Yes, Denizens - I know it's Cafe Press. Yes, I know that they're a liberal-owned company. Yes, I'm aware that the quality of their garments may not be quite as good as ThoseShirts.com.
But unlike ThoseShirts.com, Cafe Press ACTUALLY ANSWERS THE EMAIL I SEND THEM!!!!
Got clue, ThoseShirts???
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Hmmm, what am I getting this year, Dad?
Thank you, Algore.
(snicker)
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[SCENE: In orbit above the Shelliak home world, Pegasus sits quietly, as the admiral and his XO, Korrioth, prepare to beam down to discuss business with the Shelliak.
From the surface, a large torpedo-like ball of energy flies toward, and hits, the ship, encasing it in an aurora borealis of coronal discharge and knocking it out of orbit, crippling several ship's systems in the process.
On the bridge, bodies go flying - including that of Our Hero™, who was not prepared and could not brace himself in time.
Fast forward fifteen minutes later. The bridge is still a mess, but at least some systems have been restored. The Admiral, still in his hooded cloak, is on the intercom to Engineering.]
THE ADMIRAL: Good work, Ozy. Soon as you have power up, work on bringing the particle disruptors online.
[As main power kicks in and the bridge lights come up, all heads snap around to face the Admiral. Shocked visages are on the faces of the bridge crew. Even Captain Korrioth, though his jaw is the only one not on the deck, might be mistaken for Gowron at the moment.]
OZY MCCOOL (over speaker): Uh…confirm that last order, m’lord?
[A snarl crosses the Admiral's countenance. The eyes again glow purple.]
THE ADMIRAL: You heard the order, Commander. Now.
OZY MCCOOL: (ulp) Uh…aye, sir.
KORRIOTH: Admiral, surely…
THE ADMIRAL: Station, Captain.
[Korrioth visibly swallows hard himself.]
KORRIOTH: Yes, my lord.
THE ADMIRAL: Helm, bring us within range. Lock disruptors on the planet. Their strongest power source, if you can find it.
K’HADIBAK’H (knowing better than to argue): Yes, Admiral.
[Touching the appropriate controls, K'hadibak'h moves Pegasus 20,000 kellicams from the planet, while simultaneously establishing disruptor lock. The speakers chirp from the command console, and Ozy's voice comes across.]
OZY MCCOOL: Engineering to Bridge. Particle disruptors online and ready.
THE ADMIRAL: Thank you, Commander. (to K’hadibak’h) Full power, tactical. And…fire.
[Cut to external view. Four particle beams emanating from Pegasus' wings converge on a point 50 meters ahead of the ship's bow, then are joined by one larger beam from the ship's nose.
The unified beam then, after a second's pause, shoots toward the Shelliak homeworld. The planet is vaporized on impact, the shockwave sending Pegasus backwards several hundred thousand kellicams.
As Pegasus drifts, sheer silence reigns on the bridge for two solid minutes. The Admiral's eyes have ceased glowing - for now. But on his face, a look of intense pain has temporarily replaced the scowl, the result of a severe migraine headache.
Korrioth is the first to break the silence.]
KORRIOTH: Orders, my lord?
[The Admiral considers for a moment, then stands and turns for the bridge doors.]
THE ADMIRAL: Yes. I’ll be in my quarters with that Theragen concoction of yours. Contact our shipmaster and advise him that the…negotiations…with the Shelliak were a failure. Let him know that the materials he requires will be coming from elsewhere.
KORRIOTH: Aye, sir.
THE ADMIRAL: Then set course for Nossican territory and contact their government. Advise them of our needs and that we’ll pay a fair price. And send them footage of our Shelliak “negotiations”.
KORRIOTH (swallowing hard again): Yes, my lord. Anything else?
[The Admiral turns and freezes Korrioth with the hardest look the Klingon/Vulcan hybrid has ever seen.]
THE ADMIRAL: Yes. Make sure they know that they will be dealing directly…
[As he speaks, the Admiral's eyes are once again ablaze in purple.]
THE ADMIRAL: …with Lord Darth Venomous himself.
[The Admiral dons the hood and stalks out.]
…
Okay, Denizens, the Big Box™ is back up. Ranting shall now continue, unabated.
4 Comments to “A turn to the dark side”
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You need to login, m'liege.
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- This blog is best viewed with your eyes.
- It helps, though, if you have Microsoft Internet Explorer
set about 1024x7681280x1024 with your Favorites windowactivated on the leftdeactivated. (At least until I can get a better handle on how WordPress works.)
(KORRIOTH: Oh, great. More wormholes.)
Mozilla Firefox doesn't do too badly, either; in fact, it's His Rudeness' browser of choice. -
You can use
Nutscrape,
if you so desire - but why in blazes would you want to use a browser from a company that had to hide behind Janet El Reño's skirt to be successful?
And don't even get me started on Opera or Chrome. I'm not about to trust any browser that won't let me change its color scheme.
OK, so why was this classified under illegal aliens…
RH
Shouldn’t have been. Just fixed it.
umm Robert, last time I checked….what’s left of the Shelliak empire (which ain’t much after that blast) would be considered “alien” and methinks the Pegasus has standing orders to consider a living Shelliak as “illegal” and therefore subject to immediate and ruthless adjudication.
Would that not be correct, Admiral?
Well, for now they can keep Tau Cygna V.
But only until I get pissed off at ‘em again.