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Okay, I’m not exactly “back” yet.&#160 But I promised an asshole a verbal bitch-slapping of gargantuan proportions, and by Cthulu, I’m gonna deliver it.

As you guys may know, I’m a semi-participant in a Dullest Moaning Snooze blog concerning the Texass stRangers.&#160 The woefully inept Rangers, I might add.

Part of the reason they’re so shitty is because they have no starting pitching to speak of.&#160 Part of the reason for that&#160 is because their half-assed excuse-for-a-general manager, Jon “In Over His Head” Daniels is, well, in over his head.&#160 So much so, in fact, that he traded his (at the time) best pitching prospect, a big, 6’10” stud of an arm, Chris Young, plus first baseman Adrian Gonzalez for oft-injured, not-all-that-great pitcher Adam Eaton, reliever Akinora Otsuka and a mess o’ pottage.

Eaton promptly hurt the same finger he’d hurt the previous year, had surgery, missed half the season, underwhelmed the Ranger faithful the half he did&#160 pitch, and subsequently signed a free-agent contract in Philadelphia, where he toils in relative obscurity with a 5.73 ERA.

Young, meanwhile, just dropped his&#160 ERA to 2.42 with a seven-inning, no-run masterful effort against Pittsburgh.

So here’s this asswipe named “Steven” (why, oh why do I have to share a name with this twit?) who’s kissing Jon Daniels’ ass so much that he’s now the proud owner of a friggin’ goatee, and he’s desperately trying to justify the Young-Eaton trade.&#160 He’s making the completely indefensible statement that he’d rather have Adam Eaton, with his six years or so of major-league experience and in a contract year, than Chris Young.&#160 Whereupon I went and looked up Eaton’s numbers from last year (it was&#160 a “contract year” for him, after all), and Young’s numbers were still&#160 better.

At this point, I’m warning the dumbass not to get into a fact-checking game with me, ’cause I’ll rip his ass every time.&#160 I am&#160 the Blogosphere, after all.&#160 &#160 The dickweed responded the only way the dickweed knew how – the patented ad hominem&#160 attack.&#160 I cautioned him against getting in a flame war with me, since…well, you guys know why, right?&#160

Of course, the mongoloid failed to heed the advice…

OOOOOOH Spats I really am afraid of getting in a flame war with you. You can do so much damage with your keystrokes [roll eyes]

You really don’t know with whom you’re messing, do you, fuckhead?&#160 I mean, I s’pose I could post this on the Rott and let upwards of 1100 people daily look at it and laugh their asses off at you, but I figure I just need to let The Six Or Seven That Still Read Me&#153 see just what a shit-for-brains you really are.

Its funny you actually think I prefer a 5.7 ERA to a 2.70 ERA. Thats funny. Its just what I needed when I woke up this afternoon.

Oh, great.&#160 Just what we need.&#160 Not only did he get all his “baseball knowledge” (a phrase he likes to throw around a lot) out of a box of CrackerJacks&#169 – now we find out our tax dollars are supporting him while he sleeps the day away in mommy’s basement, eating Cheesy Poofs&#153 and tossing to Pee Wee Herman.

Now, it would&#160 be a lot funnier – if you hadn’t actually said it.&#160 But here’s the money quote, from you, for all to see:

Please show me where I said I would take Adam Eaton THIS year over Chris Young. But I would take a healthy Eaton in a CONTRACT year over Young in a heartbeat.

He’s almost got me there, except for one minor detail:&#160 In Eaton’s “contract year” – last&#160 year – he had a 7-4 record with a whopping 5.12 ERA, while Young’s record/ERA was 11-5, 3.46.

It follows, therefore, that he must luuuuuuurve&#160 the comparison this year, where Eaton’s 5.73 is faaaaaar&#160 superior to Young’s 2.42.&#160 Isn’t that right, Steven, you dumbfuck?

But that isn’t even the funniest thing in your post.

No, the funniest&#160 thing is that I’ve shredded every argument you’ve ever made about this shitty trade, and you keep moving the goalposts and attempting to half-assed justify your position with “numb3rs” sites that supposedly&#160 back up your claim that Eaton’s a better pitcher.&#160 A claim which we all know by now is total bullshit.

But that won’t stop you, will it, Short Bus?

The fact that you call 26 year old ROOKIE pitcher a stud almost made me spew my cereal everywhere.

I do&#160 hope your mommy didn’t have too much trouble picking up all those Froot Loops&#169.&#160 Can be such&#160 a pain.

He was obviously such a stud that it took him until he was 26 to make it to the majors while playing in the EXPOS and RANGERS farm systems. The only reason it would take a stud pitcher until he was 26 to reach the majors is he was on a team with 5 future hall of fame pitchers already in the rotation and nobody got hurt. And I don’t think the Rangers have ever had a rotation with 5 future hall of famers in the last few years.

What Mr. “Baseball Knowledge” hasn’t stopped to consider is that:&#160 1) Young spent his 18th to his 22nd years at a place of which Widdle Stevie’s probably never heard – a college.

And while at that college – Princeton, if y’all must&#160 know – he starred in two sports:&#160 Baseball and basketball.&#160 And was so good at basketball, in fact, that the Sacramento “Sad Sack” Kings of the NBA once invited him to their training camp.&#160 Given that he wasn’t focusing on solely one sport, it follows that it took a little longer than usual to develop whatever skills he needed to succeed.&#160 And that he still&#160 made it to the majors in four years is nothing short of remarkable.&#160 Yeah, Widdle Stevie, you dumb shit – I’m calling him a stud, and that’s why.

Sucks to have yet another&#160 argument ripped to pieces by me, but that’s your problem – not mine.

I don’t think I ever said Eaton would be a sub 3.00 ERA pitcher did I? But as I have said if you truly believe Chris Young is a sub 3.00 ERA pitcher here in Arlington then your baseball knowledge is in serious doubt by myself.

Coming from an assclown who got his out of a box of Cracker Jacks&#169, this analysis of your doesn’t impress me very much.&#160 Perhaps if you spent as much time studying&#160 the game of baseball as you do kissing Jon Daniels’ ass…

Oh I would also really like to meet these people who were “sorry” for getting in a flame war with you

You can start by looking in the mirror, pussy.&#160 I just handed you your ass on a platter.

Again.

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2 responses to “What happens when “baseball knowledge” comes from a box of Cracker Jacks&#169…”

1. Supreme General Rayegun says:

   June 3, 2007 at 3:12 pm

   Spats, Spats, Spats…..there you go again thinking that this skull of mush actually understands the difference between reality and appearance. From his comments it is patently obvious he’s another Demoncrapper that believes appearance is of greater importance than reality.
   Which of course is the clear requisite for you to proceed along the course of action you have already taken upon. But don’t count on him learning anything.

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2. RobertHuntingdon says:

   June 13, 2007 at 5:34 pm

   I wish you had posted this on the Rotts, spats. Or crossposted it. It’s too funny to miss but I only drop by here every now and then… and I’m sure there are plenty of people over there who would have loved it.

   RH

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