[SCENE:  The Office of Realm™ Intelligence.]
OZY MCCOOL:  You do  realize that’s an oxymoron, right?
[Yeah, I know.  ‘S the way he wants it written, so… ]
OZY MCCOOL:  (shrug)
[At the desk, a slimy-looking little fellow has his feet propped on the deak and is looking at Asian hooker Web sites on his computer screen.]
T-BONE MCMANX:  Don’t let Mrs.  Venomous know that.  She’ll kill him.
MERLIN:  McWhorter or His Rudeness?
OZY MCCOOL:  Both, if hanging around her this first month is any indication.
[The doors slide open, and in walk Lord Darth Venomous and his executive officer, Captain Korrioth.  McWhorter, the slimy little greaseball in charge of Realm™ Intelligence, scrambles to sit up and come to attention.]
MCWHORTER:  My lord, uh, Your Worshipfulness…uhh…
[In one smooth motion, Venomous strides to the side of McWhorter’s desk, calls his lightsaber to his hand through the Force, activates it, and neatly beheads McWhorter.]
VENOMOUS:  You have failed me for the last time, Commander.
[Uh, m’liege…?]
VENOMOUS:  Yes, Minstrel?
[What did he do?]
VENOMOUS:  Oh, I didn’t tell you.  Sorry.  He failed to inform me that UBeefalo played the other night.
[Ah.]
Anyway we’ll talk about that later.  Now that Turner and the boys have officially blown the Perfect Football Weekend™, time to talk about the rest of the games.  My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets will play Dunbar tonight for the 4A-7 district championship and the right to go one-and-done as the number one seed therefrom.  Heights seems to have kicked it up a notch from earlier this year, so I’ll pick them to win.
Saturday afternoon, the fourth-ranked (USA Today) Texas Christian Horned Frogs will be in sunny San Diego for a game against the San Diego State Aztecs.  Two years ago, the Azz jumped out to a 17-0 first-quarter lead against the Froggies, and TCU will need to avoid a simiar fate in order to win Saturday.  Vegas has Gary Petterson’s boys as 25-point road favorites.  Wish I  had that much confidence.
Despite UBeefalo’s ineptitude, this wouldn’t have been a PFW anyway, for the simple fact that two of my teams are playing each other this weekend.  Bob Stoopes will take his 20th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners into Lincoln, Nebraska to play former defensive coordinator Bo Pelini’s Cornhuskers.  Vegas has the Sooners as five-point road favorites.  Sounds about right.
Sunday evening will find the Dallas C’boys on the road in Phuckadelphia, Pennsylvania to take on Donna McNabb, The World’s Greatest Quarterback Ever In The History of Ever, Ever™ and the Phuckadelphia Beagles.  Dallas is playing better of late, so it’ll be interesting to see if that’s talent, or perhaps just the advantage of the schedule.
We’re back Monday with the recap.  In the meantime, Bucky is a 10œ-point favorite at Indiana, and my question for HDD is:  Indiana’s not that good…are they?  (Oh, and thanks for the heads-up on UBeefalo.  Want a job in Realm™ Intelligence?)
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One response to “PFW:  Realm™ Intelligence finally pays”
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Indiana isn’t that good. They’re also not that bad. BUT, they’re playing at home against a better-than-expected-but-still-not-great Badger team. A team really has to stink the joint out on a week-to-week basis to be much over a 10 point ‘dog at home. Seriously. Vegas doesn’t like laying double digits to ANY team, unless they really, REALLY have to. And the Badger Faithful are a loyal bunch, and they like to bet, and they’re crawling all over Vegas right now, due to the imminent onset of winter. So, in order to counteract the ridiculous amount of money the Badger Faithful are putting down on Bucky, Vegas has to bump the line towards insanity to get the desired 50% on each side. (The line isn’t really about who Vegas thinks will win. The line is set to get as close to a 50/50 split on betting. The casinos take the loser’s money and hand it to the winners, and take out their vig (10% of each bet). So, rabid, loyal, present fan base can shift the line to insane levels, just because they’ll lay money on their team, no matter how insane the line gets. That’s why you never bet on the Badgers when they’re a 20 or more point favorite. The line was jacked up by the fans, not by the casinos. It’s been a dirty little secret of Vegas for a little over 10 years. Badger fans bump the line up an extra 2 or 3 points.)
*kicks the rolling about head* Um, I think I’ll pass on the Realm Intelligence post. The severance package isn’t to my liking.