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The only way that one could describe 2007 would be that it was a fucked-up year.&#160 The Demoscum managed to lie their way back into control of Congress, causing this pajamajournalist to break out the words “Imperial Socialist” to put in front thereof once again – the first time the term had been used since Spatula City BBS! really was&#160 a BBS.&#160 Demoscum also lied their way back into Dallas local government, with Dallasites throwing a five-year-old’s temper-tantrum and voting in Donktard judges, a lesbo sherriff and a still-under-investigation district attorney.

The Imperial Socialist Congress immediately began attempts to lose the war in Iraq by trying several times to withhold funds from the troops – one of several moves that dropped its approval rating down to a record low level of nearly 10%.&#160 Their response was to reintroduce the illegal-alien shamnesty bill, which thankfully failed to make it to President Bush’s desk.&#160 Twice.&#160 (“Thankfully” because Bush, like the limpdick weasel RINO that he is, had indicated he would sign it, thus ruining any chance any Bush ever again has for obtaining the Presidency.&#160 Sorry, Jeb.)

Speaking of shamnesty, 2007 was the year Americans got fed up with the hordes of illegal aliens coming across the border and las federales’, shall we say, lackadaisical&#160 response to our chagrin.&#160 Hazelton, PA and Farmers Branch, TX drafted city ordinances to prohibit landlords from renting to illegals.&#160 Naturally, anti-American sons-of-bitch (hack, spit) lawyers&#160 (hack, spit) became involved and found judges black-robed, needle-dicked tyrants to overturn the will of the people.&#160 (IOW, Demoscum S.O.P.)

2007 was the year President Bush finally figured out that you can’t run a war with an insufficient number of troops, and signed off on what he called a “surge” (short for “sending in reinforcements”) which Demoscum promptly decried – because it promptly worked.

2007 was the year the 2008 Presidential race began.&#160 And sadly, that’s not a typo.&#160 I’m sick of hearing the names Edwards, Osama Obama, Clinton, Giuliani, Huckabee and Romney already.

2007 was the year Dallas sports, for the most part, sucked green donkey dick yet again.&#160 A fumbled field-goal snap cost the Cowboys a chance to play for the NFC championship (although, to their credit, they managed to play well enough in the fall to grab home-field for the 07-08 NFC playoffs).

The “Allas” Mavericks lost their “D” just in time to be ousted from the NBA playoffs by the San Transexual Rainbow Warriors, coached by former Mav coach Don Nelson – the first time a team with the best record in the NBA had ever been ousted by an eighth-seed in a seven-game playoff series.&#160 Crybaby Mav owner Mark Cuban wasted no time in filing a lawsuit against Nelson for running rings around his slow-assed team.

The Dallas Stars suffered yet another opening-round defeat in the Stanley Cup playoffs – their third in a row.&#160 In response, general manager Doug “Doogie Howser” Armstrong made few, if any, moves to shore up the team’s weaknesses, then berated the fan base for raising a protest about it.&#160 Fortunately, it cost him his job roughly 15 games into the regular season when the Stars played down to expectations.

The Texass stRangers sucked, as usual, and their way-in-over-his-head excuse-for-a-general manager continued to bleat about stocking up on pitching while trading away potential starting pitcher studs.&#160 This year it was lefty John Danks pre-season (granted, he got pitching back – when Brandon “Herky-Jerky McStringbean” McCarthy can stay off the disabled list, which isn’t often) and Edinson Volquez post-season for Cincinnati crackhead retread Josh Hamilton (if he’s all that and a bag of chips, why is he with his third franchise in two years?).&#160 Sadly for baseball fans in this area, it earned Daniels a contract extension, rather than a booting of his ass out the door.

Even the Dallas Desperados, favored to win the Arena Football League’s championship, choked in a first-round playoff game at home.&#160 (Rumors that the American Airlines Center is haunted were unsubstantiated at press time.)

2007 was the year Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts finally got off their collective schneid and won themselves a Super Bowl.&#160 2007 was also the year I was vindicated when I kept saying that the New England Pansies couldn’t win anything through legitimate means.&#160 They got caught spying on the NY J-E-T-S-JETSJETSJETS!!! and their defensive signals during a game.&#160 For which, they promptly received a slap on their limp wrists.&#160

2007 was the year San Antonio won another NBA championship; Mickey Mouse’s old hockey team, the Anaheim Ducks, hoisted the Stanley Cup; and the Boston Red Sox enjoyed their second World Series sweep in three years.

2007 was the year we lost (among others):&#160 Luciano Pavarotti, Evel Knievel, Norman Mailer, Beverly Sills, Robert Goulet, Kurt Vonnegut, Anna Nicole Smith, Ike Turner, Yvonne De Carlo and Deborah Kerr.

We also lost former Pakistani prime minister Benazir Bhutto, a personal favorite of this scribe.&#160 She was gunned down after a political rally by a Mooselimb son-of-a-bitch who then proceeded to blow himself up – the pigdick-sucking coward.

Personally, 2007 for me had its ups & downs – mostly downs.&#160 I managed to hang onto my job for another year, and am in fact now pulling in $50K annually, which is nice.&#160 And my weight pretty much stayed the same – which, while not being great, isn’t catastrophic.

However, yet another marriage crashed & burned – this one after only three months.&#160 Can’t talk much about it now, as proceedings are still in progress.&#160 But the Dockmistress and her daughter are in the Pegasus&#160 airlock for a reason, which I’ll be revealing later this year.

And finally – yes, you just knew I was gonna mention this, didn’t you? – yet another year passed where no one took me up on the infamous CSITMF&#153 challenge…least of all Mikey “Mykki Chickenshit” Cortese – whom, reports say, has taken down his little personal web site where he blew all the methane out of his shriveled-up piehole.

Breaks my heart.&#160

But, I digress.&#160 In 2008, the challenge for which I’m notorious throughout the ball-less left-o-sphere is going away.&#160 I’ve moved out of Lina St, and after seven some-odd years of daring people to put their money where their bullshit was and being stood up all those times (not to mention actually going to Florida once to meet someone and the pussy chickening out on me), I’ve decided that I’m bored with the whole schtick of that, and that it’s time to put it on the shelf.&#160 Pity – I was really hoping some leftard coward would take me up on it. (sigh)&#160 Oh, well.

Anyway, that’s one resolution, as it were.&#160 Here are some others I plan on undertaking (we’ll bypass the ones about losing weight and all – by now, those should go without saying):

1. Try to be more personable.&#160 I’m not exactly what you’d call a social butterfly, when I very well could be – the potential is there.&#160 Efforts will be undertaken this year to smile more, frown less.

2. Go to church more.&#160 This is something that always seems to get neglected, especially when I’m living by myself.&#160 IOW, it’s easy to go when a wife is dragging you along; in solo mode, not so much.&#160 I can afford to go a little more often – and I think Our Lord and Savior would probably appreciate the effort to come to His house.

3. Get a 401K established.&#160 I’m living paycheck-to-paycheck right now, and that’s pathetic on $50K annually.&#160 So we’ll see what we can do to get some savings built back up.

4. Continue other traditions.&#160 Such as being the only red-blooded American heterosexual male who is not impressed with either Pamela Anderson, Angelina Jolie, “Tila Tequila” (more on her in a subsequent post), Gwen Stefani, Pink or Eva Longoria.

And finally…

5. Continue to piss off liberals everywhere I go.&#160 You knew that&#160 one was coming, didn’t you?&#160

Most of all, I resolve to thank all of you once again for making this blog a part of your day.&#160 Without you guys, I’m doing nothing more than screaming into the wind.&#160 I’m most grateful for each one of you.&#160 Even if there really are only six or seven of you.&#160

Happy New Year 2008.&#160 Let’s go kick some leftist ass!&#160

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5 responses to “Year in Review 2007”

1. Alan K. Henderson says:

   January 6, 2008 at 12:01 am

   This is the first I’ve heard of Tila Tequila.

   There are red-blooded males who have the hots for Pink and Stefani? Pink is a run-of-the-mill GenX blonde, and Stefani is more artificial-looking than a plastic fern.

   I’m not easily impressed by actresses under the age of 40. The elegance and grandeur of the Good Old Days has long faded…

2. Anthony L. says:

   January 6, 2008 at 7:52 am

   New England PANSIES??!! They treated your Cowgirls like the bitches they are, as I recall. They will do so again, if necessary. Bring plenty ‘o popcorn!

3. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant says:

   January 6, 2008 at 8:27 am

   New England PANSIES??!!

   Oh, I’m&#160 sorry, Antoinette.&#160 I didn’t realize you identified with them so.

   I guess I should’ve called the the New England PUSSIES.

   They treated your Cowgirls like the bitches they are, as I recall.

   Yeah, it’s real easy to do when it’s eleven-on-eighteen, isn’t it, douchebag?&#160 Just like with the Ravens, just like with the Giants.

   Oh yeah – the Giants – that would be the New York Football Giants without&#160 Jeremy Shockey, with Plaxico Burress playing on basically one leg, with a crapola QB like Eli Manning, and you still&#160 just barely beat them by 3.

   They will do so again, if necessary. Bring plenty ‘o popcorn!

   How about your salary-cap-violating pussyboys try getting past Jacksonville first, fuckhead?&#160 Bring lots of zebras to stuff in your back pocket, Short Bus!

4. Anthony L. says:

   January 6, 2008 at 8:48 am

   We shall see, I suppose. I wish there were a way to place a friendly wager with you on the outcome. Dunno if I can count to 50 though;-)

5. Tennessee Budd says:

   January 7, 2008 at 12:42 pm

   I have never understood the fascination with Stefani. She has the build of an 11-year-old. Boy, that is. And a mouth that would make the shark from “Jaws” proud.
   Sorry to hear about the marriage. Happens, though. Still, we empathize.
   We’ll be here for your words of wit & wisdom, Spats.