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The Department of Man Bites Dog has delivered unto us a heart-rending story of late-night talk-show host David Letterman and a restraining order.

Okay, so you figure he’s having to take out another one over yet another stalker.  Not unusual, given the fool woman who was convinced that she was his wife a few years back.

Uh, not quite.  This time, it’s being served on him.

Lawyers for David Letterman want a judge to quash a restraining order granted to a Santa Fe woman who contends the CBS late-night host used code words to show he wanted to marry her and train her as his co-host.

A state judge granted a temporary restraining order to Colleen Nestler, who alleged in a request filed last Thursday that Letterman has forced her to go bankrupt and caused her “mental cruelty” and “sleep deprivation” since May 1994.

Nestler requested that Letterman, who tapes his show in New York, stay at least 3 yards away and not “think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering.”

And a tinfoil hat.  Good Gawd™, woman, by all means  don’t forget the tinfoil hat. (snicker)

Lawyers for Letterman, in a motion filed Tuesday, contend the order is without merit and asked state District Judge Daniel Sanchez to quash it.

“Celebrities deserve protection of their reputation and legal rights when the occasional fan becomes dangerous or deluded,” Albuquerque lawyer Pat Rogers wrote in the motion.

Dave, ol’ boy – if you have the kind of money to blow on attorneys to defend you against a request you’d happily honor anyway…got $20,000 or $30,000 I can borrow?

Nestler told The Associated Press by telephone Wednesday that she had no comment pending her request for a permanent restraining order “and I pray to God I get it.”

Wanna get one against me too, bimbo?  ‘Cause I’m not only thinking about you – I’m laughing my ass off at you.

Sanchez set a Jan. 12 hearing on the permanent order.

Letterman’s longtime Los Angeles lawyer, Jim Jackoway, said Nestler’s claims were “obviously absurd and frivolous.”

“This constitutes an unfortunate abuse of the judicial process,” he said.

Apparently not to yet another dumb shit in a black robe named Sanchez.  Hopefully, this is one of those tin-horned types that has to stand for re-election every couple of years.  I’d love to see his opponent point out this waste of taxpayer dollars to the people.

Nestler’s application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and “eye expressions” to convey his desires for her.

Gee, I wonder how she ever handled “Uma – Oprah.  Oprah – Uma.”

She wrote that she began sending Letterman “thoughts of love” after his “Late Show” began in 1993, and that he responded in code words and gestures, asking her to come East.

And, as we all know, men go positively apeshit when a heretofore-unknown telepath begins sending us “thoughts of love”. (chortle)

She said he asked her to be his wife during a televised “teaser” for his show by saying, “Marry me, Oprah.” Her letter said Oprah was the first of many code names for her and that the coded vocabulary increased and changed with time.

Hmm.  One wonders what he might have been suggesting with “Stupid Pet Tricks”.

Her letter does not say why she recently sought a restraining order.

I don’t suppose it ever occurred to anyone that maybe she’s a couple cold ones short of a six-pack?

Rogers’ motion to quash the order contends the court lacks jurisdiction over Letterman, that Nestler never served him with restraining order papers, and that she didn’t meet other procedural requirements.

Such as having a coherent basis for the complaint, or even a lick of common sense.

Your tax dollars at work, ladies & gentlemen…

1 Comment to “And now for something completely different…”

  1. Alan K. Henderson — December 22, 2005 @ 11:40 pm

    If I were Letterman, on my next broadcast I’d be blinking my eyes in Morse code to spell the word “MOONBAT.”

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