Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.&#160 It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

I got four hours of sleep last night. I’m fighting the obligatory yearly case of tonsillitis. My throat hurts like Hell ™, my body is racked with soreness, and – not to put too fine a point thereupon – I’m in need of a tube of Prep H.

You get the idea. (sigh)

So here I am on LBJ Freeway in Dallas, plodding my way through traffic, fighting hard the urge to fall asleep at the wheel, literally. I’m listening to our sports-talk/guy-talk station on AM, the Ticket (KTCK 1310), when the sports jocks there suddenly exclaim something to the effect of, “WTF…?!”. Apparently, a heavy jet has veered off course and slammed into one of the World Trade Center twin towers in New York City.

“Wow,” I’m thinking, “they’ll likely stay with this one all day”, and I immediately turn over to the news/talk station here, WBAP 820, for all the coverage. Yes, I admit it – I’m fascinated by carnage.

At that point, though, I’m thinking tragic accident. Somebody’s plane lost its hydraulics and careened out of control, and the World Trade Center, unfortunately, was simply in the way.

That was 7:50. At 8:09, my worldview – and that of 280 million Americans, I would bet – changed radically.

At that point, a second jet slammed headfirst into the other tower. At that point, it’s not just a major tragedy. This looks just a weeeee bit too organized to be a coincidence.

It’s 8:20 when I get to the office, and I meet my buddy and old Wingtip Courier dispatcher as he’s driving up. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything. We get inside the office, and I bring him and our other compadre up to speed on things (he wasn’t listening to the radio, either, which was surprising). I go into my office and try pulling up a video stream for any of this. It’s 8:25.

Fifteen minutes later, the message is clear: America is under attack for the first time in 60 years. Yet another heavy jet has crashed – this one into the Pentagon. Reports are coming in about multiple hijackings. I’ve read a report about a worldwide alert issued last Friday concerning our resident international terrorist, Osama bin Laden, Two & two are quickly starting to come together.

(Side note: Don’t let them tell you they had no warning. I’m not kidding about that worldwide alert concerning bin Laden. They knew. Damned right they knew.)

(SECOND SIDE NOTE:&#160 As I go through the years, I’m less inclined to blame the Bush Administration than I was nine years ago.&#160 Sure, they knew it was possible, but all they had was a general warning.&#160 Nothing specific that said they were going to do what they did precisely on that day.&#160 So the Bush Administration gets a pass from me on this one.

The Demoscum, on the other hand…)

I can’t pull up anything on the ‘Net – and I have a T1 at work. The radio offers some details, but I want to know more. I run across the street to the CompUSSR to scope out the TV images.

And ohmigod – what TV images. I saw the second plane come in behind the first tower, and a plume of fire and deep black smoke explode out the other side. I saw the collapsed side of the Pentagon. I saw both WTC towers collapse – I had to ask someone if they’d collapsed all the way, so incredulous was the scene there. (A third building nearby would collapse six hours later.) I heard reports of yet another plane crash – this one near Pittsburgh. Rumor has it that the plane was headed to Camp David – we’re somewhere around the anniversary of the Camp David accords, so I hear.

Returned to work around 11:00 in a state of near-shock. Twenty minutes later, I received the go-ahead to go home. After a quick stop-off at the school to check on my wife, I arrived home and turned on the TV to Fox.

The images there were even more unbelievable than before. Fox had the direct angle on the second tower hit. They also had better angles on the collapse of both towers – although by that time, there was so much smoke & dust that one could hardly make anything out.

After a quick lunch, I sit down here to gather news stories, and I find this.

That’s right, sports fans. Here are a group of Palestinian squids laughing, dancing and cheering the attack on us, whom they call “the Great Satan”.

Compassionate people, those Palestinians.

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with my day, here’s my analysis: CNN early on was doing everything it could to avoid calling it a terrorist attack. But, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes, it’s too coordinated, too organized to be anything but. These events had to be planned months in advance. Certain people had to be installed at just the right junctures in order to pull this off – our airport security procedures, despite the fact that they’re handled by part-timers making minimum wage, are still way too strict. People who knew how to fly those planes had to arrange for passage on these planes. This would have been a major undertaking for simply one airliner – for four to have been hijacked in this manner and turned into suicide machines screams for the fact that this is more than just a Chinese fire drill.

So. Who’s got the capability to pull it off? Who has the money to train these thugs, place them right where they needed to be placed, and then turned loose? And who among them hates us enough to target us? Not to mention, who’s stupid-assed enough to try it?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, go back to school and take a comprehensive reading course. You think about it, there’s really only one man who qualifies: Osama bin Laden.

There can be no question. The mastermind behind the 1993 bombing at the aforementioned World Trade Center is so consumed with hatred for the United States that it sticks in his craw that he failed to bring us down eight years ago. So he decided to try and finish the job, gambling that we’ll be too chicken-shit to do anything about it.

(Second side note: Yeah, the Palestinians and the Taliban in Afghanistan are denying responsibility. Don’t believe the bastards. This is their baby.)

This is where George W. Bush needs to prove him wrong. Take this one to the bank, my friends: The Bush presidency – whether he believes it or not, whether he likes it or not – rides on how he handles this.

America is screaming for justice. More to the point, America is screaming for revenge. This is nothing short of an act of war. Yes, war. There’s been a formally undeclared one on us now, by most of the non-Israeli countries of the Middle East, for several years now. The Muslims hate our guts. The Syrians, the Iraqis, the Iranians – we’re their enemy. “Death To America” has been cruising at #1 on the Middle Eastern Top 40 for several years. They’re getting bolder, too – because they think we’re too cowardly to fight back. They think we’ve forgotten how to fight.

If George Bush has any balls, now’s the time to prove them wrong.

This is your solution, like it or not: Any country harboring terrorists – that would include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Syria, et. al. – must be wiped from the face of the earth.

Scramble 30 bombers. Five warheads each – six if the plane will hold it. Bomb the shit out of these countries – get rid of these raghead bastards.

So what if you take innocents out, too? This is war, people. They don’t care about killing our innocents; why should we give a shit about theirs??

And that goes for the Palestinians, too. Let’s do Israel a favor and eliminate those sons-of-bitches from the annals of history, as well. They want to laugh and make merry at our misfortune, they need to pay the ultimate price.

Show the world some balls, George W. Teach them that there’s a price for fucking with America. Demonstrate to them that we have not forgotten how to fight!

In reading stuff while looking for material, we are saddened to find out that Hugh Slatery, author of the WizBang blog, has passed of a heart attack at 53.

Don’t read WizBang all that much, but always enjoyed it when I was there.&#160 Hugh was a damned good writer, and the Realm&#153 will miss the hell out of him.

All our condolences & best wishes to the Slatery family.

Gary “Watchoo talkin’ ’bout, Willis” Coleman has passed of a brain hemorrhage.&#160 He was 42.

Coleman, with his sparkling eyes and perfect comic timing, became a star after “Diff’rent Strokes” debuted in 1978. He played the younger brother in a pair of African-American siblings adopted by a wealthy white man.

His popularity faded when the show ended after six seasons on NBC and two on ABC.

And he traded on that role the rest of his life, even going so far as to cut a John Cena WWE promo off of it…

The Realm&#153 mourns his passing.

(And the lack of a byline does mean that, yes, Denizens – I’m back at Realm Headquartes&#153.&#160 Not that anyone gives two flying effs at rolling donuts or anything…)

While on a semi-stream-of-consciousness link-click-fest last evening, I find out from iOwnTheWorld.com that rocker Ronnie James Dio passed away over the weekend of cancer.

Like BigFurHot, I was never that much a Dio fan, but he did do one track I rather liked, Rainbow In The Dark&#160 (it’ll be below the fold, should you be interested) – hence, the mention here.

Condolences to his family & loved ones.

My friends, on this day in 1945, Germany surrendered and the European side of World War II came to a close. The problem is that many, of not most of our countrymen have no idea of this, they have no understanding of just how many gave their lives to drive back tyranny.

I would like to request that each of you who read this, tell at least two others of the heroism of our soldiers in that war so many years ago. let’s impress upon them the fact that had we not won that war, the world would be a much worse place than it is today.

The rant binge will be put on hold while we mourn the death of former pro-footballer & hellacious actor (and one of the truly good guys) Merlin Olson, who passed from cancer today at the age of 69.

Known as much for his brain as his brawn, the 6-foot-5, 270-pound defensive tackle also graduated summa cum laude and Phi Kappa Phi from Utah State University in 1962 and earned a master’s degree in economics in the off-season during his 15-year professional career.

“Merlin Olsen was a coach’s player. Punctual, steady, gifted, a quiet leader, a player you could always count on,” says his biography on the National Football League Hall of Fame Web site. “He was a standout as a rookie and thereafter stood out in every game he played for the Rams in a 15-year career. Every game. Fifteen years.”

[…]

After his professional playing career ended in 1976, Olsen turned to acting, appearing in movies and more than 100 TV episodes. He also worked as a television sports commentator.

On TV, he may best be remembered for portraying the gentle Jonathan Garvey opposite Michael Landon on “Little House on the Prairie” from 1977 to 1981 and the lead role in “Father Murphy” from 1981 to 1983.

Merlin Olson was always one of my favorites.&#160 He was one of those few actors whom you got the sense wasn’t really acting when he played a role – because there was so much of him&#160 in the role, that that’s what he would really be doing if he’d lived in prairie times, or was a priest or whatever.&#160 (As an aside, it’s a shame he never ran for office, because you got the sense he’d have been good at that, too.)

I will miss Merlin Olson.&#160 This was a helluva man, one after whom one could pattern oneself and not do too shabby.

(Side note:&#160 Yes, I’ve seen the Wiki page where it says he was a Mormon.&#160 That aside, he was still someone I wish I could have known as a friend.&#160 That he did not worship the triune God (and likely died in his sins as a result) will not change my opinion of him one bit.)

Tom Brookshier passed away Saturday night at the age of 78.&#160 Those of The Six Or Seven&#153 who have followed football for any length of time will remember that, before John Madden, Pat Summerall teamed with Brookshier to form CBS’ #1 broadcast team during the 1970s – back when CBS had the rights to the NFC, including the Dallas C’boys.

Brookshier had a memorable interview, speaking of the ‘Boys, with Dallas running back/enigma Duane Thomas, who answered only one of Brookshier’s questions, and that with only one word – “Evidently” (when asked if Thomas really was as fast as advertised).

Which is, of course, why the Dullest Moaning Snooze&#160 elected to focus on the interview, rather than on Brookshier.

Tom Brookshier, who died Friday night at the age of 78, was a two-time Pro Bowl cornerback for the Philadelphia Eagles. But he was perhaps most recognized as an NFL commentator.

Usually teamed with Pat Summerall, Brookshier was the lead commentator on CBS’ NFL games for almost two decades.

One of the signature moments in his broadcasting career came courtesy of a former Dallas Cowboys running back – Duane Thomas, who had a strained relationship with the media.

Thomas had refused to talk to the media in the week leading up to Dallas’ 24-3 win over Miami in Super Bowl VI. After the Cowboys’ win, Brookshier stood next to the running back, talking about his speed and building up to this question: “Are you that fast?”

“Evidently,” Thomas replied.

But there was another Thomas gem from that week. Asked just before the game if the Super Bowl is the ultimate game, Thomas replied with a question: “If it’s the ultimate game, how come they’re playing it again next year?”

Thomas scored the first touchdown at Texas Stadium in 1971. He played just two seasons in Dallas, rushing for 803 yards as a rookie and 793 the following year.

He was known more for his feud with management over contract disputes and his run-ins with head coach Tom Landry.

He scored a touchdown in the Cowboys’ 16-13 loss to the Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl V and was involved in a controversial play in that game, fumbling at the 1-yard line. Though the Cowboys appeared to come away with the ball after the fumble, official ruled the Colts had recovered.

Prior to the Thanksgiving Day post, the Realm&#153 stops down for a short time to mourn the passing of Charles Kenneth Henderson, the father of Denizen & fellow blogger Alan K. Henderson.

Mr. Henderson had just celebrated his 77th birthday.

Alan, my friend, if there’s anything we can do, sir.

Maybe I’m suffering from a case of blog burnout, or whatever.

But words are failing me over the mass murder at Fort Hood today.

A military mental health doctor facing deployment overseas opened fire at the Fort Hood Army post on Thursday, setting off on a rampage that killed 11 other people and left 31 wounded. Authorities killed the gunman, and the violence was believed to be the worst mass shooting in history at a U.S. military base.

[…]

A law enforcement official identified the shooting suspect as Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan. The official spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to discuss the case publicly.

Publicly or not, didja’ll notice what was left out of the little needle-dick’s description?

Yeah, that’s right.&#160 His religion.&#160 Specifically, that of the Religion of Piss&#153.&#160 A cocksucker of the pedophile Mohammed (Piss Be Upon Him).&#160 A devotee of Numero Uno Raghead-o (a little Meskin lingo, there).

In short, a (hack, spit) Muslim&#160 (hack, spit).

For my part, I think the pussy got the ultimate punishment he was seeking:&#160 The death penalty.&#160 He probably died thinking he was going to get his 72 raisins.

My problem with that is this:&#160 He got his punishment too damned soon.&#160 Douchebags like Nidal Malik Hasan deserve to be royally disciplined before meeting their ultimate fate.&#160 Nipple clamps, car batteries and a puddle of water would be a good start.

The Realm&#153 sends its prayers to the town of Killeen, Fort Hood and all the families down there.&#160 We love you guys.

UPDATE:&#160 According to the Weekly Standard, Hasan is not&#160 dead, after all.

I gather that he’ll soon wish he were.

Just call ’em the Diesel Frogs.

at #8 Texas Christian 44, Colorado State 6

at UBuffalo 21, Akron 17

at #25 Nebraska 10, Texas Tech 31

#18 Oklahoma 13, #3 T-sip Shortdicks 16

First off, before we recap, we pause in memory of Connecticut quarterback Jasper Howard, who was stabbed to death following the Huskies’ victory over Louisville this past Saturday night.&#160 Jasper Howard was 20.

—

Memo to T-Sip Shortdick athletic supporters everywhere (and yes, I mean that just like you think I do):&#160 You pussies ain’t all that & a bag o’ chips.&#160 Get that through your thick-assed brain cell right now.

You played an Oklahoma team minus its star quarterback, minus its all-Big XII tight end and Cthulu knows who else – and could only win by three?&#160 And only then because your kicker made his field goal and OU’s didn’t?

Please.

Bradford hurt his shoulder once again – only this time, it was a legal hit (a standard tackle, really, not even that hard), plus he had the ball and was fair game besides.&#160 (Coleby Clawson, take note).&#160 Landry Jones again took over, going 24-43-250 plus a touchdown, but it wasn’t enough.

The ground game was pathetic – 22 rushes for minus-16.&#160 This team misses the hell out of Phil Loadholt.

With this year shot to hell, might be time to start loading up for next year.

—

At ESPN.com, they’re singing the praises of the Texas Tech defense.

No.&#160 No typo.&#160 Defense.

And I still call bullshit.

Zac Lee is making no one forget Young, Montana or Favre.&#160 He went 16-22-128 in the pass-happy West Coast Offense, and when you do that crappy in an offense like this, you’re not gonna win much.&#160 And the once vaunted&#160 Cornhusker running game, against Tech’s swiss-cheese defense…managed a whopping seventy (70) yards.

This is the second week in a row they’ve played like crap on offense, save for the fourth quarter against Mizzou.&#160 C’mon, Bo, shelve that damned WCO for the Old Reliable&#153 running game.

Please.

—

UBuffalo may have to switch to the WCO here soon.&#160 They’re running out of running backs.

James Starks, whom I thought had graduated, really didn’t – he suffered a season-ending injury before the first game.&#160 And Ike Nduka & Brandon Thermilus both suffered sprained ankles against the Zips.

But senior back Mario Henry had 62 yards on 20 carries, including the game-winning touchdown, and Naaman Roosevelt caught 12 balls for 100 yards (making him UBeefalo’s all time receiving leader), as the Bulls pulled out a squeaker.

—

Last year’s Frogs would start out lightning-quick, then coast to victory.&#160 This year, like a diesel engine, they take some time to get going.

Once they do, though…

Colorado State actually led this thing after one.&#160 They won the toss, deferred, held the Froggies to a very lackluster three-and-out, then proceeded to shove the ball right down the throat of Gary Patterson’s 4-2-5 defense.&#160 The drive bogged down, though, and the Rams settled for a Ben DeLine field goal.

TCU then took over after a fairly decent return, and promptly gave the ball back to CSU on an Ed Wesley fumble.&#160 Three plays later, it was 6-0 on another DeLime FG.

Another three-and-out and most of the Frog faithful (yours truly included) were beginning to wonder if this was the year CSU would finally take its frustrations out on Our Heroes&#153.

But Patterson’s boys must have figured out in the nick of time what the Rams were doing, because they didn’t even make it to the Frog 30-yard-line the rest of the night – while for the offense it was “get the ball back, use no-huddle mode to drive the ball down the field, score, rinse, lather, repeat” from the second quarter on.

Dalton was 15-23-211, with TD passes to Curtis Clay & the aforementioned Mr. Wesley, and Jeremy Kerley had another punt return (which, at the end, was somewhat reminiscent of a riverdance) for a score.&#160 The defense contributed a fumble recovery and four sacks of its own (two by Jerry Hughes).

This week:&#160 2-2.&#160 Overall:&#160 25-13.

The PFW will reconvene Friday, at which time we will attempt to ascertain the thought processes of ESPN.&#160 Don’t miss it.

William Safire, probably the most conservative of all the NY Slimes&#160 writers, died yesterday of pancreatic cancer.&#160 Mr. Safire was 79.

His Slimes&#160 obit carries the following (and I’d always wondered from whence this came; now, I know):

And from 1979 until earlier this month, he wrote “On Language,” a New York Times Magazine column that explored written and oral trends, plumbed the origins and meanings of words and phrases, and drew a devoted following, including a stable of correspondents he called his Lexicographic Irregulars.

The columns, many collected in books, made him an unofficial arbiter of usage and one of the most widely read writers on language. It also tapped into the lighter side of the dour-looking Mr. Safire: a Pickwickian quibbler who gleefully pounced on gaffes, inexactitudes, neologisms, misnomers, solecisms and perversely peccant puns, like “the president’s populism” and “the first lady’s momulism,” written during the Carter presidency.

He could’ve been one of us.&#160 In fact, it’s probably most accurate to say he was one of us even before we&#160 were one of us – he was a blogger even before there was such a thing as blogging.

There were columns on blogosphere blargon, tarnation-heck euphemisms, dastardly subjunctives and even Barack and Michelle Obama’s fist bumps.

And there were Safire “rules for writers”: Remember to never split an infinitive. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Proofread carefully to see if you words out. Avoid clichés like the plague. And don’t overuse exclamation marks!!

Actually, I tend to think he would gotten a chuckle out of OUR USE OF EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!11!!!!ONE!!ELEVENTEENTY!!!~1

William Safire will be greatly missed by those of us here in the Right-o-Sphere&#153.

Multiple sources have started reporting that Bob Novak, conservative syndicated columnist has passed away at his home at the age of 78.

You can read more here, here, or here.

Prayers go out to his wife and family.

Walter Cronkite, the so-called “most trusted man in America” is dead at the age of 92.

My mother once said that if you couldn’t say anything nice about a Communist-sympathizing, Al-Qaida-loving, anti-American son-of-a-bitch asswipe who wanted to see the United States lose every war in which it ever found itself, then don’t say anything.

So I think I’ll say that Walter Cronkite died and leave it at that.

Former Houston Oiler/Tennesee Titan quarterback Steve McNair was found shot to death today in downtown Nashville.&#160 McNair was 36.

A female was also found shot dead near McNair.&#160 Looks like it might have been a mob hit, but can’t be certain at this time.

Well, they say things happen in threes bunches. And now we have the third another media personality to pass on. (H/T to HDD)

What can you say about Billy, well he certainly was “energetic” on camera. I didn’t get the chance to see the reality show on Discovery Channel he hosted called “Pitchmen”, so I’m not sure what he was like off camera. What I can say is that it is tragic if the way this article is suggesting turns out to be the actual cause of death.

Once again, the condolences of the Southern HQ go out to the Mays family and friends.