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One of my favorite things to say about fellow blogger & Denizen Alan K. Henderson is that he Does Not Have Enough To Do&#153.

And he proves it again here.

Hie thee hence to readeth.&#160 Spew warnings.&#160

SUCK IT, AL-QAIDA!!!&#160

Reports are coming in that the 21:30 CT Presidential speech is going to report that Osama Bin Laden has been killed.

UPDATE 21:47 CT — Pentagon officials via Fox News are stating that the Al Queda leader was killed one week ago in a US military bombing. DNA testing on the body is what was the delay in confirmation was for. No news if he was killed in Afghanistan or Pakistan.

UPDATE 22:10 CT — AP reports that he was killed in a compound in Islamabad, Pakistan.

UPDATE 22:28 CT — Reports on Fox News are saying that it was a covert US ground operation in Pakistan that took out Bin Laden and that’s how the body was retrieved for DNA testing.

What should this tell the rest of the world? Plain and simple. We.WILL.FIND.YOU!!!!!

UPDATE 22:35 CT — President is now commenting on the news.

UPDATE 10:00 5/2/2011 — Please continue to pray for those members of our military all across the globe, but especially those still in harms way in Pakistan and Afghanistan. As you can imagine, this is GOING to cause retaliation strikes by just about every extremist anti-American group in the region.

The Jawas & Bynars at the Deparment of Instant Karma’s Gonna Get You&#153, realizing it’s been over two years since they last earned any of their pay – and glancing warily over at the Sith Lord glaring at them with lightsaber in hand – have decided to chime in with this update on widdle Julia Ass-mange.

Leaked Swedish police documents on the Julian Assange sex cases raise key questions for both sides about the allegations. Was one of the WikiLeaks founder’s Swedish lovers asleep during intercourse? Did she consent to unprotected sex? Those answers will determine whether rape was committed under Swedish law.

[…]

In leaked police documents that emerged this week on the Internet, the Swedish woman accusing Assange of rape woke up as he was having sex with her, but let him continue even though she knew he wasn’t wearing a condom.

She says she insisted that Assange wear a condom when they had sex in her apartment in the Swedish city of Enkoping on Aug. 16, and that he reluctantly agreed. The incident labeled as rape happened the next morning, when the woman claims she was woken up by Assange having unprotected sex with her.

“She immediately asked: `Are you wearing anything?’ and he answered `You,'” according to a police summary of her deposition. “She said to him `You better don’t have HIV’ and he answered `Of course not.’ She felt it was too late. He was already inside her and she let him continue.”

Having sex with a sleeping person can be considered rape in Sweden, but the details in the leaked transcript could explain why different prosecutors have made different assessments of the incident.

Feel thou free to readeth the rest.

Now, we have to admit – if we’re to believe the Asphyxated Piss, this would appear to be somewhat exculpatory towards widdlw Miss Ass-mange.&#160 We just think it’s extremely funny that (s)he who would embarrass the governments of the world via the leaked document should now come to be embarrassed himself by the same.

(Not that widdle Julia would even have&#160 a sense of embarrassment, but still.)

Denizens, I realize youse guys get sick & tired of me ranting and raving all the rime…

KORRIOTH:&#160 NAWWW!!!

MERLIN:&#160 Y’think?!

K’HADIBAK’H:&#160 Whatever gave you that&#160 idea, m’lord?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Hush, you.

ALL:&#160

Anyway, I figured I’d give you guys some good news, just in case this had flown under your radar:&#160 Widdle Mikey Steele is out as GOP chairman.

Wisconsin Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus was elected chair of the Republican National Committee on Friday, defeating four other candidates — including incumbent Michael S. Steele — in seven rounds of voting.

Priebus never trailed in the voting, slowly building on his tally until he surpassed a majority of the 168 voting members.

Steele, the gaffe-prone former lieutenant governor of Maryland who was elected as chairman in January 2009, dropped out of contention after the fourth round of balloting.

Probably the best decision he made during his two years in office.

Don’t know much about Priebus – from what little I’ve read from him, Dan Riehl hates his guts – but he did oversee the defeat of Widdle Russie “Fifi” Feingold…and, even in this recent era of anti-Demoscum-incumbent sentiment, that’s no mean feat.

Time will tell if he’s any sort of improvement, or just a white Mikey Steele.&#160 But I’m willing to give him a chance, at least, on the hope that he’s not as incompetent as Steele.

Besides…he’s not Steele, and that has to count for something.&#160 Right?

Had to think about this comment off of one of Michelle’s threads (watch the video if you must – I have an RCOB&#153 over it, and I haven’t even seen it yet), but once figured it out…groan.

I remember reading in the Seattle PI (not to be confused with Magnum PI) a wedding announcement in the Sunday paper. There was a standard wedding announcement under a picture of the happy couple, with the last names under the picture. The picture said “Chan-Cezar Wedding.”

“Chan-Cezar, ’cause I wear a silly grin,
The moment you come in to view…..”

Hat tip to Johnny Mathis.

Thanks, he’ll be here all week, try the veal.

Denizens, I’m undertaking a long, convoluted project – something that, what with the advent of flash & external drives, I should’ve done a long time ago.

That’s right.&#160 I’m transferring all the stuff on all the floppy disks I’ve ever collected over to USB hardware.

A monumental task, to be sure – but one that will, hopefully, be of some benefit sometime down the road.

In so doing, however, I’ve come across something that I saved from back in the old BBS days that you might like to see again.

(Hat tip Glenn Joyner.)

If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will fall on the floor butter-side down. If a cat is dropped from a window or other high and towering place, it will land on its feet.

But what if you attach a buttered piece of bread, butter-side up to a cat’s back and toss them both out the window? Will the cat land on its feet? Or will the butter splat on the ground?

Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat can not smash its furry back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.

That’s right, you clever mortal (well, as clever as a mortal can get), you have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter, providing lift, or removing some of the cat’s limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships while within a planetary system. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred tabbies.

The one obvious danger is, of course, if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs they will instantly plummet. Of course the cats will land on their feet, but this usually doesn’t do them much good, since right after they make their graceful landing several tons of red-hot starship and pissed off aliens crash on top of them.

And now a few words on solving the problem of creating a ship using the aforementioned anti-gravity device.

One could power a ship by means of cats held in suspended animation (say, about -190 degrees Celsius) with buttered bread strapped to their backs, thus avoiding the possibility of collisions due to tempermental felines. More importantly, how do you steer, once the cats are all held in stasis?

I offer a modest proposal:

We all know that wearing a white shirt at an Italian restaurant is a guaranteed way to take a trip to the laudromat. Plaster the outside of your ship with white shirts. Place four nozzles symmetrically around the ship, which is, of course, saucer shaped. Fire tomato sauce out in proportion to the directions you want to go. The ship, drawn by the shirts, will automatically follow the sauce. If you use t-shirts, you won’t go as fast as you would by using, say, expensive dress shirts. This does not work as well in deep gravity wells, since the tomato sauce (now falling down a black hole, perhaps) will drag the ship with it, despite the counter force of the anti-gravity cat/butter machine. Your only hope at that point is to jettison enormous quantities of Tide.

This will create the well-known Gravitational Tidal Force.

Mheh.&#160

KORRIOTH:&#160 You find that amusing?&#160 How do you think my people first made it off of Qo’noS?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Well, yeah – given your aversion to spaghetti sauce & Tide&#169, I can see that…

Today’s blurb comes from the GrabBag&#153, courtesy of LC Rurik, who got it from one of his email friends via Australian Shooter Magazine&#160 this past week.

“If you consider that there has been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq Theater of operations during the past 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.

The firearm death rate in Washington, DC is 80.6 per 100,000 for the same period. That means you are about 25 per cent more likely to be shot and killed in the US capital, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the U.S., than you are in Iraq.

Conclusion: The U.S. should pull out of Washington.

Damned straight.

(Hat tip William Jacobson over at Legal Insurrection.)

Denizens, Shit-cago pols usually can count on the dead vote to put them over the top.

Dingy Harry Reid, unfortunately (for him), won’t have that option.

Chances are good you never met Charlotte McCourt during her 84 years, but I’m willing to bet you’ll be hearing about her in the coming days now that her obituary has taken Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to task. It’s the kind of small story that has the potential to ricochet like a bullet through the campaign showdown between incumbent Reid and Republican challenger Sharron Angle.

Not because McCourt, who died July 8 after a long illness, was a political player or business powerbroker, but precisely because she was neither of those things. She was a homemaker, proud mother and grand mother and wife of 67 years to Patrick McCourt.

And she was at one time a loyal supporter of Harry Reid.

Her obituary, printed in Tuesday’s Review-Journal, reads in part, “We believe that Mom would say she was mortified to have taken a large role in the election of Harry Reid to U.S. Congress. Let the record show Charlotte was displeased with his work. Please, in lieu of flowers, vote for another more worthy candidate.”

Ouch.

“Ouch” is right.&#160 Mheh.&#160

Item:&#160 A rat upstaged the Ayatollah Obambi the other day:

Obama had just begun an afternoon statement to reporters lauding the end of a Senate filibuster on his financial overhaul plan when some kind of rodent — opinions differ on which — dashed out of the bushes to his right, just outside the Oval Office.

[…]

In fact, this wasn’t the first time a rodent’s been spied in the White House, or even the Rose Garden.

Just last week, as camera crews set up for an Obama statement on the Gulf oil spill, what’s believed to have been the same rodent made a dash across the famous garden.

Item:&#160 A commenter in this thread, philometh, had the line of the day:

“…what’s believed to have been the same rodent made a dash across the famous garden.”

Give me a break. They can track the exact rodents but not find the illegals??

This would be so damned hellaciously funny…if it wasn’t true.&#160

(Hat tip to Michelle, of course.)

Item:&#160 A couple of weeks ago, the Mickey Mouse outfit known as ESPN was donning the kneepads for the Ayatollah as only they knew how – by having him participate in March Madness bracket-mania.&#160 (They even have a video of him doing it, if you have the stomach for it – I know I&#160 don’t.)

Perhaps they were swayed by the fact that he correctly guessed that North Carolina would win it all last year.&#160 (Really not much of a guess – if you&#160 were officiating games under the threat of The World’s Biggest College Hoops Pussy&#153, Tyler Hansbrough, pitching a fit everytime you called him for something, you’d give them a free pass, too.)

Item:&#160 Bambi’s proven to be just as inept at picking college hoops this year as he’s been recently at picking political candidates.&#160 Butler & W. Virginia made sure Saturday that his jugeared ass done got shut out.

President Barack Obama went 0 for 2 in the NCAA tournament Saturday when Kentucky and Kansas State lost in the regional finals, knocking out his two remaining picks for the Final Four.

In his ESPN.com bracket, Obama predicted that Kansas, Villanova, Kentucky and Kansas State would reach the Final Four. Kansas and Villanova were upset in the second round, then Kentucky and Kansas State went down Saturday.

All together now:&#160

Denizens, mark the date & time.

I have done it.&#160 I have accomplished what I would not have thought possible, and had – quite honestly – been told I’d never be able to do.

I have persuaded Mrs. Venomous to lunch with me at Hooters.

ALL SIX BILLION PEOPLE ON PLANET EARTH:&#160

Believe it.&#160 I have done crossed the effin’ Rubicon, biz-notches.

MERLIN:&#160 Uh, m’lord, I do not think that word means what you think it means.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Don’t give a shit.&#160 It sounds cool.

MERLIN:&#160 Yes, m’lord.

It would appear as if the Imperial Socialist Congress&#153 is poised to give FINGER.TXT to the American people.&#160 (And yes, I’m already experiencing an RCOB&#153 over it.)

Two good articles on possible responses thereto can be found here and here.

That’s your homework assignment for today.&#160 Go.&#160 Shoo.

Most of you are pretty well aware what I think of Whoreywood.&#160

Well, tonight’s their annual group circle-jerk (read:&#160 the Oscars), and Drudge (bless his Eddie Murrow heart) has done a masterful job in scoping out the definitive liveblog thereto.

Hie thee hence & partake.&#160 This ain’t just comedy gold – it’s comedy titanium.&#160 Goeth.&#160 Shooeth.&#160

[ED. NOTE:&#160 Because my post on the Crist brouhaha eclipsed the Vicar’s post before you guys even had a chance to see it, I’m bumping it to today so it can have its place in the sun.&#160 Cthulu knows that The Six Or Seven&#153 wouldn’t even know I had anything underneath the top post if I didn’t remind them of it from time to time.&#160 -DV]

This is one of those messages which get forwarded endlessly in email. The Story, however, long predates email, having been around at least since I was a kid. A friend recently sent it to me.

The message is timeless, and having just posted it to the Church blog, I thought I would also post it here.

Sermon without a word

A member of a certain church, who previously had been attending Services regularly, stopped going. After a few weeks, the preacher Decided to visit him.

It was a chilly evening. The preacher found the man at home alone, Sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his preachers Visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the Fireplace and waited.

The preacher made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave Silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning Logs. After some minutes, the preacher took the fire tongs, Carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one Side of the hearth all alone then he sat back in his chair, still Silent.

The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone Ember’s flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow And then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead. Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting.

The preacher Glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave He slowly Stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the  Middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the Light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the preacher reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear Running down his cheek, ‘Thank you so much for your visit and
Especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday.