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Denizens, it was only a matter of time.&#160 A matter of time until the spammers and mugus&#160 of Nigeria got hold of my email and began to spam it like crazy, despite my best efforts.

So, in honor (?) thereof, it’s now time to rip one of these mugus&#160 a new one…

Dear Sir/Madam,

Stopped clocks twice a day, pigs & acorns/truffles, etc…

Greetings to you in the name of Allah.

Steel-toed boots up your ugly ass in the name of Cthulu.

This mail might come to you as a surprise

A surprise?&#160 No, fuckwit – the surprise is that it took some shit-for-brains pissweasel this long to sell you my address. (The guess from here is that it was the Rev. Chickenshit or one of his offshore honeyboys minions – maybe Dick Job or Dr. Pimple.)

and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind

Whaddaya mean “could”, moron?&#160 It was regarded as “unserious” three years before you wrote it!!!

but please, consider it a divine wish

I’d watch it with those delusions of godhood you have there, Chuckles.&#160 You might start with delusions of inadequacy and go from there.

and accept it with a deep sense of humility.

Obviously this assclown doesn’t know to whom he’s speaking. (snicker)

My name is Khoren Pnjoyan, I was a merchant and owned Dubai Corporation a construction company in Dubai

This was, of course, in addition to his being the ” Personal/ Corporate Legal Adviser to Mikhail Khodorkovsky the richest man in Russia and owner of the following companies: Chairman CEO: YUKOS OIL (Russian Largest Oil Company) Chairman CEO: Menatep SBP Bank (A well reputable financial institution with its branches all over the world)” and Maitreya only knows what else.&#160 Guy seems to have a lot of time on his hands, doesn’t he?

I was also happily married with two lovely children to a beautiful American woman

Actually, I think I might have gone to school with her.&#160 Wouldn’t you know it – we all thought&#160 she was marrying a loser; turns out we were right, doesn’t it?

who died alongside my beautiful daughters in World Trade Centre in the 9/11 terrorist attack were she owned lots of flourishing Businesses.

Oh, then I can’t help you.&#160 See, according to your fellow Mooselimbs, it was the Joooooooooooooooooooooooos who committed those attacks.&#160 You really should be asking them&#160 for reparations, y’know, Achmed?

Before this event that changed my life completely, I never really cared about other values apart from making money and enjoying life to the fullest with my modest family which is now history.

Now…after 9/11…he still&#160 cares about “making money and enjoying life to the fullest” – probably a coupla bottles o’ Bull (a little 50-cent lingo, there) and a coupla ho’s

Since this unbelievable incident I have found a new desire to assist helpless families. I have been helping orphans in orphanage/ motherless homes.

By taking as much money from the poor, clueless saps as humanly possible.

I have donated some money to orphans in Sudan, South Africa, Cameroon, Brazil, Spain, Austria, Germany and some Asian countries.

Somehow, I picture this guy going into some place in Hackensack named “Orphans’ Liquor Store” for some strange reason…

Before I became ill

“Became”?

I kept £5 Million in a long-term deposit account in a finance company in the United Kingdom.

Not any more, it isn’t.&#160 Blair’s probably taxed it down to a couple thousand quid, y’know?

Presently, I’m in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer

“Esophageal” cancer?&#160 What’s an “esophageal”?

(UPDATE:&#160 LC & Denizen Humble Devildog advises us that this 419 miscreant didn’t&#160 misspell “esophogeal”.

Well, day-um.&#160 Guess his copy of Outlook does&#160 have a spell checker. (shrug))

I have since lost my ability to talk

…yet your innate ability to spew methane continues, unabated.&#160 The wonders of modern technology…

and my Doctors have told me that I have only a few months to live

Oh, those big teases!!!

it is my last wish to see this money distributed to charity organizations

…namely, your bank account – right?

Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.

How nice to see the acorn hasn’t fallen far from the tree.

Please, I beg you in the name of Allah to help me collect the deposit and the interest accrued from the Company and distributes it amongst notable Charity home anywhere you deem fit.

…as long as it all points to your bank account, right?

Actually, my favorite charity is…me.&#160 Can I give it to me?

Use your discretion to distribute the money and feel free to reimburse yourself for any cost incurred during course of transferring the funds to your account. If you are interested please forward me your full name, address and telephone, mobile and fax numbers. I will forward this information to the Finance Company to pay the money to you.

…all $.03 of it, soon as you’ve managed to steal my&#160 bank info and skimmed off all my money…right, Acccchmed?

Warmest regards, please respond soonest, etc, etc, ad infinitum, ad nauseam.

Hey, Khoren? ESGBROFOAD.

And quit spamming my mailbox, pigshit.

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3 responses to “419 scams, we get 419 scams…!!!”

1. Elephant Man says:

   February 3, 2006 at 12:51 pm

   and somewhere in upstate New York, the lonely loser in a pickle suit known as Um Yeah is sending off his info to Koren “Ackmed” Pyongyang (or whatever) to show all those right-wing “rethuglicans” his “compassion” and “sensitivity”….

2. Deathknyte says:

   February 3, 2006 at 2:41 pm

   You could have fun with it and send it numbers for ted kennedy….

3. Um Yeah says:

   February 4, 2006 at 5:56 pm

   thats right ellie, i care! and not just for rich white christers!

   all spats hostility is becasue coutries listed are NON WHITE!