Yes, Denizens - I know it's Cafe Press. Yes, I know that they're a liberal-owned company. Yes, I'm aware that the quality of their garments may not be quite as good as ThoseShirts.com.
But unlike ThoseShirts.com, Cafe Press ACTUALLY ANSWERS THE EMAIL I SEND THEM!!!!
(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess – long may she exude, etc, etc. )
I’m always loathe to quote Politico – but I think this is Damn Fine Stuff™ – even if it is by Benji “Lips Firmly Planted On Obambi’s ass” Smith.
House minority leader John Boehner’s spokesman confirms the accuracy of this quote, from an Ohio student newspaper:
“Now, listen, I’ve voted ‘present’ two or three times in my entire 25-year political career, where there might have been a conflict of interest and I didn’t feel like I should vote,” Boehner said. “In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means ‘yes,’ red means ‘no,’ and yellow means you’re a chicken s***.
“And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push this yellow button.”
My only question is: Where the Hell™ was this three months ago when we needed it?
Well, no, not really. Your obdt. svt. (a little Blackie Sherrod lingo, there) was out like the proverbial light & dead to the world. But it appears the earth didmove last night.
Two minor earthquakes shook the Dallas-Fort Worth area overnight, waking residents, setting off car alarms and spooking pets. But no major damage was reported.
The U.S. Geological Survey says a 2.5-magnitude earthquake centered in the Grand Prairie area was reported at 11:25 p.m. Thursday. A slightly stronger 3.0-magnitude quake centered in the Irving area occurred 36 minutes later.
And no, Mr. Hartung – I may have been Chick Chasing™ last night, but that doesn’t mean I caught one…
While doing a little Chick Chasing™ today, I came across this.
Spew warnings.
One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry’s house to play cards with some friends. Mike sat directly across from Terry’s wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry’s wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed. He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water.
To his surprise Terry’s wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, “Did you like what you saw?” Mike said “Yes I did.” She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500.”
So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, “O.K.” She said, “Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then.” Mike said, “I’ll see you then.”
The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, “Has Mike been over here today?” She said, thinking she had been caught, “As a matter of fact, he did.”
Terry said, “Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you.”
And we thought Das Klintonreich went after its enemies.
The goons of B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi, in their daily roles of governmental flunkies & hacks, have been poring over more of Joe The Plumber™′s records than was first thought.
A state agency has revealed that its checks of computer systems for potential information on “Joe the Plumber” were more extensive than it first acknowledged.
Helen Jones-Kelley, director of the Ohio Department of Job and Family Services, disclosed today that computer inquiries on Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher were not restricted to a child-support system.
The agency also checked Wurzelbacher in its computer systems to determine whether he was receiving welfare assistance or owed unemployment compensation taxes, she wrote.
Gee, such prurient – and unconstitutional, I might add – interest in a private citizen. It’s almost like he dared point out the the emperor had no clothes.
Oh, wait…
Jones-Kelley made the revelations in a letter to Ohio Senate President Bill M. Harris, R-Ashland, who demanded answers on why state officials checked out Wurzelbacher.
Harris called the multiple records checks “questionable” and said he awaits more answers. “It’s kind of like Big Brother is looking in your pocket,” he said.
If state employees run checks on every person listed in newspaper stories as buying a business, “it must take a lot of people a lot of time to run these checks,” he said. “Where do you draw the line?”
Offhand, I’d say they draw it at people who dare call Flopears McHopenchange what he is – that being a pussified, ball-less, dickless wonder of a socialist.
Which reminds me: Hey, ObamaNazis!!! I’m still waiting for you chickenshits to get “in my face” like your Messiah wants you to!
Hurry up, pansy-asses! I ain’t got all day!
Wurzelbacher became a household name when Republican presidential hopeful John McCain frequently referred to “Joe the Plumber” during his Oct. 15 debate with Democrat nominee Barack Obama. The checks began the next day.
Wurzelbacher, who has endorsed and campaigned for McCain, had been caught on videotape challenging Obama about his tax proposals during a campaign visit to “Joe’s” neighborhood in the Toledo suburb of Holland.
Republicans have painted the checks on Wurzelbacher as a politically motivated bid by Democrats to dig up dirt and discredit the McCain ally. The Obama campaign has said it has no ties to the checks and supports investigations.
Bullshit, bullshit and more bullshit.
You’ve now proven, Obambi, that you’re nothing more than a lying skank bitch. Had a Demoscum went and challeneged McCain, I’ll bet you your so-called “tax cuts” that not only would nothing have happened to him, he’d have been praised as a “Hero to the Fatherland”.
Which would be appropriate, given your nature and that of your campaign.
This is how the pussy intends to govern, sports fans. Just like Hitler.
And we all remember how that turned out, don’t we?
And I have voted the straight Republican ticket, with one notable exception: I did not cast a ballot for United States Senator.
If you will recall, I declared here that John-Boy Bailout™ had permanently lost my vote.
And you have, Cornyn, you duplicitous dickweed. If you want to live in socialism, feel free to move to Canada. Or Cuba. Or Venezuela. Or whereever.
But you see, Cor-Whore, we have a capitalistic society here, with an economic system comprised of an archaic, quaint concept called “free enterprise”. That concept dictates that you have the opportunity to make as much money as you can doing whatever legal activity you choose – but you assume a risk that no one will want to buy what you’re selling.
In other words, Cor-Whore, there are no guarantees. But you voted for just such a guarantee, to come out of my pocket, and that is why you will never have my trust – or my vote – ever again.
Best of luck to the rest of the GOP ticket. Qa’pla!
Guys, as we launch this edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™, I want you guys to take a look at this video:
What happened was that Singletary got in 49ers’ tight end Vernon Davis’ face during the Niners’ embarrassing 34-13 loss to the Seattle Seahawks, then wound up sending Davis to the locker room later. “Coach Sing”, as he’s known out there, was pissed off at Davis’ seeming nonchalant attitude about the game.
Now, for decades I have hated this franchise with the purplest of passions, as evidenced by my pet name for them – the San Transexual Fairy-Whiners.
But in Singletary, I have to concede that they have one helluva coach. And by Cthulu’s left nut, I wish Jerry Jones had hired him.
That’s it. Realm™ Intelligence is getting shoved out the airlock.
UBuffalo got an early jump on us, coming down to Ohio last night to take on Ohio University and winning, 32-19. Willy had a quiet night, going 14-23-116, but James Starks tore up the Ohio defense for 185 yards on 30 carries, while Brandon Thermilus added 73 yards on only 10 carries.
Friday night, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will take the field in a matchup with the Eastern Hills Highlanders. Heights won last year, but just barely, and E.Hills always gives us a fight, so we’ll see.
Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 13th (or 12th, depending on whom you ask)-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs will travel to Las Vegas to take on the University of Nevada-Las Vegas Runnin’ – no, not Running, just “Runnin’” – Rebels.
Now, the Rebels aren’t bad – they took BYU to the wire last week before just coming up short – but if TCUTCB (Texas Christian University Takes Care of Business), they should go into the Utah showdown undefeated in conference.
Vegas, OTOH, has them listed as a 14-point favorite – which, if you ask me, seems a little biased. But we’ll see.
Bob Stoopes 4th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners…aaaaaah, shit.
MERLIN: Problem, m’liege?
VENOMOUS: Yeah. The PFW is scotched even before it starts.
KORRIOTH: How so?
VENOMOUS: We got OU playing Nebraska Saturday night.
OZY MCCOOL: Damn, that sucks.
T-BONE MCMANX: Bummmer
[Venomous glares at McManx.]
T-BONE MCMANX: …uh, Sir.
Well, so much for a second straight PFW.
Sunday, at least one backup Dallas C’boys quarterback will have to face the New York Football Douchebags. And if it’s Brad Johnson under center this week, we’re going to be the wand. Period. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
We’re back Monday for the recap. In the meantime, Wisconsin’s a 4½-point road dog to Michigan State, and the question for HDD is – well, is Vegas underestimating Bucky a tad?
Well, Denizens, looks like B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi and Senator Hair-Butt-Plugs are going to get their wish a little sooner than they’d expected. Like, say, a week before the election.
North Korea threatened Tuesday to turn South Korea into “debris” in an unusually strong statement that demanded Seoul halt what the communist state called its policy of confrontation.
It was issued amid worsening relations between the Koreas, with the North angry about anti-Pyongyang leaflets floated across the border by activists and defector groups based in the South.
That’s really all we need RightAboutNow™. Wars going on in two theatres, a pansy-assed Communist limp-wrist on the cusp of illegally occupying the White House (which may or may not bring yet another war in yet another theatre), and now N.Korea’s on the verge of forcing NATO’s hand.
And does anyone want to start a pool on China moving on Taiwan shortly thereafter?
“The puppet authorities (Seoul) had better bear in mind that the advanced pre-emptive strike of our own style will reduce everything… to debris, not just setting them on fire,” the North’s military said.
“It will turn out to be a just war… to build an independent reunified state on it,” it added in a statement carried by the state news agency.
Translation: “We’re going to bomb the shit out of Seoul, and you’re just going to watch, American dogs, and not do a fucking thing about it.”
And, given who’s about to occupy the White House, it’s a safe bet that they’re bang-on. The Manchurian Muslim™ is probably creaming his jeans with that needle-dick of his over it this very minute.
And a large number of you couldn’t care less, because you jutht hate Boooothh. Don’t you? I mean, it doesn’t matter to any of you Oprah-worshippers out there that a potential world war is about to be starting halfway across the globe, and you imbeciles want that jug-eared, dickless wonder at the helm of State instead of a former military man – no, that doesn’t matter, ’cause Lindsay Lohan and America Ferrera are having a catfight!!!11!1!!ONE!!1
Just as her career was getting back on track, Lindsay Lohan suffered two setbacks. The actress’ guest role on “Ugly Betty” was cut short reportedly due to conflicts with series star America Ferrera. Lohan was also sued by three men for the wild car chase that led to her arrest in 2007.
I was wrong about the Frog defense outscoring the Wyoming offense. They didn’t.
But the special teams did.
Arlington Heights 63, South Hills 13
at #15 Texas Christian 54, Wyoming 7
#4 Oklahoma 58, at Kansas State 35
at Nebraska 32, Baylor 20
at Dallas 13, Tampa Bay 9
Mark Grace didn’t throw much against South Hills.
He didn’t need to. The Yellow Jackets amassed 438 yards on the ground, led by Theo Davis with 267 yards on 23 carries. Both Michael Jacobs & Anthony Davenport added 67 apiece.
…
Baylor ran up & down the field on Nebraska’s Blackshirt defense the entire first half. RB Jay Finley and QB Robert Griffin each took off on 40-yard-plus runs to help the Bears stake themselves to a 20-17 halftime lead.
Then the second half started, and Nebraska began to take over the game. Joey Ganz threw two touchdown passes to wideout Nate Swift, and Finley was tackled in the end zone for a fourth-quarter safety.
Ganz was 32-46-336 passing (11 of those going to Swift for 121 yards), and Marlon Lucky led the Husker rush with 83 yards.
…
Believe it or not, at one point in the second quarter Rock Chalk Jayhawk the Wildcats had scored 21 unanswered points and was actually tied with OU at 28-all.
UPDATE: Thanks to the SpatulaGoddess for pointing out to me what I’d've noticed, had I not posted this with one eye open. Oops.
At that point, OU got pissed.
Sam Bradford threw one TD pass to DeMarco Murray, then another one to Jermaine Gresham, then Murray scored another one on a four-yard run, then Ryan Broyles took a punt 68 yards to the house.
Eight minutes, four touchdowns. Ball game.
…
Texas Christian did something they don’t usually do Saturday night: They gave up a 40-yard touchdown run right up the gut. The Frogs rarely give up rushing touchdowns period, let alone up the middle.
But other than a few well placed passes from Wyoming quarterbacks, it was another workmanlike effort for the Tadpoles. And immediately after the Cowboy touchdown, Aaron Brown took the ensuing kickoff and returned it 85 yards for a score. Later, a blocked punt would account for two more kicking-game points.
Offensively, it was the Andy-Dalton-to-Jimmy-Young show all evening long. Young worked the seam of the Wyoming zone for touchdown catches of 60, 55 and 39 yards, then caught one for 64 yards which led to another score – part of a 16-22-334 night for Dalton.
Turning point of the game came during the third quarter, when Frog linebacker Robert Henson delivered a shoulder to the head of Wyoming QB Karsten Sween, who was sliding at the time. Henson was flagged for a blow to the head, and the TCU sleeping giant awakened.
One Wyoming first down later, the Cowboys – which had been at the Frog 21 – completed one pass for a 2-yard loss, committed a 26-yard intentional-grounding penalty, and punted two plays later. They would not threaten again the rest of the evening.
…
Who are these guys and what have they done with the Dallas defense?
The same Dallas unit that allowed 34 points to the crappy St. Louis Rams gave Tampa Bay short fields all day long, gave up long passes to wideouts Antonio Bryant and Joey Galloway – and still kept the Bucs out of the end zone.
What made the feat even more spectacular was that Anthony Henry, the Cowboys’ only experienced active corner, went down with an injury
Brad Johnson was once again a POS at QB – but he managed to get a lob to newly acquired Roy Williams before the half, and that proved to be the difference. When (if?) Romo gets back, this will easily be the best receiving corps in team history. It’ll be something to look forward to seeing.
This week: 5-0. Perfect Football Weekend achieved (5). Overall: 39-10.
The PFW returns Friday, when Vegas may show a bit of bias.
A black-robed, tyrannical, Obabmi-dick-sucking sycophant bench-jockey has thrown out a challenge to B. HUSSEIN!!! Obambi’s supposed US citizenship. A challenge, it’s worth noting, Obambi allowed to stand by refusing to answer it.
Surrick ruled that Berg lacked standing to bring the case, saying any harm from an allegedly ineligible candidate was “too vague and its effects too attenuated to confer standing on any and all voters.”
Hmmm. Guess the tinhorn must have adjudged an individual citizen of the United States of America to be a “legal fiction”.
Funny that liberal groups like PETA, ACLU, LULAC, NAACP, etc, never seem to have thie problem. Only conservatives & conservative groups.
The Tree of Liberty™ is getting awfully damned dry…
Item: Last week, our beloved (?) county hospital, a ragtag Mickey-Mouse outfit known as Parkland Memorial, charged a young lady nursing a broken leg $162 dollars for an emergency room visit.
Oh, and about 19 hours of waiting in emergency room chairs.
Amber Joy Milbrodt limped into Parkland Memorial Hospital’s emergency department at 10 on a Wednesday night, complaining of a fractured bone in her right leg.
She checked in and sat down, wincing with pain as she propped her leg on a chair. She spent all night and the next day in that position, waiting to see a doctor. Finally, she gave up and hobbled out in disgust.
Two weeks after her Sept. 24 visit, she received a bill from Parkland for $162.
“It should have been more like them paying me for having to sit in the emergency room for 19 hours,” she says. “That’s just sad. It’s not proper. It’s almost not moral, what I went through.”
Gee, I wish I could charge that much for some of the PC triage I do.
Now, Denizens, this came on the heels of another patient waiting another 19 hours for treatment. Unfortunately, his condition was a little more serious:
A few days before Ms. Milbrodt’s visit, a 58-year-old man who checked in for stomach pains waited 19 hours and then suffered cardiac arrest. Former restaurateur Mike Herrera died Sept. 20 as his family members looked on.
Who says we don’t have socialized medicine?
Item: Yesterday, the greedy-assed kind folks at Parkland changed their minds about dunning the poor girl.
“I wanted to make you aware that today, Parkland’s senior leadership eliminated the charge assessed to patients who are triaged in the Emergency Department and leave without being seen by a physician,” said the letter from a Parkland vice president. “Patients will now be charged a fee only after they receive treatment.”
Mighty fucking white of ‘em, huh?
Now, it’s by sheer force of coincidence that bonds for a new Parkland Hospital are going up for a vote in November.
Heh. Or is it?
The letter also said Ms. Milbrodt’s debt had been canceled, adding, “We regret any inconvenience this may have caused you.”
Had they said that to me, I’d have sued, anyway. And so should Ms. Milbrodt.
Perhaps then they’d realize the folly of apologizing for the inconveninence rather than FOR THE FUCKIN’ IGNORANT ACT THAT CAUSED THE INCONVENIENCE IN THE FIRST FUCKIN’ PLACE!!!!!!!
Malkin is reporting that the NY Slimes is standing on the precipice of junk-bond territory:
Moody’s Investors Service said on Thursday it may cut its ratings on New York Times Co into junk territory, citing concerns about continuing revenue declines and risks associated with refinancing its debt.
Moody’s said it may cut the New York Times from “Baa3,” the lowest investment grade. Downgrades into junk territory can significantly increase a company’s borrowing costs.
To borrow a phrase from the Rev’r'nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd Jackass-i-miah Wrong – looks like Pinch’s chickens have come home to roost.
We’ll start off this week’s edition of the Perfect Football Weekend™ with a WITY™ (What’d I Tell You?) of sorts.
Remember a couple weeks ago, I was lambasting the Cowgirls for playing excuse-me football – and I quote:
Instead, once again you’ve played down to the level of the opposition, and lost a game you should have won because of it. Once again you’ve played your little soft zone like Coach Cupcake wants you to play, and once again little Janie Campbell got to play tea-party with his boyfriends. Once again you failed to hit anyone – “Excuse me, Miss Portis, ma’am, may I tackle you now?” – when you could’ve laid some wood on some people and put the Fear Of Gawd™ in them…and once again, it’s cost you dearly.
Well, now I’m getting backed up on my assessment of the C’girls – and from a couple of experts, no less: Phil Simms & Bill Cowher.
First Simms: “When I watch the Cowboys its like a boxing match. They want to go out there and win a decision by dancing around. Sooner or later you got to punch somebody in the mouth. They don’t punch anybody in the mouth. The first thing I notice about all their games is they are never the aggressor physically and you can’t win in the NFL unless you are.”
Now Cowher: You have to cater your defense to what you have personnel-wise. They have coverage issues. In my mind what they have to do is get some way to create pressure. I know Ware is a good rusher. But at the same time they got to get there quicker. They’ve got to be more disruptive with their front. I look at this team right now and they are trying to play the same way they did when they had everybody healthy. They don’t have everybody healthy. Right now you’ve got to cater that defense to what you have and they aren’t doing that.”
Simms has it bang-on. This team is soft. Just like a cupcake.
Just like their head coach.
On to the PFW. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will go up tonight against the South Hills Scorpions. Heights always seems to have trouble with the Scorpions, but South Hills had to come from behind last week to beat North Side, so I feel comfortable in predicting a Heights win.
Fourth-ranked Oklahoma will go to Manhattan, Kansas Saturday to roll over take on the K-State Wildcats. According to ESPN, OU’s Sam Bradford will be going up against K-State’s 93rd-ranked pass defense.
Hell, even UBuffalo’s better than that. Gimme OU, and you can have as many points as you want ’til they take Sam out of the game.
Fresh off their romp at Iowa State last week, Nebraska will welcome another sacrificial lamb to Lincoln Saturday when Baylor comes to visit. Like I predicted about SMUT some weeks back, eventually Baylor’s going to make some major Big XII noise. Just not Saturday.
Late Saturday afternoon, Gary Patterson’s 15th-ranked Texas Christian Horned Frogs – fresh off proving me wrong about Guaranteed Loss Night™ ( ) – will get its reward in the form of the Wyoming Cowboys.
Wyoming has scored 62 points.
All year.
I predict that the TCU defense will outscore the Wyoming offense. Just watch.
And finally, on Sunday the Dallas Creampuffs come back home to get their asses whipped by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Tampa has something St. Louis didn’t: A bad-assed defense.
And Romo again will not start this week, once more turning over the keys to the offense to Brad “Drew Bledsoe” Johnson.
Arrangements for Johnson’s funeral were incomplete at press time.
UBuffalo is off this week.
We’re back Monday for the recap. In the meantime, Ill-noise is a 2½ favorite at Bucky’s house, and the question for HDD this week is: do you put money on that?
)
) – will get its reward in the form of the Wyoming Cowboys.
set about 
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