Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Stop the presses!

I can’t believe this is happening!!!

If/when this shows up in the papers, it’ll probably be in six-inch “2nd coming” type!!!!!

This is abso-fucking-lutely in-fucking-credible!!!1!!ONE!!1!!1ELEVENTYTEEN!!1~1

Spread the word.&#160

(Hat tip to a co-worker of mine, who shall remain nameless. (And is probably eternally grateful for it.))

(Pun very definitely intended.)

Denizens, to officially&#160 start your week off, we have this from the Sibling Unit&#153:

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not…

… a Congress!

“Indeed”, as the Puppy Blender&#153 would say.

From that, we jump to some breaking news that’s hitting Fox as I type this (and confirmed by Drudge via CNN)…that Bawney Fag is bailing out on Congress.

Merry Christmas, Denizens!&#160

Unfortunately, Denizens, I don’t have any stories to tell about having kicked an Occupussy’s ass during my Black Friday shopping experience (yes, I went – scored myself a damn good monitor, too), so here’s something gleaned from the Backyard&#153, courtesy of my sister-in-law:

Note, if you will, that this particular laptop is running…Ubuntu.

Cool, huh?&#160

ABC News has broken the news (confirmed by Roto-Reuters) that NATO forces have killed Moammar Qaddafi.

More later, possibly.

UPDATE:&#160 The Picture&#153 is below the fold, for those of you who want to look (it ain’t pretty, you’ve been warned)…

Got this from an old Fido friend, Seanette Blaylock, who in turn go it from someone else! 🙂

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the US Redneck Special Forces (USRSF). These southern boys will be dropped in Afghanistan knowing only these facts about terrorists: 1. Hunting season opened today. 2. There is no limit. 3. They taste just like chicken. 4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music, John Wayne or Jesus. 5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt. The Pentagon expects the problem to be over by Monday!

Denizens, we start the week off with some fantastic news.

Today is the Vicar’s wedding day…plus 31 years. (A little Paul Harvey lingo, there.)

Congrats, bride & groom!&#160

(Crossposted to the Rott – this was just too damned good not to share.)

(Hat tip Drudge – although I tend to wonder if he’d really want it, y’know?)

They use the corner of their huts as personal toilets.

They wipe their asses…with their hands.

They view women as less valuable than farm animals – in fact, they’d rather have sex with the animals.

They are the Most Offensive Creatures On The Face Of The Earth&#153

And they are offended…when they hear you fart.

(No, I’m not making this up. Or to be more succinct – I shit you not.)

So here’s the news: audible farting has been banned for some Marines downrange because it offends the Afghans.

I know there are many things in the Afghan culture that don’t seem normal to Americans and it’s hard to spend seven months working in someone else’s back yard. Still, the Marines I saw downrange are doing a pretty good job at trying to do the right thing around the Afghans.

They’re not supposed to cuss because it could be misunderstood (that one goes out the window a lot). And they stay away from talking about politics, religion or girls because those topics could escalate into major disagreements (they can’t communicate anyway because of the language barrier).

But farting? That’s practically a sport. Ok, it’s not soccer, but a good contest could open the door for cross-cultural exchanges, jokes and other gallows humor.

So, for all Marines getting ready to go downwind, I mean downrange, be forewarned — you may have to hold it in… at least until you get back to your hooch where you can loudly crop dust your friends.

Doesn’t that just rip you a new one?

OTOH, I think we’ve found a way to rid ourselves of Bawney Fwank…

Sanity appears to have held on in Wisconsin last night (h/t Drudge):

After tens of millions of dollars spent by outside interest groups, dozens of attack ads and exhaustive get-out-the-vote efforts, Democrats on Tuesday fell short of their goal of taking control of the state Senate and stopping the agenda of Gov. Scott Walker.

Republicans won four of six recall races, meaning the party still holds a narrow 17-16 majority in the Senate — at least until next week, when Sens. Robert Wirch, D-Pleasant Prairie, and Jim Holperin, D-Conover face their own recall elections. A third Democrat, Sen. Dave Hansen, D-Green Bay, easily survived a recall attempt last month.

Sens. Robert Cowles, R-Green Bay, Sheila Harsdorf, R-River Falls, Luther Olsen, R-Ripon, and Alberta Darling, R-River Hills, successfully defended their seats Tuesday.

Hey, unions!

This&#160 is what democracy looks like…!!!1!!ONE!!1!!ELEVEN!!!1!&#160

…the General donned the ball-and-chain married the Generalette.

Happy anniversary, guys!&#160

(With thanks to the webmaster at angry.net, from whence I got it.)

In case you guys had forgotten what exactly it is we’re celebrating today (and no, it ain’t fireworks):

(Adopted by Congress on July 4, 1776)

The Unanimous Declaration of the Thirteen United States of America

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature\u2019s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new guards for their future security. \u2013Such has been the patient sufferance of these colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former systems of government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his governors to pass laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of representation in the legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has dissolved representative houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.

He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the legislative powers, incapable of annihilation, have returned to the people at large for their exercise; the state remaining in the meantime exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.

He has endeavored to prevent the population of these states; for that purpose obstructing the laws for naturalization of foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migration hither, and raising the conditions of new appropriations of lands.

He has obstructed the administration of justice, by refusing his assent to laws for establishing judiciary powers.

He has made judges dependent on his will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.

He has erected a multitude of new offices, and sent hither swarms of officers to harass our people, and eat out their substance.

He has kept among us, in times of peace, standing armies without the consent of our legislature.

He has affected to render the military independent of and superior to civil power.

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his assent to their acts of pretended legislation:

For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:

For protecting them, by mock trial, from punishment for any murders which they should commit on the inhabitants of these states:For cutting off our trade with all parts of the world:

For imposing taxes on us without our consent:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of trial by jury:

For transporting us beyond seas to be tried for pretended offenses:

For abolishing the free system of English laws in a neighboring province, establishing therein an arbitrary government, and enlarging its boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule in these colonies:

For taking away our charters, abolishing our most valuable laws, and altering fundamentally the forms of our governments:

For suspending our own legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.

He has abdicated government here, by declaring us out of his protection and waging war against us.

He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burned our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.

He is at this time transporting large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of cruelty and perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the head of a civilized nation.

He has constrained our fellow citizens taken captive on the high seas to bear arms against their country, to become the executioners of their friends and brethren, or to fall themselves by their hands.

He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian savages, whose known rule of warfare, is undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these oppressions we have petitioned for redress in the most humble terms: our repeated petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have we been wanting in attention to our British brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace friends.

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

New Hampshire: Josiah Bartlett, William Whipple, Matthew Thornton

Massachusetts: John Hancock, Samual Adams, John Adams, Robert Treat Paine, Elbridge Gerry

Rhode Island: Stephen Hopkins, William Ellery

Connecticut: Roger Sherman, Samuel Huntington, William Williams, Oliver Wolcott

New York: William Floyd, Philip Livingston, Francis Lewis, Lewis Morris

New Jersey: Richard Stockton, John Witherspoon, Francis Hopkinson, John Hart, Abraham Clark

Pennsylvania: Robert Morris, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Franklin, John Morton, George Clymer, James Smith, George Taylor, James Wilson, George Ross

Delaware: Caesar Rodney, George Read, Thomas McKean

Maryland: Samuel Chase, William Paca, Thomas Stone, Charles Carroll of Carrollton

Virginia: George Wythe, Richard Henry Lee, Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Harrison, Thomas Nelson, Jr., Francis Lightfoot Lee, Carter Braxton

North Carolina: William Hooper, Joseph Hewes, John Penn

South Carolina: Edward Rutledge, Thomas Heyward, Jr., Thomas Lynch, Jr., Arthur Middleton

Georgia: Button Gwinnett, Lyman Hall, George Walton

Source: The Pennsylvania Packet, July 8, 1776

B. HUSSEIN!!!&#160 Obambi, take note.

I’m not much of a fan of Chris Christie.&#160 A little liberal to my liking, somewhat to the left of Rudy Giuliani.

But ya gotta love it when he tells off a liberal union goon because he doesn’t care what she thinks.

Case in point:&#160 The other day, some union bimbo named “Gail” posed a “gotcha” question concerning Christie’s cutting public school government school funding when he himself sent his kids to private school.

And Christie turned on the question and knocked it outta the park.

“You don\u2019t send your children to public schools. You send them to private schools, so I was wondering why you think it’s fair to be cutting funding to public schools?” the woman asked.

It was a question Christie has gotten before, but this time it seemed to have gotten under his skin.

“Hey Gail, you know what, first of all it’s none of your business. I don’t ask you where you send your kids to school. Don’t bother me where I send mine,” the governor responded.

Now, the leftist whiners are bitching long & loud on the site – it is&#160 See-BS, after all – and truth be told, I’m not as fond of all of Christie’s policies as many people are.

The point of this is to demonstrate that there’s a right way to speak to Demoscum – the way Christie’s doing it…and a wrong&#160 way to go about it (most every current Republican milquetoast presidential candidate).

Memo to the GOP:&#160 You spineless pissweasels could learn a thing or two from folks like Chris Christie & Donald Trump.

Look at how they do things.&#160 Look at how they don’t take shit from anyone, least of all the Lame Stream Media.

Learn it love it, live it – and verily I say unto thee, we kick Bambi’s ass in 2012.

Don’t, and who knows what’ll happen.

(Hat tip to the Vicar, who would probably have blogged it himself, except I imagine he was busy yesterday.&#160 Not t’ worry, suh, we gotcha covered here. (grin))

Denizens, we’ll start your Monday with some good news for a change:&#160 The sun has come up in the West, pigs are flying, the lamb is laying down with the lion…and a bank has gotten its ass foreclosed on.

It started five months ago when Bank of America filed foreclosure papers on the home of a couple, who didn’t owe a dime on their home.

The couple said they paid cash for the house.

The case went to court and the homeowners were able to prove they didn’t owe Bank of America anything on the house. In fact, it was proven that the couple never even had a mortgage bill to pay.

A Collier County Judge agreed and after the hearing, Bank of America was ordered, by the court to pay the legal fees of the homeowners’, Maurenn Nyergers and her husband.

The Judge said the bank wrongfully tried to foreclose on the Nyergers’ house.

So, how did it end with bank being foreclosed on? After more than 5 months of the judge’s ruling, the bank still hadn’t paid the legal fees, and the homeowner’s attorney did exactly what the bank tried to do to the homeowners. He seized the bank’s assets.

And not only that, sportz fanz – for once, it got followed-through on.

Sheriff’s deputies, movers, and the Nyergers’ attorney went to the bank and foreclosed on it. The attorney gave instructions to to remove desks, computers, copiers, filing cabinets and any cash in the teller’s drawers.

After about an hour of being locked out of the bank, the bank manager handed the attorney a check for the legal fees.

“As a foreclosure defense attorney this is sweet justice” says [Nyergers’ attorney Todd] Allen.

Oh, you just got-to got-to&#160 got-to&#160 lurrrve ya SummaDat&#153.

Justice.&#160 Buford…T…Justice.&#160

Nine years ago today, Alan K. Henderson got into this thing we call blogging.

It’s important to this Sith Lord&#153, because he’s the one that got me&#160 into it.

MERLIN:&#160 That’s right – blame everyone else but yourself.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Typical li…

[Venomous gestures.&#160 Both Merlin & Korrioth go flying into the nearest bulkhead.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Grrrr.

Anyway, happy blogiversary, Alan.

Fox News is reporting (and Wikipedia, crappy source that it is, has apparantly confirmed) that Jack “Dr. Death” Kevorkian has died.&#160 (No word on whether anyone helped him or not.)

Good.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Riddance.

Denizens, go read this tear-jerker of a story.

Suddenly, it’s a wee bit dusty in here.