Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

“Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…”

&#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 &#160 -Ancient Chinese proverb

People like to laugh at the John Birch Society and label them a bunch of “kooks”.&#160 Wearers of tinfoil hats, moonbats – pretty much what the Demoscummic Party has become, y’know?&#160 Frankly, I find them to be of far sounder mind than a few Congresscritters I could name, but that’s beside the point right now.

Now here comes a freakin’ moonbat who likes to think he’s somewhat conservative, a Dullest Moaning Snooze&#160 columnist name Steve Blowhard, gonna poke some fun at the Birchers.

Who says time travel isn’t possible?

Pretty much anyone with so much as half a brain, Blowjob – which excludes you, I realize, but…

I got a bona fide ’60s flashback last week when I attended a meeting of the John Birch Society.

Remember them?

Wouldn’t that be more like the ’50s,&#160 Blowback?&#160 The ’60s was the decade of free love, free LSD & pot…which I guess would explain your poor memory, wouldn’t it?

Frankly, I was astonished to learn the Birch Society still exists. Shouldn’t it have crumbled along with the Berlin Wall?

Yes, Blowhard – we’re well aware that you wish Reagan-style conservatism would just go away so you angst-filled socialist limp-wrists could rule the world and make everyone wear paisley.

Sorry to burst your bubble, moron, but it’s gonna take a helluva lot more than wishing to make us&#160 go anywhere. (snicker)

For those too young to remember, the Birch Society was one of many groups fighting the global menace of communism.

They were doing more than that, Blowjob Boy.&#160 They were fighting all entities who threatened the American way of life.&#160 The right to worship God and do as one ought, instead of letting one’s god become one’s belly and worshipping self, which is what you leftist fucks advocate.

And for standing up for all that is good and whole, this is their reward – to be shit on by a second-rate columnist.

But of all the patriots standing foursquare against communism, the Birchers were always the ones in tin-foil hats.

While the printed media folk were all sucking the Communists’ dicks.&#160 (Two can play at that game, Blowhard, you leftist shit-for-brains.)

Or so it seemed. Bless their hearts, they were sort of the kooky cousins of anti-communism – the folks who never met a conspiracy theory they didn’t bite.

Uh huh.&#160 No one told you about the Venona tapes, did they, Blowhole?

And sure enough, last week’s meeting had barely started before there was a sneering reference to the Council on Foreign Relations.

I got a nostalgic little shiver. How cute! They still hate the CFR.

Yes, they – and I – still hate and distrust the CFR, Blowjob, you son-of-a-bitch.&#160 What of it?

You know in the cartoons how the Super Friends always battled the evil Legion of Doom?

Well, for Birchers, the starchy Council on Foreign Relations is the Legion of Doom. It’s part of the nefarious “invisible government” that really runs the country.

Nowadays, reality has hit us square in the face – and we realize that you bastards in the media were not only on the side of the Communist shitheels, you’re on the side against the United States today.

As for the “invisible government” at which you keep laughing, Blowhole – what, do you think any such group is going to take out full-page ads in your birdcage-liner announcing their intentions?

I mean, I realize you guys could use the money, what with your declining readership base ‘n all, but…

Retired business owner Allen Huffhines invited me to the Birch Society meeting precisely because so many people think it’s dead. He’s trying to do a little resuscitation work.

Good on him.&#160 Best of luck, and all that.

Allen is such a nice guy. I like him even when he’s calling me naive and misguided.

Even when you are?&#160 Plus a few other adjectives I know for a fact others would like to call you.

And then there was the opening prayer, in which an earnest fellow asked God to please “turn around the major media – so anti-God, so anti-American.”

He forgot. We’re also anti-puppies and motherhood.

You’re certainly pro-baby-butchering, remember?&#160 You’re pro-heterophobia, remember?&#160 Or would you kindly like us to forget those little details and just “move on”, hm?

The warm reception continued as Dallas-based Birch staffer Larry Waters blasted one of our recent editorials. He said: “What do you expect of a newspaper – once one of the greatest in the country? The Dallas Morning News is now basically in the clutches of the Council on Foreign Relations.”

Them again! Darn you, Legion of Doom.

Your paper actually was&#160 formerly one of the greatest in the country.&#160 Once upon a time.

Then you bought out your competitor – the Dallas Times Herald.&#160 From that point forward, you people have slipped considerably.&#160 To the point where your best columnist has to stoop to bashing people who love this country enough to want to defend her from defeat at the hands of your masters on the Left.

The featured speaker was Art Thompson, the Birch Society’s new CEO. He is charged with rejuvenating the organization.

And he seems to understand its problem. He noted that virtually everyone supports the society’s basic philosophy, expressed in its admirable motto: “Less government, more responsibility, and – with God’s help – a better world.”

“Where we start to lose people is when we talk about conspiracies,” he said.

Yes, thanks in part to folks like you, Blowjob, the attention span of the average American is roughly that of an average “American Idol” episode.

“And we lose even more when we talk about who the conspirators are. When you talk about Bush, you’ve got a problem.”

Yes, alas, our own George W. Bush is part of the global conspiracy to undermine America, they say.

Have you read your own rag recently, Blowhard?&#160 Are you paying attention, for example, to what’s happening on our borders?

Or are you too busy poking fun at patriotic folk like the dickless socialist tool you are?

About 40 attended the meeting last week. The average age had to be nearly 70.

I think I may have to fix that, if for no other reason than to show them that not all of us worship at the kneecaps of a half-assed, B-grade Molly Ivins wannabe.

They were obviously sincere, well-intentioned people. And clearly there was wealth in the room. (In all my years in Dallas, it was my first time to bump into Nelson Bunker Hunt.)

Ahhhhhhhhh, the truth will&#160 out, after all.&#160 You hate the success level of these fine men, so you have to try to bring ’em down a notch.&#160 You can’t handle how they’ve achieved so much more than you ever will, so you have to take a swipe at ’em.

Typical liberal fucktard.

But it all seemed like such a waste of effort and resources.

No doubt they have kernels of truth. But who can find them beneath a mountain of bull corn?

Projection isn’t your strong suit, is it, Blowhole?&#160 You’re one to talk, seeing as most of your columns are full of nothing but bullshit.

But that’s a typical liberal for you:&#160 Always accusing others of those things of which he’s&#160 actually guilty.

F.E.T.E., as the Imperial Torturer&#153 is wont to say…

Notice: compact(): Undefined variable: limits in /home/sysop284/domains/spatulacitybbs.net/public_html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 853

Notice: compact(): Undefined variable: groupby in /home/sysop284/domains/spatulacitybbs.net/public_html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 853

Notice: compact(): Undefined variable: limits in /home/sysop284/domains/spatulacitybbs.net/public_html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 853

Notice: compact(): Undefined variable: groupby in /home/sysop284/domains/spatulacitybbs.net/public_html/wp-includes/class-wp-comment-query.php on line 853

Notice: Theme without comments.php is deprecated since version 3.0.0 with no alternative available. Please include a comments.php template in your theme. in /home/sysop284/domains/spatulacitybbs.net/public_html/wp-includes/functions.php on line 4027

3 responses to “I’d sooner trust the Birchers than this jackass”

1. the Humble Devildog says:

   March 22, 2006 at 3:22 pm

   What is amusing is that I used to think the Birchers were a bit…off…until I found all the (rather easy to find, if you actually LOOK) evidence that they were right.

   I have been “accused” of being a Bircher, simply because, on my own, I found a lot of the evidence for the conspiracy to overthrow the US government, frankly, in plain sight.

   Look up “the Fabian revolt” some time, and look at when it was hatched. And then, look at when most of the idiocy started in the US. (here’s a hint: most of the idiocy in the US all started in the same decade.)

   Log in to Reply
2. Alan K. Henderson says:

   March 22, 2006 at 4:44 pm

   Frankly, I was astonished to learn the Birch Society still exists. Shouldn’t it have crumbled along with the Berlin Wall?

   This is silly on multiple points. First, we still have Commie enemies abroad. Second, you’d think that a group opposing Commie totalitarianism would have something to say about the Islamic totalitarianism pushed by the likes of al-Qaeda and Hamas.

   Third, the Council on Foreign Relations still exists. One doesn’t need to subscribe to the puppet-master theory of the CFR to recognize that it influences the conventional wisdom on foreign relations – with a philosophy rooted in appeasement. It is like the scientist in the B-grade movie who thinks the giant monster eating half the town can be reasoned with. If the CFR isn’t a cross between Montgomery Burns and Matrix’s Agent Smith, at the very least it is Neville Chamberlain – and that’s bad enough.

   Log in to Reply
3. Blackiswhite says:

   March 25, 2006 at 2:34 am

   Blow’s kinda a schmuck, ain’t he?
   They’re universal. Try reading a Seattle paper sometime. Just not while or right after eating.

   Log in to Reply