Posted by Darth Venomous @ 10:50
Okay, so let me see if I have this right:
We’ve got BambiCare causing all manner of folks to lose insurance they wanted to keep, and to pay more & more to replace it.
Vladimir Putin has invaded the Ukraine.
We have some 270 folks missing that were on a Malaysian Airlines plane. No evidence of a crash or anything, the plane just went missing.
The Second Civil War may be just about to start.
And folks are getting the vapors over…thigh gap?!?!?!
It’s been OK to Photoshop since the invention of Photoshop, and perhaps no one has taken more advantage of it than the fashion and modeling industries. But Target’s apparent attempt to give a bikini model a fashionable thigh gap was such a hack job as to elicit a series of apologies from the company.
We. Are. So. Fucking. Screwed.
Let God’s judgement come. We’ve fucking earned it.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 19:19
Something I caught whilst watching the NBC pregame show just now:
The slogan: “Subway – Where winners eat”.
And whom just happens to be one of their spokesmorons?
Why, none other than ARRRRRRR GEEEEEEE OH-AND-THREEEEEEEEE!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:45
I wouldn’t have called “Linda”.
I would have walked around back to my chair, grabbed this Emily bitch by her ugly red mane, forcefully introduced her face to my knee, dragged her carcass to the front door of the building and thrown her fat ass out on the sidewalk.
But that’s just me.
UPDATE: Oh, and I would have kept the fucking chair.
Srsly, Haverty’s – you’re not persuading me to even darken your doorstep, much less buy any of your furniture.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 22:33
“…you’re a monster.”
And you’re a stupid-assed bee-yotch, “Emily”.
Seriously, Haverty’s? You’ve got a psychotic bimboid as your spokes-trollop, and you think that’s gonna compel me to purchase your furniture? Really???
Back to the drawing board for you fools.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:21
Okay, so lemme get this straight:
You guys at V8 are saying that drinking your product is going to make me end up like this.
In short, you damnfools are trying to turn me into a Demoscum.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:18
Damn. Fuck. Shit. (And if the Vicar weren’t here, I’d say a helluva lot more than that.)
Chick-Fil-A just caved.
Chick-fil-A will no longer donate money to anti-gay groups or discuss hot-button political issues after an executive’s controversial comments this summer landed the fast-food chain in the middle of the gay marriage debate.
Executives agreed in recent meetings to stop funding groups opposed to same-sex unions, including Focus on the Family and the National Organization for Marriage, according to Chicago Alderman Proco Joe Moreno.
The agreement, announced Wednesday, could pave the way for the company to continue to grow not only in Chicago but in other metropolitan areas as well.
They won’t be doing so with any more of my money. Guaran-damn-fucking-teed.
Denizens, if you’ve read me for any length of time, you’re perfectly aware of what I think about people (primarily Christians and/or conservatives) who take a stand for right in public, then back down from and/or apologize for said stand.
To me, it’s simple: Do right, and fear no man. Stand up for what you know to be the truth, and to Hell – literally – with those assclowns who would whine about it from behind the comfort & safety of their collective daddy’s pink taffeta hoop skirt.
And now, Chick-Fil-A has caved to a faggot-assed, heterophobic son-of-a-crack-whore-bitch Shit-cago alderman named Joe “Josephine” Moreno. (Whom, if you ask me, should have a spiked titanium clue bad shoved right up his swishy ass. On second thought, don’t – he might actually like it.)
You’ve lost my business, Chick-Fil-A. And my family’s. And you’ve lost it permanently.
Posted by Supreme General Rayegun @ 19:18
Denizens, we here at the Southern Command would like to know if you and yours went out today and supported your local Chick-fil-A.
So, did you???
Don’t make me have to issue a rapid response order to the alert squadron of black helicopters!!!
I for one supported them at breakfast and the Generalette and myself supported them AGAIN for lunch today.
If you haven’t yet, get thee to one poste haste! That’s an order!!!!!!
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:56
Cthulu help me, I do so feel sorry for the dad in that family. Had that been me, I’d've left a long time ago.
MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): WHAT?!?!?!?!
VENOMOUS: Take the hint, woman.
MRS. VENOMOUS (sheepishly): Yes, honey.
Seriously, Verizon. First “Susie” and her worldwide universal lemonade conglomerate, where there’s not so much as a sniff of parentage within a thousand miles (and why isn’t the precious little darling mini-diva in SCHOOL, anyway, hm?), and now this?
You douchetards really don’t want my business, do you?
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 19:28
“…maybe this is just the cake talking, but…let’s celebrate!!!“
What an excellent idea.
And let’s start celebrating, you little snot-nosed piece-of-shit Occutard wannabe, by THROWING YOUR DISRESPECTFUL, LAZY, NO-FUCKING-GOOD SLIMY ASS OUT OF THE HOUSE, WHY DON’T WE?!?!?!
When you decide to stop dissing parents, KFC, let me know.
Maybe I’ll come back. If I haven’t developed a taste for Church’s, that is.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:27
“There’s an easier way to protect your dog from dangerous parasites.”
No shit, Sherlock.
Any family that would go to the trouble – not to mention the hellacious expense – of building a network of oversized hamster tubes in & around their house, just to keep their puppy clear of a tick or two, deserves to be tied to a stockade, horsewhipped, thrown into prison & chemically castrated (to prevent any further breeding, don’tcha know) just for the stupidity involved in building a network like that.
And I won’t even talk about the abuse to the puppy. That’d involve cattle prods jammed up the ass & locked on high.
And it sure as Hell doesn’t compel me to wanna buy their little pill.
And then people wonder why there’s animus in some quarters against the drug industry…
Dumbshit ad-campaign fucktards…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 13:13
Hell, who needs Weight Watchers©? The sight of Barkley in that get-up is more than enough to take away my appetite.
Ew. Just. Fuckin’. Ew.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
Awwww, inn’t dat pwecious? They’ve learned to count…
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 15:30
Would you let a lunatic retard like this into your house? For any reason???
I sure as Hell wouldn’t.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 7:30
“I wonder how she does it…?”
Well, buttercup, I tend to think the LACK OF ADULT SUPERVISION – YOU KNOW, LIKE HER PARENTS??? – has a little bit to do with it.
I mean, if you go to the original spot in the series (which you can find here, and I’ll be ripping that one in a future installment), this all starts when Susie’s dad gives her his cellphone – HIS CELLPHONE, FOR CTHULU’S PATHETIC SAKE – because “it’s got a calculator”.
And then returns to find his snot-nosed daughter has apparently, in just the span of eight to ten hours, built an entire company from the ground up (complete with permits, state tax IDs, the whole nine yards, even an administrative assistant for little Susie), all through the auspices of Verizon’s supposedly-smarter-than-Einstein phone.
And that’s the last we see of anything resembling parentage in the entire ad campaign.
Nice of Verizon Wireless to come right out & tell us exactly what they think of the involvement of Mummy & Daddy in their snot-nose’s life. To whom exactly are you trying to sell your phone anyway, Verizon? Couldn’t be adults like me who just happen to have kids, could it?
If you’re wanting me to buy your phones, Verizon, you’re not making a very good case.
Posted by Darth Venomous @ 9:05
Although the back-flipping cheerleader is kinda cute.
MRS. VENOMOUS (with cast-iron skillet): WHAAAAAT?!?!?!?!?!
‘Scuse, gotta dash…