Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

The blog is closing this year (I’ll make the official announcement later on), and this is likely my last ever blog post.

Okay, so I lied.&#160 This&#160 is the last-ever blog post.

Then again, I rather doubt anyone other than me will ever read this, so…

First things first: It was ten (10) years ago today – also a Saturday, as fate would have it – that I challenged the so-called Rev’r’nnnnnnnnnnd&#160 Mykeru of the Church of the SubTarded – known forever hereinafter as “Mykki Chickenshit” – to come out from behind his M-1 and his inflatable dolls and $66-wielding sock puppets, and show up on my doorstep and spew his anti-Christian bullshit to my face.

And, as you all know by now…he never showed.&#160 (Neither, for that matter, did his sock-puppet, “Von Vockerman”.&#160 Or&#160 that sixty-six small ($66 to you in the Church of the SubTarded) that I was offered to meet him “halfway” in Tennessee, come to think of it.

And in so not&#160 doing, putting the exclamation point on my decades-long contention – that libtards are nothing more than chickenshits who talk reeeeeeeeeal&#160 big when it’s just them and their keyboards – but put them face-to-face, mano a mano&#160 with someone who’ll take quick exception…not so much, really.

Pity, Mykki.&#160 You are now known forever as the coward who wouldn’t even stand up to a 50-year-old, out-of-shape fatass.

OTOH, I guess it does&#160 beat having your swishy ass handed to you by that selfsame 50-year-old…so there’s that.

So you can relax now.&#160 This is the last time you’ll ever be mentioned on these pages.

—

For that matter, this is the last time anything&#160 will ever be mentioned on these pages.

As I stated back in January…this endeavor isn’t fun any more.&#160 It’s work.&#160 It’s tedium.&#160 It’s a fucking chore.&#160 Hell – it’s a massive effort to even write this, so how much enjoyment could I possibly get out of writing a blog that no one ever reads?&#160 And let’s be honest here – long before the January “hiatus”, Spatula City BBS! was no longer being read – not even by the Six or Seven&#153.&#160 When I said “screaming into the whirlwind”, I wasn’t kiddin’.

Even despite all that, it was&#160 fun.&#160 For a while.&#160 Got to rant, got to rave, got to use whatever the hell language I wanted, got to call assholes & pussies just that – “assholes” and “pussies” – and never had to worry about some sysop or moderator or wannabe censor&#160 coming along & rapping my knuckles.&#160 Complete.&#160 Freedom.

Damn,&#160 that was a good feeling.

But…all good things, as they say.&#160 It got to the point where it just wasn’t fun anymore.&#160 There are only so many ways you can rail against something, and I ran out of them.&#160 How many different ways, for example, can one say B. HUSSEIN!!!!&#160 (one last time, for old times’ sake) Obambi is a Communist jackoff whose citizenship, to say nothing about his “qualifications” for office, are highly in question?&#160 In how many different ways can you call the Kenyan bastard incompetent?&#160 (Let me know if you figure it out.&#160 I gave up trying quite some time ago.)

How many times can you challenge someone to “come say it to my face”?&#160 Hell – even that’s&#160 gotten old.&#160 Very little point in doing it anymore, though it’s gotten a little traction on Twitchy every so often.

Even the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 became difficult to suck it up & do.&#160 And then I never had time to do a proper recap, because work…well, work always&#160 got in the way, but it was even more pronounced at the end.

And when something that used to be fun becomes a major bore…it’s time to hang it up and go do something else that’s more fun.&#160 Or maybe more productive, at least.

—

All that said…that’s only part of the reason I’m hanging it up.

Before we get into all that, though, I wanna tell you about a guy I used to know named Willie Martin.

Willie was a real old guy, early 70s or so (mind you, this was back in the ’90s; I’m guessing he’s long gone by now), WWII vet, HAM radio operator, had one hellaciously hot daughter – a fact of which the old Spatulaites & Spatulaettes never failed to remind me.&#160

Willie was also an avowed racist.&#160 Cheerfully admitted it, in fact.&#160 Didn’t mind if you knew it, either.&#160 He & I got into quite a few disagreements over it, in fact.&#160 Never swayed him.

Back in Fidonet, Willie was persona non grata&#160 on more than one BBS and/or echomail conference.&#160 More than one mod sent me Netmail about blocking him from their particular fiefdom.&#160 A couple even suggested that I dump him.

I ignored them all, and kept him around.&#160 And I did it because I remembered what it was like to be told elsewhere that my opinions were no longer welcome.&#160 And I never wanted that to happen to Willie.&#160 Disagree with him as I did, he had a right to be heard.&#160 Opinions & beliefs don’t physically hurt anyone, and Willie was otherwise harmless.

Which brings me to the Rott.

For years, in addition to This Fine Blog&#153, I was also a moderator – more than a few folks referred to us as The Management&#153 – at Misha’s blog.&#160 As long as we didn’t outright ban too many people, we were pretty much free to do what we wanted.

Enter a user that went by the name of Bruce. During one particular thread (no, I won’t mention which one; I don’t feel like giving them the trackback), Bruce made some vague reference that might – might – maybe have been construed as slightly racist.&#160 Certainly wasn’t overt, and I paid it no mind.

Now, we all knew – or should have, anyway – that Bruce was harmless.&#160 Vietnam vet.&#160 Old as dirt.&#160 In a wheelchair.&#160 Anyone who even dared think that Bruce was a threat to anything probably needed to have his/her head closely examined.&#160 Such an idiot would obviously not be operating with a full deck.&#160 A few fries short of a Happy Meal©.&#160 A couple cans short of a six-pack.&#160 One tit shy of a hooker.

Enter a bitch that goes by the name of Nicki.

Nicki, who is known on the Rott as Misha’s sestrichka, went off on Bruce

, calling him every vile name in the book – and some that aren’t&#160 in the book.&#160 And I told her, in no uncertain terms, to knock it off.&#160 And she’s, like, “Or what – are you gonna ban me or something?”

To be perfectly honest – my finger was hovering over that very button.&#160 Click, click, as I’m wont to occasionally say.&#160 The abuse of Bruce had been going on for some time, despite my attempts to shut it down, and I had by now signaled my intention to put a stop to it.

Enter Misha.

Misha said – again, in no uncertain terms (hell, he said it outright; how much more “no uncertain” can you get?) – that no one was going to be banned. And in so doing, yanked out of my hands the one tool I had for maintaining order on the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler.

Holy betrayal, Batman.

Now, let’s get one thing straight:&#160 I’m a firm believer in the concept of “my blog, my rules”.&#160 That blog, and the accounts that oversee it, are the sole personal property of Emperor Misha. And as owner, he has the absolute right to dictate any rules, policies or procedures that govern his blog.&#160 You will never, and I mean never, hear me say that Misha does not have the right to run his blog the way he sees fit.

On the other hand, up until that point he seemed not to have much (if any) problem with the manner in which I administrated the blog.&#160 So to be told, straightaway, that I could no longer do my job was…well…shall we say, disheartening.

My response was immediate.

That’s all I needed to hear.

I quit.

Seriously, if you’re going to render your ghISnar&#160 cat toothless, what the hell good is he?&#160 And since I’d long since stopped being a regular commenter there, why did I need to hang around?

That episode, as much as anything else, pretty much dampened my enthusiasm for the whole blogging thing.&#160 Not that I necessarily want to pin all (or any) of the blame on Misha, but I figured, being Management&#153, I at least outranked the sucksdicka – and it was sorta-kinda a blow to find out I didn’t.

And, quite frankly, I have better things to do than constantly have my legs yanked out from under me by folks I had&#160 considered to be good friends.&#160 What’s the old saying again?&#160 With friends like that…?

—

So anyway, that’s it, in a nutshell.&#160 Betrayed by friends, my own readership at zero, the whole experience no longer being much fun – there’s just no excuse to keep beating my head against the brick wall.

Spatula City BBS! is officially, now & forevermore, closed.&#160 Even if I were to get back into this particular game, it would be under a new moniker.

As I said in the January post, this little hobby has taken up 23 years of my life.&#160 Time to let Sy Greenbloom have his little toy back, and go do something else.

To quote Mr. Adams…so long, and thanks for all the fish.

Take care.

General, has the Southern Command weathered Leon in acceptable form? Did things get bad enough to remind you of your time in the Dakotas?

Darth, how is winter treating the Realm?

It seems that the price people are willing to pay for tickets to the Super bowl have been going down, the current price being just under $1800 a head. Even this *low* price is out of reach to most Americans.  In addition, it seems that the lowest price tickets for regular season tickets are about a hundred dollars. With the average player salary being about $1.9 million dollars, pro football is most assuredly not a poor man’s game.

While I personally would not be caught dead paying these prices to be entertained, I have no quarrel with those who do. However I do have a question. Professional athletes and other top rank entertainers make a tremendous amount of money working in a vocation which really contributes very little to our society, and the left has no problem; Let a man who runs a company which provides jobs to tens of thousands of people make the same money, and the left screams bloody murder. Where is the logic here?

Just had an exchange on Facebook  with a lady from Texas who believes that Wendy Davis is going to be the next governor. As both of you are based in Texas, what are your assessments?

Got this from a friend of mine on FB.

1. There shall always be bacon in the house. Always.

2. There isn’t a food that doesn’t go on well with bacon. Not even ice cream.

3. There are two kinds of people in this world: Those who love bacon and those who do not.

4. Bacon is so tasty even pigs will eat it.

5. There is no wrong way to cook, boil or fry bacon.

6. Most of the world’s problems can be solved with more bacon. Fact.

7. Meals without bacon are simply not meals.

8. You shall consume bacon every day of the week.

9. Bacon makes everything taste better. Just add bacon.

10. Bacon will get you laid.

So that’s&#160 why I never get laid…&#160

The Vicar wonders what the General’s response will be when Private(E1) Manning’s request for transgender hormone therapy arrives on his desk.

Denizens, I got this off Facebook, so I’ve not the slightest whether there’s any bit of truth thereto.

But read it anyway. Dust alert.

TOUCHING STORY:

My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the family. There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘EEEE, your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’ My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings. I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come to my house and scare my children!’ GET OUT OFHERE! NOW!!!’

And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After there union, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity. My neighbours said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

‘My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see……..when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,
Your mother.’

MORAL LESSON:
Always LOVE your parents. They are a blessing to you.

NOTE:
We only have one mom, so love her, you will come to cry when she’s gone.

Well I know, Denizens. Well I know.

News flash –

Seventy-two killed resisting gun confiscation in Boston

—

Boston – National Guard units seeking to confiscate a cache of recently banned assault weapons were ambushed by elements of a Para-military extremist faction. Military and law enforcement sources estimate that 72 were killed and more than 200 injured before government forces were compelled to withdraw.

Speaking after the clash, Massachusetts Governor Thomas Gage declared that the extremist faction, which was made up of local citizens, has links to the radical right-wing tax protest movement.

Gage blamed the extremists for recent incidents of vandalism directed against internal revenue offices. The governor, who described the group’s organizers as “criminals,” issued an executive order authorizing the summary arrest of any individual who has interfered with the government’s efforts to secure law and order.

The military raid on the extremist arsenal followed wide-spread refusal by the local citizenry to turn over recently outlawed assault weapons.

Gage issued a ban on military-style assault weapons and ammunition earlier in the week. This decision followed a meeting in early this month between government and military leaders at which the governor authorized the forcible confiscation of illegal arms.

One government official, speaking on condition of anonymity, pointed out that “none of these people would have been killed had the extremists obeyed the law and turned over their weapons voluntarily.”

Government troops initially succeeded in confiscating a large supply of outlawed weapons and ammunition. However, troops attempting to seize arms and ammunition in Lexington met with resistance from heavily-armed extremists who had been tipped off regarding the government’s plans.

During a tense standoff in the Lexington town park, National Guard Colonel Francis Smith, commander of the government operation, ordered the armed group to surrender and return to their homes. The impasse was broken by a single shot, which was reportedly fired by one of the right-wing extremists.

Eight civilians were killed in the ensuing exchange.

Ironically, the local citizenry blamed government forces rather than the extremists for the civilian deaths. Before order could be restored, armed citizens from surrounding areas had descended upon the guard units. Colonel Smith, finding his forces over matched by the armed mob, ordered a retreat.

Governor Gage has called upon citizens to support the state/national joint task force in its effort to restore law and order. The governor also demanded the surrender of those responsible for planning and leading the attack against the government troops.

Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and John Hancock, who have been identified as “ringleaders” of the extremist faction, remain at large.

And this fellow Americans, is how the American Revolution began, April 20, 1775.

On July 4th, 1776 these same extremists signed the Declaration of Independence, pledging to each other and their countrymen their lives, fortunes, and sacred honor. Many of them lost everything, including their families and their lives over the course of the next few years.

Lest we forget…

“Indeed”, as the Puppy Blender&#153 might say.

Had you going for a bit there though…didn’t I?&#160

IN CONGRESS, JULY 4, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security. — Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.

He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:

For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:

For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:

For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies

For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:

For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these united Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States, that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. — And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor.

New Hampshire:
Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts:
John Hancock, Samuel Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island:
Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut:
Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York:
William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey:
Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania:
Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware:
Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland:
Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia:
George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina:
William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina:
Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia:
Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

—

Happy birthday, America.&#160 I’m hoping that we don’t have to replay this scenario anytime soon.

But I’m not holding my breath.

The Mississippi State Bulldogs may not have won the College World Series, but by golly they made it all the way to the final series! This team has made it further than any other Bulldog team in school history! We are proud of them!

From: Realm HC

To: Realm CC, Southern Command CC

RE: Boy Scouts of America

Venomous and General, the Vicar recommends that should the Boy Scouts reverse their ban on open homosexual members and leaders, the Realm and Southern Command sever any and all relationships with the BSA.

Signed:

The Vicar

Good for her!

Read about it here.

This may not be a particularly “vicarly” thought, but if the Dubai government tries to sweep this under the carpet, this sailor’s shipmates need to have a severe “blanket party” with the bus driver. Those of you who have military service will know what I am speaking of.

In a government. Surprise, surprise.

But not in America. {No surprise there}

It’s in France no less.

Embattled French President Francois Hollande suffered a fresh setback Saturday when France’s highest court threw out a plan to tax the ultrawealthy at a 75 percent rate, saying it was unfair.

In a stinging rebuke to one of Socialist Hollande’s flagship campaign promises, the constitutional council ruled Saturday that the way the highly contentious tax was designed was unconstitutional. It was intended to hit incomes over €1 million ($1.32 million).

The largely symbolic measure would have only hit a small number of taxpayers and brought in an estimated €100 million to €300 million — an insignificant amount in the context of France’s roughly €85 billion deficit.

Who’d a thunk it? The French, with a far-left SOCIALIST president (further left than Al-Obambi mind you), have the smarts to realize taxing the wealth ain’t gonna fix the problem.

Bravo French courts, bravo.

Yet another holiday tradition hits us here at the Realm&#153, Denizens – the annual visit by everyone’s favorite General, the fat guy who wears all the red.&#160

Usually it’s a round-robin between Supreme General Rayegun, David Hartung and myself, each of us taking turns posting it, and the other two linking thereto.&#160 However, given that (even though each of them still have their own little corner of cyberspace Rayegun’s place is still intact) we’re all in one place now, it seems fitting that I tack the bulletin to the board.&#160 Raise the flag and see who salutes, as it were.

Besides – it’s my turn, anyway.&#160 &#160 (Well, it’s actually the General’s turn, but I’ve not heard from him for a few days.&#160 Possibly he & the Generalette are hitting the Romulan Ale a bit in celebration of Texas Tech finally ridding themselves of Tommy-boy Tuberville.&#160 Who knows?&#160 &#160 )

(More to the point, neither the General nor the Vicar have volunteered to do the honors, so…)

And, wonder of wonders – this year, it’ll even be formatted properly.&#160 (Well – mostly, anyway.&#160 &#160 )

General Claus’ Visit

To: All Personnel

_1._ An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 1998. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

_a._ Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

_b._ Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2009. Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2009.

_c._ Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

_d._ Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 1996, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

_e._ At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw open the window sashes. ODCSOPS Plan (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

_f._ Prior to 2400, 24 December 2009, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

_g. _ODCSLOG will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 56 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

_2._ MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2009, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

_3._ Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

__CHRISTOPHER K. RINGLE__
Colonel, US
OIC, Special Services

At ease, troops.&#160

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will have already seen this. This past Thursday, Three of my grandchildren were formally adopted by their stepfather. My lovely bride and I are totally thrilled by this development, However I cannot help but wonder at the sort of male who would choose, promote and pay for the legal process which resulted in his children becoming the children of someone else. It is beyond me.

That is the negative. The positive is that now my grand-kids have an awesome dad, and a full set of loving grandparents who just love to spoil their grand-kids.

The Vicar’s cup truly runneth over!