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Denizens, this week’s Perfect Football Weekend gets rolling with Yet Another Reason Why I Call Them The New York Football Douchebags&#153.

Early on Monday night, the St. Louis Rams were going all LA-Laker-Showtime on the D-bags, running them ragged with a no-huddle offense.&#160 The NFC East’s resident pussies couldn’t cope, and were faced with having to find a way to slow things down.

Enter the “injury bug”.&#160 (And yes – I’m using sneer quotes for a reason.)

The St. Louis Rams looked sloppy and disjointed in Monday night’s 28-16 loss to the New York Giants.

Some of that, the Rams claimed Tuesday, was due to some Giants defenders apparently feigning injury to disrupt St. Louis’ offensive tempo.

“They couldn’t get subbed, they couldn’t line up,” Rams quarterback Sam Bradford said. “Someone said, ‘Someone go down, someone go down,’ so someone just went down and grabbed a cramp.”

Rams coach Steve Spagnuolo said the team has notified the league office.

“That’ll go on the list of things we’re going to send in,” Spagnuolo said. “I think the league is looking into it. I’ll let it run its course from that point of view.”

And, true to form, Roger Goodfella’s NFL – based in Noo Yawk – did precisely…dick.

The New York Daily News reported Wednesday that the Giants won’t be punished. An NFL spokesman told the newspaper that players can’t be punished for faking injuries unless they admit they weren’t really hurt — something no one on the Giants has said.

Gee, y’think?&#160 I mean, it’s not like they don’t have a sort of home-field advantage in these matters.&#160 Especially with a slick-lawyer/mobster-type excuse-for-a-commissioner protecting them, huh?

So let Bwandi Jackoff, Justin “Just A Fuck” Tuck, Osi Piss-n-urine and the rest of the New York Football Douchebags try to brag about how tough they are.&#160 St. Louis & the rest of the NFL know better.

On to the games. My Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets have the green-and-white-clad Bulldogs of Trimble Tech tonight at Farrington (the home field).&#160 Tech can be up or down, but I tend to think Heights won’t have too much problem with an outfit that let Carter-Riverside score a touchdown last week.&#160 Gimme the Jackets in a comfortable win.

Saturday, Gary Patterson’s 20th-ranked Texas Chrstian Horned Frogs play yet another cupcake team in the Portland State Vikings of the Big Sky Conference (and from what I can tell, they’re a Division I-AA school trying to wear Division I-A clothing).

You’d think that the Frogs could destroy these guys with the third-stringers – Vegas doesn’t even have a line on the game – but then, they should’ve had an easier time with LA-Monroe, so who knows?

Also Saturday, Bob Stoops’ top-ranked Oklahoma Sooners begin Big XII XI X XII conference play against Missouri up in Norman.&#160 Vegas has the Sooners as a 21&#189-point favorite – which sounds about right, except Mizzou’s passing game seems to always to give OU fits.&#160 Jimmy Stevens may have to win this one with his toe.

Bo Pelini’s ninth-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers get one more week off before starting their own Big 10 11 12 10 conference schedule, as they travel to Laramie, Wyoming, to take on the Cowboys.&#160 Vegas has the Huskers as a 23&#189-point favorite, and I really don’t expect it to be that close.&#160 Gimme the Huskers and you can have whatever you want.

And are you ready for some football?&#160 A Monday night party?&#160 We’ll have Jon, Ron & Mikie at the Death Star Monday night as the Dallas Cowgirlz host the Warshington Foreskins, featuring…Rex Grossman?

MERLIN:&#160 Y’mean John Buck still&#160 hasn’t beaten that turd out for the QB job?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Well, they’re 2-0, so who’m I to judge?

Terrance “Bust” Newman should be back for this one, so we’ll have our starting corners in the game for the first time all year.&#160 Given that Warshington seems to have recreated the old Smurfs receiving corps, that’s probably a good thing.&#160 (Personally, I want to see Sean Lee go upside the head on Chris Cooley one time.)

We’re back Tuesday for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, Kansas is guaranteed not to lose this week (they don’t play) and there’s not even a line on Bucky-South Dakota, so my question for HDD is…do you let the scout teamers take on these guys?

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