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[SCENE:&#160 The Office of Realm&#153 Intelligence.]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 You do&#160 realize that’s an oxymoron, right?

[Yeah, I know.&#160 ‘S the way he wants it written, so… ]

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 (shrug)

[At the desk, a slimy-looking little fellow has his feet propped on the deak and is looking at Asian hooker Web sites on his computer screen.]

T-BONE MCMANX:&#160 Don’t let Mrs.&#160 Venomous know that.&#160 She’ll kill him.

MERLIN:&#160 McWhorter or His Rudeness?

OZY MCCOOL:&#160 Both, if hanging around her this first month is any indication.

[The doors slide open, and in walk Lord Darth Venomous and his executive officer, Captain Korrioth.&#160 McWhorter, the slimy little greaseball in charge of Realm&#153 Intelligence, scrambles to sit up and come to attention.]

MCWHORTER:&#160 My lord, uh, Your Worshipfulness…uhh…

[In one smooth motion, Venomous strides to the side of McWhorter’s desk, calls his lightsaber to his hand through the Force, activates it, and neatly beheads McWhorter.]

VENOMOUS:&#160 You have failed me for the last time, Commander.

[Uh, m’liege…?]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Yes, Minstrel?

[What did he do?]

VENOMOUS:&#160 Oh, I didn’t tell you.&#160 Sorry.&#160 He failed to inform me that UBeefalo played the other night.

[Ah.]

Anyway we’ll talk about that later.&#160 Now that Turner and the boys have officially blown the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, time to talk about the rest of the games.&#160 My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will play Dunbar tonight for the 4A-7 district championship and the right to go one-and-done as the number one seed therefrom.&#160 Heights seems to have kicked it up a notch from earlier this year, so I’ll pick them to win.

Saturday afternoon, the fourth-ranked (USA Today) Texas Christian Horned Frogs will be in sunny San Diego for a game against the San Diego State Aztecs.&#160 Two years ago, the Azz jumped out to a 17-0 first-quarter lead against the Froggies, and TCU will need to avoid a simiar fate in order to win Saturday.&#160 Vegas has Gary Petterson’s boys as 25-point road favorites.&#160 Wish I&#160 had that much confidence.

Despite UBeefalo’s ineptitude, this wouldn’t have been a PFW anyway, for the simple fact that two of my teams are playing each other this weekend.&#160 Bob Stoopes will take his 20th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners into Lincoln, Nebraska to play former defensive coordinator Bo Pelini’s Cornhuskers.&#160 Vegas has the Sooners as five-point road favorites.&#160 Sounds about right.

Sunday evening will find the Dallas C’boys on the road in Phuckadelphia, Pennsylvania to take on Donna McNabb, The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History of Ever, Ever&#153 and the Phuckadelphia Beagles.&#160 Dallas is playing better of late, so it’ll be interesting to see if that’s talent, or perhaps just the advantage of the schedule.

We’re back Monday with the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Bucky is a 10&#156-point favorite at Indiana, and my question for HDD is:&#160 Indiana’s not that good…are they?&#160 (Oh, and thanks for the heads-up on UBeefalo.&#160 Want a job in Realm&#153 Intelligence?)


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One response to “PFW:&#160 Realm&#153 Intelligence finally pays”

  1. HDD says:

    Indiana isn’t that good. They’re also not that bad. BUT, they’re playing at home against a better-than-expected-but-still-not-great Badger team. A team really has to stink the joint out on a week-to-week basis to be much over a 10 point ‘dog at home. Seriously. Vegas doesn’t like laying double digits to ANY team, unless they really, REALLY have to. And the Badger Faithful are a loyal bunch, and they like to bet, and they’re crawling all over Vegas right now, due to the imminent onset of winter. So, in order to counteract the ridiculous amount of money the Badger Faithful are putting down on Bucky, Vegas has to bump the line towards insanity to get the desired 50% on each side. (The line isn’t really about who Vegas thinks will win. The line is set to get as close to a 50/50 split on betting. The casinos take the loser’s money and hand it to the winners, and take out their vig (10% of each bet). So, rabid, loyal, present fan base can shift the line to insane levels, just because they’ll lay money on their team, no matter how insane the line gets. That’s why you never bet on the Badgers when they’re a 20 or more point favorite. The line was jacked up by the fans, not by the casinos. It’s been a dirty little secret of Vegas for a little over 10 years. Badger fans bump the line up an extra 2 or 3 points.)

    *kicks the rolling about head* Um, I think I’ll pass on the Realm Intelligence post. The severance package isn’t to my liking.

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