Welcome to the Realm™ - Version 5.0...
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[Scene:  aboard the bridge of Pegasus.  The turbolift doors open.

Two people emerge - Captain Korrioth and an unidentified figure wearing a hooded cloak.  The hood conceals enough of the face so that we cannot readily identify the indivdual - but the person's eyes are glowing.

In purple.

Korrioth opens his mouth to issue the command to open a communications channel.  He is abruptly cut off by the cloaked individual, speaking in a startlingly strong baritone voice.]

HOODED FIGURECommunications, open a channel to the hostile vessel.

[Communications officer Ensign T-Bone McManx jumps at the voice, but is quick to recover and toggle the requisite switches on his console.]

T-BONE MCMANX:  Uh…channel open, sir.

HOODED FIGUREShelliak vessel.  Your obstinance has caused you to forfeit the opportunity to profit from our building needs.  You will, therefore, surrender and escort us to your base of operations, where we will take possession of the materials and supplies we require to build our battleship.

[Pegasus'  speakers boom with what can only be interpreted as Shelliak laughter.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  You frighten us not, Lord Spatula.  You are nothing but a puny human leading more puny humans and two scrawny Klingons who could break all your necks with one finger.

[Korrioth and tactical officer Lieutenant K'hadibak'h growl, very loudly.  The hooded figure silences them both with a minimal gesture.]

HOODED FIGUREYou will surrender or I will destroy your vessel and proceed to your home planet with your wreckage in tow.

[More laughter from the Shelliak.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  We have scanned your vessel.  Your weaponry is no match for our defensive systems.  Do not deign to threaten us, puny human.  The Shelliak will—

[The hooded figure raises his arms and stretches out his hands as if reaching for the Shelliak vessel.  The Shelliak sneers at the individual.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  And what do you hope to accomplish with this futile gesture, puny…

[The Shelliak trails off as he begins to notice various indicators in front of him giving off most strange readings.  His bridge crew has also noticed this phenomonon, and are beginning to look amongst themselves in extreme concern.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  …what?  What is this?  Overload?  Where??!?! Shut it down, now!!!  WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU CAN’T?!?!?!  (to the hooded figure)  HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS, HUMAN?!?!?!

[The mysterious figure says nothing, but keeps his arms & hands outstretched.  Consoles on the Shelliak vessel are visibly beginning to show signs of severe stress; some are even shorting out, causing massive sparking.  As the figure's arms begin to quiver uncontrollably, we begin to see explosions on the Shelliak vessel.  The Shelliak commander is now extremely angry.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  Open fire on the enemy vessel!!!

OFFSCREEN VOICE:  We cannot, Captain!  Weapons controls are fused!!!

SHELLIAK CMDR:  Intensify the forwards sheilds!!!

OFFSCREEN VOICE:  Sheilds are down, sir!  We can’t reestablish!!!  We are defenseless!

[The Shelliak bridge is on fire now as more explosions rock the ship.  The still-unknown figure is nearing a full-body seizure, but his hands remained outstretched towards the Shelliak vessel.  The Shelliak commander is now in full-bore panic mode.]

SHELLIAK CMDR:  WE SURRENDER!!!!  We will give you anything you want, just spare our ship!!!!  Plea—

[The explosions aboard the Shelliak vessel have become massive, and drown out the Shelliak's remaining pleas.  The figure's arms shake wildly now, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth grinding on themselves in a fierce grimace.  Pegasus  loses the picture of the Shelliak bridge---]

KORRIOTH:  Shields, NOW!!!!!

[Korrioth is just in time.  An instant later, the Shelliak vessel explodes in a massive fireball, having lost its antimatter containment.

The hooded mystery man collapses to the floor.  Korrioth rushes to his side.]

KORRIOTH:  My lord!  K’hadibak’h, assist!!!

[The two Klingons lift he who has single-handedly destroyed an entire Shelliak vessel simply by raising his arms, and ease him into the command chair.]

K’HADIBAK’H:  My lord, are you alright?!

HOODED FIGURE (weaker than before, but still extremely forceful):  I…will recover.  You may return to your duties, Tactical.

KORRIOTH:  Was it absolutely necessary to destroy the Shelliak, m’lord?

HOODED FIGURE (still speaking from under the hood)They defied us.  They must learn that there is a price to be paid for defiance.

KORRIOTH:  Still…

HOODED FIGUREThe galaxy must learn, my friend.  It is one thing to decline business with us.  But it is quite another to show disrespect to us.  To me.

KORRIOTH:  But—

HOODED FIGURE:  No “buts”.  We are through playing Mr. Nice Guys of the Galaxy.

[The figure lifts the hood from his head, and is revealed to be Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant.

Or is it?

Certainly it is the face of His Rudeness™.  But this is a different Spatuls - the cordial, even jovial countenance of the admiral of the Realm™ fleet has been replaced with a grim, determined, dark - even angry - sneer.  A visage with eyes that exude a violent purple glow - as if Our Hero™ had succumbed and surrendered his very soul to some sort of eeevil  inner darkness...]

Spats, Korrioth & K’hadibak’h all turn to glare into the camera.]

LSIK&T:  Would you please  can the melodrama and just tell the damned story???

[Sorry.]

LSIK&T:  Damn, give you a few lines and you wanna take over the whole effin’ script.  Geeze!

[Okay, okay.  I'll tone it down a little.]

LSIK&T:  Thank you, sir.  Korrioth, set course for the Shelliak homeworld, warp 8.  Make sure you transmit footage of that last sequence to them and advise them that I’m not in a very good mood, mkay?

KORRIOTH:  Right away, sir.

LSIK&T (rising):  Now, I’ll be in my quarters.

KORRIOTH:  Sir…?

LSIK&T:  To down a keg of that peach tea Theragen derivative of yours.  I told  you these powers give me a huge honkin’ headache!

Denizens, we’re one step closer to completion of the IV project.  Won’t be long now.  Hang tight.



10 Comments to “IV update”


  1. Supreme General Rayegun — July 21, 2008 @ 4:03 pm

    purple glow

    ??????

    And you say I live on the “Outer Rim”…..

    If you’d like I can introduce you to my friends the Ori and the Replicators. Or hey, there’s my long lost buds……Species 579.

    Yes, that’s my subtle way of saying the battlecruiser is needing a retrofit. Soon.

  2. david Hartung — July 21, 2008 @ 6:23 pm

    Lay off the Romulan Ale and your eyes won’t glow! ;)

  3. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — July 21, 2008 @ 6:35 pm

    Ah, but they would, my friend.

    We’re only a few short weeks away from launching another season of Perfect Football Weekends™, after all. Rah Rah, TCU!!! :-)

  4. David Hartung — July 21, 2008 @ 6:55 pm

    Perfect Football Weekends?

    Spats, hasn’t anyone ever told you that Football rots the brain?

    Besides, I know the truth! The only reason you watch football is for the cheerleaders! :)

  5. Supreme General Rayegun — July 21, 2008 @ 8:39 pm

    Hey David, you think Spats has the “NFL Channel” to watch replays of the games?? Heck no, he’s DVR-ing all of the pro football cheerleader reality shows!!!!

    Speaking of which…. I think there’s one on tonight after I get done watching “Batman Tech” on the History Channel.

    Cheerleaders…..if only.

  6. David Hartung — July 23, 2008 @ 4:42 am

    Spats, I have a question. What takes priority, Football game, cheerleader reality show, or Batman Tech?

  7. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — July 23, 2008 @ 6:05 am

    Depends.  Is it Adam West as Batman?

    And if so, is there an appearance by Julie Newmar as Catwoman? (grin)

  8. David Hartung — July 23, 2008 @ 7:39 pm

    You are too young to remember Adam West as Batman.

    I was speaking of the History channel show about the latest Batman movie.

    The new Batmobile is awesome.

  9. Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant — July 23, 2008 @ 8:17 pm

    I appreciate the compliment – damn, do I ever appreciate it (grin) – but no, I’m not that young anymore. :-)

    I imagine the new one is pretty special.  I just wouldn’t know – I’ve never even seen one of any of the movies all the way through.

  10. David Hartung — July 24, 2008 @ 8:27 pm

    Can you imagine the preacher showing up at the church in this?

    http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/batmobile.htm



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