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[Scene:  the engineering section of Pegasus, where main power is still offline, thanks to Ozymandias McCool's refusal to heed Merlin's warning about not trying to optimize the computer core while the computer was still in operation.  Captain Korrioth has joined Merlin at the computer station which exploded in Ozy's face, and is attempting to assist Merlin in bringing the panel back online.  Off to the side, a medic tends to Ozy, who has stirred and is now beginning to come around, though it appears he's suffered a concussion.

As we look in, the computer panel is not cooperating with either Korrioth or Merlin.]

MERLIN:  Check the T37 junction circuit.

KORRIOTH (tricorder in hand):  Confirmed…no, wait.  Looks like a microfracture in the optical filament.  See if you can bypass.

MERLIN:  (toggles three switches, then hits a button) Okay, try that.

KORRIOTH:  Better.  I think we may be ready to re-engage systems.  Give it a shot.

[Merlin rises and goes over to the dilithium chamber, flips a couple of switches, then hits the big switch on the breaker box.  The ship lurches for about half a second, but otherwise remains dark.]

MERLIN:  Damn!  Dammit!!!

KORRIOTH:  (several Klingon curses which can’t really be repeated in mixed company)

MERLIN:  That was supposed to at least restore main power!  What the fuck is wrong with this ship?

[The slightly-ajar Engineering doors part even further, and in walks His Rudeness, who doesn't look terribly happy.

LSIK&T:  Report!

KORRIOTH:  Main power still down, Admrial.  We believe we've successfully bypassed the blown junctions in the computer, but the ship still refuses to respond.

LSIK&T:  Awright, which panel was it that blew up on you, Merlin?

MERLIN:  (gulp) Right this way, m'Lord.

[Merlin guides Spats over to the spot where Ozy had been sitting.  The admiral begins to examine the panel.]

LSIK&T:  Hmmmmm.  Burned out T37 junction…scorch marks around the M5 toggle…what are these three switches doing toggled on…?

[A look of realization has crossed Lord Spatula's visage - he's seen this before.  He straightens, glances over at a still-groggy Ozy, then turns and faces Merlin with a very  angry, accusatory glare.]

LSIK&TI thought I gave you a direct order never to optimize this motherfucker while the ship was in motion?!

MERLIN (cringing visibly):  Your Eminence, I tried  to warn him, I…

[His Rudeness waves his hand towards Merlin.  Merlin goes flying backwards, his head hitting the same bulkhead that KO'd Ozy, and falls to the deck, motionless.

LSIK&T (growling):  I don't want to hear it.  Mr. Korrioth, how far have repairs proceeded?

KORRIOTH:  As Mr. Merlin told you, sir, we've bypassed all the circuits we believe were damaged, but the ship does not respond.  We were beginning another diagnostic when you walked in.

LSIK&T:  (smirking) Do you begin all your diagnostics with colorful Klingon invective, Kor?

KORRIOTH:  (grin)

[Spats turns back to the blown panel, flips three switches, hits a button to the side, waits three seconds, then slams his fist into the bulkhead above the blown panel.  Immediately the lights come back up and the ship's engines resume their normal hum.  Korrioth stares at His Rudeness in disbelief.]

LSIK&T:  Do a Level 2 diagnostic on the propulsion and tactical systesm and advise me as soon as you’re done so we can get back underway.

KORRIOTH:  Aye, sir.

LSIK&T:  And have Kevorkian over there haul McCool’s & Merlin’s shit-for-brains carcasses to sickbay.  And then once McCool’s back on his feet, he’s to spend 30 minutes in the Agony Booth™ having it drilled into his head that you don’t fuck with the computer core while the ship’s in flight.

KORRIOTH:  Admiral, we don’t have  an Agony Booth™.

LSIK&T:  Then build  one, you bumpy-headed dumbass!  I’m sick & tired of my ship getting disabled because my engineers have all the sense of the fuckwits I have Rayegun rule over out in the Outer Rim™, you hear?  Where the fuck did McCool come  from, anyway???

KORRIOTH:  Uh…he was a conscript from the Outer Rim™, sir.

LSIK&T:  See?  My point.  Now get your ass in gear, bumpy!~

[Korrioth winces, then turns and leaves Engineering to do His Rudeness' bidding.]

Okay, Denizens, the Big Box™ is back up and running, so it’s back to downloading naked jpegs pirating ’80s rock anthems reading the news and commenting thereupon.

Thatisall™.  Carry on. 



5 Comments to “More blog-housekeepingery”


  1. David Hartung — February 24, 2008 @ 10:48 pm

    As the General said, you should have contracted this one out to Vulcan. :)

  2. Supreme General Rayegun — February 25, 2008 @ 11:34 am

    Serves ya right Spats.

    At least I had the intelligence and foresight NOT to conscript or appoint any officer-types from this neck of the galaxy!!!!

    Mayhaps your recruitment section needs to spend some time in that Agony Booth as well.

    I do know where you can get RELIABLE crew members from, but that intelligence will cost you SEVERAL pretty credits. Sorry, I stopped banking on word of mouth back right after Ronaldus Magnamus departed from office, so I’ll have to pull a “Mudd” on ya Spats.

  3. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — February 25, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

    Sorry, I stopped banking on word of mouth back right after Ronaldus Magnamus departed from office, so I’ll have to pull a “Mudd” on ya Spats.

    You’re going to send me three babes hopped up on the Venus Drug™?

    Please?  (r,d&g)

  4. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — February 25, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

    Sorry, I stopped banking on word of mouth back right after Ronaldus Magnamus departed from office, so I’ll have to pull a “Mudd” on ya Spats.

    You’re going to send me three babes hopped up on the Venus Drug™?

    Please?  (r,d&g)

  5. Supreme General Rayegun — February 26, 2008 @ 11:23 am

    You’re going to send me three babes hopped up on the Venus Drug™?

    Please? (r,d&g)

    Careful what you wish for, cause they probably are more intelligent than Ozy & Kori (and probably could do a better Stan & Olly then those two could dream of)……

    R,D&G ain’t gonna get past one of my unmarked, black helicopters. Try again.



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