,” Thomas said afterward. “He’s supposed to be this macho guy. He’ll take on Osama bin Laden, but he won’t take me on.”
Um, Helen, babe? Do you think that could possibly be because you’re a has-been (really, never-was), meaningless-in-the-Grand-Scheme-Of-Things, exceedingly self-important, overrated, overpaid, washed-up, used-up, tore-up, put-up-wet, uninspiring, underwhelming, over-the-hill, impotent, bitchy, crying, conniving, sniveling, weak little shrew???
Thomas, who worked as the UPI White House reporter for 57 years and is now a columnist, raised her hand every time the president was concluding an answer to a reporter’s question, but he never called on her.
She had a few questions in mind, though. “I wanted to ask about Iraq: ‘You said you didn’t go in for oil or for Israel or for WMDs. so why did you go in?’”
She also had another question at the ready, just in case, this one about the president’s contention that a 28-year-old wiretapping law known as FISA is out of date, which prompted him to order the National Security Agency to conduct a secret electronic surveillance program that Democrats contend is illegal.
“You keep saying it’s a 1978 law, but the Constitution 200 years old. Is that out of date, too?”
That’s gratitude for you. Helen, honey – President Bush (I know how that just sticks in your crotchety old craw, so I love getting that dig in, y’know? (chuckle)) was actually doing you a favor by not calling on your tired, old skanky ass. Is it even remotely possible that maybe – just maybe – he didn’t want you embarrassing yourself on national television with those half-assed, shit-for-brains excuses-for-questions of yours?
Afterward, Thomas sat sullenly in her chair in the White House press work area, huddled in her leopard-print winter coat.
Awwwwwwww, ism’s widdle Helen frowing herselfs a pity party ’cause the big, bad, mean ol’ President wouldn’t play her childish-assed game? Awwwwwwwwwwww…
But as she left, she made a prediction: “He came on to my turf. I’ll bet the next press conference will be in Room 450 of the EEOB,” a theater-style room in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, where she would not be in the front row.
What if he does, bimbo? He could also go one step further and not invite your ugly ass, y’know. He’d be doing America a favor if he did that.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:14
Yet another in a series of One-Legged Man days today, Denizens.
Check back tomorrow…(zzzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:30
(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess.)
Think you’re having a bad day at work? Got a co-worker you can’t stand to be around because he’s so pissy-faced? (Mykki Limpwrist’s co-workers could probably identify with this.)
Be glad you’re not around this woman. (Better yet, thank Cthulu you’re not one of her patients. Eeg.)
TOKYO (Reuters) – A Japanese nurse who tried to relieve her work stress by tearing off patients’ nails was sentenced Monday to three years and eight months in prison.
The 32-year-old Japanese woman, who worked at a hospital in the ancient capital of Kyoto, tore off the fingernails and toenails of six female patients in September and October 2004. The patients were all immobile after strokes or other illnesses.
The Kyoto District Court said the woman had committed the cruel acts to relieve stress she was under from extra work forced on her by her supervisors.
Memo to Don Rumsfeld: I’ve got your next chief interrogator, right here…
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:38
Pooooooooooooooooooor widdle Howie Stern.
I mean, you really gotta feel for him…don’t you? Here he is, ripping Infinity (or was it Clear Channel?) and the FCC for constantly censoring him and fining him, and how, now that he was finally leaving the FCC’s jurisdiction, how he was gonna be free to…well…be himself.
And then Sirius has to go and pull the very same stunt.
Howard Stern may curse the day he decided to leave terrestrial radio and jump to Sirius – the satellite broadcaster is taking steps to censor the shock jock.
Well, that certainly didn’t take long. Think it might have been one too many “Hard over, Mr. Sulu!!!”s aimed at new announcer Georgie Takei? (snicker)
The morning drive-time radio host said he left terrestrial radio because he was fed up with censorship by individual stations and FCC fines for indecency. Now, in what must be a painful irony for Stern, Sirius executives are developing an internal document that will set boundaries for his show.
Stern’s new show is also being broadcast with a time-delay that facilitates censoring, the New York Post reports.
Wellllllll, dang. Just dang. (chortle)
It’s not clear if Stern knew he would be subject to guidelines regarding indecency when he signed on with Sirius, according to the Post.
Oh, you’re damned right this blindsided him. As much as he was touting the show as “Howard Uncensored”? You guys had best fucking believe widdle Howie thought the shackles were coming off for good.
Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy, IYAM.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:30
Every so often, the SpatulaGoddess will get a wild hare and “tag” me with some meme or other. (Usually, it’s something that the Imperial Cluebat Manufacturer, Russ Emerson, has tagged her with first. Where he gets it, who knows? But, I digress.)
This time, she’s tagged me with a “Series of Fours” – and requested that I participate.
Now, she’s the SpatulaGoddess – and if I don’t comply, she might take her Yahoo Messenger avatar and growl at me. Oog. (shudder)
So, thusly, here are my “fours”:
Four Jobs I’ve Had:
Customer Service Representative
Billing Administrator (the guy that cranks out the invoices)
PC techie (the guy that holds your future in his hands (evil maniacal laugh))
Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over, and Have:
All the Star Trek movies
All the Star Wars movies
Four Places I have Lived:
Fort Worth, TX
Forney, TX (Don’t get around much, do I?)
Four TV Shows I Love to Watch:
Hockey (unless the Dallas Stars are playing like they are now (shitty), then Football)
Four Places I’ve Been On Vacation:
Pikes Peak, Colorado Springs, CO
Turner Falls, OK
Four Favorite Foods:
Either my Kitchen Sink Stew or the Hyde to its Jekyll, Train Wreck Stew
Wings (Preferably from Hooters (great scenery, mheh), but Humperdink’s are good, Outback’s are splendid, and even Chili’s will do in a pinch
Four Places I Would Rather Be Right Now:
At a football or hockey game. Any football or hockey game. Preferably football
With naughty women doing naughty things. (big grin)
With good friends – specifically, all the guys that came to Texas Blogfest ’05
On a plane, going someplace fun
Four People I’m Tagging With This:
And – last but not least – no one.
Sorry, SpatulaGoddess. Love you ‘n all, but “tagging” isn’t my thing, y’know?
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:22
Denizens, here’s something you likely didn’t know about me: One of my favorite music genres is techno.
The alternative rock station in these parts, KDGE/102.1, used to have a show every Saturday night called Edge Club 102.1 (they may still run it, I dunno). Five hours of non-stop techno mix hosted by a guy by the name of DJ Merritt. Hardly know anything about him personally, and I’m guessing his politics probably don’t line up with mine – but he spins good techno mixes.
One of the fellow mixers to whom he might give a listen is our very own Denizen & LC GodandStarCraft. This guy has spun a few tracks of rave & techno of his own – some of which you can hear for yourself at this web site, if your tastes run that way.
Four stars. SpatsBob says “check it out”.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:15
Fellow Denizen and semi-regular contributor Lady Heather regales us with this tale of two books:
Students were assigned to read 2 books, “Titanic” & “My Life” by Bill Clinton. One smart ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories:
Titanic: $29.99 Clinton: $29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist. Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar. Clinton: Ditto for Bill.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose’s dress gets ruined. Clinton: Ditto for Monica.
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit. Clinton: Let’s not go there.
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry. Clinton: Monica’s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life. Clinton: Clinton doesn’t remember Jack.
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen. Clinton: Monica…ooh, let’s not go there, either.
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death. Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary…basically the same thing.
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 7:35
(Hat tip to Estella the Snarkmistress.)
Denizens, what with Ray “I’m the mayor of NOLA but I live in Dallas” Nagin wanting to make sure that N’awlins remains the “Chocolate City”…well, it occurs to us that he sounds a little bit like Willy Wonka.
With that in mind, one enterprising young hack came up with this site.
Spew warnings in effect. (grin)
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 13:17
Gotta admit, Denizens – I’ve been in somewhat of a crappy mood all day long. Not much reason to crack a smile about anything.
Then I saw this.
It’s gonna take all my willpower to keep from busting out in a guffawing fit…
Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle is once again weighing a possible run for the White House.
The South Dakota Democrat considered running for president in 2004, but decided instead to seek a fourth term in the Senate – only to lose to Republican John Thune.
Uh, make that “only to get his saddened, skanky Demoscum ass handed to him by John Thune. (snicker)
According to The National Journal, Daschle said he was “taking a look at” entering the race for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2008.
The primary factors influencing his decision “would be my family and our mutual decision to consider the rigors of a campaign and re-entry into public life,” Daschle told the Sioux Falls Argus Leader.
Tommy-boy, you might want to throw something called “level of insanity” into that particular mix. As in, is yours high enough that you’d even want to consider discovering how despised you are outside of Pierre? (snicker)
After Daschle’s loss to Thune in 2004, he said he probably would never run for office again.
But he told the Argus Leader about a White House bid in 2008: “I have received a lot of encouragement,”
Probably from his spousal unit, who very likely is tired of the bozo constantly getting underfoot.
although he added that he has “no plans at this time to run for national office.”
Translation: “I’m very afraid that not enough people have forgotten who I am yet.”
Larry Sabato, director of the University of Virginia’s Center for Politics, doesn’t see Daschle as a leading contender for the Democratic nod in 2008.
“I wouldn’t call him the favorite, or even second or third,” Sabato told the Argus Leader.
I think the phrase you’re looking for, Larry, is “not even an also-ran”. (chuckle)
But he added: “It’s not an overpowering field, and Hillary Clinton is more vulnerable than people think because of the electability question.”
And if HILLARY!!!!! isn’t electable, Daschle honestly harbors delusions that he actually could be?????
Must…resist…urge…to…to…aw, hell with it.
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 19:05
Unwilling to rest on its laurels, the Department of Hypocrisy Much, Fuckhead? fires off another story at us – this time regarding the Duchess Hilarious.
This time, the Royal Cookie Baker is calling the GOP a “plantation”
Sounding a little like a preacher, a fired-up Sen. Hillary Clinton lambasted the Bush administration and the Republican-controlled Congress during a Martin Luther King Jr. Day event, predicting the presidency “will go down in history as one of the worst” and saying the House of Representatives is run like a “plantation” where dissenting voices are squelched.
“When you look at the way the House of Representatives has been run, it has been run like a plantation, and you know what I’m talking about,” Clinton, D-N.Y., told the crowd at the Canaan Baptist Church of Christ in Harlem. “It has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard.”
In the first place, bee-yotch, this is how the Demoscummic Party ran the Imperial Socialist Congress from 1954 until 1994, when the American people finally woke up, wised up and threw your Michael Moore dick-sucking asses out of office. Shoe squeezes you a bit when it’s on your foot, doesn’t it?
As for the “plantation” bullshit, I have two words for you, Hillary, you stupid cunt: Michael Steele.
That’s right – Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele, who dares to be a black Republican and is called racial epithets and has Oreo cookies thrown at him because of it.
You tell me, you fuckwitted bint: Who’s really running a “plantation” in the political world?
Sure as Hell ain’t us.