Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 21:27
[Scene: aboard the bridge of Pegasus. The turbolift doors open.
Two people emerge – Captain Korrioth and an unidentified figure wearing a hooded cloak. The hood conceals enough of the face so that we cannot readily identify the indivdual – but the person’s eyes are glowing.
Korrioth opens his mouth to issue the command to open a communications channel. He is abruptly cut off by the cloaked individual, speaking in a startlingly strong baritone voice.]
HOODED FIGURE: Communications, open a channel to the hostile vessel.
[Communications officer Ensign T-Bone McManx jumps at the voice, but is quick to recover and toggle the requisite switches on his console.]
T-BONE MCMANX: Uh…channel open, sir.
HOODED FIGURE: Shelliak vessel. Your obstinance has caused you to forfeit the opportunity to profit from our building needs. You will, therefore, surrender and escort us to your base of operations, where we will take possession of the materials and supplies we require to build our battleship.
[Pegasus’ speakers boom with what can only be interpreted as Shelliak laughter.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: You frighten us not, Lord Spatula. You are nothing but a puny human leading more puny humans and two scrawny Klingons who could break all your necks with one finger.
[Korrioth and tactical officer Lieutenant K’hadibak’h growl, very loudly. The hooded figure silences them both with a minimal gesture.]
HOODED FIGURE: You will surrender or I will destroy your vessel and proceed to your home planet with your wreckage in tow.
[More laughter from the Shelliak.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: We have scanned your vessel. Your weaponry is no match for our defensive systems. Do not deign to threaten us, puny human. The Shelliak will—
[The hooded figure raises his arms and stretches out his hands as if reaching for the Shelliak vessel. The Shelliak sneers at the individual.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: And what do you hope to accomplish with this futile gesture, puny…
[The Shelliak trails off as he begins to notice various indicators in front of him giving off most strange readings. His bridge crew has also noticed this phenomonon, and are beginning to look amongst themselves in extreme concern.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: …what? What is this? Overload? Where??!?! Shut it down, now!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN’T?!?!?! (to the hooded figure) HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS, HUMAN?!?!?!
[The mysterious figure says nothing, but keeps his arms & hands outstretched. Consoles on the Shelliak vessel are visibly beginning to show signs of severe stress; some are even shorting out, causing massive sparking. As the figure's arms begin to quiver uncontrollably, we begin to see explosions on the Shelliak vessel. The Shelliak commander is now extremely angry.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: Open fire on the enemy vessel!!!
OFFSCREEN VOICE: We cannot, Captain! Weapons controls are fused!!!
SHELLIAK CMDR: Intensify the forwards sheilds!!!
OFFSCREEN VOICE: Sheilds are down, sir! We can’t reestablish!!! We are defenseless!
[The Shelliak bridge is on fire now as more explosions rock the ship. The still-unknown figure is nearing a full-body seizure, but his hands remained outstretched towards the Shelliak vessel. The Shelliak commander is now in full-bore panic mode.]
SHELLIAK CMDR: WE SURRENDER!!!! We will give you anything you want, just spare our ship!!!! Plea—
[The explosions aboard the Shelliak vessel have become massive, and drown out the Shelliak’s remaining pleas. The figure’s arms shake wildly now, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth grinding on themselves in a fierce grimace. Pegasus loses the picture of the Shelliak bridge—]
KORRIOTH: Shields, NOW!!!!!
[Korrioth is just in time. An instant later, the Shelliak vessel explodes in a massive fireball, having lost its antimatter containment.
The hooded mystery man collapses to the floor. Korrioth rushes to his side.]
KORRIOTH: My lord! K’hadibak’h, assist!!!
[The two Klingons lift he who has single-handedly destroyed an entire Shelliak vessel simply by raising his arms, and ease him into the command chair.]
K’HADIBAK’H: My lord, are you alright?!
HOODED FIGURE (weaker than before, but still extremely forceful): I…will recover. You may return to your duties, Tactical.
KORRIOTH: Was it absolutely necessary to destroy the Shelliak, m’lord?
HOODED FIGURE (still speaking from under the hood): They defied us. They must learn that there is a price to be paid for defiance.
HOODED FIGURE: The galaxy must learn, my friend. It is one thing to decline business with us. But it is quite another to show disrespect to us. To me.
HOODED FIGURE: No “buts”. We are through playing Mr. Nice Guys of the Galaxy.
[The figure lifts the hood from his head, and is revealed to be Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant.
Or is it?
Certainly it is the face of His Rudeness. But this is a different Spatuls – the cordial, even jovial countenance of the admiral of the Realm fleet has been replaced with a grim, determined, dark – even angry – sneer. A visage with eyes that exude a violent purple glow – as if Our Hero had succumbed and surrendered his very soul to some sort of eeevil inner darkness…]
Spats, Korrioth & K’hadibak’h all turn to glare into the camera.]
LSIK&T: Would you please can the melodrama and just tell the damned story???
LSIK&T: Damn, give you a few lines and you wanna take over the whole effin’ script. Geeze!
[Okay, okay. I'll tone it down a little.]
LSIK&T: Thank you, sir. Korrioth, set course for the Shelliak homeworld, warp 8. Make sure you transmit footage of that last sequence to them and advise them that I’m not in a very good mood, mkay?
KORRIOTH: Right away, sir.
LSIK&T (rising): Now, I’ll be in my quarters.
LSIK&T: To down a keg of that peach tea Theragen derivative of yours. I told you these powers give me a huge honkin’ headache!
Denizens, we’re one step closer to completion of the IV project. Won’t be long now. Hang tight.
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