Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 10:39
[SCENE: In His Rudeness’ quarters. Pegasus is en route to the Shelliak homeworld, having destroyed its flagship without firing a shot. Captain Korrioth, on orders from Lord Spatula, has dutifully transmitted footage of the “battle” to the Shelliak, along with a pointed message that they were not happy campers.
Spats, having downed the aforementioned keg of peach-tea-flavored Theragen derivative, is now attempting to rest before the next encounter. A chime, the location of which Our Hero cannot place, is insisting on his attention.
Spats sits up in bed, palms trying unsuccessfully to push back the throbbing migraine-like pain shooting out of his eye sockets.]
LSIK&T: I don’t suppose you have any Generic Acetominiphen-Based Pain Reliever Food Substitute over there, do you, Allan-a-Dale?
[I hate it when he calls me that.]
LSIK&T: I know. That’s why I do it.
[Sorry, m'lord, no. McCool took the last six I had - something about too much Romulan ale again.]
LSIK&T: That does it; I’m getting me a sober Chief Engineer. [The chime sounds again.] WHAT?!?!?!?!?
[A holographic figure rises from the floor. As Spats was earlier, this figure is also wearing a hooded cloak.]
HOODED FIGURE: You have done well, my you…my middle-aged padawan.
[Spats squints at the figure with one half-open eye.]
LSIK&T: Aren’t you dead?
HOODED FIGURE: What I am or am not is not important. What is important—
LSIK&T: And I’m not your padawan, either! You never gave me any formal Sith training, Palpy, remember? I learned at the hand of Darth Mortis, if you’ll recall.
HOODED FIGURE: You will properly address me as ‘Master’, my apprentice.
LSIK&T: You’re lucky I’m only calling you Palpy, and I said I’m not your padawan!
HOODED FIGURE: But you have used your Sith talents again. I felt the disturbance in the Force. It is why I am here – to start you back on your training.
LSIK&T: Well, to paraphrase a little green mutual acquaintance of ours, I need no further training. Already know all I’m going to need.
HOODED FIGURE: You know nothing of the Dark Side of the Force, padawan. You still require much training to become truly powerful.
LSIK&T: I already am truly powerful. I’m alive, have my powers and rule my own little part of the galaxy.
[Spats raises an eyebrow at the hooded hologram]
LSIK&T: Which is more than I can say for you as of late.
[A look of extreme rage crosses the hooded one's face and he raises his arms and reaches out towards His Rudeness.]
LSIK&T (quickly): But if it’ll make you happy – and get you out of my hair – I suppose I can go by my Sith name a little more often. Satisfied?
HOODED FIGURE: It is your name as chosen by the Sith Brotherhood. You are required to identify yourself by that name.
LSIK&T: You forget, Palpy – I’m a free man. The Sith long ago demonstrated they did not need me – nor I them, for that matter.
[At that moment, the migraine decides to remind Our Hero just why he's in his quarters in the first place. Spats winces noticeably.]
LSIK&T: Nor do I need you RightAboutNow. Off with you, before I scramble yer molecules.
HOODED FIGURE: This is not yet over, my padawan. You will address me as “Master” eventually. I have foreseen it.
LSIK&T: Yeah, yeah, just like you foresaw Endor. Now git!!!
[The image fades from view. It is replaced by the ship's intercom.]
KORRIOTH (over speaker): Bridge to the Admiral. We are within visual range of the Shelliak homeworld. They have sent another “welcoming committee”; you may wish to see this.
LSIK&T (under breath): Aw, shit. (towards speaker) Very well, Captain. I’m on my way.
(To be continued…)
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