Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 0:47
Awright, Denizens – front ‘n center, all youse guys.
With the official beginning of C’boys Trainin’ Camp™ down in
the land of Mr. & Mrs Desperate Slutski San Antonio, comes now the advent of our…
KORRIOTH:  What’s with this “our”, O Ye of the Smooth Forehead?
LSIK&T:  You want I should ram a painstick up that schnozz of yours, Bumpy?
KORRIOTH:  Promises, promises.
LSIK&T:  Oh, hush.  Go finish yer prune juice while I talk with the masses.
…uh, where was I?
Oh, yeah.  Of our favorite yearly diversion, the Perfect Football Weekend™.
As you know, the Perfect Football Weekend™, or PFW for short, is a weekly event whereby I track four or five of my favorite teams, from “hah skrewl” (a little Rush lingo, there) to the pros.  A PFW is scored when all of my teams win – or, in the case of some  teams (Turner Gill, call your office), at least manage to cover the spread.
In 2007, I will be tracking the following squads:
1.  The (Fort Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets.  Coach Duke Christian and my alma mater Yellow Jackets are coming off their third straight playoff one-and-done, and for some-odd reason, they’ve lost their stud do-it-all back, Donnell Dickerson.  Last year’s squad snuck into the playoffs despite an overall losing record.  Things don’t look much better this year.
2.  The Texas Christian University Horned Frogs.  Season six of the enigma that is the odyssey known as the Gary Patterson Era begins September 1st when Baylor returns the visit that the Froggies paid ’em last year.  Patterson’s crew is once again picked to win the Mountain West Conference – but then, they were picked last  year and went 0-for-Utah.  Considering that the TU Shortdicks are on the schedule this year, 9-3 doesn’t sound too terrible.
3.  The University of Oklahoma Sooners.  Bob Stoops still loves to win and hates to lose.  But he’s no longer the pompous ass this scribe took him for several years ago, so he’s again on my favorites list.  He’s having to replace two-thirds of his 2006 starting backfield, but Malcolm Kelly will return at WR, so that’s bound to help.  Look for a second-place finish in the Big 12 South.
4.  The Louisiana State University Tigers.  As long as Bo Pelini is still their defensive coordinator (as opposed to being Nebraska’s head coach, which is where he should be), this scribe will follow that team.  Geaux Tigers!!!
5.  The University of Buffalo Bulls.  Coach Turner Gill (with whom I went to school Back In The Day™) returns for his second season as UB head coach.  Buffalo went 1-10 last year, and didn’t much cover the spread in that many of ’em.
Hence, we change the rules a bit regarding the UBers:  A victory will be scored for the Bulls when they either win, or come within 14 points of the spread (which will be posted on PFW Fridays).  ‘Course, if they do as crappy this year, I’ll replace them with the Sisters of the Deaf, Halt & Blind.
6.  The Dallas Cowboys.  Wade Phillips (yeah, that’s Bum’s son) begins his tenure as Jerry Jones’ Greatest Thing Since Sliced Bread™.  Tony Romo is now starting for the ‘Boys, so there’ll be no further posts entitled “Starring Drew Bledsoe as Vinny Testeverde”.  I’m gonna go out on a limb and predict an 11-5 finish.  (However, as long as they go 4-0 against Phuckadelphia and the Warshington Foreskins, the final record could be 4-12 for all I give a shit.)
As usual, I must issue the disclaimer that I follow my  teams, and I don’t give a fat rat’s ass about yours.  That’s what the comments are for (talk as much smack about your fave teams as you want), and as long as the libtards are cordial, they’re invited to talk about their teams, too.
First preseason games are in about two weeks, so let’s everyone gear up for F’ball, You Bet™!!!
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