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[SCENE:  On the bridge of ISS Titanic.  The ship has just returned to Realm™ spacedock after a successful month-long shakedown cruise to test the new warp core.  Chief Engineer Ozymandias McCool is beaming with pride at the rave review being given to him by Admiral Darth Venomous.]

VENOMOUS:  …we even got to test the upgraded particle disruptors, and for once, we made it through a successful mission without something or other blowing up.  I think you’ve earned that promotion back to Lieutenant Commander, Ozy, and it pleases me to so bestow you now…

OZY MCCOOL:  Thank you, Admiral.

VENOMOUS:  …and Wizard, if you want to embark on that vacation I’ve been promising you, I’ve taken the liberty of making a reservation for you on Risa.

MERLIN:  Thank you, m’liege.  At my age, it is sorely needed.  No pun intended, of course.

VENOMOUS:  Just one condition, my friend:  Under no circumstance are you to bring me a horga’hn – Mrs. Venomous would have what’s left of my skillet-battered head.


[The laughter is rudely interrupted by a massive rocking of Titanic  and a simultaneous power failure.  The senior staff, including Venomous, are thrown about the bridge.  The automatic red-alert klaxons begin blaring.]

VENOMOUS (shouting at the nearest intercom):  Bridge to Engineering, report!!!

OFFSTAGE VOICE (over speaker):  1100 1001 1111 0000 1ac420dfee 1010 0101 ac2df19e…

[Even Venomous raises an eyebrow at that.  He's never heard a Bynar use hexidecimal before.]

VENOMOUS:  Ozy, what the hell was he saying?!?!

[Ozy's face is as white as a sheet.]

OZY MCCOOL:  There’s been an explosion in Engineering and they’re losing containment!  He’s estimating 10 minutes to a warp core breach!!!

VENOMOUS:  Oh, shit, not again.  Awright, guys, secure all stations and let’s get out of here!  T-Bone, get on it.

T-BONE MCMANX:  Aye, sir!  [He touches some controls and leans toward the pickup.]  All hands abandon ship!  Repeat, all hands abandon ship.  This is not  a drill.  I repeat, all hands abandon ship…

VENOMOUS (muttering to himself):  Just once  could I get some writers whose effing solution to everything wasn’t to blow up the damned ship…?!??!?!?!?!

Working through some issues here, Denizens.  Will try to post as time allows.  (It’s nothing serious, no worries – just a bleeping annoyance.)

2 Comments to “Death of the ISS Titanic, part the oneth.”

  1. LC Purple Raider — March 21, 2011 @ 4:56 pm

    It seems every time you try to upgrade, SHTF.

    Might want to start building your own boxes.

  2. Darth Venomous — March 21, 2011 @ 8:52 pm

    My big problem is upgrading a box that:  1) has no business being upgraded (i.e. it’s really too old to upgrade), and 2) really needed other parts upgraded first a long time ago.

    And I’ll let it go at that for now.  Don’t wanna give away too  much of the story. 

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