Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant @ 12:02
Been a little bit busy the last couple of days, Denizens, and will be again today, so here’s something from the Grab-Bag: Ageless sayings that are meaningless.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
I live in my own little world. But it’s OK… they know me here.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with “GUESS” on it. I said, “Implants?”
I don’t do drugs any more ’cause I find I get the same effect just standing up really fast.
Sign in Chinese pet store: “Buy one dog, get one flea.”
Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected. (Appropos, considering that the GOP may lose Congress this year. -S.)
The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.
I married my wife for her looks… but not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?
How come we choose from just two people to run for President and 50 for Miss America?
Marriage changes passion… suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom’s wise words: “Don’t pick that up, you don’t know where it’s been!”
Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave a footprint on your heart.
Then there’s the woman that steps too hard and squishes it…but let’s not go there, shall we?
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