Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...

Jenna said what?


Did she mention me by name, or was it just kinda like was she just talking in general…?

She mentioned you by name, dumbass.  She said you were a little metrosexual dickweed, and she never wanted to see you again.

There.  Happy now?

This  is why I never patronize Sonic anymore.  Take the hint, Sonic.


This commercial has always  pissed me off.

Somebody please  tell me why this girl doesn’t throw the apron back in her metrosexual boyfriend’s face, kick both  boyfriend and compadre (wingman?) in the crotch, pack whatever things of hers are there and leave  said boyfriend’s sorry ass?

Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?



Okay, so let me see if I have this right:

We’ve got BambiCare causing all manner of folks to lose insurance they wanted to keep, and to pay more & more to replace it.

Vladimir Putin has invaded the Ukraine.

We have some 270 folks missing that were on a Malaysian Airlines plane.  No evidence of a crash or anything, the plane just went missing.

The Second Civil War™ may be just about to start.

And folks are getting the vapors over…thigh gap?!?!?!

It’s been OK to Photoshop since the invention of Photoshop, and perhaps no one has taken more advantage of it than the fashion and modeling industries. But Target’s apparent attempt to give a bikini model a fashionable thigh gap was such a hack job as to elicit a series of apologies from the company.

We.  Are.  So.  Fucking.  Screwed.

Let God’s judgement come.  We’ve fucking earned  it.


Something I caught whilst watching the NBC pregame show just now:

The slogan:  “Subway – Where winners eat”.

And whom just happens  to be one of their spokesmorons?



I wouldn’t have called “Linda”.

I would have walked around back to my chair, grabbed this Emily bitch by her ugly red mane, forcefully introduced her face to my knee, dragged her carcass to the front door of the building and thrown her fat ass out on the sidewalk.

But that’s just me. 

UPDATE:  Oh, and I would have kept the fucking chair.

Srsly, Haverty’s – you’re not persuading me to even darken your doorstep, much less buy any of your furniture.


“…you’re a monster.”

And you’re a stupid-assed bee-yotch, “Emily”.

Seriously, Haverty’s?  You’ve got a psychotic bimboid as your spokes-trollop, and you think that’s gonna compel me to purchase your furniture?  Really???


Back to the drawing board for you fools.


Okay, so lemme get this straight:

You guys at V8 are saying that drinking your product is going to make me end up like this.

In short, you damnfools are trying to turn me into a Demoscum.

No, thanks.


Damn.  Fuck.  Shit.  (And if the Vicar weren’t here, I’d say a helluva lot more than that.)

Chick-Fil-A just caved.

Chick-fil-A will no longer donate money to anti-gay groups or discuss hot-button political issues after an executive’s controversial comments this summer landed the fast-food chain in the middle of the gay marriage debate.

Executives agreed in recent meetings to stop funding groups opposed to same-sex unions, including Focus on the Family and the National Organization for Marriage, according to Chicago Alderman Proco Joe Moreno.


The agreement, announced Wednesday, could pave the way for the company to continue to grow not only in Chicago but in other metropolitan areas as well.

They won’t be doing so with any more of my  money.  Guaran-damn-fucking-teed.

Denizens, if you’ve read me for any  length of time, you’re perfectly aware of what I think about people (primarily Christians and/or conservatives) who take a stand for right in public, then back down from and/or apologize for said stand.

To me, it’s simple:  Do right, and fear no man.  Stand up for what you know to be the truth, and to Hell – literally – with those assclowns who would whine about it from behind the comfort & safety of their collective daddy’s pink taffeta hoop skirt.

And now, Chick-Fil-A has caved to a faggot-assed, heterophobic son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch Shit-cago alderman named Joe “Josephine” Moreno.  (Whom, if you ask me, should have a spiked titanium clue bad shoved right up his swishy ass.  On second thought, don’t – he might actually like  it.)

You’ve lost my business, Chick-Fil-A.  And my family’s.  And you’ve lost it permanently.


Denizens, we here at the Southern Command would like to know if you and yours went out today and supported your local Chick-fil-A.

So, did you???

Don’t make me have to issue a rapid response order to the alert squadron of black helicopters!!!

I for one supported them at breakfast and the Generalette and myself supported them AGAIN for lunch today.

If you haven’t yet, get thee to one poste haste! That’s an order!!!!!!



Cthulu help me, I do so  feel sorry for the dad in that family.  Had that been me, I’d’ve left a long  time ago.

MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet):  WHAT?!?!?!?!

VENOMOUSTake the hint, woman.

MRS. VENOMOUS (sheepishly):  Yes, honey.

Seriously, Verizon.  First “Susie” and her worldwide universal lemonade conglomerate, where there’s not so much as a sniff  of parentage within a thousand miles (and why isn’t the precious little darling mini-diva in SCHOOL, anyway, hm?), and now this?

You douchetards really don’t  want my business, do you?


“…maybe this is just the cake talking, but…let’s celebrate!!!

What an excellent idea.

And let’s start  celebrating, you little snot-nosed piece-of-shit Occutard wannabe, by THROWING YOUR DISRESPECTFUL, LAZY, NO-FUCKING-GOOD SLIMY ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE, WHY DON’T WE?!?!?!

Stupid punk-ette.

When you decide to stop dissing parents, KFC, let me know.

Maybe I’ll come back.  If I haven’t developed a taste for Church’s, that is.


“There’s an easier way to protect your dog from dangerous parasites.”

No shit, Sherlock.

Any family that would go to the trouble – not to mention the hellacious expense – of building a network of oversized hamster tubes in & around their house, just to keep their puppy clear of a tick or two, deserves to be tied to a stockade, horsewhipped, thrown into prison & chemically castrated (to prevent any further breeding, don’tcha know) just for the stupidity involved in building  a network like that.

And I won’t even  talk about the abuse to the puppy.  That’d involve cattle prods jammed up the ass & locked on high.

And it sure as Hell™ doesn’t compel me to wanna buy their little pill.

And then people wonder why there’s animus in some quarters against the drug industry…

Dumbshit ad-campaign fucktards… 


Hell, who needs Weight Watchers©?  The sight of Barkley in that get-up is more  than enough to take away my  appetite.

Ew.  Just.  Fuckin’.  Ew.


Awwww, inn’t dat pwecious?  They’ve learned to count


Would you let a lunatic retard like this into your house?  For any  reason???

I sure as Hell™ wouldn’t.


« Previous Articles    
Glossary -  Disclaimer - Privacy Policy - History - The SpatulaFAQ
This blog is best viewed with your eyes. 
It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer  set about 1024x768 1280x1024 with your Favorites window activated on the left deactivated.  (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)

(KORRIOTH:  Oh, great.  More wormholes.)

Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice.
You can  use Nutscrape,  if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?

And don't even  get me started on Opera or Chrome.  I'm not about  to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
Spatula City BBS! was based on WordPress platform 2.6 (it's 3.05 3.31 now), RSS tech , RSS comments design by Gx3.