Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

[Scene:&#160 the bridge of Pegasus.&#160 Communications officer T-Bone McManx has just handed Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant a communiqu&#233 from Realm&#153 Command, and is scurrying out of the way as fast as his legs will carry him – he knows what’s coming.

Our Hero&#153, still wearing the hood of his cloak, takes the communiqu&#233 and studies it intently for about 15 seconds.&#160 The eyes begin to glow purple again.]

LSIK&T:&#160 Captain.

[Captain Korrioth, who has been attempting to locate the Shelliak shipyard HQ, jumps slightly.]

KORRIOTH:&#160 M’lord?

[His Rudeness gestures.&#160 Korrioth goes flying across the bridge and crashes hard into the bulkhead.]

LSIK&T:&#160 They found your bat’leth.

This horrifying five-foot weapon has been recovered by police during a knife amnesty.

The three-handled sword with a blade at either end, designed to be swung like a paddle, shocked officers who took custody of it.

KORRIOTH (shaking away the cobwebs):&#160 It is not&#160 a “paddle”!&#160 What, do those p’tahkmey&#160 think you can play ping-pong&#160 with it?

LSIK&T:&#160 Oh, it gets better, Captain.

A spokesman for police in Gloucester, where it was surrendered, said: “It is a particularly nasty weapon that can, literally, take someone’s head off. We are very glad it is off the streets and we want more weapons handed in.”

KORRIOTH:&#160 I will be pleased&#160 to give them my mek’leth&#160 in exchange – point first.

LSIK&T:&#160 Easy, my friend.&#160 They’re already scared shitless of your pride & joy as it is.

The blade is believed to be a stainless-steel copy of a Klingon weapon used in the science fiction series Star Trek.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Believed&#160 to be?&#160 Do these morons not watch our chronicles?

LSIK&T:&#160 Apparently not.&#160 They appear to be too busy pussifying the general populace.

“It’s an extremely dangerous weapon,” said a martial arts expert last night.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Damn straight it is.&#160 Particularly in the hands of untrained amateurs.

LSIK&T:&#160 When we return after this conquest, you can…educate&#160 them.

KORRIOTH:&#160 You are most magnanimous, m’liege.

LSIK&T:&#160 Just don’t lose it again, okay?&#160 That’ll be thanks enough for me.

KORRIOTH (relieved that the resonance has left Spats’ voice):&#160 Mheh.

(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess.)

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